


Ocean and Alcohol

by authors_bane



Category: Outer Banks (TV), obx - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, POV Second Person, Physical Abuse, Reader-Insert, The Pogues, i've attempted to invent something that's like steaming fluff, macking, mentions of sexual abuse, no real smut but a bunch of macking, soulmates? soulmates, tw: abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:27:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 104,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24304411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/authors_bane/pseuds/authors_bane
Summary: JJ meets a girl who has a startlingly similar life story to him, but she just so happens to be a kook. After spending one night together just talking, neither can get the other out of their heads. But both of them have home lives that seem determined to keep them apart. Maybe the universe has a bigger plan ahead, especially when one of JJ's best friends ropes them all into a treasure hunt that may just be the girl's one-way ticket out of her current situation.
Relationships: JJ (Outer Banks)/Original Female Character(s), JJ (Outer Banks)/Reader, Kiara & Pope (Outer Banks), Sarah Cameron/John B. Routledge
Comments: 65
Kudos: 146





	1. Ocean and Alcohol

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is in the second person, reader-insert style, but since I have always found Y/N distracting, I gave you a name and a series of nicknames. Feel free to read over that, put in whatever you want, I just found it much easier to write and read this way!  
> Thank you all so much!

Alcohol thrummed through your system, moving your body to the beat of the music. Sarah Cameron, Queen Kook of the Outer Banks, danced beside you. The two of you weren’t exactly friends, but when the other kooks got too much to handle, you turned to each other.

You hadn’t intended to spend the night dancing beside Sarah Cameron, but the pogues threw a kegger and you were the last person to miss a party. Unfortunately, that meant interacting with the three groups of people you hated the most; the kooks, the pogues, and the tourons. So, pretty much, everybody on this island. Still, there was free booze and music, which was all you needed to shut the rest of the world out.

Things turned sour when the big three, the trifecta of asshats, stepped in to join the party. Topper, Kelce, and the worst of the bunch, Rafe Cameron, Sarah’s very own brother. He was cruel to everyone, not just you, but you hated him anyway.

But he wasn’t going to ruin your night. Your dad had left for the mainland for a few days, which meant you could finally breathe. It didn’t matter if Rafe was staring you down from across the beach, high of his ass, wanting to start a fight with literally anyone. There was no way you were getting in a fight tonight, not when you had the house to yourself. The night was cool, the waves sloshing against the shore, the wind rustling the leaves in the trees. For once in your life, everything felt peaceful.

Peace, however, was against Rafe’s coding. He always had to start something.

“Hey, Elma! Did you learn to dance like from your Mommy?” Rafe called across the beach. You dropped your arms, the sway in your hips freezing. Ice ran through your veins. You met Sarah’s eyes. She shook her head slowly, continuing to follow the beat of the music. But Rafe had sufficiently ticked you off, his one and only talent. With a huff, you stepped down from the fallen tree you were dancing on and stormed through the sand, marching past Rafe.

“Don’t fucking call me that,” you seethed as you walked past him. You listened to the howling laughter of Rafe and his friends get drowned out by the crashing waves. When you could no longer hear the music or the laughter or the chitter-chatter of the party, you plopped down in the sand.

You called it the goldilocks zone. It was the part of the beach where you could keep your feet in the water without getting your shorts wet by the waves. It was the best place to be when you needed to get your mind off of something. The water was cold enough to chill your senses and clear your mind, the wind blowing the tears off of your face.

You weren’t sure why you always let him get to you. He was just an idiot boy who had too much money and time on his hands with pockets full of insecurities that he projects onto others. It wasn’t your fault his mom left him and his family. It wasn’t your fault his dad expected him to take an inch of responsibility every now and again. Of course, it wasn’t your fault that he was addicted to whatever drugs he had snorted that day. But he somehow managed to make you feel like it.

Every muscle in your body tensed, every nerve on fire. You weren’t sure it was from the alcohol or from your anger, but at the moment, it didn’t matter.  
  
With a growl of irritation, you pressed the heels of your palms against your eyes. Your knees bounced up and down from the adrenaline that coursed through you. Tears of frustration rolled down your cheeks, and, frustrated by your tears, you picked up a handful of sand and chucked it into the ocean. You stood with a grumble or two about idiot boys, determined to return to the party. Besides, your shoes and purse were still at the tree that you had been dancing on and you weren’t going to leave without your shoes.

You didn’t get very far before you heard the sound of a fisticuff not too far ahead of her. Sure, you were sick of the fighting, you saw enough of it at home, but when you caught sight of the irritating shade of pink that was Topper’s signature polo shirt, you knew that this was not a fight you were about to miss. Your frustration flooded out of your system as you snuck closer, just to see who the players were. If Topper was there, that meant that Kelce and Rafe were the others on his team. The other team was two boys, but she couldn’t see their faces in the darkness. They were getting beat pretty badly. One was on the ground, Kelce sitting on top of him and shoving his face into the sand. The other was being held by Topper as Rafe beat the shit out of him.

A smile pulled at your lips. Payback was in your sight and it was going to be very sweet.

You leaped over the trunk you were using as a hide-away and ran toward Rafe at full speed. The sheer weight of your momentum threw him off his feet. As soon as he hit the sand, you had him by his shirt and started to pound the shit out of his face.

“I...learned...this...from...my...Daddy!” With every word, you smashed your fist into his face again. It really didn’t take long for your fist to feel sore, but the adrenaline kept you going.

“Look out!” one of the boys said, too little too late. The next second, someone had you by the shoulders and threw you to the ground. You were met with a mouth full of sand. Coughing and spluttering, you tried to stand up, but not before Topper, who was now standing above you, started to kick you in the stomach.

“Lay off her man!” The blows to your stomach subsided.

When you looked up to see who had pulled Topper off of you, you wish you hadn’t jumped into the fight.

It was none other than JJ Fucking Maybank.

If JJ was here, then the other boy must have been John B. A pair of arms was pulling on her, attempting to help her sit up.

“Get off me,” you snapped, pulling your shoulder away.

“I was just trying to help,” the boy by your side said. It was definitely John B. You narrowed your eyes at him and stood. Rafe was still on the ground, groaning and moaning over his face while Kelce tried to get him to stand up. Topper was getting his shit rocked by JJ.

“JJ, that’s enough,” John B said.

The blond-haired pogue looked up from Topper toward John B. There was a look in his eyes that was all too familiar to you.

“Let him go, man,” you said finally. JJ scoffed and uncurled his fist from around Topper’s shirt. Topper slid away and helped Rafe all the way to his feet.

“This isn’t over,” Rafe said, pointing a finger at you. You crossed your arms and narrowed your eyes at him.

“Go cry to your Mommy, Rafe,” you spat, before mock pouting. “Oh, wait….”  
  
Rafe lunged at you, but Topper and Kelce held him back. Both JJ and John B took a step forward to face him head-on if he charged, but you didn’t flinch. There was no way he was coming back for a round two.

“She’s not worth it man,” Kelce said. You gave the three of them a smile and a petty wave as they stumbled away. Without another word, you started back toward the party.

“Hey, wait!” JJ yelled from behind, but you kept walking forward. “Elma, wait.”  
  
He jogged over to you and you spun around before he reached you, a finger ready to shove in his face.

“Don’t call me that, Maybank.”

“Fine, whatever. I have your shoes and your bag,” he said, pointing back. Through the darkness, you could see that your shoes were sitting just under a trunk, your bag hanging from a branch.

“Why do you have my stuff?” You asked as you walked over to snatch your things off the ground.

“Well, I saw you storm off and I didn’t know if you were coming back so I thought-”

“Bringing me my shoes won’t get you in my pants, Maybank,” you said as you slipped your sandals onto your feet.

“That’s not why-” You rolled your eyes, cutting off his sentence. JJ cleared his throat.

“Thank you for helping us,” John B said, walking up beside JJ. You scoffed, still trying to get your shoes on your feet.

“I wasn’t helping you. You just gave me an excuse to hit Rafe.”

“Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive,” JJ said. He crossed his arms, his signature smirk hung on his lips. You wanted to roll your eyes again.

“You going to rejoin the party?” He asked.

“Not with you.”

“Why do you hate me?”

“Because you’re a prick, Maybank.”

“C’mon,” John B said, putting out a mediatory hand between the two of you. “There’s no need for hostility.”

“Hostility?” You asked, standing and slinging your bag over your shoulder. “Last time I spoke to either of you, you were stealing my little brother’s bike.”

“We were going to give it back,” JJ said. You glared at him.

“You pogues are all alike,” you said with a bitter laugh, anger bubbling up in your belly. “You think that, because you were born with nothing, you can take whatever you want from us.”

“You act like your daddy didn’t by Kid a new bike the next day,” JJ sneered. You let out a steadying breath, resisting every urge to break your hand against his face.

“I spent months saving up for that bike for my brother,” you said. “My dad blamed me when it went missing.”

John B blanched and began to inch away, but JJ was stuck where he was, trapped in your deadly gaze.

“You ‘worked’?” JJ laughed. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Shoving your bag back against the trunk, taking a step forward to stand only inches away from JJ. You heard him catch his breath.

“My dad doesn’t give me or my brother anything. I have to work to buy my brother school supplies. I worked overtime for weeks for that bike.” For once in his godforsaken life, JJ was speechless. “Have you ever thought for just one second, that you’re not the only person in the world who has a shitty life? Hmm?”

Again, he was quiet. John B was quietly kicking a stick in the sand a few yards away, hands shoved into his pockets. You scoffed again.

“Of course you haven’t because the world revolves around you, doesn’t it? Newsflash, bucko, you’re not the only person on the planet who is hurting. So, I apologize if I’m _hostile_ , but I have every reason to be.”

You had nothing else to say. You probably said too much already. Neither JJ nor John B had anything else to say either. You nodded slowly, pulling the strap of your bag over your shoulder again. You stepped away from them, wandering into the trees past the beach on your way toward your home.

***  
You shifted the bag on your shoulder with a sigh, slamming the door of your truck shut. The sun was slowly going down over the trees as you walked up to your house. It was never a place you felt like you could call ‘home’, but it was where you lived for the last 17 years of your life.

“Hey, Elma!”

You froze for a moment and let out a deep sigh, hanging your head. You knew that voice.

“I told you not to call me that, Maybank,” you said, continuing to walk toward your porch.

“Well, I don’t know your last name so I don’t know what else to call you,” he said. “I’ll just call you Ellie, or something.”

“Whatever.”

“Wait, wait!” You kept walking. That’s when you heard the ringing of a quiet bike bell. You stopped again and turned around slowly. JJ was standing near your car, a stupid grin on his face, and his hands on a red bike. Your brother’s bike. You fought the urge to smile.

You crossed your arms, leaning your weight on one of your hips.

“Did you feel guilty for stealing my innocent brother’s bike?” you asked. JJ shrugged.

“You’re right about what you said. Kid didn’t deserve to get his bike taken.”

“What was that?” You put a hand behind your ear. “What did you just say?”

JJ sighed, but his smile didn’t fall.

“You were right, Ellie,” he said.

“Thank you for bringing the bike back, JJ. I’ll see you around.” You turned back around toward your house.

“Wait, Ellie.” You heard the bike creak as it fell and JJ mutter a quiet ‘ow’. You wanted to turn around and see what happened, but that would lose the dramatic flare. “I wanted to ask you something.”

“Shoot.” You didn’t stop, but neither did JJ.

“You said something when you were beating the absolute shit out of Rafe the other day, which was totally sick, by the way.” You automatically knew what he was talking about and your stomach dropped. “You said something about your dad and I wanted to know what you meant by it.”

“Are you high right now?”

“No, I’m-” You could hear the frustration in his voice. The poor boy. “I just want to know what you meant.”

In the next few moments, you hadn’t meant to get angry, but whenever someone brought up her dad it was like vomiting. It was a visceral reaction that you couldn’t control.

“You’re not the only one who gets knocked around by your old man, Maybank,” you snapped and turned around. You hated seeing the hurt on his face, but you pushed past the shame that ate away at you.

“How did you-”

“Oh, please, I could smell it off of you from the day I met you.” You paused for a quick breath and your voice quieted, but the taste of your next words was bitter. “Takes one to know one.”

Your anger cooled when JJ glanced down at the ground, fiddling with his fingers. You rolled the inside of your lip between your teeth for a moment before turning around and walking up the stairs to your home. Once on the patio, you stopped again and turned to face him one more time.

“Do you want to have a beer?” You asked, pinching your eyebrows together, eyes closed. JJ looked up at you, his eyes full of confusion. You were clearly giving him very mixed vibes and he wasn’t one hundred percent sure if you were offering an olive branch or welcoming him inside to chew his head off. Eventually, he nodded.

“Maybe we can swap sob stories,” you offered as he walked up your front stairs. You tried to smile at him.

“Then you might not hate me so much,” he said, his usual joking demeanor returning.

“I don’t hate you,” you told him as you unlocked your door.

“You sure your dad won’t mind us taking a few beers?” JJ asked, jumping over what you said entirely. It gave you time to collect yourself, shoving down the anger and the fear and the anxiety talking about your dad built up in you. For once in your life, you were in the presence of someone you thought might actually understand how you felt on a daily basis.

“Nah,” you said. “The beer’s mine. I keep it stored somewhere that he won’t find.”

You led JJ through your enormous, empty house toward the dining room and kitchen area.

“Your house is so-”

“Cold? Empty? An abyss of darkness waiting to swallow you whole?”

“Clean.”

“Oh, well, that’s way less dramatic.”

To your surprise, JJ laughed.

“You know, you’re way funnier than everyone gives you credit for,” he said as you turned into the dining room, where a long, unset table stretched from end to end. He plopped down in one of the chairs as you headed for the kitchen.

“Thank you,” you said, eyebrows pinched together. “I think.”

“Sure, no problem.”

JJ kicked his feet up onto the table, leaning the chair back. You tried not to cringe as pieces of mud and grass dropped onto the table. There was no point in fussing over it now. You would just clean it up later.

You returned a few seconds later with a pack of beer, handing one to JJ. You popped yours open with a bottle opener and offered it to JJ, but he declined. Instead, he popped his can on the wooden table. You flinched as the bottle cap flew across the room. Making a mental note of where it landed, you took a long swig of beer.

“What is your worst memory of your dad?” JJ asked, after taking an even longer gulp of beer. He wiped his chin with the back of his hand. You watched in dismay as a few droplets fell to the floor.

“So you’re going straight in for the kill,” you said with a strained laugh. JJ shrugged, taking another drink. You swallowed. The memory came to the front of your mind as soon as he mentioned it. It was what kept you up at night, what you thought of every time your dad raised his voice. With a heavy sigh and a partial smile, you began to talk.

“Kid was washing the dishes after dinner. He dropped a dish and I knew it was going to set my dad off. Everything makes him angry, but he gets especially mad when things weren’t clean. He is the definition of a neat freak. I tried to clean up the glass before he got there, but I got cut by one of the pieces.” You said and let out another shaky breath, running your fingers across the base of your palm. “Dad came careening around the corner at full speed, saw me on the floor and assumed I had done it. Beat the shit out of me. He probably wouldn’t have stopped if my mom hadn’t stepped in. When my mom got his attention off me, I took Kid and I ran upstairs, locked us in the closet. We listened to them scream at each other for hours, throwing everything they could get their hands on at each other. That whole time, I still had that piece of glass in my hand. I didn’t realize I was pushing it deeper and deeper into my skin until everything had settled.”

You took your hand off of the beer bottle and showed JJ the thick scar running underneath your thumb. He reached out and ran his thumb over the length of the scar, sending shivers up your spine. You snatched your hand back and shook away the aftershock.

“It’s a reminder now,” you said.

“Of what?” He asked.

“That no matter what my dad says, no matter how much he tells me he loves me, there is not a single bone in his body that really cares about me.” You finished with a smile, hoping to convince JJ that it didn’t really matter, that it didn’t bother you. You weren’t sure if he believed you.

“What happened to your mom?”

“Oh no, bucko. It’s my turn to ask the question.”

“That’s the second time you’ve called me bucko.”

“It’s fitting.”

You took a shallow drink, forcing the queasy feeling in your stomach aside. His smile was sickening in all the right ways, which made you want to hurl your guts out.

“What’s your question?” JJ leaned back again, putting one hand behind his head.

“God, do you ever shower?” You asked with an added cough. “You smell like fish.”

“That’s just the pheromones.”

“Do you even know what that means?”

“It’s the sexy smell that animals use to get their game on,” he said and you resisted the urge to facepalm.

“You really are the dumbest person I’ve ever met,” you said, trying to cover your laughter with a drink.

“Alright, I’m taking that as your question, my turn again.”  
  
“No, wait-”

“You want to have sex?”

You choked on the beer you just chugging, spluttering as you tried to swallow again.

“I’m sorry, what?” You managed between coughs. You looked at him with raised eyebrows as he leaned forward.

“Wanna have sex?” He leaned even closer, setting his beer on the table.

You couldn’t help the small laugh that broke through your mouth as you shook your head.

“No,” you said, a smile spreading across your lips. “No, I don’t.”

JJ leaned back and shrugged, obviously trying not to look hurt. In a hurried attempt to try and cover for yourself, you put a hand on his elbow.

“It’s got nothing to do with you, Maybank. I mean, you’re hot as hell.” You let out a quick breath and watched the corner of his mouth twinge upward. “I just don’t do sex.”

“You a celibate?” He asked, taking a drink. You rolled your eyes.

“If I was, it wouldn’t be any of your business.” He raised an eyebrow, as if asking the question again. “No, I’m not celibate.”

“Does it involve any more traumatic events in your life, because I thought we were sharing sob stories,” he said, resting his elbows on his knees again. You narrowed your eyes playfully.

“From where I’m sitting, it looks like I’m the only one sharing the sob stories.”

“Then move closer.”

“You want to unlock the tragic backstory as to why I won’t have sex?” You asked, lifting your chin. JJ nodded with that sickening smile. God, this boy was something else. “Then you have to tell me something first.”

“Alright.” JJ sat up straight and crossed his arms.

“Alright?”

“Mmm-hmm. Let’s see.” He tapped his chin as if thinking, but you knew he had already decided what he was going to say. “My dad used to be my hero until my mom left. I wanted to be like him. And now I’m afraid that my _fate_ -” he spat the word out like poison, “-is to be exactly like him; drunk, addicted to drugs, unable to love or be loved. It’s why I push people away, so I don’t inevitably hurt them.”  
  
Your throat tightened as he spoke. You knew the feeling all too well.

“Wow,” you said, voice thick. You clear your throat with a cough and took a swig from your near-empty bottle.

“Was that good enough?” JJ asked. |

“Yeah, no, that was pretty good.” You forced a smile onto your face. “I didn’t know you knew big words like ‘inevitably’.”

You were glad to see him smile back.

“I’m smarter than I look.” He waited for you to start your story, but when it was clear you weren’t going to without incentive, he spoke again. “I think we had a deal, Ellie.”

“Fine.” Before speaking, you chugged the rest of the beer in your bottle and opened another one. You took a long drink of that one as well and sucked in a deep breath. “Promise you won’t tell anyone.”

“I promise,” JJ said with a laugh.

“Cause my dad will kill me, and I mean actually kill me and throw my body into the ocean if he finds out I told anyone.”

“I promise,” he said again, this time far more sincere.

“Okay.” You nodded, hyping yourself up. You had never uttered these words before in your life. Not even Kid knew. And the last thing you wanted to do was talk about it and cry in front of JJ. “I was pregnant.”

JJ sat up, his eyes wide. It seemed like the last thing he was expecting. A sudden flurry of tears gathered in your eyes. Shame ate at your guts once again. Embarrassment gnawed at the edges of your cheeks, making them red. He was now officially the only person on the planet who knew your darkest secrets outside of your parents. You forced yourself to keep talking before you broke down completely.

“I was fourteen and I was pregnant. I wanted to keep the baby because I didn’t think there was any point in killing it because what had it done wrong?” You took another sip to hide a tear that fell from your eye. “But my parents wouldn’t have it. They made me...it doesn’t matter now. I couldn’t ruin their reputation, could I? But when we were at the clinic my mom got them to do a DNA test without me or my dad knowing and when she found out who the dad was...well, she left the next day without a word. Left the results on the table as some kind of note.”  
  
You finished, your hands shaking slightly. You took a few more deep drinks of the beer in your hand.

“Damn,” JJ said. You scoffed.

“Yeah, right?”

“The father of your baby.” He choked over the word. “It was your dad, wasn’t it?”

You set your jaw, not wanting to look at him. It was like his eyes could see right through you. You couldn’t imagine what kind of horrible things he was thinking about you. You didn’t want to think about it. How horrible you must look in his eyes. You took in a few deep breaths and nodded your head slowly.

“Hey,” he said. “I don’t usually do the emotional shit, but that wasn’t your fault, Ellie.”

“I know,” you said. That was the last thing your mom had said to you before she vanished. You told yourself that every night.

“No, I don’t think you understand,” JJ said, hooking his finger under your chin and turning your face to look at him. “It wasn’t your fault.”

You flicked a stray tear away with the back of your hand. You nodded your head a few times.

“Ask me another question,” you said, breathing a deep breath through your nose and pulling your chin from his hand. He noticed your need to shift and leaned back in his chair while you downed the rest of the beer in your bottle.

“What do you like to do when you’re not beating Rafe’s ass?” He asked. You somehow managed to smile and it wasn’t one of the fake ones from before. Somehow, this boy in front of you made you smile a real smile.

“I like to cook,” you said.

“Cook?”

“Yeah. What about you?”

“Surfing is my go to thing.”

“Yeah, you and every other soul on this island. What’s something you like to do that no one else knows?” You asked, feeling a buzz on your fingertips. You welcomed the familiar feeling. It eased the ache in your chest, relieving the heavyweight on your shoulders.

“Let’s see.” JJ breathed a sigh through his nose. “I like to climb trees. It makes me feel tall.”

You lifted your head and smiled again.

“There’s this tree outside that I used to climb all the time when I was a kid.”

“Really?”

“Maybe if you’re nice to me, I’ll let you climb my tree,” you said and JJ cocked an eyebrow.

“For a girl who doesn’t like sex, that sounded an awful lot like an innuendo to me.”

“Whatever.” The two of you paused to let the laughter die down. “You want some food? I can whip up some grilled cheese.”

“Sure thing.”

15 minutes later, you were coughing smoke out of your lungs and JJ was laughing his ass off on the floor by his chair.

“I thought you said you were good at cooking?” He laughed as you tossed a very, very crispy grilled cheese into the trash can, waving smoke out of the now open window.

“I said I liked cooking,” you said, fanning the air with your hands. “I never said anything about being good at it.”

When you came back to sit in front of him, you were still coughing.

“I have a question to ask,” he said.

“Uh, oh.”

“It’s about the sex thing.”

“Are you going to make me cry again?”

“I hope not.” He paused. “You’re an ugly crier.”

“Jee, thanks. I bare my soul to you and you insult me. What a gentleman.” You shook your head in mock disappointment.

“Says the one who’s called me bucko twice since we first met.”

“Fair point.”

“Can I ask my question now?”

“Go for it, but if you make me cry again I’m telling your friends.”

“You’re going to tattle on me?”

You shrugged.

“Maybe.”

“Shut up and let me ask my question.” You waved your hand, giving him the floor to speak. “You don’t like sex, but I’ve seen you at those parties mackin’ hard with a ton of different people.”

You sighed and rolled your eyes.

“That wasn’t a question.”

“I just want to know what my limits are.”

“Are you asking to mack me here at my dad’s dining table?”

“I don’t think that’s exactly what I was referring to.”

“Then enlighten me.”

JJ held your gaze and brushed a piece of your hair behind your ear. Static exploded in your stomach and your breath hitched in your throat, but you tried not to let it show. He let his hand fall to your knee, inching forward, the distance between the two of you closing slowly.

“What’s your question, Maybank?” You asked.

“If I kissed you right now, would you stop me?” His voice was low, as if he was whispering a secret to her that he didn’t want anyone else to hear.

“Why don’t you try it and find you?”

When he closed the distance by pressing his lips against yours, you didn’t stop him.

Every nerve was on fire, a ball in your stomach pulling you forward. Your hands seemed to move on their own as you reached up and tangled your fingers in his hair.

He tasted like beer mostly, but underneath that, you could taste the sea. Salty waves pounded against your senses. His hand snaking around your waist was like being held by the warm sand on a sunny day. Kissing him was like the peace that you had always searched for. Your heart pounded in the same way as when you danced, your nerves stood on end like when you were buzzed, your breath hitched like when you stepped into the ocean on a cold day.

At that moment, nothing else mattered. Even when JJ’s lips strayed from yours, the peace you felt didn’t fade. He left a trail of kisses across your jaw, down your neck.

It felt like drowning. You couldn’t breathe, but you didn’t want to. If JJ meant throwing yourself into the deepest part of the ocean, God you were going in headfirst.

“JJ-” you breathed.

The sound of a car pulling into the driveway startled you out of whatever trance JJ put you under.

“Shit,” you hissed, standing up suddenly. Pulling away from JJ was like detaching yourself from your lifeline.

“What is it?” JJ asked, standing after out, his arm still around your waist.

“My dad is back early,” you said. “You need to leave.”

“Ellie-”

“JJ, you need to leave.” You shoved the beer bottles back into the pack. “Take these. The back door’s this way.”

“Elma!” You heard your dad call from outside.

“Shit, shit, shit,” you hissed, dragging JJ by his hand to the back door. You threw it open and shoved him outside.

“Wait, will you be alright?” He asked you. You nodded hurriedly.

“Of course, just get out of here.”

JJ grabbed your wrist and moved forward to kiss you one last time, but you knew better. You would get caught in the riptide and there would be no escaping it. A storm was coming if you didn’t get ass out of the water, you were going to drown.

You pulled your arm away from him and slammed the door shut before running back to the dining room. The front door opened You quickly swiped the dirt on the table into your palm and ran to pick the bottle cap off the floor. You had just enough time to throw them away before your dad walked into the dining room.

“Elma!” He grinned at you and you tried to smile back, jabbing your pointer finger into the scar on your palm on instinct. “Bradford, go put your things upstairs.”

“Hey, Kid,” you called out to your brother with a real smile. The 11-year-old smiled at you, shifting his bag on his shoulder before taking the stairs two at a time.

“How have you been, Elma?” Your dad asked, coming over to hug you.

“Good,” you said before he got near enough to smell the alcohol on your breath.

“What are you doing up so late?” He asked.

“I got home from work only an hour or so ago, but I wanted to make some food.”

“You burned it, didn’t you?” Your dad laughed, a grin hanging from his lips.

“Oh, you know me,” you said with an attempt at a laugh.

“Your lips look a little swollen.” Your heart stopped in your chest. “Did you put honey in your tea again?”

With another forced laugh, you rolled your eyes as playfully as you can manage.

“I thought this time I wouldn’t be so allergic.”

“That’s my silly girl.”

As he pulled you into a hug, you dug your finger even deeper into your scar tissue, your smile falling. You forced another smile onto your face when he stepped away.

“I’m tired,” he said. “As you must be, too. Shall we go to bed?”

You nodded, unsure if you could handle saying anything else. As you passed your father, you felt his hand ghost over the small of your back, making your body tremble. You walked up the stairs as fast as you could without arousing suspicion, making a sharp turn for Kid’s room.

“Don’t keep that boy up too late,” your dad called.

“Won’t!”

Once safe in Kid’s room, you felt like you could finally breathe.

“I saw that boy sneak out through the yard,” Kid said as soon as the door was closed. You widened your eyes and hurried over to the bed.

“Don’t tell dad,” you said, cringing. Kid looked at you like you were stupid.

“You know I won’t.” You curled your arms around your brother, pulling him into your chest. You let out a deep breath. “That was JJ Maybank, wasn’t it? He brought my bike back. I saw it out front.”

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

“Did he hurt you?” It always amused you when Kid tried to act tough. You knew he wanted you to see him as your protector, since it was usually you protecting him, but you and everyone else on the island called him Kid for a reason.

“No, Kid, he didn’t.” _Worse_ , you thought to yourself. “But I don’t want to talk about him. How was your trip?”


	2. Electric Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After your first rendevous, you can't seem to get your mind off the boy that you put so much trust in. After a messy dinner with the Cameron family, JJ shows up in your room. Things seem to go fine until you realize that your life outlooks are incredibly different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a little bit of non-graphic abuse in this chapter (throwing things, shoving), so if that is triggering, there is a short bit you'll want to skip over. Other than that, this is most you having an existential crisis. Fun!

It was almost summer. Once summer started, your dad was much more relaxed than during school time. That meant you might be able to actually leave the house to do more than go to work.

You’d seen JJ a few times on the way to or from work, but it wasn’t more than a passing glance. When he drove past you with the rest of his pogue friends or when you looked out the window of your work to see him zooming down the marsh on John B’s boat. You really tried not to think of him, tried not to feel his lips against your neck, but between the mindless monotony of work, the hours of endless school, and the long and restless nights, sometimes it felt like there was nothing else to think about. 

Before JJ swept into your life like a tidal wave, your mind went into autopilot as you went about your day. You could just do your tasks without thinking, but now it seemed that all you could do was think. A part of you wondered if he was intentionally avoiding you. He did say he had a habit of pushing people away.

The other part of you knew that part of you was an idiot because the only time you weren’t at home was when you were at work and the restaurant you worked at wasn’t a place JJ was likely to visit. Besides, you never told him where you worked. You were being paranoid, you told yourself.

You also tried to tell yourself that it didn’t matter if JJ was intentionally ignoring you because there was no way Dad would ever, in a million years, let you so much as hang out with someone like JJ. Your dad wanted you to hang with people like Rafe, which you very plainly told him was never going to happen. Still, since your dad had every intention of making your life a living hell, he invited the Camerons over to your house one day.

You might have screamed when he told you.

He told you to dress your best and you almost threw on a hoodie and sweatpants, even if it was getting hotter with every day. Sweating for hours would have been worth it if Dad would never invite the Camerons over again. Unfortunately, Dad and Ward Cameron worked together, Kid had a crush on Wheezie, and you actually liked Sarah, so you decided to at least brush your hair and do everyone the decency of wearing something other than sweat pants.

You came downstairs in a summer dress that fell just above your knees. When you looked in the mirror and realized that spaghetti straps probably weren’t the best formal attire, you threw a t-shirt on underneath and hoped it was good enough to get out of a beating tonight.

You helped your dad make dinner (mostly with the things that didn’t require cooking). Kid set the table and for a moment, it almost felt like you were apart of a normal family. Your dad had been especially nice since he and Kid came back from the mainland, which was surprising. You were hoping to stay on his good side so you could maybe ask to go out sometimes during the summertime. But she would have to wait and see how dinner went. 

You plastered on a smile when the Camerons first walked in the door. You gave Sarah and Wheezie hugs and shook Rafe’s hand amicably, smiling despite how hard he squeezed your hand. You gave Rose a hug as well and Ward planted a kiss on top of your head. Ward was a pretty cool guy and, as far as you were concerned, a pretty good dad. Sometimes you wished he was your own father, that way, you wouldn’t wake up in fear every morning. But, that was life.

Your two families joined at dinner, which went pretty well, until the second course.

“Rafe my boy, is that a bruise under your eye?” Your dad asked. You froze halfway through spooning some garlic mashed potatoes into your mouth.

“Oh, yes,” Rafe said after clearing his throat.

“Whatever happened?” You wished your dad would stop asking questions. Still, you tried to look engaged in the conversation as to not give yourself away. 

“You should ask your daughter about that,” Rafe said. Shit.

“Elma?” All eyes turned to you and you plastered a concerned smile onto your face.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said, giving your head a little shake. You saw Wheezie raise her eyebrows and hide a smile behind a roll of bread.

“You don’t remember socking me in the face?” Rafe ground out through his teeth, his knuckles turning white as he clenched the knife in his hand.

“No, I don’t.”

“Elma, what is this about?”

“Your daughter, sir, attacked me the other night at a-”

If Rafe said anything about a party, you knew you were never getting out of this house until your dad died. So you switched up your lie.

“Oh right,” you said with a sickly sweet smile. “I remember now. I hit you after you insulted my mother.”

Your dad’s confused demeanor switched suddenly. You could feel the air in the room turn like the winds during a storm. Mentioning your mother was one way to win your father over. Yes, she had abandoned you all, but your father still loved her and she was still perfect in his eyes. How that worked, you weren’t entirely sure, but you sure as hell knew how to manipulate it.

“Rafe!” Ward barked.

“What? No!” The poor boy was obviously confused as to how the table got turned on him so quickly.

To up the ante, you sniffled, refusing to let yourself blink so tears would brim at the bottom of your eyes.

“He called mom a...a...oh, I don’t want to say it,” you said with a quiet sigh.

“You’re not falling for this!” Rafe shouted.

“Rafe, shut up!”

“What did he say, sweetie?” Rose asked, reaching out to sympathetically take your hand.

“He called her a….” You lowered your voice. “A slut.”

Your dad stood suddenly.

“Gerald,” Ward said, standing as well and putting a hand out. “I don’t think Rafe meant it and whatever he said, clearly Elma here made him pay for it.”

Your dad was smoldering. Rage made his hands shake by his sides and for once, that rage wasn’t tunneled at you. Sarah elbowed you lightly and when you looked at her, you could almost see a smile on her face as Rose yelled at Rafe and Ward tried to talk your dad down from killing him then and there.

“Ah, chaos,” Wheezie mused, chewing on another piece of bread. Kid’s cheeks reddened.

The arguing died down eventually and they all went back to eating peacefully. Rafe glared at you the entire rest of night and every time you met his gaze, you simply raised an eyebrow. By the time dinner was over, everyone was exhausted and had no brain capacity to play games as they usually did. As the hostess, you walked the Camerons to the door as your dad and Kid started to clean up the dining room.

As before, you hugged the girls and Rose as they left. Sarah whispered an invite to a party in your ear as she hugged you, which you were glad for. ‘Going over to Sarah’s’ was always a good excuse to get out of the house. Your dad almost always let you go. Ward said nothing but put a parting hand on your shoulder. Instead of just walking by like he should have, Rafe grabbed your wrist and pulled you in close, trying to emulate a hug.

“Never throw me under the bus again,” he hissed in your ear.

“Then don’t pick fights you can’t win,” you whispered right back. He let go of you with a huff and stormed out the door. You shut it behind him, resisting the urge to slam it.

“What was that about?” Your dad asked, leaning against the wall. You smiled sweetly.

“Olive branch,” was all you said. He nodded slowly.

“I love you for defending your mother-” The words stung and caused your smile to falter for a moment. “But you shouldn’t go around punching people, especially my partners’ son.”

“I understand, Daddy,” you said, walking over to him. Kiss ass? You bet. Anything to get what you wanted and all you wanted was to get out of this house. He put an arm around you and kissed your forehead, making you want to vomit.

“Why don’t you go to bed? Bradford and I can finish up down here,” he said. You glanced over to Kid, who was grinning like an idiot. He must have said ‘bye’ to Wheezie before she left. The little kid’s smile forced your fake one into something almost real. You nodded before stepping away from your dad.

“Hey, kiddo?” Your heart exploded at the nickname, pulse racing. You hated it when he called you that because it felt like something a real dad would call the daughter that he actually cared for. It felt too close to love to make you comfortable. You turned slowly to look at him again. “I love you, you know that?”

You nodded again, but your fingers went for the scar on your hand. He said he loved you, but you knew he didn’t. Maybe he defended you from Rafe tonight, but tomorrow he might bash your head into the wall.

You walked to your room like a slug, barely picking your feet off the ground. As soon as the door was closed, you tore the dress off, standing in just the t-shirt. Pulling off the dress was like taking off a weight and tossing it on the floor was like breathing fresh air. You weren’t ready to sleep, no, there was too much rattling around in your head to sleep. Instead, you turned the radio on in your room, keeping it at just the right volume where your dad wouldn’t come in, but just loud enough to drown out your thoughts.

The first song got you out of your funk. The second one got you moving your hips. By the third, you were jumping around, screaming the words silently into your hairbrush. You weren’t a dancer, never had been, but when you let the music guide you, it didn’t matter. The beat thrummed through you, moving your body as it pleased.

You were deep in a song when you heard a tap at your window. It startled you out of the flow, but when you looked outside the window and saw no one, you were tempted to start dancing again. The tap came again so you turned the music down and watched the window carefully. The third tap came from a rock that you saw, so you walked over to your window and opened it, peeking your head out.

“Hello?” You whispered into the night. Was hello the best you could think of? Now you were surely going to get ax murdered by whoever, or whatever, was throwing rocks at your window. You scowled into the night and were about to turn back inside when a familiar face popped up onto the roof below your window.

“Maybank?” You said his name louder than you should have, but he was the last person you expected to throw rocks at your window at ten o’clock at night.

“Hey,” he said with a lopsided grin.

“Get in here,” you said, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him inside. You shut the window and turned around to scold him for being so stupid but before you could say anything, his hands were on your cheeks, his lips against yours.

And once again, you melted away. The riptide, the salty waves, the sand, the ice cold water. Your stomach rolled, your lungs screaming for breath, but you didn’t pull away. It was the sound of creaking floorboards outside your room that finally broke you away from him. Your eyes went straight for the door. When no more sounds came, you finally relaxed, sitting on your bed with a sigh.

“What are you doing here?” You asked him. JJ jumped backward onto your bed, leaning back and putting his hands behind his head. 

“I wanted to see you.”

“And if my dad finds you?”

JJ sat up and placed a kiss against your shoulder. You sighed to cover a shudder.

“I’m very quiet,” he whispered against your skin. 

“Maybank-”

“What happened to calling me by my first name?” He asked with a knowing smile.

“I’ve never called you JJ,” you said, crossing your arms in defiance. You knew perfectly well you had, but it was a moment of weakness and it wasn’t going to happen again.

“You did,” he said, kissing your neck. “When I-”

You stood, stepping away from him.

“You don’t get to break into my room and start making me feel all-” You waved her hands in the air as if that explained what you were feeling. Leaning against his hands, JJ tilted his head to the side with a goofy smile on his face.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you said, crossing your arms again.

“Like what?”

“Like I’m-” _Like I’m someone you actually care about. ___

__You were both quiet, soaking each other in, waiting for the other to make the next move. The song on the radio changed._ _

__“I like this song,” JJ said, jumping up from the bed. He reached out to take your hands, but you refused. “C’mon. I saw you dancing just now. I know you can.”_ _

__“I only dance when I’m drunk or when no one’s watching,” you said. “At least when I think no one’s watching.”_ _

__JJ grinned at you, stepping forward to the beat. It took all of your strength not to laugh or even smile at the way he moved. You knew that he was just trying to make you break, but you weren’t about to give in. He took your hands in his and started to move to the beat, dancing like a middle school boy. You pursed your lips to keep from laughing._ _

__“I would be better if you were leading,” he said, laughing at himself._ _

__“Oh no,” you said, a smile betraying you. “You’re doing wonderfully.”_ _

__He ran one of his hands up your arm until it was cradling your neck. You tried to move away by turning your head, but you didn’t really want to move away from him._ _

__Who needed alcohol when you had JJ Maybank to intoxicate you?_ _

__“What are you doing here?” You asked him again._ _

__“I told you.” His thumb brushed against your jaw. “I wanted to see you.”_ _

__“Why?” You asked him. “I thought you ran away from people so you didn’t hurt them?”_ _

__“Couldn’t stay away,” he said, his lips getting steadily closer to yours. You should move away, should put as much distance between you and him as you could. If he was the boy who ran to protect others, you were the girl who ran to protect yourself. Survival was the key. If weren’t around, who would protect Kid? If you weren’t around, who would Dad turn his anger toward? And if you didn’t get away from JJ now, how fast were you going to fall?_ _

__“Fuck you,” you whispered before moving forward the slightest bit that it took for your lips to meet his._ _

__He didn’t taste like alcohol this time. You knew he had gone surfing today because he was much saltier than before. You lifted your hands, knocking his backward hat off of his head so you could run your fingers through his hair. For a boy who always smelled like the sea, his hair was soft. The harder you pressed yourself against him, the harder he held onto you. He curled his fingers around your waist and you knew that it would leave marks, but you didn’t care. His other hand rested against your collarbone, circling around the base of your neck like a loose necklace._ _

__When you parted for air, you threw your head back, gasping, but JJ didn’t stop. He nipped at your chin and jaw with his teeth and shit it felt like you were going to explode from the inside out. The ocean roared in your ears, your gut, your heart. You pushed him backward, putting your mouth on his once again. You led him backward until he hit the bed and the two of you toppled over. Somewhere between standing and falling, JJ flipped you around so when your back hit the bed, you were underneath him._ _

__“You are okay?” He asked you. Instead of responding, you grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him closer. You could feel his smile pressed against your lips and your stomach flipped in a thousand different directions. One of JJ’s hands rested on your knee as he settled between your legs. For half a moment, you felt a twinge of fear enter your system. But when you felt JJ’s teeth graze against your lower lip, the fear went away, replaced by the storm that raged every time he touched you._ _

__Your mind was empty when JJ was kissing you. It was like everything else melted away and it was just him. The weight of his body wasn’t like the heaviness of pain or worry or anxiety or fear. He was a welcomed pressure, keeping you grounded, together. Everywhere his skin touched yours was a pressure point, relaxing but keeping you alive._ _

__The mood once against shifted when JJ started to slide his hand up your leg. As soon as his hand started to move, it was the only thing you could feel. You tried to push past it, tried to ignore it, tried to fall back into the current, but you couldn’t. His hand inching its way farther up your leg was the only thing on your mind as you attempted to pretend that it didn’t bother you. You had to get over your aversion to sex eventually, right? Why not now?_ _

__You barely realized when JJ pulled away. He hovered just above you, but you wouldn’t meet his eyes, mind still on his hand. You just needed to suck it up, to push through. It wasn’t until he moved his hand from your thigh that you really realized what happened. You turned your head to meet his eyes, but could only handle it for a second. The same shame that you felt when you had first told him weeks ago burned within you once again._ _

__It ate away at you, from the inside. You were damaged goods, you knew that. But all you wanted was to be like every other girl your age who could happily have sex with as many people as they wanted without being filled with crippling anxiety._ _

__You rolled out from underneath JJ, who moved his arm to let you go with a sigh._ _

__“I’m sorry,” you said, sitting on the edge of your bed with his back to him._ _

__“Not your fault,” he said. “I shouldn’t have pushed.”_ _

__You breathed out heavily, pressing your hands against your eyes. Your legs bounced beneath you, trying to shake out the anxiety. A portion of you wanted JJ to just leave so you knew that he wasn’t looking at you anymore. You weren’t sure you could bear it any longer. But he didn’t leave. You felt the bed dip underneath him as he moved across the bed to sit next to you._ _

__“I’m sorry,” you said again._ _

__“Don’t worry about it.” You glanced at him and he was grinning like nothing happened. “I can take care of myself.”_ _

__You scoffed and your lips twitched upward. Even in the middle of wanting to die of shame, he still somehow managed to make you smile._ _

__“You’re disgusting,” you said, giving a quiet laugh. JJ echoed your laugh, casting his eyes to the ground._ _

__“Thank you for understanding,” you said, sucking in a breath in hopes of steadying yourself. JJ planted a quick kiss on your shoulder before flopping back onto the bed. You laid back beside him with a sigh._ _

__“What’s your favorite color?” You asked him when you felt the silence had gone on for too long. JJ hummed, glancing down at you. He rolled his head to the side and narrowed his eyes. You copied the movement, mocking his scowl._ _

__“My favorite color is...whatever color your eyes are.”_ _

__You let out a laugh and rolled your eyes._ _

__“I’m serious, Maybank!” You said, your smile sticking. When you looked at him again, you found that he hadn’t looked away. “What’s your favorite color?”_ _

__JJ pursed his lips and sighed._ _

__“I’ve never thought about it?”_ _

__“Never thought about your favorite color?”_ _

__“No, never seemed important.”_ _

__“Well,” you said, looking up at the ceiling. “What’s your favorite thing in the whole world?”_ _

__“Weed, probably,” JJ said. You looked at him with a raised eyebrow and tapped his shoulder with his fist. “Okay, jeez, something else. I like surfing and hanging out with the Pogues, I guess.”_ _

__“So the ocean!” You said with a smile. “You like the ocean.”_ _

__“Yeah, I guess.”_ _

__“So, blue, like the ocean?”_ _

__“Maybe.”_ _

__“Alright. Well, you think about your favorite color and get back to me,” you said._ _

__“Why?” he scoffed._ _

__“Because you said it was never important, but it’s important to me.” JJ turned his head to the side to look at you again. He was silent for a moment, like he was thinking about what he was going to say next. There was a second when you thought he might say something, but then he looked back up at the ceiling._ _

__“What’s your favorite color?” he asked._ _

__“I really like a good burgundy,” you said, narrowing your eyes. “I mean, if you ever see my winter closet, you’ll see just how much I love burgundy.”_ _

__“I have way too many questions about that statement,” JJ said, shaking his head._ _

__“What do you mean?”_ _

__“First of all, I’m not sure burgundy is a color-”_ _

__“It’s a shade of red.”_ _

__“-Second of all, you have a winter closet?”_ _

__“According to my dad, a great way to make up for bruising me up is to buy me clothes. So, yeah, I have a winter closet.”_ _

__“God, I hate kooks.”_ _

__You wanted to ask him a thousand more questions about a hundred different things. Sure, kissing him was like nothing else you’d ever felt before, but just being able to sit there and talk to him, to ask him things, to learn about him, was something else entirely. The only person you ever had was Kid and the last thing you wanted to do was let him see the worst things that happened between you and your Dad. You’d had two civil conversations with JJ and already he knew more about you than anyone else. You wanted nothing more than to spend the entire night talking to him._ _

__Unfortunately, your nosey father had other plans._ _

__You heard his footsteps and instantly shot upward._ _

__“What is it?” JJ asked._ _

__“You need to go,” you said._ _

__“I think we’ve been here before,” JJ said, refusing to sit up._ _

__“Yes, we have. Come on, let’s get you out the window.” You ran toward the window and threw it open, only to find that JJ was still laying on your bed. “Maybank, get up!”_ _

__“I don’t want to.”_ _

__“JJ, if my dad finds you in here, we’re both dead.” He looked up at her, tilting his head backward. You were breathing heavily, listening to the sound of your dad’s footfalls grow closer. Your heart pounded in your chest._ _

__You were smarter than this, you had to be smarter than this. Letting JJ in here was a terrible mistake. After spending almost your entire life trying to diffuse every situation before it began, you let your guard down for one stupid boy and now this stupid boy wasn’t getting out of your room and you were going to pay for it._ _

__Just as your dad was right outside the door and JJ still hadn’t moved, your pounding heart stopped. The doorknob was turning. You had to think of something._ _

___Get yourself out of this, _you thought to yourself. _You can get yourself out of this. ______ _

______“Don’t come in!” You called out. The doorknob stopped turning. JJ sat up, eyeing you carefully with a raised eyebrow._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Honey?” Your dad said from outside the door. “Are you alright?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You met JJ’s gaze, your own eyes wide. Your heart started thumping again, beating so hard you were sure JJ could see it about to pound its way out of your chest. He gave you a short nod and you breathed in deeply._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah, Dad. I, uh, I started my period.” JJ dropped his head into his palms. You glared at him, sneering your teeth as his quiet laughter got a little bit too loud._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh, um.” You heard the discomfort in your dad’s voice and he let out a cough. “Do you need any help?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“No, Dad, I’m okay. I can handle it,” you said. “But thank you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Just let me know if you need anything,” he said. “I came over to ask if you could turn your music down a little bit.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You nodded._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah, sure,” you said. JJ reached over and twisted the knob on the radio, turning the music down._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Thanks, sweetheart,” your dad said. “Sleep well.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Night, Dad.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You didn’t take a steady breath until the footsteps were silent. Once your dad was safe in his room, you turned to JJ with smoldering eyes._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Get out of my room, JJ.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You called me JJ again.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Shut up!” You snapped. “Listen to me, and you listen good. If my dad ever found out you were here, even if he didn’t know we were just...whatever. If he knew you were here, you would never see me again because I would be dead, do you understand that?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“He won’t know,” JJ said with a shrug._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You’re so frustrating!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Ellie….” He stood and walked over to you, but you stepped back away from him, your eyes still narrowed._ _ _ _ _ _

______“All my life, I’ve done everything I can to stay alive, to just live to the next day,” you said. “And you walk in and fuck it all up. I can’t...I just want to survive, JJ. And I can’t do that if you’re constantly putting all of that at risk.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“What’s the point of staying alive if you’re not doing anything with that life?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What do you mean?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______JJ took another step toward you and this time, you didn’t step away._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You can’t just survive and not live a little every now and again.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You shut your eyes, hands shaking as you put them over your cheeks to try and steady your trembling jaw._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Maybe you can smoke and drink and hook up with girls and speed around in your boat with your friends and call that living, but that isn’t a liberty that I have.” You let out a shaky breath, hands falling to your sides. JJ kept his gaze on the ground, refusing to look at you. “Look, we can’t do this here. Just...I’ll see you around.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______JJ didn’t say anything. He nodded slowly, snatching his hat off the ground and heading off toward the open window. You pressed your lips together into a thin line, wrapping your arms around your stomach._ _ _ _ _ _

______“There’s a party at the Cameron’s that we’re hijacking this Friday,” he said as he climbed out the window. “See you there?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You nodded._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You watched as he clambered down from your roof. He ran across your lawn and you didn’t close the window until he was long out of sight._ _ _ _ _ _

______You went to work the next morning, your eyes stinging and mind blurry. Sleeping after JJ left was nearly impossible. It didn’t matter how little sleep you got, you needed to work._ _ _ _ _ _

______It wasn’t like you needed money to survive. Your dad paid for food and shelter and a data plan, but if Kid wanted anything other than that and clothes, it usually came from you. If you wanted a new pair of shoes or a tattoo, the money came from your bank account._ _ _ _ _ _

______All the rest of your money went to your savings, with which you would eventually buy a lawyer after you turned 18 to win custody of Kid, buy a house somewhere, and live far, far away from your dad. You needed to keep this job, maybe even find another one for over the summer, so you could get yourself and your kid brother to a safe home._ _ _ _ _ _

______This was what you reminded yourself as you drove to work in the truck you begged your dad for last year. There was a reason you never got yourself tangled up in the whole “relationship” mess. It was more than often confusing and took too much brainpower, brainpower you needed to use to keep yourself out of trouble. You couldn’t risk your eyes straying from the road you were on, not even for someone like JJ._ _ _ _ _ _

______As soon as his name popped into your head, it was like the universe decided to test you, to make sure that you really could keep your eyes on the road without succumbing to temptation. Driving to work, this test was literal._ _ _ _ _ _

______With your windows down, you heard his laugh first. You sniffled and kept your eyes fixed on the road. Focus was key. Keep your eyes on the road, keep your goals ahead of you. You had a plan and no one, not even JJ Maybank, could throw a wrench in it._ _ _ _ _ _

______But then you glanced out the window and wished you had listened to the universe when it told you to keep your eyes forward._ _ _ _ _ _

______JJ was standing and talking to someone, carrying his usual smile. You meant to look away before you saw who it was that he was talking to, but you didn’t. There was a girl sitting on the railing in front of one of the stores. JJ was standing in between her legs, his hands on her knees. Your heart skipped and you tried to look away again but then the girl, Peeler you thought her name might have been, put her hands on his face and pulled him closer to her. You looked back at the road before you had to see her kiss him._ _ _ _ _ _

______Keeping your mind off of it at work was like trying to keep seagulls away from baby sea turtles. Despite the fact that, as a Greeter, you spent your entire first shift on Thursdays talking to people, you still somehow managed to spend almost every hour thinking about it. You tried to convince yourself that it didn’t matter. It wasn’t like you or JJ were dating or anything. Making out a couple of times didn’t constitute a relationship in any stretch of the term, so you had no claim on him. You had no place to be upset._ _ _ _ _ _

______Still, you were._ _ _ _ _ _

______There was only an hour left in your first shift and an hour after that when your second shift started. Thursdays were always long, but mentally complaining about a boy didn’t make it any shorter. You really just wanted the day to be over so you could just go home and crash. You took Fridays off of work to do school and recover from working for 16 hours. You just had to get through the rest of this day and that would be that._ _ _ _ _ _

______By the time both of your shifts were done, you had already planned out a million ways to verbally beat JJ to death. You spent the entirety of your second shift in the back room washing dishes. Naturally, that meant, not only were you exhausted, but you were sweaty, your hair was frizzy, and your fingers were like prunes. And you wanted to tear someone’s head off._ _ _ _ _ _

______Your drive home was just like any other. You wanted nothing more than to shower and drop dead into your bed._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dad? I’m home!” You called as you shut the door behind you. As soon as you stepped inside, you knew something was wrong. Kid was sitting on the stairs, sniffling, and banging sounds were coming from the kitchen._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey,” you said, scowling as you walked over to your brother. “Kid, what’s wrong?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______When he lifted his face from his hands, you saw the ring of a bruise around his eye and blood began to boil in your system. You straightened your spine, clenching your jaw to keep your rage inside._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dad...he-”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You didn’t have to hear anything else before you booked it for the kitchen._ _ _ _ _ _

______“El, wait!” You ignored Kid as he tried to stop you. But nothing was going to stop your warpath, not today._ _ _ _ _ _

______You turned into the kitchen, dropping your bag of clothes on the floor._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dad, what the _fuck _?”___ _ _ _ _ _

________Your dad was frantically cleaning dishes, his hands shaking._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Don’t talk to me like that, young lady,” he said, not looking up at you._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What did you do to Kid?” You asked, trying to keep your voice steady and calm. Right now, you didn’t really care about escalating. Whenever Dad hit you, you had few issues getting over it. But any time he laid even a finger on your brother, you could never let it go._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“He gave me mouth.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“So you punched him?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________If you hadn’t shouted, you may have gotten away with the potty mouth and talking back, but of course, you weren’t getting away that easy tonight._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Your dad spun around quickly, throwing the pot he was holding straight at you. You barely had time to dodge it before the pot hit you square in the face. It ding’d off of your shoulder, but adrenaline dulled the pain for a moment._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You don’t get to tell me how to parent my kids,” he seethed, marching up to you and putting a finger in your face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Smacking Kid around isn’t parenting, _Dad _.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He shoved you backward and you tripped over one of the chairs, knocking your head against the leg of the table. The sting was instant. You rolled over, squeezing your eyes shut._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry,” your dad said, making a move to help you up. You put your hand out so he wouldn’t come any closer. He took a step back._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“El!” You heard Kid cry from the entryway. You shook your head, trying to clear your tremoring mind. You pushed yourself off the floor, using the table to get you on your feet. Tears gathered in your eyes, either from the physical pain in your shoulder and head or from the fact that your dad just shoved you to the floor. Your dad stood back, hands in the air._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“El….”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Kid, stay back,” you said, keeping your eye on your dad. You slid your hand off of the table. “I’m taking Kid upstairs.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Your dad said nothing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“We’re going upstairs and you’re not going to follow us,” you said. Slowly, your dad nodded, stepping back. You shuffled over to Kid and put an arm around him, one part herding him away and one part using him to lean on._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Are you okay?” Kid asked, tears still in his eyes. You nodded at him and tried to smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“C’mon. You’re sleeping in my bed tonight.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________You woke up the next morning with a headache that felt like a hangover. Kid was curled up on your bed still, the sun shining through the window. When you looked over at the clock, you were appalled to see that it was a quarter past 8. Kid was late for school._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Shit.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________You rolled out of your chair, every bone in your body tight and cracking. Your shoulder ached and there was a dull pain in the back of your head._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Hey, Kid,” you whispered, shaking your brother’s arm gently. “You gotta go to school.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Kid groaned, rolling over onto his back. You smiled down at him as he blinked his eyes a few times._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What time is it?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Little after 8.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I’m already late. I’ll ditch today.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“You’re not a pogue, Kid. You have to go to school.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Kid grumbled and rolled out of your bed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“You stink,” he said, wrinkling his nose._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I didn’t get to take my shower last night,” you replied, arms crossed and a little smile on your lips. You looked down at his face, saw the outline of the bruise again. You tried to swallow the anger that bubbled inside you again at the thought of it. “Let’s go, Kid.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Thirty minutes later, you were outside of Kid’s school._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Thanks, El,” he said, hopping out of the car._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Have a good day. I’ll see you later,” you called after him. With a smile and a wave, he disappeared inside the school building._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The drive back home was peaceful. The sun was out, a breeze blowing through your car windows. The constant thrum of pain in your shoulder kept your mind clear, your eyes set on the road. You pulled up to a stoplight, closing your eyes, letting the sun warm your skin._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Hey, Ellie!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Your eyes shot open and you turned the voice. JJ ran over to you, Pope Heyward by his side. Your heart started to pound. Before he and his friend could get any closer, the light turned green and you stepped on the gas. “Ellie?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Your car sputtered forward before taking off, leaving JJ and Pope in a trail of dust._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	3. Mother Nature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unresolved issues are resolved at a party. Mother Nature has some things to say about two teenagers in a field.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading!

When you finally got home, your dad was sitting on the bottom of the stairs, just like Kid had been the night before.

“Hey, Dad,” you said, setting your keys in the bowl by the door.

“Hey, sweetheart.” From the tone in his voice, you knew a teary-eyed apology was on its way. You groaned inwardly as you shut your eyes. “I...I wanted to apologize for last night.”

“It’s not a big deal, Dad,” you said, opening your eyes and putting on a smile.

“But it is.” He pushed himself off the stairs and took a few hurried steps forward. He stopped when he saw you flinch and step backward. Tears brimmed his eyes and he covered his mouth with his hands. “I hurt my baby girl and my boy and I….”

He broke down into tears, falling to one knee as he sobbed. You grit your teeth, trying to blink away a few tears of your own. He did this almost every time. He either pretended like it never happened or he cried, there was never another option. You preferred the first because you never felt obligated to comfort him, like you did now.

“Dad.” You walked over to him and dropped down next to him. You wrapped your arms around him and he leaned into you, clinging to your arm. Every piece of your heart shattered as you heard him cry. His tears soaked through your pajama shirt. You hid a sob of your own by planting a kiss onto his head. Keeping your breathing steady, you slowly peeled him off of you, putting your hands over his teary cheeks.

“There is one way you can make it up to me,” you said, plastering on a smile.

“Anything,” he choked out. “Anything.”

“Sarah is having a get together tonight and she wants me to come.”

“You...go out?”

You heard the concern in his voice so you pushed harder.

“You know how much I like Sarah, and I know you want me to make better friends. This is me trying.” When it was clear he was still mulling it over in your mind, you pulled the last stop you knew would guarantee a yes. “And...Rafe will be there tonight.”

“Rafe?” The tears were immediately gone from his eyes. You nodded, though your stomach sickened. “I thought you hated him.”

“He’s not as bad as I thought.” A lie. He was worse.

“Well, if someone responsible like Rafe is there….” You resisted the urge to laugh. “As long as it isn’t a party, you can go.”

A grin spread across your lips. You leaned down and kissed your dad on the cheek, just one more foot in his goodwill door.

“Thank you, Daddy.”

You helped him to his feet and brushed away a few of his stray tears.

“I love you, sweetheart.”

“Love you.”

As soon as you were upstairs, you vomited the words out of your mouth.  
While you were glad that you had been given permission to go to the party, you hated how low you had to go to get there. Making your dad bend to your will was generally easy and very rarely did you actually feel bad about it. After all, his favorite past time was beating you senseless, so why couldn’t you manipulate him to get the things you wanted? It seemed like a pretty fair game.

You brushed your teeth twice before heading back to your room to start homework. As soon as you opened your computer, you knew that you were going to get very little done. Your mind went, as it usually did these days, straight to JJ. You weren’t sure how to feel. You fought the last time you spoke to him, but you also spent the entire night thinking about seeing him at this party. And then you saw him kiss another girl and then spent the entire day wanting to murder him. And now you were just double confused because he seemed ready enough to introduce you to one of his best friends. Your mind was all over the place and none of those places was homework.

In hopes to drown out your own thoughts and focus better, you turned on some music. But then the song that you and JJ ‘danced’ to came on and you were thrown into all over again. You found yourself humming and tapping your foot instead of typing out your essay. Eventually, frustration overcame you and you tossed your computer onto your pillow and shut off the music.

You spent the next few hours trying to not think about JJ and focus on your school. It had never been hard to focus before. You knew you needed to go to a good school to get a good job to be able to take care of Kid once your dad was out of the picture, and that meant getting good grades now. Homeschooling wasn’t too hard for you, but if you didn’t get most of your work done today, you were going to suffer for it later. JJ and his stupid smile were really throwing a wrench in every single one of your plans.

The time came for you to pick Kid up from school, but he texted you asking if you could pick him up from a friend’s in an hour or two. As long as you got him home before Dad got home, you usually let him go and do whatever he wanted after school. You wanted your brother to have the social life you never did. You didn’t have a big sister to cover for you or pick you up from wherever when you were his age. But that didn’t matter. You were going to be the big sister that you always wished you had. 

You somehow managed to focus long enough to finish the essay and start on your math homework. It didn’t take long for Kid to text you to tell you to come and pick him up. The entire drive there and back, you were worried that you would somehow run into JJ like you had before.

“Are you okay?” Kid asked, looking up from his comic.

“Hmm? Yeah, oh yeah.”

“Why do you keep looking out the window?”

“No reason.” 

Now consciously aware of your wandering eyes, you tried to keep your gaze fixed on the road ahead. The sun was starting to go down and the only thing you should be worried about right now was getting Kid home quickly and finishing your work, not JJ. Luckily, you made it home without any unwanted visitors and a few minutes before your Dad got home.

Kid sat on the ground in your room munching on some potato chips while the both of you worked on school work. You heard your Dad pull into the driveway. You and Kid glanced at each other and shared a knowing smile. It always felt like a victory when Kid was able to do something without Dad finding out.  
After a few minutes, your dad knocked on your door and opened it.

“Hey, Kiddos.”

“Hey, Dad.”

“Tacos good for tonight?”

“Sure,” Kid said.

“Elm?”

“I’m going over to Sarah’s, remember? They’ll have food there,” you said with a smile. Your dad’s face fell for a moment. 

“Ah, yes.”

“And I’m sure if I don’t get enough to eat, Rafe would be more than happy to get me something,” you added, praying that your dad worshiped Rafe enough to not double back on his word.

“Rafe, yes. I’m sure he will.” He sighed.

“How was work?” You asked, hoping to change the subject.

“Good, good. Busy.” 

“That’s good.”

The air went stale when no one said anything else.

“I’ll call you when dinner is ready, Bradford,” your dad said, looking down at Kid. He nodded, returning to his homework.

“Thanks, Dad,” you said as he turned and shut the door. 

You spent the next hour finishing up as much homework as you could before getting ready. You couldn’t remember the last time you put real effort into a party outfit. But this time you tried on at least five different outfits, asking Kid each time if it was alright before finally landing on something you liked.

“Is that boy going to be at Sarah’s?” Kid asked, now sitting on your bed as you checked yourself out in the mirror again.

“What boy?” You eyed your brother carefully.

“That boy that was here a few weeks ago. The one who snuck out when Dad and I got back from our trip?” 

You let out a deep sigh.

“I don’t know,” you said, mentally punching yourself for overthinking things again. It didn’t matter if JJ was going to be at Sarah’s party because you had no intention of talking to him. Either you were going to end up crying (again) or you were going to punch him, and you were sick of crying. Even if JJ was there, you weren’t sure why you put so much attention into your outfit. You dropped to the floor, pressing your hands against your eyes.

You heard Kid climb down from your creaky bed. He sat next to you and bumped your shoulder with his. You let out another sigh and leaned your head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, afraid that your voice would break if you spoke any louder.

“For what?”

“For bringing my silly drama into your peaceful Friday night,” you said, lifting your head and trying to give a smile. Kid shook his head. 

“You go get prettied up for this boy, El.” 

A smile broke out on your face and you felt your cheeks heaten. Kid bumped your shoulder again and you scrambled upward to grab your makeup from your bathroom. Kid turned up the music and jumped back onto your bed. You bobbed your head, sitting in front of your mirror, as you finished your look. It was nearly seven by the time you were finished.

“Ready?” You asked Kid. He looked up from his comic and pursed his lips, checking to make sure everything was in place.

“Ready,” he confirmed with a smile. You walked over and kissed the top of his head, an unusually cheery bounce in your step.

“Bye, Kid,” you said.

“Be back by 12!” Kid said, deepening his voice to mimic your dad. You laughed as you slung your bag over your shoulder on the way to the door. “Bye!”

You hurried down the stairs, smile glowing on your face.

“You’ll be careful tonight?” Dad said from the kitchen. You startled and turned around.

“Yeah, Dad. It’s just a few girls, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“And Rafe?”

You were about up to your ears with all the talk about Rafe, but if it meant you could go to this goddamn party, you would kiss up as much as you needed.

“Yes,” you said, trying not to let your dad see the exasperated sigh you wanted to let out as you said it. “And Rafe.” 

His final nod said that you had made it past the last wall of permission. You had to keep yourself from running out the door as fast as you could. Once you were outside, you bolted from the door all the way to your car. Blasting the music in your car got you singing at the top of your lungs as you drove, probably faster than you should have, to Sarah’s house. 

Tannyhill wasn’t very far from your own house, only a 15 minute drive, but with anticipation gurgling in your stomach, it felt like forever. By the time you reached the house, you could tell that the party was in full bloom. A sudden spark of anxiety shot through you. What exactly were you supposed to be doing here? The only person you really liked was Sarah, but she had all of her own friends.

So you sat in your car for five minutes before finally plucking up the courage to go inside. You were beyond thrilled when the first person you saw offered you a red cup with vodka.

“Please,” you said and downed the entire thing. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to be taking alcohol from strangers at a party, but your nerves were already so fried from worry that you didn’t care who you took what from, as long as you were buzzed before anyone started talking to you.

It didn’t take long for you to find Sarah, and to your surprise, she actually left her friends to come over to you.

“Elma!” She said with a smile.

“Just call me Elm,” you said as she neared. “Elma is a stupid name.” 

Sarah giggled, already plastered, and handed you another cup of alcohol, which you gladly took. She dragged you over to her other friends, who gladly accepted you. You could tell they were all drunk off their asses because they took the time to speak to you, which wasn’t something most Kooks took pleasure in doing. 

Two hours later, you heard hollering from outside that could mean only one thing; the pogue take over.

Like the idiot he was, JJ was the first one in the door with a kegger in his hands. How he managed to carry the thing on his own like it was nothing was beyond you. Everyone in the house was silent for a moment and part of you was afraid they would all attack. But then a large cry of cheers erupted and you knew for a fact that everyone was drunk out of their minds.

You were going to join in on the cheering when you saw the girl that JJ kissed yesterday walk in right behind him. Maybe it was the alcohol or the deep-rooted, unresolved trauma you buried deep in your chest, but you stood in a sudden flurry of anger and marched outside. You were on your fifth cup of beer and you could feel it affecting you. You should have tried to find the place where the music was loudest and dance out the alcohol, but all you managed to do was step outside and breathe in the weed smelling air.

You just needed to breathe for a moment, you told yourself. You were being overdramatic and you needed to calm down. Of course, the universe was still punishing you for whatever the hell it was you did wrong because your moment of calm was soon interrupted by the one boy you assured your father would protect you, but who was also the same boy who was most likely to kill you.

“What are you doing here, Elma?”

You heaved out a disgusted sigh and hung your head.

“I’m enjoying the party, Rafe,” you said, taking another drink from your cup. 

“I don’t want you in my house.” 

“First of all, this isn’t your house. Second, your sister invited me here. And lastly, as you can see-” You motioned up to the sky. “I am clearly not inside.”

Rafe grabbed your wrist from behind and you spun around to face him, whatever joking mood you were in fading instantly to anger.

“Don’t touch me,” you spat.

“Get out.”

“You can’t tell me what to do.”

“What are you going to do, hit me again?”

“Yeah, I might.” 

You were seconds away from doing just that, when someone interrupted.

“Let her go, Rafe,” JJ said, standing a few feet away. You rolled your eyes, downing the rest of your beer.

“This is none of your business, pogue,” Rafe said, not taking his eyes off of you. You tilted your head to the side, one of the worst ideas you ever had popping into your head.

“Rafe-”

“Hey, Maybank,” you said, turning to look at him. “Shut up and learn to read the room, maybe.”

Without giving him the chance to say anything, you stood on your toes and kissed Rafe full on the mouth. Did it make you want to vomit? Sure. Would you have rathered punch him in the face? Yes. Did it make you feel any better at all?

Hell no.

Especially when Rafe kissed you back. You waited to hear the door open and shut again before pulling away from Rafe. He lingered where he was for a moment, eyes shut and lips puckered. You cringed at him and wiped your lips with the back of your hand.

“God, you’re pathetic,” you said, walking away from him. You went back inside to grab another drink, taking one shot of something before grabbing another cup of beer.

You walked away from the house, wind stinging your eyes and making them water. At least, that’s what you told yourself to convince yourself that you weren’t about to cry. You walked out to the docks where you hoped you could be alone. You sat on the edge, kicking your feet back and forth over the water, your untouched beer beside you. Your mind was like mud, an unfortunate side effect of not spending your drunk energy on dancing. You could barely finish one coherent thought, which was never good.

Finally, after a few minutes of trying to have a dramatic existential crisis without being able to think properly, you had enough. You slid off your sandals, setting them beside the beer. Taking a few steps away from the edge of the docks, you ran and jumped into the cold marsh.

The chill kickstarted your system again. It was like a reboot. The mud was washed clean from your mind and you felt the return of your senses. You stayed beneath the water as long as you could. Once your lungs started to scream for air, you made for the surface.

You gasped in air once you broke through, treading water to keep you afloat. Now shivering and wet, you swam over to the dock and reached up to pull yourself out. To your surprise, there was a hand waiting for you, offering your help out.

You looked up at JJ, who stood with his other hand in his pocket. You took his hand and he pulled you out. Standing beside him, you were suddenly unsure of what to say. After spending hours thinking about it, you were silent when it really mattered. You started shivering almost as soon as the night chill hit your skin, but you tried to hide it.

“I have a sweater in John B’s car, if you want to borrow it,” he said. Apparently your hiding skills weren’t at their prime. You nodded slowly and followed as he headed off toward the beat-up, old van that the Pogues drove around in. Neither of you said anything for a while.

“Why’d you drive off this morning?” He asked suddenly. You turned your head to look at him with a cocked brow.

“That’s your only question?” He shrugged so you let out a sigh and decided to answer. “Well, the last time we spoke, we didn’t really finish on the best of terms and then I saw you kiss that girl and I then I was, well I hit my head last night pretty hard so I was out of it and then Pope was there-”

“Pope just happened to be there.”

“Yeah? Well-” You tucked a piece of hair behind your ear as you approached the car. “I guess I just freaked.”

JJ pulled open the side door of the car and grabbed his sweater, handing it to you. You held it for a moment, unsure if putting on his sweater was the best idea. You were about to give yourself a full-blown essay about all the reasons it would be a bad idea when a sudden bluster of wind blew past, sending shivers up your spine. You quickly pulled the sweater on over your head. It took all of your remaining brain cells working together to not think about how warm it was or how much it smelled like him.

“I didn’t kiss her,” JJ said as he slid the door shut.

“What?”

“That girl. I know what you’re talking about, but I didn’t kiss her.” Guilt turned your cheeks red.

“Oh.” You looked down as the two of you started to walk away from the van. “I’m sorry then.”

“For what?”

You stifled a smile.

“I may or may not have spent that entire day plotting how to kill you and dispose of your body so no one could ever find it,” you said, a smile pulling at your lips. JJ laughed and looked at the ground before looking back at you.

“How would you do it?”

“Let’s see,” you said, pulling your hands inside the sleeves of JJ’s sweater. “I think I settled on drowning you. You see, if you kill someone and then throw their body into the water, too much water gets in their lungs. Any coroner could see it from a mile away that something fishy happened.”

“Duly noted.”

“Yeah, and then I would take you and your boat out somewhere and capsize it somehow.”

“Man, remind me to never piss you off again.” 

You let out a laugh. When the smiles fell from both your lips, you spoke again.  
“I’m also sorry I kissed Rafe.” 

“I’m pretty sure that hurt you more than it hurt me,” JJ said with a laugh. You stopped walking and put a hand on his wrist. He turned back toward you and the look in his eyes told you enough.

“I really am sorry.”

With a soft sigh, he pulled his hands from his pockets and placed them just below your jaw, tilting your face up toward his. He leaned down and instead of kissing your lips, he placed a long kiss against your forehead. Eyes fluttering shut, you breathed in a deep breath. You saw a flash from behind your eyelids.

_A storm must be coming. ___

__You didn’t care._ _

__JJ pulled back for just long enough to look into your eyes before dipping back down and kissing you properly. This wasn’t like before. It wasn’t needy or desperate or full of desire. It was something else. Something softer. Something far more terrifying. There was another flash._ _

__“You wanna get out of here?” You asked, looking up at him with a smile. He nodded and you grabbed his hand, leading him toward your car._ _

__“You left your shoes,” he said, pointing back toward the dock._ _

__“Oh, yeah.” You took one step in that direction, but he stopped you._ _

__“I’ll go get them.” Before you could say anything, he took off toward the dock. Watching him run toward your shoes, you felt a smile slowly pull its way up your lips until you were grinning like an idiot. A question floated at the front of your skull, a question you refused to fully ask, even in your own mind. When JJ returned to you, shoes in one hand, he smiled._ _

__“Shall we?”_ _

__“We shall.”_ _

__The casual stroll to the car felt just as natural to you as breathing. Your hand itched to be held in his, but you didn’t want to push your luck tonight. Besides, holding hands was way too personal for you. You didn’t want to hold his hand. That would be so silly._ _

__You slid into the front seat of your car as JJ climbed in beside you._ _

__“You know, I’ve never seen a kook with an uglier car,” he said, closing the door. You looked at him and let out a confused laugh. “In the best way possible, of course.”_ _

__“I’ll have you know,” you said as you put the keys into the ignition and started your car. “This baby could outrun that stinky van of yours any day.”_ _

__“Hey, don’t insult John B’s van. We love that thing.”_ _

__“Yeah, whatever.”_ _

__You pulled out of the driveway, maneuvering around the other cars without hitting a single one._ _

__“Where are we going?” He asked._ _

__“What, are you afraid I’m actually going to kill you?”_ _

__“I wouldn’t put it past you.”_ _

__You let out a mock-hurt laugh, your heart hammering at the sound of his own._ _

__“I’m glad I let off murder vibes,” you said. JJ leaned toward you._ _

__“You wouldn’t hurt a fly,” he said before kissing your cheek._ _

__“Excuse me?” You were trying not to take your eyes off the road, but JJ sitting so close to you and smiling like he was made it very difficult. “Didn’t you see me beat the shit out of Rafe?”_ _

__“Yeah. Once. And you were drunk.”_ _

__“Oh, please, I’ve done it a hundred times. I practically grew up with the guy,” you said._ _

__“Really?_ _

__“Um, yeah. You really think the only practice I get fighting is when I’m swinging at my dad?” You scoffed. “No, sir. Rafe and I have been beating the shit out of each other since we had the muscle strength to swing our fists.”_ _

__“Now that is interesting,” JJ said, leaning against his closed fist._ _

__“You find that interesting?”_ _

__“Interesting, terrifying, sexy. Whatever you want to call it.”_ _

__“I bet you I could beat your ass,” you said._ _

__“Was that a threat or a challenge?”_ _

__“Both.”_ _

__“Pull over and we’ll settle this now.”_ _

__“Hold your horses, bucko. I’m almost to our destination.”_ _

__JJ laughed, leaning his chair back._ _

__“There’s the bucko thing again.”_ _

__“Shut up.”_ _

__A few minutes later, you pulled off the main road and onto a narrow dirt road._ _

__“I am starting to feel like you are taking me somewhere to kill me.”_ _

__“Hey, I already told you my murder plans and we turned away from the ocean, not toward it. For now, you can be pretty certain I’m not going to kill you.”_ _

__JJ turned to look at you with a smile._ _

__“For now,” he said in a fake ominous tone._ _

__When you finally came to a stop, you were parked on an empty plane. With nothing but grass below you and nothing but stars above. You reached into your backseat to grab a few blankets you kept stored back there for the times you and Kid did this exact same thing._ _

__You slid out of the car with a giddy grin on your face, JJ following after you. You tossed the blankets on the ground but had no time to do anything else before JJ tackled you to the ground from behind._ _

__“What the hell?” You cried, trying to push him off of you but only succeeding in getting more tangled in the blankets._ _

__“I thought we were going to see who wins a fight?” JJ said, pinning you down and hovering over you. You glared at him._ _

__“Oh, it’s on.”_ _

__You spent the next few minutes rolling around half in the blankets, half on the grass. The fight ended when you found yourself straddling JJ, your hands against his shoulders to keep him pinned._ _

__“I think,” you said, breathless. “I think I win.”_ _

__“I let you win.”_ _

__“Oh, really?”_ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__You breathed heavily through your nose and sat back, moving your hands from his shoulders so he could move if he wanted to. But he didn’t._ _

__“Can I tell you something?”_ _

__JJ sat up on his elbows._ _

__“Go for it.”_ _

__“The reason I was so quick to think the worst about you when I saw you with that girl, I guess-” You paused to give yourself a moment to breathe. “I guess it was easier that way.”_ _

__“How do you mean?”_ _

__“Well, if I could convince myself you were just messing around with me I felt like I could still walk away without feeling hurt. I figured that I could just forget everything and move on and go back to living like I was before. I’m just...not used to caring about someone other than Kid and especially not so quickly,” you said._ _

__“So you care about me.” JJ smirked and made a face at you. You rolled your eyes, not even trying to keep down a smile._ _

__“Well, shit, Maybank,” you said, mimicking his smile. “What else am I supposed to do when you kiss me the way you do?”_ _

__“Can I tell you something?” JJ asked._ _

__“Only if it’s appropriate.”_ _

__“I spent the first week after I was at your house trying not to think about you,” he said. Your heart started to pound, lost somewhere deep in your stomach. “Kinda failed at that one, didn’t I?”_ _

__“Look at us, two people with emotional issues talking about our feelings.” You needed to say something to cover up the fact that your stomach was currently doing turns like some kind of freaking ballerina._ _

__“Aw, hell. The world’s going to end.”_ _

__JJ lay back, placing his hands on your hips and looking up at the stars._ _

__“Do you wanna know something?” He glanced at you instead of answering. “I don’t want to kiss anyone else. Just you”_ _

__JJ worked his way to sitting up, sliding you into his lap. He moved one hand to your cheek, running his thumb along your cheekbone._ _

__“Purple,” he said. You tilted your head to the side and blinked. “My favorite color. You asked me to think about it and I decided my favorite color is purple.”_ _

__You smiled, pulling your lower lip between your teeth to try and cover it up._ _

__“Purple is a wonderful color.”_ _

__JJ pressed his lips against yours. Instead of the ocean, this time you felt the expanse of the sky above you. Maybe the universe hadn’t been trying to lead you away from JJ, but push you right toward him. The kiss was short, leaving you wanting, but it was obvious that JJ had something else that he wanted to say._ _

__“I don’t want to kiss anyone else either,” he said, his eyes still closed, almost as if he was afraid to say it to your face. This time you didn’t smile and instead pulled him in for another kiss. Nothing else mattered. You were sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean, but you could breathe perfectly fine. You were no longer drowning._ _

__You weren’t exactly sure when the kiss shifted from something like a contract to full of macking, but it did. Maybe it was when JJ moved his other hand to cradle your head or when you pulled his shirt off...somewhere in there._ _

__If you had still been in the car, the windows would have steamed up from how hot your breath was. When JJ dropped his lips to your neck, he moved his hands down as well, lifting his sweater just enough to get his hands against your stomach and back. His hands were calloused, rough, but it felt good against your skin._ _

__“JJ,” you breathed. You could tell that he appreciated being called by his first name from the way his hands curled against you, his teeth grazing your neck._ _

__“Do it again,” he whispered, his lips ghosting over your skin as he made his way back up to your lips._ _

__“JJ.”_ _

__You knew it was dangerous to push your limits like you were. The last two times this happened, you had gotten out of this before the anxiety took over completely. Last time JJ was aware of what he was doing, in control of how far he was going. But now, by where his hands were and by the way he clung to you, you weren’t sure he was thinking about that right now. And you weren’t sure you could stop yourself before you were overcome._ _

__At this moment in time, there was no fear, there was just JJ. You would have pushed and pushed and pushed until you were right on the brink. But you were already overboard, why not go deeper?_ _

__Luckily, the universe was looking out for you._ _

__A deep thunderclap echoed across the sky, making you jump and a quiet shriek flew from your mouth. JJ laughed, just as out of breath as you were._ _

__“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of a little lightning?” He asked. You glared at him._ _

__“I was preoccupied,” you said, putting your arms around his neck. Just before you kissed him again, the sky let out another burst of thunder. You sighed, closing your eyes._ _

__“I guess Mother Nature is cockblocking me,” JJ said. You dropped your forehead to his shoulder before rolling off of him._ _

__“I guess.”_ _

__“We should get in your car before it starts to rain.”_ _

__“Man, I really wanted to look at the stars,” you sighed, starting to collect the blankets off of the ground._ _

__“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have gotten distracted.”_ _

__“Maybe you shouldn’t have been so distracting.”_ _

__He helped you move the blankets into the car. You barely had time to shut the front door before the rain started to pour. You pulled a mirror out of your purse and caught a glimpse of your neck, which was absolutely riddled with hickeys._ _

__“Dude,” you whispered, tracing one with your finger. You glanced over to JJ, who was hiding a smile behind one of his hands. He shrugged at you. You smacked his arm, revealing the laughter he was trying to keep in. “You’re lucky I carry concealer or I would be murdered in the morning.”_ _

__“Hey, listen-”_ _

__“What? What’s your excuse?”_ _

__“You have very nice skin.”_ _

__“My skin is nice so you have to give me a million and a half hickeys?”_ _

__JJ shrugged again, laughter shaking through his body._ _

__“I’ll give you more if you want them.”_ _

__A bolt of lightning split open the sky._ _

__“I think Mother Nature said no to that one,” you said, peering out of the windshield at the sky above._ _

__“Whatever.” JJ leaned his chair back and put his hands behind his head. “Where to next?”_ _

__“I can drop you off wherever before I head off.” You weren’t one hundred percent sure if JJ was staying with his dad or not and you didn’t want to be pushy._ _

__“You’re not going to tell me that you turn in at 12? The night is still young!”_ _

__“If I’m not home, my dad will have my head on a platter,” you said, starting the car and beginning to pull out._ _

__“Live a little, remember?”_ _

__“Yeah, well, if I live too much it’s my little brother who pays for it, remember?”_ _

__“Right.”  
“So, where to?”_ _

__“I’ve been staying with John B.”_ _

__“Alrighty then. To John B’s.”_ _

__

__When you pulled up to John B’s house, you weren’t surprised to see that the van was still gone._ _

__“Kiara, Pope, and John B must be having the time of their lives,” you said with a laugh. “I hope you don’t feel too excluded.”_ _

__JJ laughed._ _

__“None of them are having as much fun as me,” JJ said. You rolled your eyes._ _

__The rain had begun to dwindle as you parked, so the two of you ran inside as quickly as you could. For a moment, you just looked around. This house was like nowhere you had ever been before. For the first time in a long time, the word home popped into your head. But, then again, you weren’t sure if it was the house or JJ’s arm that was hooked around your waist._ _

__“I’ve never been to a house on the cut,” you mused, running a hand over one of the cabinets, looking at all the wall hangings._ _

__“Well, it’s not much,” JJ said, grabbing a bruised apple off a shelf. He took a bite._ _

__“It’s….” You looked around again and finally shook your head. “Anyway, I should get going.”_ _

__As you turned toward the door, JJ gently grabbed onto your wrists._ _

__“Ellie-”  
“JJ.”_ _

__“I want you to stay.”_ _

__“I can’t. My dad-”_ _

__“Just for once don’t think about you dad!” JJ walked past you, running his hands through his hair. “There’s so much more out there than him. You don’t have to be afraid of him.”_ _

__“I’m not...I’m not afraid _of _my dad. I’m afraid _for _my brother. If I’m not there to take it, he deals it out to Kid. I can’t let that happen.”_____ _

______“So, you just act as your dad’s personal punching bag?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Don’t you?” It was clear that you were both at an impasse. You weren’t sure if you had gone to far, so you carried on in hopes that there was a chance he would understand. “I know that you’ve only ever had to take care of yourself when it comes to your dad, so I don’t blame you for not understanding, but it’s...it’s different when there is someone else that depends on you. I mean, who am I to enjoy things like watching the stars or parties or hickeys when it’s my brother who has to pay for it?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______JJ tightened his jaw, but nodded slowly. You stepped forward, taking his hands in yours._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Please, JJ, just-” You closed your eyes and sucked in a deep breath. “Just give me some more time to figure everything out, alright? I want nothing more than to be able to stay with you tonight and just forget everything else, but I can’t. I just can’t.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You begged him with your eyes to understand. You didn’t want to finish this night the same way you had the last time you talked. Finally, JJ nodded, squeezing your hands._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I got you,” he said._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Thank you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You started to take off the sweater he loaned to you but he shook his head._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s cold out there,” he said. “And you don’t know when it’ll rain.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You nodded, leaning up to give him a kiss on his cheek. Before you got back down from your toes, JJ grabbed your face for one last kiss. It may have been one last attempt to get you to stay, but you couldn’t. This was one whirlpool you couldn’t risk jumping into._ _ _ _ _ _

______You stepped back and left the room before he could say or do anything else. When you made it back to your car, you felt like crying. Leaving JJ alone in that house felt like leaving a puppy on the side of the road. It felt wrong and it made you sick, but you couldn’t leave Kid to the wrath of your father, so before the tears had the chance to fall, you reversed and started the journey back home._ _ _ _ _ _


	4. Summer Sun

Two weeks left of school and then you were practically free. Your dad worked twice as much over the summer, which meant he was barely ever at the house. The real trick was guessing when he was going to be back at the house so you didn’t get in trouble. Other than that, you were a free bird.

Although you would be spending a large portion of your summer working, you were excited for all the free time you had because, for once in your life, you had someone to spend that free time it with.

You barely got to see JJ after that night at the party. You saw him driving Kid to school or coming back from work, but all you could do then was wave and pass knowing smiles off to each other. He, thankfully, didn’t even stop by your house at all. Still, your heart ached for him and both Kid and your dad could tell that something was off. 

“That’s the third time you’ve sighed this evening, Elma. Are you alright?” Your dad asked. You looked up from your untouched bowl of mashed potatoes.

“Yeah, Dad,” you said. “Finals are just stressing me out, is all.”

It was an easy lie to sell. They were stressing you out, of course, but you had plenty of other reasons to be sighing. The dreams you had about JJ were getting absolutely out of hand. Kid had to ask you what you were doing taking cold showers at three in the morning. You had no easy way of explaining it. You wondered if JJ thought of you, too. You hoped he had been.

Kid knew more than your dad did, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he just spent the hours after school watching you carefully, eyeing your vacant eyes and mindless smiles. He didn’t want to say anything for fear that if he did, the magic that surrounded you would fade. He had always wanted to see you happy like you were now. Part of him understood that you sacrificed that happiness for him. He was glad to see that you were finally taking your happiness into consideration.

The Friday before summer break, you were working on your last final, but your mind simply wouldn’t focus. All you had to do was finish the 10-page paper and then you were free. Or as free as you could be. Still, your brain wouldn’t focus. You could only think about everything you wanted to do this summer.

A familiar knock came to the window.

You tossed your computer to the side in an instant, running to the window. JJ stood outside, grinning up at you. You stood in front of the window, smiling back. He wrapped his knuckles against the glass again, reminding you that he still needed to be let in. 

“What’s the password?” You asked.

“Huh?” His voice was distorted through the glass.

“ _Password! _” You said slowly. JJ rolled his eyes.__

__You saw his lips move, making a word, but you weren’t sure what he said. Cupping your ear toward the window, you beckoned for him to repeat what he said._ _

__“Bucko!”_ _

__With a smile, you opened the window but leaned against the sill so that he couldn’t climb inside._ _

__“Are you going to let me in?” He asked, putting his hands around your wrists. You shrugged, lingering where you were._ _

__“What are you doing here?” You asked him, still smiling._ _

__“Left my last day of school early to come see you.”_ _

__“I’ve got an essay to write.”_ _

__“I won’t be distracting.”_ _

__You rolled your eyes._ _

__“Of course not,” you said. “When have you ever been distracting before in your life?”_ _

__JJ leaned forward and gave you a quick peck on the lips, startling you enough that he could squeeze past you into your room._ _

__“What is your essay about?” JJ asked, throwing himself into one of your chairs. You crawled back onto your bed, pulling your computer back onto your lap._ _

__“Hamlet.”_ _

__“Ooh he’s the one with the murder wife, right?”_ _

__“No, that’s Macbeth. Hamlet is the one they based the Lion King off of.”_ _

__“Oh, right, yeah.”_ _

__JJ swiped one of Kid’s comics off the floor, flipping through the pages. You struggled to take your eyes off of him and look back down at your computer. He just looked so casual, so natural sitting there in your chair._ _

__“Shouldn’t you be working?” JJ asked a few minutes later, still flipping through the comic. Your face reddened and you looked down at your computer. Page 7, just three more to go and then you could run off with JJ until Kid needed to be picked up from school. All you had to do was focus. Just focus, that was all._ _

__It felt as if a million hours passed when you finally wrapped up the essay. You turned it in without reading it over again, tossing your computer to the side once again. JJ looked up at you finally, a smile tugging at the edges of his lips._ _

__“You all done?”_ _

__A grin made its way up your face._ _

__“It’s summertime, baby!”_ _

__JJ stood up from the chair and crossed the room, tackling you against the bed._ _

__“Get off!” You said through bursts of laughter. JJ peppered your face with little kisses. It wasn’t until you shoved him off the bed that he finally got off. You leaned over the edge of the bed and peered down at him on the floor._ _

__“What do you want to do today?” You asked him._ _

__“John B and Kie are out of school soon,” he said, glancing at his phone. “And we usually hang out on the Pogue until Pope gets out. Care to join?”_ _

__Your smile faltered._ _

__“Meet...meet to Pogues?” You asked. JJ nodded._ _

__“Is that a problem?”_ _

__“No. But….” You paused, “I’m a kook. Do you really think they’ll want me around?”_ _

__JJ sat up on his elbows and poked your nose with his finger._ _

__“Kie is a kook, too, and John B would be the first pogue to fall in love with a kook, so I don’t think either of them would really mind,” he said. “Besides, if I’m cool with you, everyone else will be, too.”_ _

__Your heart pounded at the thought of it. You weren’t sure if it was excitement because it meant hanging out with new people or worry because it meant hanging out with new people._ _

__You rolled off the bed and walked over to your closet._ _

__“Are you changing?” He asked. You turned to look at him._ _

__“Yeah, I just threw these on this morning and if we’re going out on a boat then I need to wear something to swim in and probably an extra change of clothes and-”_ _

__JJ stood and wrapped his arms around you from behind, resting his chin against your shoulder._ _

__“You gotta stop overthinking everything,” he said and gave your shoulder a short kiss. “Let’s just go now.”_ _

__“Now? But-”_ _

__“Nope. We’re going.”_ _

__“Maybank-”_ _

__“Come on.”_ _

__JJ plucked your shoes off of the floor on your way toward your window. Against your better judgment, you followed after him. The two of you could very well have walked out the front door, but something about sneaking out the window felt right._ _

__You weren’t sure why you worried so much about everything all the time. Maybe it was a side effect of always being worried about Kid and your dad. But JJ was right. There was no point in worrying about the clothes you were going to wear and how you would get home. All you needed to do was follow him.  
He helped you climb down from the roof._ _

__“Do you want to take my truck?” You asked him. He smiled._ _

__“I was hoping you were going to ask,” he said. “I didn’t really want to walk all the way to the cut.”_ _

__You both headed off for the car._ _

__“Do you wanna drive?” you asked him, pulling out your keys. JJ stopped for a moment, looking at you with his lopsided grin._ _

__“You’d let me drive your car?”_ _

__You shrugged, walking forward._ _

__“You know where we’re supposed to be going. You trusted me after the party so I’m trusting you now.” You tossed the keys to him, giving him barely any time to react and catch them. Without saying another word, you opened the passenger side door and slid inside. “You coming, bucko?”_ _

__JJ was giddy as a schoolboy as he hopped into your front seat._ _

__“Just, don’t wreck my baby,” you said, a sudden twinge of fear in your gut._ _

__“What was that about trust?” JJ asked, looking at you as he put the truck in reverse and started down your driveway._ _

__It felt like summer. Windows rolled down, music blasting, one of your arms dangling out of the window. JJ sang the words to almost every song, one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting on your knee. You wanted to sing along with him and the radio, but you couldn’t because it felt like the only thing you could do was laugh._ _

__You thought back to all the times JJ told you that just because you were surviving under your father’s roof, didn’t mean you were living. You were starting to think that this was what he meant by that. Learning to let go, to damn the consequences, was something you were starting to think you could afford to do._ _

__You almost didn’t want to stop when you pulled up to the docks. For a few minutes on the road, you didn’t have to think about responsibilities and work and your dad. You could just think about JJ and the music and the feeling in your heart._ _

__But, the road did end and you found yourself at the docks. JJ turned the music down, looking at his friends as they messed around on John B’s boat, “The Pogue”. Your smile faltered, but you tried to keep it on your face. You sucked in a breath and nodded your head._ _

__“Yeah?” JJ looked at you. You nodded again, another true smile making its way onto your face._ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__“Let’s go!” JJ let out a holler and opened his door. You followed after him as he walked over to the Pogue._ _

__“There she is!” John B said as you and JJ neared them. He hopped off the boat onto the dock. “JJ has been talking about you non-stop since that fight at the boneyard.”_ _

__JJ tried to stammer out a defense, the edges of his cheeks turning red._ _

__“Oh, really?” You said, looking back at JJ and crossing your arms. “What other inside information do you have?”_ _

__John B smiled. If JJ was the ocean, then John B was the shore. Face peppered with freckles, you weren’t sure if there was a single day that he hadn’t been out in the sun. His smile was like the sun. It was obvious from the way he was grinning like an idiot at JJ’s expense that the two of them had been friends for a very long time. You shook his hand, wondering suddenly why you had been so nervous not two minutes ago._ _

__Kiara came up from behind him and you knew instantly that she was the one who kept the boys in check. She seemed to have a permanent look of “you’re stupid” on her face, which you could respect. You were convinced you had never seen a more beautiful girl. You had spent the last couple of years reading stories about a sea goddess, powerful, strong, resilient. And now, you were pretty sure you just met her._ _

__“Kie,” she said, offering a hand._ _

__“Elm,” you replied, shaking it._ _

__“We’re going to drive by Heyward’s to pick up Pope,” John B said, back on the boat. JJ jumped onto the boat after him, leaving you and Kie still on land._ _

__“You don’t go to the Kook Academy, do you?” Kie asked, putting her hands in her pockets as the two of you made your way slowly over to the Pogue._ _

__“No, I don’t. Homeschooled,” you said. Kie nodded her head._ _

__“Why don’t we see you out and about more often?”_ _

__Kie offered a hand to help you into the boat._ _

__“Just busy, most of the time,” you said. “With school and work and keeping up around the house.”_ _

__“Well, it’s good to have you out here with us,” she said, climbing onto the boat. JJ offered you a hand, pulling you into the boat. In all your time on the island, you had never really spent much time on a boat like this one. This day was already so full of new adventures, you couldn’t possibly imagine what else was in store for you._ _

__“Weigh anchor!” John B called from the wheel in some fake accent._ _

__“Aye, aye, Captain!” JJ called back in an equally terrible accent accompanied by a mock salute. You glanced over Kie with a raised brow. She gave you a little nod, telling you that yes, this was what they were like every day. It made you smile._ _

__You sat next to Kie as the boys drove the boat to your next destination. Kie told you about how she met JJ and the Pogues a few years back, and in turn, you recounted how it was that you and JJ came to your current relationship, leaving out a few key parts. You knew the rule amongst the Pogues, that they didn’t lie to each other, so you were sure that JJ had told them at least some of your home life. Still, you didn’t feel like it was a topic to bring up while you were supposed to be having fun._ _

__The first part of the trip was short. It was 3:30 when you stopped out front of Heyward’s to pick up Pope. His dad was out with him and you could tell as soon as the boat came into sight that Heyward wasn’t all too fond of JJ and John B. There was little to no chance he was going to let Pope come with you._ _

__“Hey, Mr. Heyward!” You called out, standing up and waving to him before he could demand that Pope not take a step onto the boat. His angry eyes grew wider at the sight of you. It wasn’t rare that your father and Heyward had dealings with each other, so you knew him well enough. He lifted his own hand to wave back as JJ beckoned frantically for Pope to jump into the boat._ _

__“What are you doing out here, Ms. Elma?” He asked, leaning against a shovel in his hands. You smiled as widely as you could._ _

__“Enjoying the sun,” you said as Pope fell into the boat. “It’s the first day of summer after all.”_ _

__“Right, right. Well, Pope can’t be-” Heyward looked around for his son, who was currently lying flat on the deck of the Pogue, JJ sitting on his back and pretending to be doing anything other than caring about the current conversation. John B started up the engine again. “Pope?”_ _

__“It was nice to see you, Mr. Heyward!” You said as John B started the boat forward._ _

__“Is Pope on that boat?” Heyward asked, taking a step closer, but John B already had the Pogue a few feet away from the dock._ _

__“See you around!” you called, watching Heyward shrink away on the dock._ _

__“Pope! You get back here boy!” He cried after you. “Pope!”_ _

__But you were long gone._ _

__“Get off of me!” Pope groaned, pushing JJ to the deck. Pope stood, brushing the wrinkles out of his clothes. “I’m Pope.”_ _

__“Elm.”_ _

__Pope clapped his hands together and turned to Kie._ _

__“I’ve decided what I want to study in college,” he said. JJ plopped himself down beside you as you pulled your knees up to your chest, watching the scene in front of you._ _

__“What is it this time, Pope?” JJ asked, pulling a beer out of the cooler next to Kie._ _

__“You’ve changed your mind like nine times this last semester alone,” Kie said, sitting on the edge of the boat._ _

__“This time, I’m serious,” Pope said, looking at all of his friends._ _

__“What is it, Pope?” You asked._ _

__“Forensic pathology,” Pope said with a grin on his face. JJ popped the beer open and took a drink._ _

__“Um, what?” John B piped in from the front._ _

__“Forensic pathology,” Pope said again. “Like a coroner.”_ _

__JJ didn’t try to hide a laugh as he offered you the beer bottle in his hand. Kie tried to be supportive with a smile and John B shook his head._ _

__“I think that sounds great, Pope,” you said, drinking from JJ’s beer bottle._ _

__“Don’t be a kiss ass,” JJ muttered, taking his beer back. You rolled your eyes._ _

__“Come on, guys. Forensic pathology! It’s cool!”_ _

__“Sure,” John B said. “Cool is just the word I would use.”_ _

__“Shut up, John B.”_ _

__The bickering continued all the way to their destination. You stayed out of it as much as you could, but found yourself laughing almost all the way there. JJ kept his arm around your shoulders, nursing on the beer that Kie had brought. Pope and John B engaged in a deep conversation about some conspiracy or another. Pope was trying to spell out how little sense it made while John B kept arguing just to argue._ _

__It made sense to you why JJ spent so much time with these people. If you had the option and the invite, you would do the same thing._ _

__Eventually, Kie got sick of the bickering and turned on a small radio. Pope tried to continue the “debate” as he called it, but Kie wouldn’t let him. She grabbed his wrist and pulled him to his feet, forcing him to move with her to the beat. It was a familiar scene._ _

__“You too!” Kie grabbed your hand, pulling you out of JJ’s grip and onto your feet._ _

__“I don’t dance,” you tried to say, but JJ stood after you, hands on your hips._ _

__“Um, false,” JJ said. Kie took you by the wrists and forced you to follow her movements. John B slowed the Pogue to a stop. Where there was an argument not a minute before, there was now a dance party. This group of people would surely be keeping you on your toes._ _

__It was strange how quickly one person could change so much about you. It had once been true that you never danced unless you were drunk or alone, but here you were, sober and in the company of others dancing like a normal teenager. All it took was moving just a little bit outside of your comfort zone. You wondered what else you would be able to accomplish by pushing your limits._ _

__You couldn’t help but laugh as you observed the distinctive dance moves each of the Pogues took on. John B had a liking for the Sprinkler and the Swim, looking something like a chicken. Kie was a spinner, keeper her hands in the air as she swayed her hips and turned in circles. Pope was proficient at the robot, though you weren’t sure if the stiffness was intentional or not. JJ liked to move his feet and flex his arms anyway he could. You could do little more than shift your weight back and forth on your feet and sway your arms around from laughing too hard._ _

__Just as you were getting into the flow of it, things were once again disrupted. JJ wrapped his arms around your waist and for a moment, you thought it was to continue dancing. Not wanting to make anyone feel awkward, you tried to wriggle away, only to find that JJ wasn’t trying to dance but was instead pulling you closer to the edge of the boat._ _

__“Don’t you dare, Maybank,” you said, struggling even harder. JJ laughed._ _

__“Come on, JJ. Let her-” Kie was cut short when John B scooped her up and booked it for the side of the boat. John B pushed himself off the edge, casting both him and Kie into the water before she could make a sound of protest. Pope and JJ made eye contact, a silent conversation passing between the two of them._ _

__“Don’t.” You shook your head, but nothing you could say would stop him now. “No!”_ _

__He tried to toss you over and let go so he could jump in himself, but you locked your arm around his neck. When he threw you into the water, you made sure that he was coming down with you._ _

__Pope was the last in the water, curling his legs up into a cannonball. You kicked your feet, trying to make a break for the surface. JJ was already treading water by the time you surfaced. You could hear Kie screaming at John B, water sloshing around on the other side of the boat. You started toward the other side of the boat to join the others, but JJ grabbed onto your wrist before you could go any farther._ _

__“What?” You asked with a laugh. He pulled you closer to him, putting his lips to yours. The kiss lasted only a few seconds because the water that was dripping from the both of you tasted disgusting and neither of you could really stand it. Besides, there was a serious water fight going down on the other side of the boat that you didn’t want to miss._ _

__The five of you lay on the dock, letting the sun dry your skin. Music still played from the little radio, but there was no more dancing. After almost two hours of swimming, everyone was exhausted. Taking the time to soak in the sun was just what you needed after the long day._ _

__When you felt your phone buzz in your pocket, you were tempted to ignore it. But if your phone was going off it was either your dad or Kid and you couldn’t ignore either of them. You pulled out your phone and squinted at the screen. It was your brother and he had very bad news._ _

__“Shhhhit!” You seethed, sitting up._ _

__“What is it?” Kie asked, lifting her sunglasses from her eyes and turning her head toward you._ _

__“My dad’s on his way home early.” You stood quickly, shoving your phone back in your pocket. “Shit!”_ _

__You spun in a few circles, running your hands through your hair._ _

__“Is that bad?” John B asked. Clearly, JJ didn’t tell them as much about your home life as you had originally thought._ _

__“I’m sorry, but I’ve really got to go.” You leaned down and kissed JJ on his head. “It was wonderful to meet you all!”_ _

__You started to book it back to your car._ _

__“You, too!” Kie called after you. You waved behind you as you jumped into your car. You were reversing before you even got the door closed._ _

__“I like her,” you heard Pope say as you drove away._ _

__“Yeah,” JJ sighed. “Me too.”_ _

__

__You didn’t usually make a habit of texting while you drove, but this was an emergency. You sent a quick text to your brother, heart pounding._ _

__If your dad was on his way home, driving at his usual speed meant he would get him long before you did. That meant you had to drive faster than your dad did by almost double the speed. You were definitely pushing it._ _

__“Shit!”_ _

__Your brother texted you back: _What is the lie? _____

____You thought it best to call him rather than text so you wouldn’t crash. Your phone barely rang once before Kid picked up._ _ _ _

____“El-”_ _ _ _

____“I know! Just...okay. If he gets there before me, I went to the store for a treat because I finished school. Alright?”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, that’s good.”_ _ _ _

____“You alright?”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah. I got home a few minutes ago.”_ _ _ _

____“Good. Start studying in my room. Open my computer and my Hamlet book. Make it look like I just finished. Alright?”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, yeah. I got you.”_ _ _ _

____“Thank you, Kid, seriously. I don’t know what I would do without you.”_ _ _ _

____“So, you spend the day with JJ?” You could hear his smile through the phone._ _ _ _

____“I’ll see you at home.”_ _ _ _

____You hung up and pressed your foot harder against the gas._ _ _ _

____Finally pulling up to your house, you let out a breath when you saw that your dad’s car was not yet parked in the grass. You opened your car door before the truck was even fully stopped, sprinting across the lawn and up the porch as fast as you could. Once inside, you took the stairs by two up to your room._ _ _ _

____You heard your dad pull into the driveway as you jumped onto your bed, throwing your Hamlet book onto the floor, and pulled your laptop onto your legs. Kid smiled up at you._ _ _ _

____“Hi,” he whispered as the door downstairs opened._ _ _ _

____“Hi,” you whispered back, a smile on your lips. You tried to steady your breathing before your dad came up to your room. You heard the stairs creak under the weight of his footfalls, watched as your doorknob turned slowly. There was no way he could have known you were out, so why did you feel so tense?_ _ _ _

____“Hey, kiddos,” your dad said once the door was opened._ _ _ _

____“Hey, Dad,” you said with a smile._ _ _ _

____“Hey,” said Kid, not looking up from his textbook._ _ _ _

____“How did finals go, Elma?”_ _ _ _

____“Good,” you said. “All finished, so I’m just waiting on grades.”_ _ _ _

____“That’s good. You have any big tests this week?” Your dad asked, looking down at Kid._ _ _ _

____“Just one. I finish on Wednesday,” Kid said. You watched him fiddle with his fingers, knowing that he wanted to ask a question but was too afraid to._ _ _ _

____“I’m sure you’re going to do great, Bradford.”_ _ _ _

____“Hey, Dad?” Your heart seized. You weren’t sure what Kid was going to ask your dad, but you were ready to jump out of bed if things turned sour. “El is going to take me out to ice cream after school is over. Do you think you could come?”_ _ _ _

____You dropped your head, focusing your eyes on your computer screen so neither of them saw the tears that began to gather. It didn’t matter to Kid how many times Dad got violent or all of the things that he had already missed. Kid always held out hope that your Dad would one day start to care. And it broke your heart every time to see his hopes get dashed._ _ _ _

____Your dad let out a deep sigh._ _ _ _

____“I’m sorry, Kiddo,” he said and Kid’s face fell instantly, looking back to his textbook. “Wednesday is super busy for me this week.”_ _ _ _

____“That’s fine.” Kid’s voice was tight and you knew that he was fighting back tears. From the way your dad’s jaw began to tighten, you knew that he was about to say something that was going to break Kid’s heart even further. You spoke up before he could start yelling._ _ _ _

____“That’s alright, Dad,” you said, looking up from your computer. “We know that the work you do keeps us happy and healthy. It’s not a big deal.”_ _ _ _

____Your dad nodded slowly. You watched the tension leave from his jaw slowly. He nodded one more time before closing the door a little harder than he should have. As soon as he was gone, you pushed your computer to the side._ _ _ _

____“Come here,” you said to Kid, holding out your arms. He let out a quiet sob and ran across the room to you, laying beside you. You wrapped your arms around him and held him close, forced to listen to the sound of your little brother sob. You held onto him tight, kissed him on top of his head, and wiped away a few of his tears._ _ _ _

____“It’s okay,” you whispered. “I know it hurts.”_ _ _ _

____He let out another shuddering sob that sent chills down your spine._ _ _ _

____“I’ve got you,” you told him, giving him another squeeze. “Nothing else matters. It’s just you and me, Kid.”_ _ _ _

____He sniffled and pulled his tear-stricken face away from your shoulder._ _ _ _

____“Promise?”_ _ _ _

____“I promise.”_ _ _ _

____You wiped away his tears as he sat up._ _ _ _

____“You know what would make me feel better?” He said, taking a deep breath through his nose._ _ _ _

____“What?”_ _ _ _

____“If you told me about JJ.”_ _ _ _

____You rolled your eyes and gave him a little smile._ _ _ _

____“You are very manipulative, you know that?”_ _ _ _

____“I learned from the best.”_ _ _ _

____You let out something partway through a gasp and a laugh. You shoved his shoulder slightly, glad to hear a laugh come out of him._ _ _ _

____“Alright, how about this,” you said, leaning in as if to whisper a secret. “I ask him if he wants to come out with us to get ice cream. How does that sound?”_ _ _ _

____Kid’s eyes lit up and he nodded fervently._ _ _ _

____“I mean,” he said, shaking his head and crossing his arms, donning a more serious look. “It’s just so I can get to know him, to see if he’s any good for my big sister.”_ _ _ _

____You ruffled Kid’s hair. He swatted at your hand, laughing again._ _ _ _

____“Of course that’s why.”_ _ _ _

____“I love you, El.”_ _ _ _

____“Love you too, Kid.”_ _ _ _

____You spent most of Saturday and Sunday working and the rest hanging out around town with Kid. With his bike back, the two of you could go riding again, which was always welcomed. You had no contact with JJ the entire weekend and for the first time since you got involved with him, you didn’t mind his absence._ _ _ _

____Sunday night, after dinner, you and Kid went through your dad’s usual phone check. There was a very serious reason why you hadn’t yet ask for JJ’s number. Even if it would be easier to communicate, your phone was checked weekly, which meant you could have nothing to incriminate you._ _ _ _

____“Just to make sure you’re safe,” he would say. You knew it was code for “not talking to anyone you shouldn’t be”. In your case, that was boys. You had to delete and redownload Instagram every week so your dad wouldn’t find out about it which was stressful enough._ _ _ _

____After the phone check, you went up to your room where you spent the rest of your night trying to figure out the best way to hide any texts from JJ you could get._ _ _ _

____The next morning, after dropping Kid off at school, you drove past JJ on his way to go surfing with Kie._ _ _ _

____“Hey!” You parked your car on the side of the street and ran over to them._ _ _ _

____“Hey, Elm.” Kie smiled as you ran over and hugged you when you neared._ _ _ _

____“What’s up?” JJ gave you a quick kiss on the top of your head._ _ _ _

____“What are you doing Wednesday around 1:30?” You asked. JJ smiled._ _ _ _

____“Hanging out with you, apparently.”_ _ _ _

____“Great! So, it’s my brother’s last day of school and I always take him out to ice cream and he wants you to come,” you said, cringing slightly, afraid he would say no._ _ _ _

____“You told your brother about me?”_ _ _ _

____“Oh, no, he saw you leave my house the first time,” you said, waving your hand in the air. If it was up to you, he would know nothing about anything. But, alas, Kid has eyeballs and JJ is the least subtle person on the planet._ _ _ _

____“The first time?” Kie asked, eyebrow raised. You cringed again, forgetting that JJ may not have told them much about your numerous rendezvous._ _ _ _

____“Are you sure you want him to meet me?” JJ asked._ _ _ _

____“I mean, yeah,” you said, shrugging. “I met your family, I want you to meet mine.”  
There was a look on JJ’s face you couldn’t read. It almost made you worried that he was going to say no. Your heart began to pound, fear of being rejected suddenly coursing through your veins._ _ _ _

____“You don’t have to decide anything now, of course,” you said hurriedly. “Just...just think about it and let me know.”_ _ _ _

____“Sure,” was all he said. You nodded your head a few times._ _ _ _

____“Cool. Cool.” A feeling of awkwardness and discomfort settled in your bones. “Kie, good to see you. I’ll just, um...bye.”_ _ _ _

____Without another word, you turned as fast as you could, jumped into your car, and drove away. You spent the entire rest of the day beating yourself up about how absolutely stupid you were and how you literally could have handled that a million better ways._ _ _ _

____You sat out in the sun, reading a book as you waited for your shift to start. Mondays were your least favorite days after Thursdays because it was your late-night shift. Even though you got to spend the entire day doing whatever you wanted, you had to stay up extra late to help close the restaurant._ _ _ _

____You drove Kid home that day before heading off to work._ _ _ _

____“Did you ask JJ?” Kid asked._ _ _ _

____“Yeah, I did.” The last thing you wanted to do was think about that horribly awkward conversation again, but there you were, driving down the road with your cheeks red from embarrassment._ _ _ _

____“What did he say?”_ _ _ _

____“He needs to check his schedule, but I’m sure he’ll come.”_ _ _ _

____“Good.”_ _ _ _

____At work, you thought a horrible thought. What if JJ thought this was a date? Like a real, two people go out to ice cream date? You put your head in your hands, wanting to die more than ever. If he was thinking that getting ice cream with Kid was a date then he thought you had just asked him out in the worst, most awkward way possible with another person standing right there whom you didn’t invite._ _ _ _

____“Elma,” your manager snapped. “Get back to work.”_ _ _ _

____“Yes,” you said, scrambling to get back to the dishes in front of you. “Work.”_ _ _ _

____Shit. Did you just accidentally ask JJ Maybank out on a date?_ _ _ _

____Even after getting home from your shift after one, you still couldn’t sleep. You showered, moving like a slug as you continued to murder yourself mentally for being an idiot. Clean, smelling like lavender, and still embarrassed as hell, you finally managed to fall asleep somewhere closer to three._ _ _ _

____You spent Tuesday in as much mental pain as you spent most of Monday, with your midday shift the only thing to take your mind off of things._ _ _ _

____Then Wednesday rolled around and you still had no answer to give Kid from JJ about whether or not he’d be there._ _ _ _

____You sat in a parking spot by one of the beaches, eyes shut and leaning back against the head of your chair. You wanted to scream into the void, and maybe dig yourself a ditch to die in. All there was to do for now was wait until you had to pick up your brother and tell him that JJ wasn’t coming because you were the biggest dummy on the planet._ _ _ _

____A knock came to your window. You startled upward, a gasp coming from your throat. When you turned toward your window, there was no one there. You scowled and opened your door. When you saw JJ on the ground laughing his ass off, you sighed._ _ _ _

____“Why would you think that was a good idea?” You snapped, not really angry but your adrenaline had spiked so fast and dropped again that you weren’t really sure what to do with it. He couldn’t breathe through the laughter, let alone say anything._ _ _ _

____You put your hands on your hips as you waited for him to stop laughing. Finally, he pushed himself off the ground, sand stuck in all the creases of his clothes. He tried to reach out to you, but you stepped away from him._ _ _ _

____“You are an asshole, Maybank,” you said. “I thought I was getting mugged or something.”_ _ _ _

____“Ah, c’mon, Ellie. It was a little funny.”_ _ _ _

____You glared at him, crossing your arms over your chest._ _ _ _

____“What are you doing here anyway?” you asked._ _ _ _

____“I came for ice cream,” he said. “Your brother and the after school thing.”_ _ _ _

____You pinched the bridge of your nose between your fingers._ _ _ _

____“I didn’t know you were coming.”_ _ _ _

____“Well, I am.”_ _ _ _

____“I told you to let me know!”_ _ _ _

____“This is me letting you know.” JJ’s smile fell when he realized that you weren’t all too pleased with him. “Are you mad?”_ _ _ _

____You shook your head._ _ _ _

____“No, I’m not mad.” You felt stupid for yelling at him about something that wasn’t his fault. “I just, I felt so stupid after Monday and I was pretty certain you weren’t going to come and I didn’t want to disappoint Kid. I’m sorry I yelled at you.”_ _ _ _

____JJ clicked his tongue and waved a hand in a dismissive way. Stepping forward, he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you close to him._ _ _ _

____“Why does your brother want to meet me so bad anyway?” JJ asked, looking down at you._ _ _ _

____“Maybe because he saw you bolting from our house in the middle of the night. Maybe because you stole his bike. Maybe it’s because he thinks your shady,” you teased. JJ made a face at each of your options. “He just wants to make sure I’m safe, is all. He wants to make sure you’re ‘good’ for me.”_ _ _ _

____“Oh, well, he’s definitely going to be disappointed then,” JJ said with a laugh.  
You rolled your eyes and pulled yourself out of his arms._ _ _ _

____“Schools about over, so we should get going,” you said, hopping into the front seat. JJ jogged around your car and slid into the shotgun seat._ _ _ _

____JJ told you about his weekend and the past two days while you drove to Kid’s school, which was back on the North side of the island. You watched him tense as you crossed the imaginary boundary, but he carried on his retelling. You really enjoyed the way he told stories. It was like a little kid talking about their favorite movie, even when he was just talking about the weed he smoked or the job he worked._ _ _ _

____You loved it best when he talked about surfing because you knew that was something he really cared about._ _ _ _

____“Do you surf?” He asked you, hanging one of his arms out the window. You shook your head. There were a lot of things you didn’t really know how to do. “I’ll teach you this summer. You’ll come out with the Pogues and I and we’ll teach you everything there is to know.”_ _ _ _

____You smiled, imagining it all in your head. It was a nice picture._ _ _ _

____“I would like that.”_ _ _ _

____As you pulled up to the school, JJ crawled into the back, where you had two tiny seats that faced each other. He spread his legs across the entire back and still didn’t fit._ _ _ _

____“You don’t have to sit back there,” you said. “Kid can manage.”_ _ _ _

____“It’s his big day,” JJ said. “Little man deserves to sit in the front.”_ _ _ _

____Another smile pulled at your lips. Hearing JJ talk about your brother made your heart pound in a strange way you never thought it would. You rolled the side window down as Kid walked over to you._ _ _ _

____“I have a surprise for you,” you said, glancing at the back seat. JJ stuck his head as close to the window as he could, succeeding in nothing more than jamming his face between the side of the car and the headrest. But it didn’t matter. Kid could tell who it was and his face lit up._ _ _ _

____“Dude, I heard you rode the surge last hurricane we had,” Kid said as he jumped into the front seat, turning immediately to look at JJ, who grinned._ _ _ _

____“Seatbelt,” you said, pulling out of the parking spot._ _ _ _

____“Yeah, me and my friends got beat out there,” JJ said with a laugh as Kid clicked his seat belt on._ _ _ _

____“What was it like?”_ _ _ _

____“Only the best feeling ever.”_ _ _ _

____“Hey, no, no,” you said, putting up a hand. “No encouraging my little brother to do dangerous things, please.”_ _ _ _

____“Whatever, mom,” JJ groaned, giving you a mock roll of his eyes and sitting back in his seat._ _ _ _

____“How did your test go, Kid?” You asked._ _ _ _

____“Pretty good,” he said, shoving his backpack into the space near his seat. “Hey, JJ, have you ever been to the Caine house?”_ _ _ _

____“Oh, no,” JJ said. “I actively avoid the place.”_ _ _ _

____“I have!” Kid said, a giddy smile on his face._ _ _ _

____“No you haven’t,” you scoffed._ _ _ _

____“Yes, I have! With Dex.”_ _ _ _

____“You went to the Caine House with Dexter Cyprus?” Kid nodded. “What were you thinking?”_ _ _ _

____“Chillax, Ellie,” JJ said, leaning forward again. You were about to fume at him, but he sent you a look telling you that he would handle it. You almost thought that yelling would be better for Kid than whatever JJ would come up with. “You know that Mrs. Caine killed her husband, right?”_ _ _ _

____“Those are just rumors.”_ _ _ _

____“Oh, they’re more than rumors, little man,” JJ said, taking on his storyteller voice again. You tried not to smile. “They’re true.”_ _ _ _

____You listened to JJ recount the entire story he heard from Hollis Caine, dramatic pauses and all. By the end of it, Kid was staring at JJ, eyes wide._ _ _ _

____“Great, now you traumatized him,” you said with a sigh._ _ _ _

____“He’s fine.”_ _ _ _

____“He’s traumatized.”_ _ _ _

____By the time you got to the ice cream parlor, any worry you had about the meeting was gone. JJ got the same flavor as Kid, saying it was his favorite, despite telling you weeks ago that his favorite was chocolate. You sat back and smiled behind your scoop and cone, watching Kid and JJ tell each other crazy, half-made up stories for almost two hours. Long after your ice cream was finished, the conversation carried on._ _ _ _

____It was just one other thing to heap onto the pile of things that felt natural with JJ. In a moment of weakness, you wondered if JJ would come with you when you moved off the island with Kid. You shook the thought away and jumped back into the conversation about kaiju versus Jaegers._ _ _ _

____After you left the ice cream parlor, the three of you headed down to the beach, where you walked and talked for even longer. At one point, Kid decided that talking was getting boring so, as you and JJ walked ahead, Kid made a mudball and threw it at your back._ _ _ _

____With a gasp as wet sand slid down your spine, you spun around._ _ _ _

____“Oh, you’re going to pay for that one, Bradford,” you said and ran at him. Kid laughed and ran away from you._ _ _ _

____“Help!” Kid shouted, not able to keep away from you for long. Before you could react, JJ had you around the waist, arms pinned to your side._ _ _ _

____“I swear, if you throw me in the water again-”_ _ _ _

____“What was that?” JJ asked, dragging you toward the ocean._ _ _ _

____“JJ!” you shrieked, but it was no use._ _ _ _

____Lifting you up, JJ dropped you just as a large wave crashed against him, submerging you in water. When the wave stopped tumbling and you could finally control your movements, you heard Kid howling with laughter. Wiping sand and saltwater out of your eyes, you were appalled to see JJ run over to Kid and give him a high five._ _ _ _

____“Oh, it’s on!”_ _ _ _

____You spent the next hour or so chasing each other around the beach. By the time you were heading back to the car, each one of you was soaked and covered in sand._ _ _ _

____“I should get him home and into the shower,” you said to JJ as Kid shivered in your front seat. JJ put his hands on your shoulders and sighed._ _ _ _

____“You should.”_ _ _ _

____“Thank you,” you said. “You really made his day.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, well, he’s not so bad.” JJ lifted a hand, waving at Kid. “Now that it’s summer, will I get to see you more?”_ _ _ _

____“Should. I know we both still have work, but we’ll figure something out. Here.” You pulled a pen out of your pocket and scribbled your phone number onto his hand. “I won’t be able to save your contact, so you’ll have to text me every Monday, capiche?”_ _ _ _

____“Got it,” JJ said, smiling at his hand._ _ _ _

____“I’ll see you around.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, you will.”_ _ _ _

____He leaned forward to press his lips against yours. You inhaled the smell of the sea, his lips salty and chapped. You knew that yours were no better, but he kissed you anyway. You wanted to stand there forever, swallowed by his scent and his taste, but Kid obviously had other plans. The horn of your car honking nearly startled you out of your skin, but when you turned and found Kid tapping his wrist with a raised eyebrow, you realized that it really was time to go.  
You turned away from JJ and got in the car. You waved once more before pulling out of the parking spot._ _ _ _

____“I like him,” Kid said, cranking up the heat in the car._ _ _ _

____"Yeah," you mused. "Me too."_ _ _ _


	5. Ice Packs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After accidentally spending the night with JJ, your dad wants to make sure it's a mistake you won't make again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW! This chapter has depictions of verbal and physical abuse. If those things are damaging to your mental health, please be cautious. The abuse isn't until later in the chapter and it isn't very descriptive, but I just wanted to put the warning out there. Thank you all for your love and support!

The summer started off with a bang. Every second you weren’t at work or with Kid, you spent with the Pogues. Fishing, dancing, drinking. There was nothing else like it in the world. Truth be told, when it came to you and JJ around the Pogues, you struggled to keep your hands off of each other. Even if it was just his hand on your knee or your legs draped over his, you were never apart. None of the Pogues mentioned it, but it clearly didn’t bother them. 

There was no initiation. They never said that you were one of them and you weren’t sure if they were ever going to, but they treated you like it. 

You spent an entire night hearing their stories, listening to the things that caused them pain. By the time you had heard everything they each had to say, you were trying to cover up tears that ran down your face. 

When they all turned to you, your heart started to hammer in your chest. 

“You don’t have to say much,” Kie said, taking a drink of her beer. “Just know that you can trust us with anything and everything. Pogues don’t keep secrets from each other, especially not the ones that hurt.” 

You were sure that was the closest you were ever going to get to being called one of them and it made your heart bleed. 

Face lit up by the firelight, you told yourself that you could trust these people. You may have only known them for a few weeks, but it felt like a lifetime. Were you really supposed to spend the rest of your life trusting no one except Kid? That didn’t sound like a life you wanted. 

When you opened your mouth, it all spilled out like water. The shouting, the manipulation, the lies, the hitting, the phone checks. You told them everything you could think of. Well, almost everything. You couldn’t find the heart to tell them about the truth behind your mother’s departure, about the lingering touches or the constant fear. Another wave of tears was running down your cheeks by the time you finished. Unflinching, your voice didn’t even break. 

As you finished, staring deep into the fire, afraid to meet the eyes of the others, you felt your stomach squeeze. You didn’t breathe again until JJ put his hand over yours. You looked over at him, fresh tears in your eyes. He squeezed your hand once as you sucked in short, shallow breaths. 

“That’s me,” you said, finally turning back to the others with an attempt at a smile. “Got any more beer, John B?” 

***

After a long day of being out in the marsh and hanging by the beach, you and the Pogues retired to John B’s house. Laying out in the hammocks was relaxing, the cool night air calming your buzzed nerves. Kie strummed on a ukelele by the large tree, Pope half asleep with his head in her lap. John B stretched across one of the hammocks with you and JJ shared the other one. 

You could feel yourself drifting to sleep and if it wasn’t for JJ poking you in the shoulder with his toes, you probably would have. 

“If you don’t stop, Maybank….” You grumbled, eyes closed. 

“You’ll what?” 

“I’m going to vomit,” Pope mumbled from the ground. 

“Why don’t you call him JJ, Elm?” John B asked, sitting up on his elbows. 

“Because,” you said, glad for the darkness as your cheeks began to turn red. “Just because.” 

JJ tucked his hands behind his head. Even in the dark, you could see the smirk on his face as he continued to poke your shoulder. 

“I’m going to bite your toes off if you don’t stop.” 

“Oh, yeah?” 

A phone buzzed. You bolted upright, pulling your phone out instantly. There was nothing from either your brother or your father. Letting out a deep breath, you lay back down. 

“Damn,” Pope said, looking at his phone. “Pops is calling me home.” 

“So early?” You asked. “The night is still young!” 

“John B, could you drive me home?” Pope stood, brushing dirt and leaves off of his pants. 

“I should probably head home, too,” Kie said. 

“We’ll see you tomorrow?” You called as the three of them headed off toward the van. 

“Bye Elm, JJ,” Kie said, giving the two of you a wave. 

“Don’t do anything irresponsible until I get back,” John B said, pointing directly at JJ, who put up his hands innocently. 

As soon as they were in the van and driving away, JJ started to poke your shoulder with his toes once again. 

“Stop,” you whined. 

“Why don’t you make me?” 

All of the sleepiness was gone from you instantly. You sat up, raising an eyebrow. JJ slowly tilted his head to the side, his signature grin tugging at the edges of his lips. Without a word, you threw your legs over the side of the hammock and slid off, heading off toward the house. 

“Are you coming?” You called behind you. You heard him fall off the hammock, pulling your lower lip between your teeth. At the sound of his hurried footsteps from behind, you picked up your pace. You were two steps away from the front door when you felt JJ’s hand wrap around your wrist. He spun you around, pushing your back up against the wall. 

Your stomach twisted into knots as his body pressed against yours, pinning you to the wall of the house. He brushed his thumb across your jaw, your skin igniting beneath his touch. JJ dipped his head down, grazing his lips over yours. When you tried to kiss him fully, he backed away. 

“Don’t tease me, Maybank,” you warned. 

“Say my name.” 

You narrowed your eyes at him, trying to keep a smile off your face. 

“I say it now and it takes away all the fun of later.” 

“Man, and you accused me of teasing.” 

You tried to lean forward, but JJ wouldn’t let you get close. A low groan passed through your lips as you turned your head to the side. You met his eyes again. No matter how irritating he could be, especially when he wanted something, you always melted under his gaze. Part of you wanted to hold out, to play it as long as you could, but you weren’t sure you could. 

When he leaned down again, letting his lips brush against your jaw. You sucked in a deep breath, eyes starting to close. Without meaning to, as you let your breath out, his name came along with it. 

“JJ-” 

Almost as soon as his name passed your lips, his mouth was on yours. You could feel him push you harder and harder against the wall. One hand pressing against your side, the other tilting your head up toward him. When he pulled away to breathe, you gasped in a sharp inhale of your own. You put your hands up to his face, your thumb running over his lower lip. 

“JJ.” 

**

It was like running a marathon. You were always left feeling like you couldn’t breathe afterward. JJ wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, pressing a kiss against your shoulder. You turned to face him, the blankets tangling in your legs. With a hand on his cheek, you watched his eyes flutter shut. There was something you wanted to say to him, but the words wouldn’t leave your mouth, so you held back. You ran your finger down his nose, under his lower lip, along his jaw. He wriggled under your touch, but from the smile on his face you knew he liked it. 

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” 

You weren’t sure why you said it, but it was better than the other thing. JJ’s eyes popped open. For a moment, he just searched your eyes and you thought maybe you had said something wrong. But then he mirrored your hand movement, laying it gently across your cheek and leaned forward, kissing you again. 

It was one of your favorite kind of kisses. It wasn’t the kind that usually drove the two of you together, the whirlpool. It was calm, gentle, but just as needy. You knew what he was saying when he kissed you this way. 

He pressed his forehead to yours, breaking the kiss. You brushed your nose against his, eyelids heavy. With his smooth breathing and the softly blowing wind outside, it was no surprise that you fell asleep not much later. 

You were startled awake by a quiet cry. You sat up, blinking your eyes quickly. Beside you, you could feel JJ flinching madly. You turned toward him, placing a hand on his shoulder and trying to shake him awake gently. 

“JJ,” you whispered, brushing the hair out of his eyes. “You’re okay, JJ. You’re safe. It’s just me. It’s Ellie.” 

“Please,” you heard him whimper. “Please, no.” 

“You’re safe.” Your voice broke, your heart shattering at the sound of his pleas. “I’m right here.” 

His eyes snapped open suddenly, sucking in a deep gasp. He sat up and you moved back, unsure of how to best approach him. Sweat beaded on his forehead and chest, breathing heavily. 

You gave him a shaky smile, putting a hand out to him. 

“It’s me, JJ,” you said slowly. “You’re safe. You’re alright.” 

His breathing started to steady, but his face shifted, eyes full of tears. You tried to keep your own eyes dry, giving him your best smile. 

“I’m okay?” He asked, voice broken. You nodded your head, you smile faltering. 

“Yeah, you’re okay.” 

He moved across the bed, wrapping his arms around your waist. You pulled him closer, feeling his shoulder shake from the sobs. 

“I’ve got you,” you whispered, pressing a kiss against his head. “I’ve got you.” 

You hated to hear him cry, it shattered you from the core. He didn’t deserve this, the pain or the nightmares. He didn’t deserve to wake up in the middle of the night begging for mercy. You set your jaw, holding him even tighter. You could feel his tears run down your shoulder. 

Eventually, the sobs stopped, his breathing stabilized. The tension in his muscles began to relax and you knew he had fallen back to sleep. Slowly, you lowered his back down to the bed, holding his head against your chest. 

“You’re okay,” you cooed, running your fingers through his hair. “No one’s going to hurt you.” 

You felt his arms tighten around your waist and a smile appeared on your face. Even though he was asleep, you hummed a quiet song, the same song you sang to Kid when he had nightmares. You whispered and sang and held him tight until you fell back to sleep. 

***

It was the light that woke you the next morning. JJ had his arm lazily draped over your waist. You breathed a deep breath as the sun slowly roused you from your sleep. At first, it was peaceful. Waking up to the sun in your face, the birds chirping outside, JJ laying beside you. You wondered how life could get any better. 

And then you remembered. 

The freedom to wake up beside the boy who owned so much of your heart was no yours. You didn’t get birds and sunlight in the morning. You were in the wrong bed, the wrong house, on the opposite side of the island when you were supposed to be at home. 

You shot up instantly. 

Your dad was going to kill you. 

You threw the blankets off your bed, shoving your legs back into your shorts. 

“Where are you going?” JJ mumbled, sitting up. His hair was a mess, his eyes still half-closed. He gave a long yawn. 

“It’s morning, JJ,” you said, tears threatening your eyes. 

“Shit,” he breathed, instantly awake as pushing himself out of the bed. “Your dad.” 

“Yeah. My dad.” 

“It’s alright,” he said. “It’ll be okay.” 

You pulled on your shoes in a hurry, fear squeezing every single one of your bones. You picked your phone off of the nightstand and swore. Your phone was dead. 

“I have to go,” you told him hurriedly. 

“Hey.” JJ opened his arms up to you. “Come here.” 

You let him put his arms around you. JJ placed a kiss against your forehead. 

“Call me,” he said as you pulled away and headed out the door. 

“I’ll see you later,” you called behind you and you booked it to the car. 

The entire drive home, fearful tears brimmed your eyes. Even though your phone was plugged in, it wasn’t charging, which wasn’t helping your anxiety at all. The 15 minute trip home was nothing but worry. 

Your dad was definitely going to kill you. It didn’t matter what kind of lie you tried to make up. There was no way you were getting out of this one. When you pulled up to your house, you sat in the car for a few moments, forcing your eyes to dry, your heart to stop pounding, your hands to stop shaking. 

You took another steadying breath before opening your front door. You dropped your keys in the usual spot, looking around the house. Your pulse started to slow when your father wasn’t sitting on the stairs, his usual hang out spot for when you were home late. Cringing to yourself, you made your way toward the stairs, creeping along as silently as possible. 

Breathing slowly, as quietly as you could, your heart plummeted when you heard your dad’s door open behind you. 

“Shit,” you hissed to yourself, freezing in your spot. 

“Where were you?” Your dad’s voice was deadly calm, like the ocean before a storm. You tried to breathe slowly as you turned around. “ _Where were you? _”__

__“I went for a drive and on my way home I felt sick, so I pulled over. I must have fallen asleep, Dad, I’m so-”_ _

__“Don’t lie to me!” His booming voice echoed through the house, making you flinched. You heard the floorboards in your brother’s room creak and you begged him silently not to open his door._ _

__“Dad, I swear,” you said, lower lip quivering._ _

__He started toward you, finger pointed. You stepped backward, tears falling from your eyes._ _

__“You are an ungrateful bitch, you know that?” He seethed in your face. You whimpered, turning your face away._ _

__“Daddy, I’m sorry,” you sobbed. “I didn’t mean to-”_ _

__Before you could say anything else, he grabbed you by the hair and tugged once. You cried out, trying to pry his hands off of you, but his grip was firm._ _

__“Dad, stop!”_ _

__You looked over and saw Kid standing in the doorway to his room, eyes wide with fear._ _

__“Go back inside you’re room, Bradford,” your dad ground out, pointing at him. Kid wasn’t looking at your father though. His gaze was set on you. You nodded your head slowly, tears running down your cheeks._ _

__“He doesn’t listen to you!” Your dad screamed, yanking on your hair. “He’s my son! I tell him what to do!”_ _

__“You’re right,” you gasped. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”_ _

__“You’re just as pathetic as your mother,” he hissed, pulling you around the banister. “Whimpering, begging, weak!”_ _

__He tugged on your hair, dangerously close to the stairs. He continued to scream as you tried to talk him down. Sometimes, you could manage it before he did too much damage, but today he was far too angry._ _

__“Daddy, please-”_ _

__“Shut up!”_ _

__He tugged on your hair one more time and you lost your footing, too close to the stairs. He let go of your hair as soon as your foot slipped. You tried to cover your head as you tumbled down the wooden stairs, but you could feel pain blooming throughout your body. When you hit the bottom of the stairs, your head smacked against the wall, instant stars exploding in your vision._ _

__“El!” You heard Kid cry from the top of the stairs._ _

__“She learned her lesson, Bradford,” your dad said. When you could finally open your eyes, you saw Kid standing on the top of the stairs, your dad’s arm wrapped around him to keep him from coming down. You could see tears glisten off of Kid’s cheeks. You wanted to tell him not to cry, that you were okay. You weren’t going to let your dad win this one, not this time._ _

__Your night had been amazing and you had been there for JJ when you needed him, you weren’t going to regret it and you weren’t going to let your dad think you did._ _

__Even though every bone in your body ached, you forced yourself to stand, using the wall to help you up. Arms and legs trembling, head exploding with pain, you looked up the stairs, breathing heavily. You met your dad’s cold hard gaze and you held it. He was the first to blink._ _

__Clinging to the railing, you forced your feet to follow your command of moving up the stairs. It took what felt like hours to reach the top, but you made it. When you had only one last step, you met your dad’s gaze again, jaw screwed so tight that it shook. He stepped out of the way._ _

__His movement gave you permission to pass, but he also let go of Kid, who stepped up to you immediately, ducking under your arm to help you walk.  
Kid helped you to your bed. You cringed as you lay down, a pressure like pain squeezing her chest and ribs. _ _

__“I’m going to get you some ice,” Kid said, but before he could leave, you grabbed his wrist._ _

__“Don’t go,” you ground out. “It’s not safe.”_ _

__Kid pressed his lips together before nodding slowly. He sat on the edge of your bed, holding your hand._ _

__“Was it worth it?” Kid whispered gently to you. “Staying out all night, was it worth it?”_ _

__“He needed me, Kid,” you replied just as quietly. “I couldn’t leave him alone.”  
Kid didn’t say anything else. He sat there and stroked your hair as relentless tears rolled down your cheeks. _ _

__There was no easy of the pain and you knew that you couldn’t fall asleep, even if you wanted to. You’d been beat around by your old man enough to know when you had a concussion and what to do to deal with it. Sleeping was not an option._ _

__“Can you close the blinds, Kid?” You asked, voice raspy. He uncurled his hand from yours, sliding off your bed, and did just as you asked before returning. “Thank you, little brother.”_ _

__Kid kissed your head, as you always did for him, and went back to holding your hand. The two of you waited for the front door to open and slam shut again._ _

__“I’m going to get you that ice now,” Kid said. You nodded slowly. Watching him leave left a worse pain than the fall did. He came back with an armful of frozen veggies, ice packs, and your favorite book._ _

__“Where does it hurt?” He asked. There was a large bruise already forming on your shin and one on your shoulder. When you lifted your shirt, you could see the start of a bruise forming on your side. Kid looked up at you, fear in his eyes again._ _

__“I’m okay,” you said to him. You brushed your thumb against his cheek. “I’m really okay, Kid.”_ _

__“You don’t look okay.”_ _

__“Well, I am.”_ _

__Kid tentatively placed the ice packs on the bruises and put one on your forehead, hoping that it would help somehow. You were chilled to your bone, but you knew it would help._ _

__“I brought you my favorite book,” he said, holding up the Hobbit. “You used to read it to me. Can I read it to you?”_ _

__You nodded your head slowly._ _

__“Sure, Kid, go ahead.”_ _

__He was monotone at first, nervous as he read. But the further he got along, the more into it he got. Each dwarf had a different voice, he made sound effects, dramatically enacting some of the actions from the book. He had you laughing, despite how much it hurt._ _

__Partway through the book, you heard a tap on your window._ _

__“It’s JJ,” you said. Kid’s smile fell as he lowered the book. He glanced between you and the window. “Kid, please let him in. It wasn’t his fault.”_ _

__Kid sighed and set the book down on the side of your bed. He opened the window and JJ clambered inside._ _

__“Kid, you alright?” JJ asked, putting a hand on your brother’s head. Kid nodded and looked over at you. JJ followed his gaze._ _

__When he saw you on your bed, covered in ice packs, he froze. You tried to smile._ _

__“It’s an attractive look, right?” You said. “I think it’s the hottest you’ve ever seen me.”_ _

__“Ellie-”_ _

__You shook your head, patting the side of your bed. He came over and sat on the floor, taking your hand in his._ _

__“What happened?” He asked, his voice breaking. You flicked your finger across his backward hat, giving him a smile._ _

__“Doesn’t matter,” you told him._ _

__“God, Ellie, this is my fault.” You shook your head as much as you could before the pain returned. “I shouldn’t have made you stay.”_ _

__“JJ, you have never made me do anything I didn’t already want to do, okay?” You said. You hated to watch him blame himself for the thing that only one man was responsible for. “Kid was reading a book. You wanna stay and listen?”_ _

__JJ nodded his head slowly._ _

__“If that’s alright with the little man.” JJ turned to look at Kid, whose eyes were trained on you. You tried to nod your head as discreetly as you could manage. Kid picked the book up off the bed and began to read again. It took him a while to get back into the groove again, but once he did, both you and JJ were laughing._ _

__Not much later, you attempted to sit up, both JJ and Kid stopping what they were doing._ _

__“Hey, woah,” JJ said, holding a hand out. “You shouldn’t move.”_ _

__“I’m not paralyzed, JJ. Just a little bruised,” you said with a smile, forcing yourself to sit up._ _

__“How’s your head?” Kid asked. You nodded._ _

__“It’s fine. Go back to reading, Kid. I just needed to move.”_ _

__Before Kid could go back to reading, there was another knock on your window. You turned to JJ with wide eyes. He shrugged his shoulders before standing and heading to the window._ _

__“No way,” he laughed as he threw the window open. “Hey, Kie!”_ _

__You smiled as Kie climbed in through your window. You were tempted to ditch the frozen bags and stand to hug her, but you resisted. Kid stepped back, away from the window._ _

__“It’s alright,” you said. “She’s my friend.”_ _

__Kid still looked wary, not moving from where he was standing._ _

__“Are you okay?” Kie asked, walking over to you. “JJ told me what happened this morning and after what you said about your dad...well, I brought you some chocolate. I hope it helps.”_ _

__You smiled up at her._ _

__“Sure it does, Kie, thank you.” You motioned toward your brother with an open hand. “This is my little brother, Kid. Kid, this is Kiara.”_ _

__Kie smiled at Kid and he almost smiled back._ _

__“You can just call me Kie,” she said. “You want some chocolate?”_ _

__“I thought the chocolate was mine,” you teased._ _

__“Not all of it,” she said. She gave a bar of chocolate to Kid, who took it with a grin. There was one of two ways to win your way into a young boy’s heart; food and video games. Kie went for the cheaper option. You smiled as they spoke to each other. Kie and Kid fell into a conversation almost instantly, something about sea turtles and comic books._ _

__“How are you feeling?” JJ asked you quietly._ _

__“I’m fine, JJ, seriously. This isn’t the worst he’s done. I’ll just stay in bed today.”  
He was quiet for a moment. _ _

__“Thank you,” he said, squeezing your hand. “For last night.”_ _

__You brought his hand to your lips and gave his knuckles a small kiss and then held it against your chest._ _

__“I’m here for you, JJ, always.”_ _

__He squeezed your hand and kissed your shoulder._ _

__“None of that gross stuff,” Kie said. “There are children here.”_ _

__You sneered at her and she stuck her tongue back at you._ _

__“You wanna read some more, Kid?” You asked. “I love your Gandalf voice.”_ _

__Kie stayed in her chair, now joining the party as they listened to Kid read. You tried not to fall asleep, but you did eventually, passing in and out of unconsciousness. You weren’t sure when, but the sun eventually started to go down. Once darkness crept into the room, the pain in your head slowly started to fade. Kid started to yawn, barely able to keep his eyes open. Kie was asleep in the chair, but JJ was wide awake, still holding your hand._ _

__“You should go,” you said. “You and Kie, before my dad comes home.”_ _

__“Ellie, I’m not going to leave you.”_ _

__“I’m not dying, JJ. I have a few bruises is all. I’ll be fine. Go on, take her home.”  
JJ stood slowly, leaning forward to plant a kiss on top of your head one last time before heading over to Kie. He woke her gently. _ _

__“What time is it?”_ _

__“Around eight,” he said. Kie blinked the sleep out of her eyes._ _

__“Damn. That was a long nap.” JJ helped her stand. She walked over to you and gave your hand a quick squeeze._ _

__“I’ll see you tomorrow after your morning shift?” She asked. You nodded, a sleepy smile on your lips._ _

__JJ and Kie climbed out the window. You listened to them chatter quietly as they walked away, straining to hear them ever after they were long gone._ _

__Kid crawled over to you, curling up beside you._ _

__“I’m sorry I didn’t protect you,” he whispered. You shook your head._ _

__“You don’t ever have to protect me, Kid,” you told him, voice as firm as you could make it. “I’m the big sister, that means I always protect you. It’s my job. Never get in the way of me and Dad, do you understand me?”_ _

__Kid nodded, but you knew that he wasn’t going to stop trying._ _

__“I can take it, Kid,” you told him, looking up at the ceiling. “I can take it for just a little bit longer. I’ll get us out of here. I promise.”_ _

__Kid put his head against your shoulder, lacing his hand into yours. He fell asleep there, but you were unable to. Not only was the pain in your body too much to let you sleep, but your mind was running as fast as it could go._ _

__You needed to get the both of you out of this house, away from him. It didn’t matter how as long as you stayed together. But you would need money, lots of it, more than you were making now._ _

__But where on earth were you going to find the money it took to save you and your brother?_ _


	6. Agatha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Hurricane Agatha strikes Kildare, an old friend shows up on your doorstep, bringing back memories that you would have rather left repressed. JJ brings news of an interesting day and a late night party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with issues such as abandonment and sexual abuse. The sexual abuse is mentioned very briefly and vaguely, but if you are sensitive to that, please be cautious! Thank you all so much for your love and support!

“A storm’s coming,” Kid said, looking out your window. You looked up at him from your book He was looking dramatic, head resting against the wall, hands laced together in front of him. You knew he was planning a music video out in his head and you tried not to laugh.

“It’s more than a storm, Kid,” you said with a sigh, turning the page despite not reading a single word on it. “It’s hurricane Agatha.”

“Are we going to be okay?” He asked, eyes shifting away from the window and toward you. You nodded, eyebrows pinched together.

“Of course we are, Kid,” you said. By his downcast eyes, you knew that he didn’t really believe you. You set your book down and patted the bed beside you. “Come here.”

Kid scurried across the room and jumped up beside you onto the bed. A dull ache pulsed through you, the bruise on your side not yet fully healed. You put an arm around Kid.

“We are going to be fine,” you said as firm as you could manage. “This house is well built, sturdy. In the morning, things might look a little haggard, but inside the house we will be perfectly safe.”

As you said the words, you thought of all the houses you saw in the cut that were nothing more than shacks. Your heart tightened in your chest thinking about what might happen to them all. Maybe you could convince your dad to let you help in repairs once the storm was over.

But you couldn’t think about that now. All that mattered was Kid and making sure that he was safe. Nothing else was more important.

You had been mulling over how to get rich fast without your dad getting suspicious for nearly a week since you were thrown down the stairs. Any practical ideas had yet to pop into your head. Not that it mattered much. You were barely seventeen, almost a whole year until you could even vie for full custody of Kid. Still, your nerves ran wild with bad ideas.

Become an escort. They get rich fast. But that would involve sex or at least something close to it and if you could barely let JJ touch you, how were you going to let a wrinkly old man that smelled like cigars even breathe anywhere near you?

Join a strip club. Just dance, no touching. But there was no guarantee that would get you enough money.

Get another job. You were already exhausted as it was, but getting another job was the only thing that made any logical sense to you. That meant less time with JJ and the Pogues, less time with Kid. What would you be sacrificing by getting a second job? Any chance at a real relationship with JJ, sure. But you would also be distancing yourself from the only family you had ever known. Was it worth it? Leaving Kid at the house even longer just so you could make more money?

A few more fantastical ideas passed through your dreams; join a mob, become a high class thief, murder your dad in the middle of the night and inherit his money, marry fast and marry rich.

You were ten times more inclined to kill your dad than marry any of the rich pricks that lived on Kildare Island, but still, murder was risky and you couldn’t chance getting put away and leaving Kid on his own.

Even as you sat beside Kid now, all you could think about was getting him away from your dad. When rain started to pitter against your window, your heart lept at of your chest. Your dad wasn’t home yet and if the hurricane hit now….

Death by hurricane. That was a natural cause and it would still mean you could inherit the money. But you were too young. They would still put you both into foster care.

When you first heard the knock at the window, you thought it was just the rain getting harder, but when it came again, your eyebrows pinched together.

“JJ?”

You stood from the bed, Kid curling his legs up to his chest. To your surprise, and abhorrence, JJ was sitting outside wearing his shorts, muscle t, and backward hat, as if a hurricane wasn’t less than an hour from reaching you. You threw the window open and dragged him inside. He was already soaked to the bone. 

“What the hell are you doing?” You ran back to your bed to grab a few blankets.

“I wanted to talk to you, but the phones are down,” he said, smiling despite the trembling in his body.

“Phones are down already?” You threw the blankets around his shoulders, rubbing your hands up and down his arms in hopes of warming him up.

“They shut ‘em off I think,” he said, walking in a small circle before sitting on the floor.

“JJ, you have to get home. You’ll freeze to death out there.”

“Kie drove me.”

“Kiara’s out there?” You ran to the window. To your amazement, Kie’s car was in fact parked outside your window. You could barely see her through the rain, but you waved anyway.

“Listen,” JJ said, standing. “We’re all going out on the Pogue tomorrow once Agatha moves on. You’re coming.” 

“I can’t.”

“Come on! There will be loads of fish and-”

“JJ, I really can’t. Not when-” You glanced over at Kid, who was trying not to watch the two of you interact. “My dad will be staying home tomorrow and he’ll expect us to help him clean up whatever damage the storm does. There’s no way I’ll be able to sneak out unnoticed.”

“I haven’t seen you in forever,” he said, putting a hand against your neck.

“For a good reason.” He scowled his smile fading as he dropped his hand back against his side. “No, not….I just mean that I can’t be doing anything risky right now. Please, tell me you understand.”

“Yeah, no, I understand.” He started to back toward the window. You ran a hand over your face, squeezing your eyes shut.

“JJ-”

“No, Ellie, I understand.” JJ pulled the blankets off of his shoulders and lay them over the back of a chair. “I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

JJ pulled the window open and crawled back out into the pouring rain. You stood in the middle of your room, face in your hands.

“Are you not going because of me?” Kid asked. You looked up at him and shook your head. You walked over to Kid, feet shuffling on the floor. You knelt to the ground at his feet and took his hands in yours.

“I’m not going because there is no way I can get away tomorrow. That’s all,” you said. “Okay?”

“But I can cover you!” Kid said. “I can help-”

“No, Kid!” You squeezed his hands, giving yourself a second to calm down. “Kid, you never have to cover for me, okay? If Dad ever asks where I am and you tell him.”

“But we always come up with a plan.”

“No more plans, Kid. If I am gone, you tell dad that I’m out with JJ, alright? You tell him that,” you said.

“I don’t understand. Why?”

“Because-” _Because then he’ll want to kill me and not you. _“Because it would be better for both of us. You never have to cover for me, Kid. My actions are my own. That means the consequences are mine, too.”__

__Kid nodded his head slowly. It was clear to him that he still didn’t understand completely what you were saying, but that was good. You didn’t want him to._ _

__A crack of thunder startled both of you. Half a millisecond later, you saw the flash of lightning. You crawled back into your bed, holding Kid close to you. The wind beat against your house, rain pelting it from all sides. With every new thunderclap, you could feel Kid flinch beneath you. You squeezed your eyes tight, running your fingers through Kid’s hair in hopes to get him to fall asleep._ _

__The light above you flickered, sparked, and went out with a pop._ _

__Kid gasped, burying his face between your neck and the pillow._ _

__“Shh,” you whispered, rubbing his back as you looked at the lightbulb above. “You’re okay. It’s gonna be okay.”_ _

__***_ _

__There was no power when you woke up. Checking your phone, there was no service. It wasn’t as if you expected there to be, but still, you had hoped. Kid was still asleep a few inches away from you. You had no idea what time it was, but from the position of the sun it couldn’t have been much later seven._ _

__You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes, yawning, and stretching your stiff muscles. You opened your door, peering out into the empty house._ _

__“Dad?” You called. You remembered that he hadn’t been home when you fell asleep. He could have very well died out there-_ _

__“Down here!” Your heart plummeted. You peered over the railing down to the foyer. Your dad was surrounded by a sea of candles, none of them lit. “You wanna help me put these around?”_ _

__You started down the stairs, the chill of the wood shocking your bare feet. As you rounded the bottom of the stairs, you saw that your dad was smiling._ _

__“Don’t you think this is overkill on the candles?” You asked. “The generators will be on soon and we won’t need them.”_ _

__Your dad picked up one of the candles, admiring it for all its generic whiteness.  
“What else would we do with them?”_ _

__“There are going to be people all over without power, especially in the cut. I think if I could just take some over-”_ _

__Your dad stood suddenly and you took a few steps back, flinching._ _

__“I don’t want you on the south side of this island ever, Elma, do you understand me?”_ _

__“Dad, there are people over that need help-”_ _

__“No! All those people are lazy, useless people who do nothing but drag this island into the mud. They don’t deserve anything from us.”_ _

__Your eyes began to swim with tears, chest heaving._ _

__“How can you say that?” You asked, breathless. “Mom always took care of those people when they needed help.”_ _

__“Don’t bring up your mother right now.”_ _

__“She would never have let those people go without light or food.” If you pushed hard enough you might just get him to listen to you. “You don’t want to disappoint her, do you?”_ _

__Your dad sighed, looking down at the candles._ _

__“You’re right,” he said finally. He stepped over them and pulled you into an embrace. “I love that you’re always thinking of other people, Elma. Your mother would be so proud.”_ _

__Your nose burned, lips trembling. It was hard to say that you missed the woman who abandoned you and Kid with the man that hurt you, but missing your mother felt like a different matter. In your mind, you could sometimes separate them. The woman who gave food the poor for no charge and stepped in between you and your father many times was not the same woman who forced you to get rid of your child and then left alone._ _

__When your dad finally let you go, he pressed his lips to your head. You tried to pretend it was a gentle and loving motion, but it didn’t stop your heart from pounding uncomfortably in your chest._ _

__“I’ll pack these into the car and take them to the cut. Get your brother up, will you? Start working on cleaning up outside.”_ _

__“Sure, Dad,” you said, tucking your hands into your back pockets._ _

__“I love you, kiddo.”_ _

__“Love you, too, Dad.”_ _

__After helping your dad pack the candles into his car, you spent the next hour attempting to make Kid breakfast before he woke up. There were a few pancakes that you could salvage to take up to him. He was still asleep when you walked upstairs, the stack of pancakes in your hand. Instead of waking him, you left the pancakes on your desk and went back downstairs._ _

__Stepping outside, you heaved out a heavy sigh. Agatha had really done her damage._ _

__“Hell hath no fury,” you mumbled to yourself as you bent down to pick up some trash. After another hour, consisting of you picking through the damage and trying to figure out was salvageable, Kid came outside, fully dressed and ready for the day._ _

__“What can I do?” He asked, scanning the yard._ _

__“Just start by picking up trash, if you could. I think that’s the best place to start,” you said._ _

__“Okay.” Kid ran over to you, pulling on your arm, and kissed your cheek. “Thanks for the pancakes.”_ _

__You beamed._ _

__“No problem, Kid.”_ _

__He scampered off to get a trash bag. Shaking your head, you turned back to your work._ _

__By the time your dad returned, most of the smaller trash had been picked up and larger things that were no longer usable were in another pile._ _

__“Hey, Elma!” Your dad said as he climbed out of his car._ _

__“Yeah?” You stood up, wiping sweat from your forehead._ _

__“I just spoke to Ward Cameron. Do you remember Ms. Lana and Scooter?” Your dad asked, walking over to you with his hands on his hips. You nodded your head, pulling off your work gloves._ _

__“Course.”  
“Well, Scooter hasn’t been seen since yesterday.”_ _

__“Scooter’s missing?”_ _

__“Not missing,” your dad said, putting his hands up. “Just...they don’t know where he is. Ms. Lana is going to come over in a bit. I want you to have some food ready for her, make her comfortable, alright? Scooter was a good friend of mine, Elma, don’t mess this up.”_ _

__No pressure._ _

__You walked back into the house and quickly changed out of your sweaty clothes into something cleaner. Heading back downstairs, you wondered what you could make that wouldn’t require cooking anything. Salad and sandwiches made the most sense to you. You could bring some out for Dad and Kid but also keep some inside for you and Ms. Lana. You also put on a pot of water for tea._ _

__You pulled the honey out of the cupboard and turned it over in your hands. You had never actually been allergic to honey. It was one of your favorite things, especially in tea. But when you came home after a heavy make-out session at a party that was supposed to be just a small slumber party with red and swollen lips, you had to make something up. Your mom had been mildly allergic to tea, and when she had it in her honey, it made her lips swell in a similar way. Ever since, you had to keep up the lie. Still, you drank honey in your tea when you could sneak it around your dad._ _

__You finished the sandwiches and brought two out for your brother and your dad, which they both took gratefully. Just before you went back inside, you saw Ms. Lana pull up in her car. You jogged over to her car as it rolled to a stop. She got out with a weak smile._ _

__“Ms. Lana.”_ _

__“Hello, El, darling.”_ _

__You pulled Ms. Lana into a hug._ _

__“Would you like to come inside? I just finished making lunch and some tea,” you offered. Ms. Lana gave you a watery smile and nodded her head._ _

__“Hi, Ms. Lana!” Kid shouted, waving his hand over his head._ _

__“Hello, Ford,” Ms. Lana replied. A smile pulled at your lips. Kid had been in love with the movie actor Harrison Ford since he was little. He tried to get everyone to call him Ford, wanting to take after his idol, but Ms. Lana was the only one who actually did. Even today, it still made your brother grin. You were glad that Ms. Lana was still somehow able to make your brother happy._ _

__“Lana,” your dad said, walking over to her with a sympathetic look in his eyes that almost made you cringe._ _

__“Gerald,” she said, shaking his hand._ _

__“He’ll turn up,” your dad told her. Ms. Lana sniffed, nodding her head slowly. You reached out and linked your arm in hers._ _

__“Let’s get you some food,” you said._ _

__Having a conversation with Ms. Lana was always a special treat that you took advantage of when you could. Your dad and Scooter had been friends for a long while, but Ms. Lana and your mother had been even tighter. Whenever your dad said anything about the cut, Ms. Lana and Scooter were always excluded. They weren’t like the “others”. They were civilized._ _

__Or so your dad said._ _

__But Ms. Lana held wisdom that you were always grateful to listen to. She understood you like very few others did. She could hear you screaming even when you said nothing. She didn’t know anything about how your father treated you or the true reason behind your mother’s departure, but she still cared. Sometimes, that was all you needed._ _

__Ms. Lana had you laughing after only a few sips of your tea. She was like the sun personified, light and laughter emulating from her with every word, every step. But for the past few months, that light had dimmed. The light she radiated was forced. You could feel it especially now._ _

__“How did finals go?” She asked. You smiled behind your teacup._ _

__“Ended with all A’s.”_ _

__“That’s my girl!” Ms. Lana said, giving you a high five. “I know that you were stressed about that math class of yours.”_ _

__“Ugh, yeah, it was tough, but I did it.”_ _

__“No cheating?”_ _

__“Do I look like the kind of person who would cheat?”_ _

__“You are your father’s daughter.”_ _

__You hated what that insinuated. You took a large gulp of tea, letting the heat scald your throat._ _

__“So,” Ms. Lana said, tapping your knee with hers. “Have any boys caught your eye?”_ _

__You coughed at the sudden question, the tea in your mouth spilling out back into your cup._ _

__“I’m sorry?”_ _

__“I’m going to take that as a yes.” A mischievous smile graced Ms. Lana’s face. It was a real smile, a hint of true light shining through the darkness. You couldn’t take that away from her by shutting her question down._ _

__“You have to promise not to say anything to my dad,” you said, leaning forward. “You know how he is about boys.”_ _

__“Oh, a secret affair.” Ms. Lana raised an eyebrow and your face turned red. “I won’t say a word.”_ _

__“Alright.” You leaned in a little bit closer, afraid of your voice carrying. “There is a boy that I have been sneaking out to see occasionally.”_ _

__“What’s his name?”_ _

__“Now, Ms. Lana, that is dangerous information. We could both get in a lot of trouble.”_ _

__“I see. I understand.” Ms. Lana tapped the side of her nose with her finger. “But I’m going to take a wild guess here and say that he isn’t from this side of the island.”_ _

__Against your attempts to stay completely unphased, your cheeks turned an even brighter shade of red. When Ms. Lana let out a knowing laugh, you tried to hide your red face in your palms, a laugh of your own escaping your lips._ _

__“That’s very Romeo and Juliet of you, Miss El,” she said, taking a sip of her tea._ _

__“I hope it ends better than that,” you said, dropping your hands back into your lap._ _

__“Have no fear, my girl, I won’t say a word to your father.” Ms. Lana put a hand over yours. “And if you ever need a cover, you are more than welcome to use my name.”_ _

__You felt yourself smile, eyes watery. You leaned off of your chair, wrapping your arms around the woman’s neck. She startled for a moment, but then put an arm around your back. You tried not to sob into her shoulder right there and then._ _

__“I’ve got you, darling,” she whispered._ _

__“Thank you.”_ _

__“What’s going on here?” You pulled away instantly at the sound of your father’s voice. You wiped away a small stray tear as Ms. Lana smiled up at your dad._ _

__“I just needed a hug,” Ms. Lana said._ _

__“I hope my daughter isn’t keeping you from eating anything,” your dad said, looking at the untouched sandwiches and salad bowls._ _

__“Nonsense, Gerald.” Ms. Lana waved her hand through the air. “Spending some girl time with El here was just what I needed to calm my nerves.”_ _

__“That’s good to hear.”_ _

__Ms. Lana sent you a knowing look as your father sat down. You tried to hide a smile._ _

__She left not much later with the sandwich wrapped in plastic and a tupperware of salad._ _

__“Are you sure I can’t give you more?” You asked as you helped her to the car._ _

__“Child, you have already done so much for me. This is enough,” Ms. Lana said._ _

__“I’ll see you soon, Ms. Lana.”_ _

__“I’ll see you soon.”_ _

__Watching her drive away, arms crossed over your stomach, reminded you of the day your mother left._ _

__You were used to screaming and dishes being thrown, but the sound of your mother crying in the dead of night? That wasn’t something you had numbed yourself to. Despite everything, you had never seen her cry. She was the strongest woman that you knew._ _

__You hadn’t been able to sleep, the pain in your stomach and your heart far too great. You felt disgusted with yourself, your own silent tears running from your eyes. When you heard her sobbing, you sat up, slowly. Your dad had gone to bed hours ago after a long fight with your mom, but you still crept by his room on your way down the stairs._ _

__When you got to the dining room, you found your mother fully dressed at the dining table, a suitcase by her side. Her head was in her hands, shoulders shaking as she sobbed. You knew immediately that she was leaving. Tears sprang into your eyes and you swallowed a lump in your throat._ _

__“Mom?”_ _

__She gasped and looked up at you. When she used to look at you, there was always love in her eyes, always a smile on her face, but now there was only one thing in her eyes; disgust._ _

__“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked, voice breaking with every word, tears and makeup running down her cheeks. “I’m your mother! Why didn’t you tell me what he did to you?”_ _

__The tears in your own eyes started to fall, hands shaking by your side. You were 14. How were you supposed to tell her what your dad had done?_ _

__“God!” Your mother stood, grabbing the suitcase._ _

__“Mom?” You watched her walk right past you, but you felt frozen where you were. “Mom!”_ _

__She threw open the door and paused for just a moment, taking one last look at you, before walking out._ _

__She couldn’t just leave you. Not when you needed her the most. You ran to the door, calling after her. You didn’t hear your father’s door open, didn’t hear him thundering down the stairs after you. All you could think of was stopping your mom from leaving._ _

__“Mom!” You screamed after her, running down the porch steps. She was already at her car, throwing her suitcase into the back. “Mom, wait!”_ _

__She slid into the front seat, slamming the door shut just as you reached it. You pounded on the window, begging her to let you in. But she wouldn’t listen, she just cried and turned the car on._ _

__“Mom!” You pleaded, tears and sobs nearly choking you. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry! Don’t leave me!”_ _

__She pulled the car backward and you jumped away, not wanting to get your toes caught under the tire. You made to run after the car, but before you could get far, your dad grabbed you from behind._ _

__“She’s gone, kiddo,” your dad whispered in your ear, but it only made you scream louder._ _

__“No! No, Mom!”_ _

__“Come back inside, Elma,” your dad said, pulling you backward._ _

__“No!” You reached out for the car, even though it was long gone. You kicked out your feet as your dad hoisted you off the ground, dragging you back toward the house._ _

___“MOM!” ____ _

____***_ _ _ _

____Returning from the memory was like bursting through the surface of the water. You were in the same place, Ms. Lana’s car retreating through the trees. You tried to smile and offered one last wave before she disappeared completely._ _ _ _

____It had been three years since your mother left. You tried to pretend it didn’t hurt anymore, but you would still sit on the porch sometimes when you couldn’t sleep, praying that you would see her car pull onto your lawn. It never did._ _ _ _

____“Elma! Let’s get back to work.”_ _ _ _

____***_ _ _ _

____You sat in bed later that night, tapping mindlessly on your computer. You were writing the same letter you had been writing for three years. You had written it on paper, thrown it away a million times. You had typed it out, deleting it a million times. It didn’t matter how many times you tried, you could not write the letter you wanted to your mother._ _ _ _

____Kid and your dad had gone to bed early. The day had been long and gruesome, so you didn’t blame them. You were exhausted, but your mind wouldn’t let you sleep. Every time you closed your eyes, all you could see was your mother’s tear-stained face, her car pulling away from you without so much as a second a thought._ _ _ _

____Anger crackled at the tips of your fingers._ _ _ _

____Who the _fuck _leaves their two, defenseless children with an abusive asshole? Everyone still spoke so highly of her, as if she wasn’t just as bad as your dad.___ _ _ _

______You slammed your laptop shut, but the little burst of anger was enough to trigger a silent outburst. You threw your computer against your beanbag chair, dropping to the floor. You were about to start pounding your fists into the hard wood when you heard a tap on your window. You looked up, eyes overrun with tears to see JJ peering in at you. You sucked in your lower lip, hanging your head for a moment. When he tapped again, you pushed yourself to your feet and pushed the window before dropping into another chair._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What did he do?” JJ asked, hands curled into fists at his side and his jaw tight as he stared at your door. You shook your head, reaching out to take his hand. JJ turned to you a knelt down on the ground._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What happened?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The anger was gone from him instantly as he looked at you._ _ _ _ _ _

______You shook your head again, feeling like there were a million rocks weighing you down. Instead of answering, you put one arm around his neck, slowly pulling him in as you slid to the ground. He wasn’t sure exactly what was happening until you were kneeling in front of him, both of your arms around his neck. He linked his arms around your back, holding you tight._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What happened?” He asked again. “Babe, you can tell me.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He brushed hair from your face, but you shook your head for the third time, large tears rolling aimlessly from your cheeks. JJ stopped asking you questions, cradling your head as you clung to his shirt. Your breathing shuddered as you tried to calm down._ _ _ _ _ _

______Once the tears stopped flowing like a river and once you felt like you can breathe normally, you pulled away from JJ, exhausted from all the crying._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Why did you come?” You asked._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I have a bunch to tell you,” he said, lifting your chin. “Today was absolutely bat shit. Plus, we’re having a kegger and I thought you’d want to come.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You tried to smile and met his gaze, your eyes still watery._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I would love to go to a kegger and hear about your bat shit day,” you said._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Your dad-”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Screw him.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______JJ grinned and helped you to your feet._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You can tell me whenever you’re ready,” he said as he led you to the window. You nodded your head once._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Let’s just get drunk, yeah?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I can do that.”_ _ _ _ _ _


	7. Guns, Guns, Guns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boneyard party doesn't exactly go as planned. You and the Pogues go to inspect the ship more thoroughly and are unfortunate enough to get caught twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the start of the real canon material! I changed a few things around just because fanfiction being verbatim always irritated me, so there is some fudging of dialogue and stuff, but I hope you enjoy it anyway! As always, thank you so much for your support!

“Drug money?” You asked, agape. JJ put his hands on your shoulders from behind as he cackled. 

“Yes,” Kie said, trying to keep her eyes on the road. “We want you in on it.”

Your mind was running at a mile a minute. The boat, Scooter’s death, the connection to John B’s father, the money. Even a small fraction of that would be enough for a good lawyer and to get you and Kid somewhere safe. It was just the miracle you needed.

“I’m so in.” You smiled at Kie. “What’s our next move?”

“We’re having a party, Ellie. We’ll figure it out tomorrow.”

“There’s a chance we can make a shit ton of money and you’re throwing a party?” You asked, looking back at him.

“Party’s already thrown,” he said, leaning back with his hands locked behind his head.

“Alright,” you said with a sigh. “It’s a good night to get drunk.”

The party was in full swing when you, JJ, and Kie pulled up. John B ran over with a large grin and a few beers in his hands.

“Glad you could join us,” John B said, handing you one of the cups.

“Glad to see you guys are still alive,” you said, matching his smile and taking a sip from the cup.

“Welcome back Kie, JJ,” John B said, passing JJ a cup, which Kie promptly took for herself. “As you can expect, the kooks tried to take over so just…don’t start any fights.”

John B looked directly at JJ, who put his hands in the air innocently.

“Follow me,” JJ said, grabbing hold of your wrist. Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted Rafe and Kelce, who were whispering quietly back and forth. 

“Wait,” you said, pulling your wrist back. “We have to be careful with the kooks here.”

“What do you mean?” You nodded your head toward Rafe, taking another drink. “You’re not scared of Rafe, are you?”

“No, Maybank. But if he sees us and decides to tell my dad-”

“Then we’ll be careful.”

You let out a sharp breath, gulping down the rest of your beer. You offered your hand for him to take, which made JJ smile. He pulled you along to where Pope was attempting to woo a girl with his talk of dead bodies. The two of you plopped down in the sand by their feet. Pope sent an irritated look at JJ as you introduced yourself to the girl.

JJ pulled you around, introducing you to as many different people as he could, using a different version of your name to each person. You weren’t sure how he came up with so many different forms of your short name, but he did. Somehow, he still made you laugh, even if your day hadn’t been the greatest. Just being in the presence of him and his smile eased the pain just a little bit.

Despite the serotonin and alcohol running through your system, you couldn’t get the money out of your head. That money would save you and your brother. Part of you knew better than to get your hopes up, that there was only a small chance that anything would come of it. Still, now that you knew the money was an option, you wanted it more than anything. 

The night was wonderful, talking to Kie, sharing a few smiles with Sarah, dancing with the boys. And then it all dissolved when you let JJ out of your sight.

You were talking to Kie, laughing at a story of hers about the boys, when you saw JJ trying to offer Sarah and Topper something to drink. You didn’t see who threw the first punch, but as soon as you heard the sound of a fight, you knew exactly what was going on. JJ had said something that put Topper off and now they were rolling around in the sand beating the shit out of each other. You pushed yourself out of the sand, to pull Topper away from JJ, but Kie grabbed your wrist and pulled you back. When you looked at her with pinched eyebrows, she tilted her head toward Rafe, who was watching you carefully. You growled to yourself, forcing yourself to stand by with everyone else.

John B stepped in, taking JJ’s place. Kie ran up to JJ and Pope and you stepped to follow them, but someone grabbed you by the wrist.

“Come with me,” Rafe hissed in your ear.

“Let me go,” you ground out, trying to pull your wrist away.

“I need to talk to you.”

He pulled you away from the growing crowd. You tried to reach your friends one last time, but Rafe pulled even harder on your arm. The best choice for you was to follow him.

When he finally stopped, you ripped your wrist from his grip.

“Just say what you want to say,” you snapped, crossing your arms.

“I saw you come in with JJ and Kiara,” he said.

“So?”

“I know you’re always on lockdown. Sarah told me. You shouldn’t be out.”

Your pulse began to race and you let a shaking breath.

“What do you want, Rafe?”

“I want to tell your dad that you’ve been sneaking around with the pogues,” he said, a proud smirk on his face. You resisted the urge to punch him right there.

“You tell my dad about sneaking out and I’ll tell your dad you’ve been pushing drugs, how about that?” You watched with a small amount of glee as his smile faltered and fell. “We’ve both got dirt on each other, why don’t we keep it under the table, huh?”

Rafe set his jaw, shoving his hands into his pockets. You could barely hear the sound of people shouting in the distance, anything important drowned out by the others chanting.

“You’re bluffing,” Rafe finally said. You narrowed your eyes at him.

“I’ve literally seen you doing lines with Kelce. All I have to do is walk right up to your house-”

“Fine!” He huffed out a heavy breath. “Fine. You win.”

“Good choice.”

You turned to run back to the fight, hoping you weren’t too late, but Rafe grabbed your arm again, spinning you back around.

“Why did you kiss me?” He asked. “At that party.”

You scowled and shrugged.

“I was drunk,” you said with an irritated shake of your head. For the first time, you couldn’t read the look on his face. Before he could let your arm go, a series of loud gunshots echoed across the sky. Rafe dragged you to the sand as you covered your head. You heard screaming as the party-goers ran from the sound.

“JJ,” you breathed, tearing your arm from Rafe’s grip as you scrambled upward.

“Elma!” he called after you, but he didn’t follow. You ran back to where the party had been. Everyone else had already ran off, all except your friends. John B was lying in the water on his back, Pope and Kie staring at JJ.

“What the _hell _happened?” You demanded, walking forward. You stopped suddenly when you saw the gun in JJ’s hand by his side.__

__“JJ is an idiot is what happened!” Pope said, pointing an accusatory finger at him._ _

__“He was going to kill John B!” JJ exclaimed, waving the gun through the air._ _

__“JJ, be careful!” Kie begged, putting a hand up. Yelling wasn’t going to help anything. You knew that. Raised voices only made things worse. You took a careful step forward._ _

__“Give me the gun, JJ,” you said._ _

__“I’m not going to use it,” he scoffed._ _

__“I know, but you’ve had a lot to drink tonight and it’s safer if you put it down.”_ _

__“Right, right.”_ _

__As you neared, hand outstretched, he placed the gun in your palms before turning toward John B. He and Pope pulled their friend out of the water. You stood there, staring at the gun in your hand. If the money wasn’t a real possibility, the weapon in your hand always was. All you had to do was ask JJ for it. He would give it to you, no questions asked. It was just the pull of a trigger and your problem would be solved._ _

__“Elm?” You startled as Kie put her hand on your shoulder. “Let me take you home.”_ _

__You nodded your head slowly. You walked over to JJ’s backpack and slid the gun inside. Looking back at the boys, you were tempted to offer a wave or even say goodbye, but you couldn’t bring yourself to._ _

__The drive home was oddly quiet for a while._ _

__“We were supposed to be laying low,” Kie said after a while. Your window was open, hoping that the wind would blow away the thoughts in your head, the hurt in your heart._ _

__“He was just trying to help.”_ _

__“I know.” Kie let out a deep sigh. “We’re probably going to hang out a John B’s tomorrow. Can you come?”_ _

__“I should be able to,” you said, looking over at her. “My dad will be out most of tomorrow.”_ _

__“Thank God,” Kie said with a smile. “It’s nice to have someone else with brain cells to hang out with.”_ _

__You felt yourself smile. Kie pushed your shoulder lightly with her hand and you let out a laugh._ _

__“It’s nice to have people to hang out with who don’t hate me,” you said. Keeping her smile, Kie pushed on the radio button, music starting to blast out of the speakers. The songs that you used to sing alone in your room, you were now singing with someone you could call a friend._ _

__The weirdness of the day was gone as the word passed through your head. Friend. For as long as you could remember, it was just you and Kid. Friends weren’t on your radar. But ever since meeting JJ, you had found four new friends and by some miracle, they actually liked you._ _

__You let all of those thoughts out of your hand, wanting nothing more than to enjoy the moment. Music pounded out of the speakers, flowing out of the open windows. Kie drummed her hands against the steering wheel as you waved your arms in the air to the beat._ _

__“I thought you didn’t dance,” Kie said, shouting over the music and the wind._ _

__“I guess I do now,” you replied, meeting her smile with one of your own._ _

__As you neared your house, you leaned over and turned the music down._ _

__“You can let me out here,” you said to Kie, whispering as if you were already at your house._ _

__“Are you sure? I want to make sure you get inside,” Kie said. You shook your head and gave a smile._ _

__“My house is right up the road. I’ll be fine,” you reassured her. Kie watched your face for a moment, as if trying to see if you were really going to be alright._ _

__“Well, we’re meeting at the house in the morning. I’ll see you there,” she said. You opened your door and stepped out._ _

__“Be careful driving home,” you told her before shutting the door behind you. Kie stayed where she was in the car as you started up the road. You didn’t hear her engine start again until you turned around the corner._ _

__The wind blew through your hair as you made your way up to your house. It had to be past midnight at this point. You weren’t sure how this one day could have been so long. You let the breeze blow away all of the thoughts that would keep you up all night if you let it._ _

__Sneaking past your front door, you clambered up to the roof outside your window, which was still open just a crack. You let out a sigh as you crawled into your room, exhausted from your full day. You didn’t even change or turn off the light before flopping onto your bed. Sleep claimed you almost instantly, swallowing you whole._ _

__***_ _

__You were still rubbing sleep out of your eyes as you drove toward John B’s the next morning. Letting out one last yawn, you slowed to a stop. When you arrived, it seemed like John B and JJ were in the middle of a heated conversation. You got out of your car as quietly as possible and snuck over to Kie and Pope, who sat by and watched._ _

__“Hey,” you whispered, startling Pope._ _

__“Shit, Elm!” He said, turning to look at you, hand over his heart. Kie looked up at you with an irritated smile._ _

__“What are they arguing about?” You asked, settling yourself onto a table._ _

__“Sheriff Peterkin said that as long as John B stayed out of the marsh, she would help him out with DCS,” Pope said, talking low as to not interrupt the conversation that John B and JJ were having a few feet away._ _

__“But JJ is trying to get him to go out there anyway,” Kie added, the same irritation on her face evident in her voice._ _

__“Wait, you’re giving up on the money?” Fear burst in your chest. That money was a shred of hope that you possessed, they weren’t really going to give up on it. Were they?_ _

__“You really think it exists?” Pope asked, looking back up at you. You let out a sigh, chewing on your lower lip._ _

__“I have to.”_ _

__“New plan!” JJ said turning around with a clap. He caught sight of you on the table and smiled. “Hey, Babe.”_ _

__“Hi.” You smiled back. It was nice to see this smiley, happy version of JJ rather than the nearly unhinged version from last night._ _

__“John B is going to get us some scuba gear and then we’re going to go out to the boat, see what we can find,” he said. “And then we’ll be rich.”_ _

__“Where is he going to get the scuba gear?” Pope asked, leaning his elbows against his knees._ _

__“Ward Cameron,” JJ said, beaming._ _

__“That is literally the worst idea I’ve ever heard,” Kie said with a small shake of her head. You breathed out a deep sigh, pressing your fingers against your forehead._ _

__“It’s a great idea, Kie,” JJ said. “You think so, right Ellie?”_ _

__You looked up, eyebrows raised._ _

__“It’s dangerous,” you said. “John B could get caught before we even go out into the marsh.”_ _

__“Thank you,” Pope said. JJ’s smile fell and he put his hands on his hips._ _

__“But,” you continued. “We can’t give up so soon, right? I mean, what other chance are we ever going to get for this kind of money?”_ _

__You watched Kie and Pope show different levels of disappointment and you grimaced. You looked up at JJ and he was smiling once again._ _

__“We’re so going to die,” Pope said, meeting Kie’s gaze. She nodded slowly. You had the feeling you just made a mistake._ _

__***_ _

__“You took empty tanks?” Kie gave John B her disappointed mom look as you looked at the second tank._ _

__John B sat beside her with a sigh. He shrugged his shoulders, running a hand through his hair._ _

__“This one has some air,” you said, pointing at your tank._ _

__“How much?” Kie asked, leaning over to look._ _

__“About a quarter of a tank,” you told her, showing her the gauge. “At least one of us should be able to go down.”_ _

__“Love it when a plan comes together,” Pope said, leaning back and feet up by the wheel. You glanced over at JJ, who leaned against the side of the boat._ _

__“Anyone know how to dive?” Kie asked. You shook your head, looking at your hands._ _

__By the time it was decided that John B was the one going to dive, you were really starting to regret giving JJ your stamp of approval. You were sure they probably would have done it anyway, but you felt like you should have kept your desire for the money to yourself._ _

__You helped pull Kie back to the boat after she tied her shirt to the line as the Pope helped John B into the gear._ _

__“Here,” you said, offering your sweater to Kie. She took it with a small smile._ _

__“These boys are going to kill me,” she muttered to you, pulling the sweater over her head. You tilted your head to the side with a short sigh._ _

__“You and me both.”_ _

__Kie walked by and over to John B. You felt your face contort into a confused look as Kie placed a short kiss on John B’s cheek. You looked over at JJ, who was trying to cover a laugh. Maybe reading social cues wasn’t your best skill, but you thought you might have noticed if one of your only friends liked another, but apparently not._ _

__You leaned over the edge of the boat, watching John B sink below the surface. You felt your heart squeeze when you could no longer see him. There was a lot riding on whatever John B found down there, for you and for the others. There was also a lot riding on him not getting caught. You didn’t want him to be put in foster care just because you wanted money. All you had to do was not get caught._ _

__But, naturally, you did._ _

__Deputy Shoupe and another one of the deputies rolled up in their boat. You forced a smile onto your face as they neared. Heart hammering in your chest, you tried not to pull any of his attention onto you. If you could have jumped into the water a drowned right then and there, you would have. With how often your dad and Shoupe talked with each other, there was no way he wasn’t going to mention you being on a boat with a bunch of pogues._ _

__You tried to smile as Kie, Pope, and JJ talked their way out of it. You glanced down at the water, your heart pounding in your ears. There had to be a way that you could tell John B not to come to the surface. Shoupe walked around the Pogue, asking dumb little questions, obviously trying to catch them in a lie. You justified your lack of talking by telling yourself that you didn’t know anything about the boat, so how could you be of help?_ _

__You didn’t take a single breath until the cops were in their own boat, driving away. All four of you raced to the back of the boat to wait for John B to surface. You let out a deep breath once you saw him pop out of the water._ _

__“Did you find anything?” JJ asked as John B swam over._ _

__“Did I find anything?” He asked with a laugh, tossing his soaking wet bag onto the Pogue. You smiled at the sight of it. You helped John B out of the water as Pope rambled about the cops pulling up on the boat._ _

__“You scared the shit out of me,” Kie said once John B was back in the boat._ _

__“Yeah, sorry about that,” he said, smiling up at her._ _

__Looking back out over the water, you saw another boat nearing._ _

__“Kie,” you said, hooking your pinky around hers. “I think that boats coming toward us.”_ _

__“Shit,” she hissed before turning to the others. “Bogey, two o’clock.”_ _

__“What?” JJ looked up._ _

__“They shouldn’t be out here,” you said. “Deputy said the marsh was closed.”_ _

__“Do you recognize it?”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__“What do they want?” Kie asked._ _

__“No way we’re waiting around to find out,” JJ said._ _

__“JJ, get the bowline,” John B said._ _

__“Yup.”_ _

__“Pope, the stern.”_ _

__“Should we wait for ‘em?” Pope asked._ _

__“Are you kidding?” Kie didn’t take her eyes off the other boat._ _

__You wondered if there was ever going to be a normal day on this goddamn island. You moved to the front of the boat to help JJ with the bowline._ _

__“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” you mumbled to yourself._ _

__“Are they coming for us?” JJ asked once the anchor was in the boat. You turned to watch the other boat, pulse racing._ _

__“Maybe they’re fishing,” Pope said, but from the tremor in his voice, you knew he didn’t believe it._ _

__“Ever the optimist.” You looked at him with an attempt at a smile._ _

__“Into the marsh,” he said, returning your smile with a quick one of his own._ _

__“I’m going,” John B said from the wheel. “Just act natural.”_ _

__“Act natural,” you grumbled. When you turned back to look at the boat, which was the opposite of acting natural, you saw them closing in._ _

__“So,” you said, turning back to the front. “They may or may not be speeding up.”_ _

__“They’re following us,” Kie said, glancing back._ _

__“Shit.”_ _

__“Dude you gotta go faster!”_ _

__What was just supposed to be a simple matter of sneaking onto a wreck with stolen scuba gear suddenly turned into a boat chase through the marsh. You held onto the side of the boat as John B sped up, glancing back again, almost wishing you hadn’t._ _

__“That’s a gun,” you said, voice shaking._ _

__“What?”_ _

__“Gun!”_ _

__One of the men in the boat pulled the trigger and everyone ducked._ _

__“Get down!” JJ pulled John B’s arm, forcing him to crouch._ _

__“We’re going to die!” Pope yelled as another shot was fired. There had to be a way out of this, some way to slow them down. When you looked up at Kie, you could see that she was thinking the same thing._ _

__“The net,” she said, just loud enough for you to hear. You nodded your head. The two of you stood._ _

__“Don’t-” JJ tried to grab your hand, but you moved toward the front before he could. You met Kie in the front of the boat._ _

__“I’ll cover you,” you told her as she grabbed the net. She nodded her head once before you both took off for the back._ _

__You stood as tall as you could, hopefully drawing enough attention away from Kie as she crouched. You watched Pope try to grab her and pull her back to the floor of the boat, but she moved past him quickly._ _

__Another shot. It flew past you, barely missing your side. When JJ reached out for you, you couldn’t evade him and he pulled you down to the boat._ _

__“Are you crazy?” He asked. You shook your head, looking over at Kie as she threw the net into the water behind the boat. You lifted your head to see if it worked. For a few seconds, the boat behind continued to follow until it got caught in the net. You watched with a growing smile as the boat sputtered to a stop._ _

__“Ha!” You cried, throwing a fist into the air. Once you rounded the bend, finally out of eyesight of the other bought, JJ finally let you go. “That was amazing, Kie!”_ _

__You pushed yourself up and hugged her around the waist._ _

__“Let’s never do that again,” Pope said, breathing heavily._ _

__JJ let out a holler, standing. John B laughed, looking back at Kie and over at Pope._ _

__You found yourself laughing off the rest of your adrenaline, the wind blowing through your hair._ _

__“That was insane,” Kie said with a laugh._ _

__Looking at your friends, all laughing after nearly dying, JJ’s words returned to your mind. What was the point of surviving if you weren’t living? This...this felt like living. The laughter, the adrenaline, sneaking around, doing whatever the hell you wanted with the wind blowing through your hair, you wanted it all. You soaked it in, closing your eyes and lifting your face to the sun._ _

__You didn’t let yourself think about what would have happened if you had died right then. It was important. It didn’t matter. Why worry about something that didn’t happen?_ _

__The sun was nearing the horizon when you made it back to the dock. You still felt the adrenaline pumping through your system, smile still on your face._ _

__Everyone scurried off the boat, JJ tying it off._ _

__John B dropped the bag to the ground, everyone crowding around._ _

__“It’s gotta be money, right?” John B said, smiling up at JJ, who said something in response, but all you could do was stare at the bag._ _

__“Can we please just open the bag?” Pope asked suddenly. You all glanced up at him each smiling._ _

__“Wow.”_ _

__“That was a rare outburst of emotion,” JJ said. You bumped his leg with your shoulder._ _

__“You guys are literally killing me with anticipation,” Pope said, showing his shaking hands to prove his point._ _

__John B finally unzipped the bag. Your heart beat so fast, you were sure you could feel the blood flowing through your veins at a million miles an hour._ _

__“We almost died for this,” Pope said as John B pulled out a metal canister.  
It took John B a few moments to untwist the lid, setting it on the ground. No one took their eyes off of the thing in his hands. When he tipped it upward, you craned your neck to see what landed in his palm. It was something wrapped in a towel. As he unfolded it, your breath hitched._ _

__Slowly, John B pulled a compass out of the towel. You felt your heart deflate at the sight of it. A collective, disappointed sigh came out of everyone except John B, who stared at it as if it was hypnotic._ _

__“Yeah,” Pope said, turning around. “That’s about right.”_ _

__“Are you okay, John B?” You asked. Maybe he was in shock. After all, he had almost died twice to get nothing but a compass out of that sunken boat._ _

__“Dude, what?” JJ asked, his voice tighter than usual. “That thing isn’t worth anything.”_ _

__“This was my father’s.”_ _

__Pope turned back around to look at him._ _

__“Why did Scooter have your dad’s compass?” You asked. John B shook his head, not taking his eyes off of the thing._ _

__“I...I don’t know.”_ _

__“We should talk to Ms. Lana,” Kie said, stepping forward. She knelt behind John B and placed a hand on his shoulder. You looked back at JJ with a ‘are you seeing this or am I crazy’ look. He made a face and crossed his arms._ _

__“Yeah,” John B said absentmindedly. “Maybe tomorrow.”_ _

__“I should...I should probably go,” Pope said, turning to walk away from them. “Fun day guys. Let’s never do that again.”_ _

__“I should go, too,” you said, standing. “Keep me updated.”_ _

__“How are we supposed to do that?” JJ asked with a raised eyebrow. You shrugged._ _

__“Carrier pigeon?”_ _

__He placed a gentle kiss against your forehead._ _

__“See you, guys,” you said._ _

__John B didn’t look away from the compass but Kie gave you a smile. You turned back toward shore, starting across the dock._ _

__“Pope, wait up!”_ _


	8. As the Rooster Crows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a run in with the unfriendlies from the boat in the marsh, you go over to Ms. Lana's, who forces you to start to think about what is really going on between you and JJ. A stressful day ends in a crypt with a mysterious envelope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe  
> Stay healthy  
> Stay Groovey

It was confirmed. There was never going to be a normal day hanging out with the Pogues. 

JJ was describing how he and John B had witnessed someone getting attacked in their own house rather dramatically. Pope and Kie grilled him while John B paced back and forth.

“You’re sure they were the guys that shot at us yesterday?” you asked, looking up from your hands.

“Yes!” JJ said, letting a puff of smoke out of his mouth.

“How do you know if you can’t describe them?” Pope yelled, exasperated.

“I wasn’t taking little mental polaroids the entire time! I was under duress, okay?” JJ took a step back before taking another hit from his vape pen.

“That’s alright,” you said, putting up a hand as Pope shook his head and crossed his arms.

“But I can tell you,” JJ said, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself down. “By the way Ms. Lana was screaming, these guys were serious hombres, man.”

“Wait,” you said, scowling. “Ms. Lana? That’s whose house you were at?”

“Yeah,” JJ said, running his hands through his hair.

You stood quickly, picking your bag off the ground.

“Where are you going?” Pope asked. 

“I’ve got to go see Ms. Lana. I can’t leave her there alone,” you said. You made for the door of the porch, but JJ grabbed your wrist.

“You can’t go there,” he said, shaking his head. “Those guys could come back.”  
“I don’t have anything they want, do I? Ms. Lana is my friend, I can’t just-”

“Why do they want the compass anyway?” Kie asked, sitting up straighter.

“Yeah, it’s a piece of shit,” Pope said before looking back at John B, who was still pacing. “No offense dude, I know it’s in the family-”

“The office,” John B said, looking at JJ.

“What?”

“My dad,” John B made for the front door. “My dad’s office.”

You watched him walk inside, one hand still on the porch door. JJ tossed you a pleading look. You couldn’t leave him here when he wanted you to stay, but how could you leave Ms. Lana there knowing that she was hurting?

“Dammit,” you murmured to yourself as you turned toward JJ and followed them inside the house.

“He always kept the office locked in case anyone tried to steal his Royal Merchant research,” John B explained as he led you all through the house. “We used to laugh about it, but now that he’s gone I’ve just...I’ve kind of kept it has it was.”

The door you stood in front of looked like every other door in the house; white, wooden, plain. The only difference was the lock that kept it shut. John B stared at the lock for a few moments, as if deciding whether or not it was worth it.

“For when he gets back,” Kie said. She sent a very pointed look to JJ and Pope, who rolled their eyes. It was clear to you that there were some in this group who weren’t one hundred percent sure that Big John was coming back. For John B’s sake, you really really hoped he was going to.

John B unlocked the door and pushed it open slowly.

The room was an absolute mess. Papers, books, charts, and maps littered almost every surface, You weren’t sure how anyone was supposed to find anything of use in this room. It was a fire hazard. You also didn’t want to mention that a locked door wasn’t really much use when there were glass windows surrounding the place, so you kept it to yourself.

“I’ve slept over here like 600 times,” Pope said aimlessly. “I’ve never seen this door opened.”

Even though you couldn’t really understand the room, John B seemed to know right where he was going. As you wandered around, looking at the intricate drawings and pictures hanging on the wall, John B picked up a corkboard of pictures and scribblings. He set it on top of a large pile of papers, the others starting to crowd around it. You glanced out the window, a bad feeling settling in your stomach. 

“Here, this is the original owner.” John B pointed at the first picture on a corkboard. A sailor. He went through each of the pictures, describing how they got the compass and what happened to them.

“So, you have a death compass,” Pope said, a little nod of his head. ‘Great.”

“It’s not a death compass!” John B protested.

“It’s cursed,” JJ said, pressing his lips together. “You have to get rid of it.”

John B turned away from the corkboard and sat down on the only clear surface in the room. 

“Look, there’s this compartment in the back,” John B said, flipping the compass over. “Where soldiers could hide secret notes or whatever.” 

You and Kie leaned over to see what was on the inside. John B twisted the back off, looking at the compass.

“Look,” you said, pointing at the back. “There’s something etched in there.”

“What is that?” Kie asked.

“That wasn’t there before.” You could feel John B tense as he looked back at Kie. “This is my dad’s handwriting.”

“How can you tell?” asked Pope as he neared, a hand on his hip.

“He does that thing with his R’s. See?” John B showed Pope the carving. There was in fact a very strangely drawn R.

“Can I see it?” JJ asked, leaning over you as you crouched on the ground. John B showed the compass to JJ. “Red...Rout-”

“That’s an A,” you said, pointing at the little letter.

“It says Redfield,” Kie said.

“Right.”

“What’s Redfield?” Kie asked.

“Maybe...maybe it’s a clue,” John B offered, leaning back in his chair. “Maybe it’s a clue to where he’s hiding.”

You felt yourself grimace. He wanted to believe so badly that his dad was still out there, but nine months was such a long time to be away. If his dad was still alive, why hadn’t he come back?

“A clue? C’mon, that’s-” Pope looked over at Kie, who shook her head, giving him the same look as before. He cleared his throat. “If it’s a clue, it might be an anagram.”

That was all John B needed to hear.

“Yes, an anagram. Perfect.” He stood, shuffling around on the desk. “You’ll need some paper.” 

Pope took the paper and pencil and started to write.

“How do you concentrate with that thing crowing at you?” Pope asked.

“JJ loves the rooster,” John B said.

“I love the rooster,” Kie added.

As Kie, Pope, and JJ leaned over the paper to try and solve the anagram, John B started to dig through some of the other things in the room.

“How can I help?” You asked him. He shook his head, scribbling something on a piece of paper. You turned back to the anagram station, listening to them bicker.

“You’re missing a letter,” Kie said, pointing at the paper. Pope smacked her hand away.

“Guys,” John B said. “Somebody’s here.”

You all moved toward the window slowly, peering outside. A black car had pulled up beside John B’s van, two large men stepping out. They were definitely the guys that shot at you yesterday, which meant they were the same people who had attacked Ms. Lana. Your blood began to boil at the sight of them.

“Son of a bitch,” you muttered, narrowing your eyes as they approached the house.

“This is suboptimal,” Pope said, voice so monotone you almost laughed despite the fact that there were very dangerous people approaching the house.

“No,” JJ moaned, shaking his head and stepping back. “I told you. Why does it always-”

“JJ, listen to me,” John B said, pushing his friend against the wall in hopes to quiet him down. “Where’s the gun?”

“The gun? I, uh, I can’t-”

“Now you don’t have the gun?” Kie cried. “The one time we need the gun?”

You wrapped your arms around yourself, moving to stand as close to Pope as you could. You were hoping to absorb some of his strange calmness into yourself before your head blew off from stress.

“It’s on the porch,” JJ said finally.

“Go get it!”

JJ ran from the room and you felt your heart sink. Kie stepped back toward you and you laced your fingers through hers, giving her hand a tight squeeze. Maybe if you couldn’t take any of Pope’s calmness, you and Kie could pass some kind of comfort to each other.

JJ ran back into the room, shutting the door behind him.

“Where’s the compass?” You heard one of the men yell from outside. You shuddered at the sound of his voice.

“Where’s the gun?” John B asked. JJ looked around the room, eyes wide.

“They’re on the front porch.”

“Routledge!” A man yelled. “Where you at, boy?”

“Shit!”

“The window! Out the window.”

JJ and Pope ran to the closest window, trying to pry it open, but it wouldn’t budge.

“It’s painted shut!” JJ snapped as Pope continued to push it upward.

“We can break it,” you offered.

“Too loud,” Kie said, shaking her head.

John B leaned up against the door, eyes closed, his breathing steady. How he managed to stay calm despite there being two men in his house who wanted to kill him was beyond you. You and Kie shuffled through the stuff on the desk for something sharp.

“Routledge!”

You felt something slice against your finger. Despite the sting of pain, you shoved papers away to reveal a letter opener.

“Kie!” You tossed the letter opener to her and she ran to the window. You shoved your now bleeding finger against your jeans and made for the window. Pope ran to the door, standing beside John B.

“Hurry,” JJ said as Kie started to cut away at the paint.

“I’m going as fast as I can!”

You ran your hands through your hair, wishing that you could somehow be of more help. The doorknob rattled. You stuck your knuckles against your mouth to keep from crying out. JJ took the letter opener from Kie and tore through the paint as the man outside the door started to kick it in.

“You better not be in there!” he yelled from the outside. John B and Pope hurried away from the door, everyone now crowded by the window. You took Kie’s hand in yours again. There were tears in her eyes and she squeezed your hand repeatedly.

When the gun went off, you jumped, but kept your mouth clamped shut. Your jaw began to ache from how hard you were clenching your jaw.

JJ finally managed to pull the window open and then stepped out of the way. Kie jumped through the window, dragging you along with her. One by one, the boys hopped out after.

“Where do we go?” Kie whispered. You pointed toward the chicken coop, where the rooster was still crowing happily. The two of you bolted toward the coop, the boys following not far behind. You helped Kie inside and waited for the boys to reach you, herding them in with your hand. You were the last inside, shutting the coop behind you.

You scurried to the back, as far from the door as you could get. You sat between JJ and Kie, breathing heavily. You looked at JJ and he glanced down at you, slowly reaching out to take your hand. The rooster continued to crow as you sat, every cluck making your pulse spike.

“Pope, shut it up,” JJ hissed, pointing at the chicken by Pope’s feet.

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Pet it or talk to it or something!” Kie said, tears running from her eyes. “I don’t know!”

“He’s coming,” John B said, sitting back against the wall of the chicken coop. You sucked in a deep breath, closing your eyes. For all the times you thought about how you were going to die, going out in a chicken coop had never been on your list. Still, you would die surrounded by friends, so there was something beautiful in that.

“You do something!” Pope said. You felt JJ’s hand pull away from yours as he reached out a grabbed the rooster. You tried to look away as he broke the rooster’s neck, shutting it up instantly. Kie let out a shuddering sob, but no one made another sound.

“Ratter! What the hell are you going?” The other man yelled. “Let’s go!”

You saw the man’s feet slowly retreat away from the coop, letting yourself breathe once. When the engine started, you heard Kie let out another sob.

Even after the black truck pulled away, no one moved a muscle. It was a few minutes before John B pushed himself onto his hands and crawled out of the coop. Pope scurried out next and Kie after him. JJ sat there, holding the dead rooster in his hands. You crawled over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I loved this rooster,” he said, staring at the body. You slowly wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“I know,” you whispered, gently moving your hand onto the rooster’s body. “You did what you had to do.”

A few tears stung your eyes, blurring your vision. You blinked and they fell, preferring to cry when JJ couldn’t see you. You kissed the top of his head and took the rooster out of his hands and setting it on the ground.

“Come on,” you said gently. “Let’s go.”

The two of you emerged from the coop. You noticed a shift in JJ as soon as you stepped out. The shock was gone instantly, replaced by a fake version of excitement.

“That was crazy,” he said, grinning at John B who let out a deep sigh.

Kie walked toward you and JJ, her tears starting to dry on her face. She put one arm around your neck and the other around JJ.

“We almost died,” she breathed.

“Nah, we woulda been fine,” JJ said, patting her on the head. You held her tight, knowing full well that she was right.

“I really need to go,” you said, finally pulling away from her. “I need to see Ms. Lana.” 

“What if those guys come back for her?” Pope asked.

“Then she needs someone there to protect her,” you said, jogging back to the porch for your purse.

“And it has to be you?” JJ asked, arms crossed.

“If it’s not me then who?”

JJ sighed, looking down at the leaves.

“I’ll be there until the sun goes down,” you said to John B. “If there are any new updates, I’ll be at Ms. Lana’s or my house. Come get me.”

John B nodded.

“Thank you.”

You put a hand on his arm and waved to the others.

“Babe, wait!” JJ ran after you as you went to the car. “You’ll be safe?” 

“Of course,” you told him, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek. Before you turned away again, JJ grabbed your wrist, pulling you back for a real kiss. You felt yourself smile against his lips. An ocean roared in your stomach, wanting nothing more than to stay here with him, to hold him until all the horrible thoughts were out of his head. But you couldn’t.

“Hey, JJ!” Pope called from around the house. “Get your ass back over here!”  
JJ groaned and you felt the vibration against your lips. When you pulled away, he tried to take your lips back but you put a finger against his mouth.

“Your friends are scheming, Maybank,” you said. “And I have to go.”

With a roll of his eyes, JJ dropped his hands from your waist.

“I’ll see you later, yeah?” You said, smiling at him. He smiled back, starting to back away slowly. 

“Yeah. Stay safe out there, sailor,” he said, giving you a mock salute. 

“You too, bucko.” 

There was a smile on your face as you drove away. How in the world had the boy managed it? Just minutes ago, you were seconds away from dying and yet JJ could still make you smile. You weren’t sure whether your heart was pounding from the adrenaline or from the lingering feeling of JJ’s lips on yours. 

Your smile didn’t leave your face until you pulled up to Ms. Lana’s house. You could hear her crying before you even made it to the front door.

“Ms. Lana?” You called into the open window. “It’s El.”

“El?” You heard her quiet voice coming from somewhere in the house. “El, darling, you shouldn’t be here.”

“Can I come in, Ms. Lana?”

“You shouldn’t.”

You pushed the door open anyway. Your heart dropped into your stomach at the sight of her home. Glass was shattered on the floor, papers flitting in the wind of all the broken windows. The furniture was overturned and books were scattered about.

You found her sitting on the floor of the bathroom, head in her hands.

“Oh, Ms. Lana.” She startled at the sound of your voice, looking up. You saw the tears running down her face, her eyes puffy and red from crying.

“You shouldn’t be here, child,” she said, shaking her head as her lower lip quivered. 

“You’ve always been there for me.” You sat beside her, draping an arm over her shoulders. “Now I’m here for you.”

She dropped her forehead to your shoulder and started to cry. She took your hand gently, squeezing it in the same way Kie had earlier. You could feel her tears rolling down your arm, soaking through your shirt. When her tears slowly started to subside, her sobbing returning to normal breathing, she sat up, wiping her cheeks.

“Here.” You pushed yourself off the ground and put out for your hand for her to take. “Let’s pick some things up.”

“It’s such a mess,” she said, looking around. “I couldn’t bring myself to do it.” 

“Well, I’m here now,” you said, smiling. “I’ll help you.”

It was nearly impossible to figure out where to start. But once Ms. Lana was on her feet, she knew exactly what to do. She grabbed a broom and started to sweep up the glass and other broken things from the floor. You tried to right some of the furniture, moving them all to the same spot so she could sweep.

You spent the next few hours trying to return Ms. Lana’s house to somewhat livable. Even though her house looked like a hurricane blew through it, there was no longer anything on the ground to step on and there were places to sit. 

As you placed books back onto the shelf as best as you could, Ms. Lana made something to eat. The two of you ate outside, looking out at the water. Sweat beaded down your neck, the ocean glaring off the water and shining against your face. 

“How did you know to come here?” Ms. Lana asked. You took your time swallowing as you tried to come up with a reason that wouldn’t immediately let her know that JJ was the boy she and you had told her about. 

“I wanted to come see you after I heard about Scooter.” 

Ms. Lana looked at her cup of tea. 

“Those boys told you, didn’t they?”

“I don’t know what-”

“You don’t have to lie to me, honey. I told you, I’m not going to tell your daddy anything.” You breathed in a deep breath. “That boy you were telling me about. It was John B, wasn’t it?”

You scoffed and rolled your eyes. 

“God, no. He’s just a friend.” 

“JJ then.” 

You grimaced and tried to play it off in the same way, but Ms. Lana already knew. You set your cup down and met her gaze. The game was up. You were caught.

“Yes,” you said finally. “Yeah, it’s JJ.”

Ms. Lana smiled as she took another drink from her cup. You always thought that if anyone found out about the two of you doing...whatever it was that you did...that they would be disappointed, try to steer you away. But Ms. Lana just smiled. 

“Tell me about it,” she said. 

“Ms. Lana-”

“Indulge me, El. My house was broken into and I need something to take my mind off of it.” 

You felt a smile grow on your face. You leaned your head back, letting out a deep sigh. 

“It’s like….” You sighed again. “I don’t even know. It’s like being alive for the first time. Like I’ve been in this state of comatose for my entire life and all of the sudden I’m awake.”

You couldn’t help your smile as you looked up at the sky. 

“It feels like I’m caught in a storm but I’m not drowning. I’m not afraid. Not when I’m with him. Nothing can touch me when he’s there. No one can.” You looked down at your fingers. 

“Do you love him?” 

You snapped your head up to look at her.

“I’ve only known him a little over a month, Ms. Lana.” 

“I know,” she said. “I only knew Scooter three months before we were married. I never regretted my decision.”

You shook your head, the elated feeling in your chest gone. You knew your answer, but you couldn’t say it. There was too much weight to it. It meant too much for you to just say out loud. 

“You don’t have to know now,” Ms. Lana said, reaching across the table to take your hand. “But be careful. Don’t get that pretty heart of yours broke and for the love of God don’t break his.”

You shook your head quickly, unable to form the words you wanted to say. 

“There’s more to do inside,” you finally decided on. “We should get back to work.”

Without waiting for her to respond, you took her plate and yours back to the kitchen, mind running. 

Was that how your relationship, whatever it was, with JJ was supposed to end, his heart broken or yours? Why couldn’t it end happy? Did everything need to fall apart or was there actually hope that something good could come from this? 

You helped Ms. Lana clean for another hour or so until the sun started to set. 

“You should head home, my dear,” Ms. Lana said. “I am so grateful for your help.” 

You gave her a tight hug. 

“Any time you need me,” you told her, hands on her shoulders. “I will drop anything.” 

“Even that boy of yours?” 

You rolled your eyes. 

“Where do you think I came from?” 

It was nice to have someone else know, someone who wasn’t Kid or the Pogues. Ms. Lana was an adult who actually cared, who could give you good advice, who could help when you needed it. She was someone you could actually trust, someone to rely on. The thought made your smile grow wider. 

“Have a good night, dear,” Ms. Lana said, walking you to your truck. 

You sent her one last wave before pulling away. 

You expected your dad to be angry when you got home, but you were confident you could talk yourself out of it. 

“Where were you?” He demanded, as usual. “Someone told me they saw you on the cut. I thought I told you-”

“I was at Ms. Lana’s,” you said, forcing tears into your eyes. “She’s just so...with Scooter and everything.” 

You covered your face with your hands, imitating sobbing sounds. Your dad dropped his anger instantly and walked over to you. He wrapped his arms around your back, holding you tight. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he whispered, planting a kiss on your head. You sobbed to cover a gag. “Scooter’s death hit us all really hard.” 

You lifted your head up to meet your dad’s eyes, disgusted by how close he was to you. 

“If you wouldn’t mind,” you said, voice quiet. “I think I just need some time alone. Is that okay?” 

Your dad nodded his head, letting you go. You took a careful step back. 

“If you need me, Kiddo, I’m always here for you,” he said as you started toward the stairs. You nodded your head slowly. 

“Thanks, Dad.” You dragged your feet upstairs. With your back turned to him, a smile made its way onto your lips. There was nothing like a successful guilt trip. Closing your door, you let your jitters leave your body by waving your arms in the air to some inaudible beat that you made up. It was only 8 o’clock (ish) and yet you had the whole night to do whatever you wanted without your dad checking on you. He hated it when you got weepy. He didn’t know how to handle it. So, he usually left you alone until the next day. That was how you had managed to sneak out to most of the parties in your past. 

You just hoped the Pogues were planning something interesting that night. 

JJ tapped on your window thirty minutes later. You threw the window open, shoes still on your feet. 

“Where to?” You asked.

“The Wreck to pick up Kie.”

“And then?” 

“John B won’t tell us until we’re all in the car.” 

“That’s fine by me.” 

You crawled out of your window, following JJ down to the ground. He took your hand as the two of you ran across the lawn and into the trees. 

Jumping into the back of John B’s van. The front seat was empty, most likely reserved for Kie. 

“Hey, Pope,” you said as you sat next to him. “John B.” 

“Hey,” they both replied. JJ slid into the van behind you.  
“What have you boys been up to?” you asked. 

“We went to the lighthouse,” Pope said. “Almost got arrested.” 

“I did get arrested,” John B said. 

“Pardon?” You leaned forward. 

“Yeah. We went to the Redfield Lighthouse and it was fine and dandy until I showed the guy the compass. He freaked and called the cops.”

You looked back at JJ, who pulled a blunt out of his pocket. He shrugged. 

“How did you get out?” 

“Kie’s dad bailed me out,” John B said as if it was the most normal thing. 

“And we’re going to her workplace now?” 

John B nodded his head. 

“Yup.” 

“Let’s just pray her dad doesn’t kill us.” 

Her dad didn’t kill you. But the conversation between John B and Kie went on longer than you had expected. 

“What colleges are you looking at, Pope?” You asked, trying to break the silence. You heard JJ sigh dramatically as he leaned his head against the window. 

“I’m going to apply to as many as I can,” he said. “But it doesn’t really matter if I can’t get that scholarship. Have you been planning on college?”

“Yeah. I have to get myself a good job to keep myself afloat, ya know? Like a lawyer or a doctor or something,” you said. 

“You? A lawyer?” JJ asked with a scoff. You narrowed your eyes. 

“Well, I’ll have to do something to survive, won’t I? I can’t be a dishwasher for my entire life.” 

“Where are you going to apply?” Pope asked, trying to turn your attention away from JJ’s comment. 

“Brown, I think. And maybe Harvard. Maybe some other reputable schools. I would prefer somewhere small, but who knows.” 

“And I’m guessing your dad would pay for it?” Pope asked. You knew that he hadn’t meant the sharpness in his words, but you heard it anyway. 

“Probably not,” you said, pulling at a tear in your jeans. “He doesn’t want to think about me leaving the house ever. I talked about college once and he….yeah, no, I don’t really bring it up.” 

“What would your dream job be?” Pope turned to face you fully. “If you didn’t have to think about school or money or a family.” 

You pulled your lip in between your teeth, looking around and leaning forward as if you were about to tell a secret. 

“Promise you won’t laugh?” 

“I promise.” 

“I don’t,” JJ said, lifting his hand. You smacked his hand out of the air before turning back to Pope. 

“I want to be work in the archives of a museum,” you said, whispering. 

“What?” 

“Like, when people discover things, I want to catalog everything and date it and figure out where it was from and who used it and stuff like that.” 

“That is so cool,” Pope said with a smile. JJ rolled his eyes. 

“You want to be a coroner, right?” Pope nodded his head quickly. “That is seriously the coolest.” 

“What did I say about being a kiss ass?” JJ asked from the back. 

“Just because your aspirations are to be high all the time doesn’t mean it’s the same for the rest of us,” Pope said. 

The car fell silent for a bit. 

“I want to be a mechanic,” JJ said finally. “Like my dad.” 

You leaned over to look at him. He was rolling the blunt in between his fingers, staring at it. He looked up at you, one eye squeezed shut. You smiled at him and he smiled back. It wasn’t his usual half-grin and it looked almost...sad, but it was a smile. 

Both of the front doors opened at the same time. You turned around and smiled as Kie slid into the passenger seat. 

“I heard you’ve had a busy day since I left,” you said. Kie rolled her eyes, a smile on her face as she glanced at John B. 

“Yeah, it’s been crazy,” she said, sharing a knowing smile with John B. 

“What the hell was that?” you whispered to Pope. He shrugged, looking at his hands, all the previous joy gone from his face. 

They started down the road. It didn’t take long for JJ and Pope to start bickering about smoking or vaping or something along those lines. 

“Look, I know I was wrong about the lighthouse,” John B said, interrupting their argument from going any further. “And I was wrong about pretty much everything else. But I was right about one thing. My dad is trying to tell me something.” 

No one asked him what it was until he slowed to a stop at the cemetery. 

“John B,” you asked, wrapping your arms around yourself. “Why are we in a cemetery?” 

“Come on, guys,” was all he said. You sent a look at Kie and she simply shook her head, following John B out of the car. 

“This place is freaky,” she said. “John B, what are we doing?” 

“You know how you’re trying to remember a song, but you don’t know who sings it?” 

“Everyday,” you grumbled. 

“So, Redfield. This whole time I thought it was a place.” John B stopped in front of a crypt, shining the light onto the name at the top. “But what if it’s a person?” 

“Voi-effing-la,” JJ said, staring up at the name. 

Your stomach started to squeeze. You didn’t like dead things, especially not dead people. Cemeteries were creepy enough from the outside, you weren’t overly fond of being inside one. 

“My great great grandmother Olivia,” John B said, glancing back at the group. “Her maiden name was Redfield.” 

“I’ll be damned,” you breathed. 

The five of you stared up at the crypt, all in different states of shock. The etching in the cursed compass actually meant something and that something was a clue that led you all here, to this crypt. You had a feeling you were all teetering at the edge of a cliff, a cliff none of you wanted to fall down. Except maybe John B.

“Help me with this door,” he said. 

Pope stepped forward and tried to help him push the door open, but it wasn’t moving. Even when JJ tried to help, it still remained where it was. 

“This door is like 700 pounds,” Pope groaned. “It’s not going to budge.” 

“We didn’t come this far to get stuck at a door,” JJ said. 

A quiet hiss from the door startled you. At first, you thought it was a booby trap and a poisonous gas had been released and you had all been infected, but then JJ relieved your fears. 

“It’s a snake!” 

The boys jumped backward. 

“That’s a moccasin alright,” JJ said. When you looked over, there was a smile on his face. “Ye old cottonmouth. Death in tall grass.” 

And then he proceeded to bark at it. You pressed your palm to your forehead. 

“Are you seriously barking at a snake?” you asked, eyebrows pinched. 

“JJ, shut up!” Kie sounded so done with him and the others and you couldn’t blame her. She put up with a lot.  
“You’re gonna wake the dead man!” Pope said, tapping JJ’s shoulder with his hand. 

“What? They’re afraid of snakes. Everybody knows that.” 

“No.” You shook your head. “I don’t think everybody knows that.” 

You stepped toward the door, trying to figure out exactly you all could get inside. There was a relatively large hole at the top. 

“Hold up,” JJ said. “If there’s one, there’s probably dozens.” 

You waved him off, standing on your toes to stick your hand through the hole. JJ started barking again and while the boys tried to shut him up, you put a hand on Kie’s elbow and pointed at the hole. 

“I can get through there,” she said. You nodded your head and the two of you started to clear away the branches. 

“What are you doing?” John B asked turning around. 

“I can fit through the hole,” Kie said, pointing at it. 

“You’re not going through there.” He shook his head. 

“Look, this is about your dad. And honestly, I don’t believe in it, but you deserve to know the truth.” John B looked away from her and she gave a little shrug of her shoulders. “I’ll do it.” 

You crouched down, setting out your palms to hoist her up. Pope held onto her waist to stabilize her. 

“I’m coming too,” you said once she was inside. Putting a flashlight between your lips, JJ and Pope helped you through the hole after Kie. You dropped to the ground and your pulse started to race. You _really _hated dead things.__

__“You alive?” John B asked. “You got like a, a heartbeat and everything?”_ _

__“So far,” Kie called back, shining the flashlight around. A shudder ran through you as your light shone over a broken casket._ _

__“I hate it in here,” you said, wandering around. “What are we looking for again?”_ _

__“You’ll know it when you see it,” John B told you._ _

__“Real helpful,” you mumbled, shoving your free hand into your sweater pocket._ _

__“Oh my god,” Kie breathed, standing by a crack in the wall._ _

__“What is it?” You crossed the crypt and stood by Kie to see what was in her hands. “Oh my god.”_ _

__“Did you find something?” JJ called from outside._ _

__Kie pulled the envelope from the crack and turned to look at you, a hint of a smile on her face._ _

__“He was right,” she breathed. You smiled up at her._ _

__“Now can we get the hell out of here?”_ _


	9. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hunt for the gold is on. but that doesn't mean your personal problems stopped. You say something to JJ that you probably shouldn't have and the regret brings up a serious of bad thoughts. Finding the Royal Merchant didn't go entirely as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a mention of self harm in this chapter. It isn't graphic and it isn't cutting, but if that is still harmful to you, please be cautious! Your health is my priority. Stay safe folks!

Listening to John B sob was heart-wrenching. His father’s words echoed in your own head as John B clung to the wall, the only thing that was keeping him from falling to his knees. Kie curled herself around him in an attempt to hold him together. Part of you wanted to hug him too, if it would stop the sound of him crying. It broke your heart and you weren’t sure why.   
After what seemed like a lifetime, John B managed to stifle his tears and stand up straight. Kie stepped back and away, closer to you. John B turned to look at you guys and you saw the tears that still ran down his face, eyes rimmed red. 

“Why...Why don’t we go get some fresh air?” You suggested when no one said anything. There were a few half-hearted nods from the others. Kie was the first to move. She plucked her ukelele off the floor before walking out the front door. Pope and JJ followed after her. 

You waited, watching as John B put his hand back on the wall to keep him steady. His eyes were glued to the tape recorder on the table. You took a shaking step toward him and placed your hand on his forearm. He flicked his eyes over to look at you. With a small nod, you gave his arm a short squeeze. 

The fresh air was good. The Chateau had begun to feel stuffy, unwelcoming, like a dark cloud loomed over the building. So, when you left, the night air was comforting. The darkness of the night was starting to fade as the moon started to dip toward the horizon. You would need to get home soon, at least for a few hours. But for now, your friend needed all the support he could get and you weren’t about to leave him. 

The five of you sat on the dock, everyone except for Pope perched on the railing. You sat beside JJ, one of his hands resting on your knee. The night was silent, save for the sound of the water lapping against the dock and Kie strumming her ukelele. 

“How much was it again?” JJ asked, breaking the silence. A single light shone above John B’s head, illuminating the tears on his cheeks and the grimace in his lips. 

“Four hundred mil,” Pope said, tapping his foot. JJ sighed, sliding his hand off of your leg and turning to face the others. You suddenly felt cold at the loss of his touch. 

“Let’s talk split,” he said. You closed your eyes so he wouldn’t see you roll them. “Now, before we say evenly, may I remind you that I am the one that can properly defend us from those groupers who were after us.” 

JJ pulled the gun from his pocket and you glared at him, sliding off the railing to sit next to Pope. You hated that thing in his hand. You hated it because you wanted it so badly. 

“Protection isn’t cheap,” JJ continued as John B took a long drink from his beer can. 

“You have no training,” Pope said. You wished he wouldn’t feed into JJ’s antics. You pulled your legs up to your chest, settling your chin between your knees. 

“YouTube, bro! That’s at least a five percent bump right there.” 

“You haven’t-”

“Any objections?” You lifted your head, hand following. “Didn’t think so.” 

You rolled your eyes and put your head back down. Kie raised her hand with a small shake of her head and Pope scoffed. 

“I didn’t hear any, so-” JJ said, shrugging his shoulders. 

“What would you do with the money, Pope?” Kie asked with a small smile, trying to turn the conversation away from JJ. 

“Pay for college in advance,” Pope said as if he could see it happening right in front of his eyes. “And also textbooks. Those are expensive. Elm?” 

“Wait til I’m 18. Hire a damn good lawyer and get my brother the hell out of that house,” you said, raising your beer can as if it was a toast. Or a promise. 

“You’re going to use your money to move out?” Kie asked. You nodded your head, taking a drink. 

“Once I get custody of my brother and settle us somewhere safe, you guys can have the rest,” you said. You finished off the rest of your beer, watching the water through the wooden railing. “What about you, Kie?” 

“Yeah, what does a socialist do when she’s rich?” Pope asked, turning to his friend. Kie laughed, but she looked up at the sky, thinking. 

“I just wanna make a double album,” Kie said with a smile on her lips. “About OBX. The Pogues. You know, the way _Catch a Fire _is about Kingston.”__

__You smiled at her idea. There was something so wholesome about it. She looked so free to do whatever she wanted with her money. She was going to take it and do something she loved with no obligations, no fears, no worry. You were almost jealous of her._ _

__“Record it at Marley Studio, Peter Tosh producing-” She continued, a dreamer’s smile still on her face. You smiled along with her._ _

__“Peter Tosh is-” Pope started._ _

__“Peter Tosh is dead, I know.” Kie raised her can of beer. “Spirit of Peter Tosh will never die.”_ _

__“Amen,” you echoed, lifting your empty beer can._ _

__“I know what I’ll do,” JJ said, looking down at you. “I’m gonna get a big ass house on Figure 8 and go full Kook.”_ _

__“You’re gonna go full Kook?” Pope asked in disbelief._ _

__“Yup,” JJ said. You looked back at him and smiled. “Gonna make a marble statue of myself, and then I’m gonna get a koi pond. Put a bunch of those fish-”_ _

__“I’m never visiting,” Kie said with a laugh._ _

__“Can Kid and I come live with you?” You asked, only half-joking._ _

__“Of course, Babe,” JJ said, ruffling your hair with his hand. You swatted his hand away from your head, but with a grin._ _

__“What are you going to do with the money, JB?” Pope asked, looking over at his friend. Everyone else turned to him. His face was set in stone, staring out over the water. Finally, he nodded and turned his head into the light, looking at his friends. There was a small smile pulling at the edge of his lips._ _

__“To going full Kook.”_ _

__***_ _

__You drove back home, your mind reeling. The Pogues had their plan to go to the hotel where JJ worked to look up the coordinates that John B’s dad left for the Royal Merchant. You could feel the gold at the tip of your fingers. The answer to your problems, the fulfillment of your dream to get your brother out of the clutches of your father, was right there. You could see it in front of your eyes and you wanted it now more than ever. It killed you that you couldn’t be beside them the entire time, but you had to be extra careful now more than ever if you really wanted to get Kid away from your dad._ _

__It was around 4 in the morning when you flopped into your bed. Sleep consumed you rather quickly. When you woke up at 9 the next morning, you wondered if you were ever going to get a good night’s sleep with all the time you spent running around with the Pogues._ _

__Your dad was already at work when you woke up. There was a note on your door from Kid, telling you that he went over to Dex’s until Dad was home. It made you smile. You were glad that Kid was comfortable enough to leave the house under Dad’s nose. You had always wanted him to have a normal life where he could just go over to his friend’s house without fear of being punished for it later._ _

__You would wait around until your friend’s needed you, as you always did these days. Instead of moping around, you turned your music up as loud as it would go and started to clean the kitchen. Cleaning the kitchen slowly became cleaning the dining room and then cleaning the foyer until you had cleaned almost the entire downstairs. A knock at your door startled you, spinning around to look at the front door._ _

__You looked over at the clock, wondering who might be there. Kid and Dad would have just walked through the front door without knocking first. You tried to tell yourself that it was probably just the mailman. Walking across the room, tiptoeing, you heard the knock again._ _

__A smile broke across your face as you pulled the door open to find Pope and JJ standing on your porch._ _

__“We have a delivery for, uh, ‘one hot babe’,” JJ said, pretending to hold a package under his arm. You crossed your arms, leaning against the doorframe with an amused smile on your face as Pope groaned._ _

__“I’m sorry. I think you have the wrong house,” you said, tilting your head to the side._ _

__“Oh no,” JJ grinned, eyes scanning your body. “This is definitely the right house.”_ _

__“God, okay, please stop,” Pope begged, squeezing his eyes together. “Elm, we need your help.”_ _

__“Of course,” you said, standing straighter. “What do you guys need? Did you guys find anything?”_ _

__“Yeah, we found the place where the coordinates are. We just have to get a drone to get us down there,” JJ said._ _

__“We’re stealing a drone,” Pope said, side-eyeing JJ._ _

__“It’s not stealing. It’s borrowing.”_ _

__“We are taking a drone from its rightful owners and using it for our own, selfish purposes.”_ _

__“Okay, stealing or borrowing, whatever. What do you need me to do?” You asked. JJ and Pope both turned to look at you._ _

__“We need to borrow your car.”_ _

__***_ _

__You drove behind the van, Kie sitting in your passenger seat. The windows were rolled down and music thrummed through the car. Kie hand her feet sticking out the window, bouncing her legs to the beat._ _

__“Can I tell you something?” Kie asked suddenly, turning to you and lifting her sunglasses onto her head._ _

__“Sure.”_ _

__“You have to promise not to laugh at me.”_ _

__“I would never laugh at you, Kie.”_ _

__“Okay, here goes.” Kie sucked in a deep breath. “John B kissed me.”_ _

__You nearly stomped your foot on the break._ _

__“ _What? _”___ _

____“Yeah, a few days ago. I didn’t want to say anything at first, but John B already told the boys and I didn’t want you to feel left out of the loop.”_ _ _ _

____“I, um, I appreciate it, Kie.” You cleared your throat. “Did...did you kiss him back?”_ _ _ _

____“I just want to be friends with him,” Kie said, looking back out the window. “He knows that. I told him.”_ _ _ _

____“I don’t really know what I should say, but I could punch him if you’d like,” you told her, glancing over in her direction. Kie laughed and shook her head._ _ _ _

____“Thank you for the support, Elm, but you don’t have to punch him. I just don’t want it to be awkward is all. You know I…” Kie looked down at her hands. “I wasn’t there for him when his dad went missing. I’m just trying to make up for it now, but I guess I was sending some signals that I hadn’t meant to.”_ _ _ _

____“I’m sure John B knows you’re there for him. And the air is clear now, right? He knows that you want to be just friends so you can go back to doing all the silly friend things you did before without feeling awkward, right?” Advice wasn’t something you were entirely good at. You had never really had to give it to anyone before. Or pep talks. But Kie smiled at you and then turned to look out the window._ _ _ _

____“You’re right.” She dropped her sunglasses back onto her nose. “Thank you, Elm.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, no problem.”_ _ _ _

____You two fell quiet once again, listening to the music. Maybe one day you would be able to sit with someone, listen to their problems, and give them sound advice, but you guessed that today wasn’t that day._ _ _ _

____Up in front of you, JJ stuck his head out of the van window. You couldn’t help but smile when he opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue like a dog._ _ _ _

____“What an idiot,” you mumbled to yourself, hiding a smile behind your hand. JJ blew a kiss to you from the window. You made a display of catching it and pressing your palm against your cheek._ _ _ _

____“You’ve got that boy whipped, you know,” Kie said, watching with a smile. You turned to look at her, hoping she would elaborate. “When you’re not around, he barely stops talking about you.”_ _ _ _

____You weren’t sure why your smile started to falter._ _ _ _

____“He’s got me pretty whipped too,” you said, watching the wind blow through his hair. He lifted his face up to the sun and you felt your heart warm at the sight of him._ _ _ _

____“Yeah.” Kie smiled. “I can see that.”_ _ _ _

____You drove up to the salvage yard, seeing the van a few feet back. As you and Kie stepped out of the car, you looked back to get a thumbs up from each of the boys. You returned it with a smile. You and Kie both walked up to the gate._ _ _ _

____“Hello?” Kie waved at the security gate. “Excuse me?”_ _ _ _

____You smiled as sweetly as you could when the guard walked up to the gate._ _ _ _

____“Can I help you, ladies?” The guard asked. You looked over at Kie and then bit your lip.  
“My car,” you said. “It has a flat.”_ _ _ _

____“Do you think you can help us?” Kie asked, with a smile all her own._ _ _ _

____The guard looked back and forth between the two of you for a moment before his lips twitched upward and he nodded his head._ _ _ _

____“Yeah, I can help.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah?”_ _ _ _

____He turned back toward his guard shack. You turned to Kie, both of your smiles dropping._ _ _ _

____“It’s too easy,” she said, squinting against the sunlight._ _ _ _

____“Way too easy.”_ _ _ _

____When he came back out, carrying a toolbox, you waved him over toward your car._ _ _ _

____“It’s the back one,” you said as Kie leaned up against the door of your car. “It wasn’t like this when I left the house. I have no idea what would have caused this to happen.”_ _ _ _

____“Well,” the guard said as he set his tools down and crouched to the floor. “If you hit something sharp on the road…”_ _ _ _

____As he explained it to you, you met Kie’s gaze and rolled your eyes. She shook her head and laughed quietly, looking at the ground. When you glanced up at the gate, you saw the boys scamper into the salvage yard before the gate shut. You could only hope they’d find the drone quickly._ _ _ _

____But time ticked on and the guy was almost finished with the tire. You met Kie’s gaze again and it was clear that she was thinking the same thing. With a small motion of your head, she went around to the other side of the car to try and let air out of another tire. You lowered yourself to the gravel and gave the security guard a smile._ _ _ _

____“Thank you for helping us,” you said, reaching out to put a hand over his as he started to put his tools away. “I wish there was some way we could repay you.”_ _ _ _

____The guard gave a soft smile, not the kind that you expected._ _ _ _

____“Don’t worry about it,” he said, pulling his hand away and closing his bag. “Just glad I could help.”_ _ _ _

____You stood after him and hurried after him as he walked to the other side of the car. There was a series of barks from inside the salvage yard and you sincerely hoped that it was just JJ barking at snakes again. The guard scowled, stopping and staring at the gate._ _ _ _

____“What was that?” he asked._ _ _ _

____You shrugged, jumping up onto the hood of your car._ _ _ _

____“Nothing important,” you said, kicking your feet back and forth. You brought his attention back to you for a few moments, before he walked a few steps farther and saw Kie desperately trying to let air out of another tire with her hair clip._ _ _ _

____“What’s going on?” He asked, looking up quickly when the barking sound returned. You glanced down at Kie, who looked up at you, cringing. Neither of you had the chance to say anything before the security guard took off back toward the salvage yard._ _ _ _

____“Shit,” Kie hissed, pushing herself off the ground. “We gotta go.”_ _ _ _

____“The boys-”_ _ _ _

____“They’ll be fine.”_ _ _ _

____You slid off of the hood of your car and jumped into the front seat, starting the car. You drove off as soon as Kie was in the other seat, only feeling sort of bad about leaving the boys behind as you rattled down the street, away from the salvage yard._ _ _ _

____You met up back at the Wreck, starved and exhausted. When you saw the boys pull up in the van, you let out a happy sigh and walked toward them. Pope was the first one out of the car, still shaking from the adrenaline. You walked up to him and threw your arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug._ _ _ _

____“What happened in there?” you asked, pulling back and moving toward JJ._ _ _ _

____“There was a dog,” Pope said as he walked toward Kie._ _ _ _

____“Yeah, we heard it,” Kie said._ _ _ _

____“Thought you guys were going to distract the security guard,” JJ said, wrapping an arm around you as you stepped up to him._ _ _ _

____“Eh, we tried,” you said. “Maybe we should have sent you to seduce him instead.”_ _ _ _

____JJ grinned._ _ _ _

____“That probably would have worked better. I’m very seductive.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, you are,” John B piped in, walking around from the other side of the van._ _ _ _

____“Come on in, guys,” Kie said. “Dad’s got some food for us.”_ _ _ _

____“I love your dad,” you said, moving to follow after her as she and Pope walked up the ramp. But JJ pulled you back, putting his hands on the side of your face and pressing a kiss against your lips. You smiled, looping your fingers through the belt loops of his pants to pull him closer._ _ _ _

____He broke the kiss and brushed a piece of hair behind your ear._ _ _ _

____“What was that for?” You asked him, trying to bite back a smile. JJ shrugged, dropping his hand to rest against your collarbone._ _ _ _

____“I haven’t been able to kiss you yet today,” he said._ _ _ _

____“In that case, maybe you should do it again.”_ _ _ _

____He leaned down with a smile, but before his lips could touch yours, someone knocked on the glass window. You both turned around. All three of your friends were standing there, holding plates of food. Pope faked a gag. John B held up a thumbs up. Kie held the food up higher._ _ _ _

____“Should we go in?” You asked, looking at them still. JJ sighed._ _ _ _

____“It does smell pretty bitchin’,” he said, running a hand down your bare arm, leaving goosebumps. You leaned up on your toes and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before turning toward the Wreck._ _ _ _

____***_ _ _ _

____The next day, your dad hadn’t gone to work, which meant you weren’t going out._ _ _ _

____JJ knocked on your window pretty early in the morning. You had to tell him that you couldn’t go. He pouted, but you grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt and pulled him closer. A short kiss from you and his pout was gone._ _ _ _

____“I’ll see you tomorrow,” you said, only a breath away from him. JJ nodded his head, not taking his eyes off of your lips._ _ _ _

____“I’m sure they would be cool if they had to wait a few minutes for me,” JJ said, breathing heavily. You smiled, leaning down and kissing his nose. The tips of his ears burned red. Before you could retreat back into your room, JJ grabbed hold of your chin and pulled you back to him._ _ _ _

____Your stomach butterflied when his lips met yours, goosebumps littering your skin. You melted at his touch as his hand left your chin, finding it’s resting place on the nape of your neck, the metal of his rings cool against your skin. Every cell in your body wanted to pull him into your room right then and there, but with your dad right down the hall, you knew better._ _ _ _

____Still, you took your sweet time._ _ _ _

____He still tasted like the beach. Salt and sand on his lips and you never wanted anything more. You could feel his heart pounding in his chest and it was beating to the same rhythm as yours._ _ _ _

____JJ tugged gently on the bottom of your shirt, his teeth grazing against your skin. A quiet gasp escaped your lips when you managed to suck in an ounce of air. Hearing JJ struggle for breath made your stomach flip in a thousand different ways. After what Kie told you in the car about him and the way he kissed you know, confidence grew inside of you that he could possibly like you just as much as you liked him. Maybe, somehow, he needed you the same way._ _ _ _

____Neither of you wanted him to leave. If you could stay here, leaning out of your window, you would. Even though you were still in the house that brought you so much pain, the house that had you tiptoeing around like the floor was made of shattered glass, being near JJ made you feel safe. A word floated through your head, a word that you had never been able to claim before._ _ _ _

____Home._ _ _ _

____You hadn’t meant to say it, especially not then. The words had been playing in your mind for days, weeks maybe. Every time you looked at him, every time he looked at you, every moment you were just sitting there together, every sound of his laugh, every time he smiled, every time he made you dance. The words bounced throughout your mind, always at the tip of your tongue. And every time you had managed to keep the words locked behind your teeth._ _ _ _

____Up until now._ _ _ _

____“I love you.”_ _ _ _

____You regretted the words as soon as you said them, pulling back through the window. JJ just stared at you, his lips parted and his eyes wide. Your face burned and your heart constricted in your chest. If the floor could open up and swallow you whole, you wished it would. Oh, to be anywhere other than where you were right now. You shouldn’t have said it. You should have just kept it to yourself._ _ _ _

____“I, uh, I have to go,” JJ said, turning away from the window. Ice settled against your bones, freezing you from the inside out. The sun was hot and blaring, but still, you started to shiver._ _ _ _

____“Yeah. Yeah.” You refused to look at him and he wouldn’t look at you. “Say...say hi to everyone for me.”_ _ _ _

____“Sure.”_ _ _ _

____“See you.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah.”_ _ _ _

____You watched, pressing your lips together as tight as you could, as he climbed down from the roof. You didn’t want to watch him run across the grass away from your house, so you pulled the curtains together._ _ _ _

____Your hands shook as you pressed your fingers to your temples, pacing back and forth. You weren’t going to cry, there was no point in it. It was stupid. It was the heat of the moment, you said something you shouldn’t have. You would apologize when you saw him tomorrow. There was no need to panic._ _ _ _

____Still, your heart thudded so painfully, it hurt your ears. It felt like you couldn’t breathe all over again, like you were drowning, but not in the good way. You thought you were going to be sick. Sweat beaded down your neck as goosebumps still scattered across your legs. You thought you might combust from the inside. Part of you wished that you would._ _ _ _

____When someone knocked on your door, you whirled around, still dazed. You quickly pulled your hair up into a ponytail in an attempt to hide your panic before calling out to whoever was on the other side._ _ _ _

____Kid peaked his head in._ _ _ _

____“You good?” He asked._ _ _ _

____“Yeah, why I wouldn’t be?” you scoffed, tucking your hands under your arms._ _ _ _

____“I saw JJ running across the grass and then I heard you pacing. Just wanted to make sure.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, Kid. Everything’s fine.”_ _ _ _

____“Okay, well, tell him to be more careful next time. Dad might see him.”_ _ _ _

____Next time. After what you did, you weren’t there was going to be a next time._ _ _ _

____“Sure, Kid. I’ll tell him.”_ _ _ _

____“Also, Dad wants our help with something. Might want to put on some fresh lipgloss.”_ _ _ _

____As your hand shot up to your lips, Kid closed the door with a smirk. You huffed to yourself, doing as your brother suggested, before trotting downstairs with your best attempt at a smile._ _ _ _

____“Hey, Kiddo!” Your dad was in the kitchen still making breakfast. “You look a little sunburnt. You been going out?”_ _ _ _

____“Just been tanning in the backyard,” you lied quickly, sliding into a chair. “Thought I might as well.”_ _ _ _

____“I’m sorry you can’t go out more, sweetheart,” he said, passing you a plate of french toast. “I just want you to be safe and there’s nowhere safer than home.”_ _ _ _

____You smiled and took a bite of toast so you wouldn’t have to respond. It tasted bitter in your mouth, despite the syrup and powdered sugar. You couldn’t believe how heavily your father deluded himself. This house was probably the place where you were the least safe. At least you didn’t feel so trapped anymore._ _ _ _

____“Why did you stay home from work today?” You asked, staring at your plate of food, trying to swallow what felt like ashes in your mouth._ _ _ _

____“Just wanted to hang out with you guys today.” Your dad sat across from you with his own plate. “There’s some more work to do outside from Agatha. I see that you and your brother haven’t really been doing it yourselves, so I thought I might as well kick you guys into gear.”_ _ _ _

____You swallowed a lump in your throat and you smiled._ _ _ _

____“Yeah, sounds good.” You knew better than to mention the fact that you had cleaned the house yesterday. It would just make things worse._ _ _ _

____“Good. Finish your breakfast and then get your ass outside.”_ _ _ _

____Your dad picked up his plate, shoving his share back as he stood. You flinched, turning back to your plate. He stormed out the front door. You looked over at Kid, who held his hands tight in his lap._ _ _ _

____“It’s okay, Kid. Enjoy your food,” you said with an attempted smile. Kid looked up at you with only his eyes, not lifting his head. In hopes to convince him to eat, you took another bite, despite your entire body’s reaction being to throw it back up again._ _ _ _

____Slowly, Kid started to eat again._ _ _ _

____The day passed with no problems aside from your dad being a passive aggressive douche bag. You wanted to make sure that Kid had sunscreen on so that the burns already on his back wouldn’t get worse. But your dad locked the sunscreen in your house and refused to unlock the doors to let you grab it. He wouldn’t even let you inside to get water or use the restroom._ _ _ _

____By the end of the day, you were almost glad that your dad had you doing manual labor throughout the day because you hadn’t thought of JJ since that morning. Of course, once you laid down back in your bed, it all came flooding back._ _ _ _

____You slammed your face against your pillow and screamed as loud as you could. How could you be so stupid? Not being able to hold your tongue when you should have was always an issue for you. Now, here you were, in the pitfalls of that fault._ _ _ _

____Regret floated around you like a cloud. One knick in your wall and the flood came pouring out. You were no longer worried just about JJ, but fears overcame you about your friends, your mother, Ms. Lana, your dad, Kid. If you had just shattered your relationship with JJ, where would that put you with John B, Pope, Kie? They were his friends, but were they really yours too?_ _ _ _

____Maybe that’s why your mom really left, then. You were too clingy, too comfortable, too needy. Maybe you told her you loved her too many times. Maybe she was sick of looking at you._ _ _ _

____You were crying before you even realized it. The floodgates had burst open in your heart, and that was reflected by the tears that streamed down your cheeks._ _ _ _

____You were alone in your room, maybe that was a sign. Maybe that’s where you were supposed to be. Alone. _Alone.__ _ _ _

______The thought forced a sob through your tightened jaw. You pressed the back of your hand against your mouth to keep any more from bouncing around your empty room. Still, the sobbing shook your body, chest heaving. You bit down on the back of your hand until you tasted blood, clamping your teeth down to keep yourself from making sound._ _ _ _ _ _

______Your eyes fluttered shut as pain finally sparked through your hand. At first, your reaction was to pull your head away, but you didn’t when you realized that it took your mind off of the thoughts. You kept your hand in your mouth until you fell asleep._ _ _ _ _ _

______***_ _ _ _ _ _

______The next day, you were sitting in your room with a book in your hand. When the knock came to your window, you snapped your head upward. Pulling the curtain open, your heart sunk when you saw Kie sitting there, waiting. You tried to smile at her as you pulled your window._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey,” you said._ _ _ _ _ _

______“We’re finding that boat today, Elm,” she said, a childish grin on her face. “You ready to be rich?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hell yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You followed her out to the car, hoping in the back before thinking about what you said the day before._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey, Elm,” Pope said, holding out his fist for you as you climbed inside._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey.” You smiled. John B tapped your shoulder with his hand as you settled into the seat behind his and you swatted him right back. When you finally made eye contact with JJ, that same painful ice shot through you again, burning to ash in your stomach. You pressed your fingers against the back of your hand through the bandage you wrapped around it, feeling the pain once again._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What happened to your hand?” Pope asked. You looked down and tried to smile._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh, you know, burned it trying to make breakfast this morning,” you said, giving a short laugh._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You really are terrible at cooking.” You looked over at JJ and there was a smile on his face, as if nothing the day before had happened. You smiled back, hoping that you could forget it yourself._ _ _ _ _ _

______“So, we’re getting this gold?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You bet your ass we’re getting that gold, Elm!” John B drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, banging his head to his own beat._ _ _ _ _ _

______As the five of you stepped onto the boat, JJ grabbed your wrist and turned you around._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey, we good?” He asked, brushing his thumb against your wrist. You gave a few short nods, unable to look him in the eyes. “Ellie-”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah, yeah. We’re good.” You leaned up and pressed a quick kiss to his lips before turning and hopping onto the boat with everyone else._ _ _ _ _ _

______The day was supposed to be calm, but as soon as you made it to the spot where the Royal Merchant was supposed to have sunken, waves started to ripple across the water. You watched with growing alarm as a storm started to roll closer and closer to your small boat. John B called out for JJ to move the boat this way and that, but the current was too strong. You could feel it pulling the boat faster than he was able to move it. Kie called out how far down the drone was. You could feel the tension on the boat, or maybe it was the static from the storm._ _ _ _ _ _

______You weren’t sure which._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It should be right here,” Pope said, glancing up. You and Kie ran over to where John B and Pope were staring at the screen._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Where is it?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t know, Kie.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Wait,” you said, pointing at a darker spot on the screen. “What’s that?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______As Pope got closer, your heart dropped into your stomach, a smile breaking across your lips._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What is it?” JJ called from the wheel. No one said anything for a moment, mouths dry. John B started to smile as more of the ship came into view._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s the Royal Merchant.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______JJ let out a holler from the front, but the more you all looked at the screen, the more your smiles started to fall. A heavy rock settled in your stomach. The gold wasn’t there, there was nothing but an old wreckage._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s not there,” John B said. You could see the heartbreak on his face. “Just, pull up the drone.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Thundered rumbled in the distance, making you look up from the screen to the darkening sky._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Shit,” John B breathed._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Look, we can do another pass. Recharge the battery,” Pope protested as John B walked away. “We...we can go back down!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You fell back against a cooler, staring at the bottom of the boat. The gold was there, you could feel it on your fingertips, yet it was just out of reach._ _ _ _ _ _

______“The gold could be buried, we don’t know!” Kie shouted over the wind as it started to pick up._ _ _ _ _ _

______“If the gold was buried, we would see it on the metal detector,” John B said, leaning against the side of the boat. You dropped your face into your hands._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Somebody beat us to it,” John B told them._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Or it was never there.” You could hear the anger in JJ’s voice. He turned the wheel a little too harsh and you grabbed hold of the railing to keep from toppling off of the cooler. No one said anything until you were all back onshore._ _ _ _ _ _

______Still, there was silence when everyone stepped off. The urge to cry was right there, but you held it back. If anyone should be the most disappointed, it should be John B. You couldn’t help but think about that life you almost convinced yourself you could have had._ _ _ _ _ _

______As you walked away from the boat toward the van, you kicked the rocks beneath your feet. JJ walked up behind you, lacing his fingers through yours before you knew he was there. You turned to look toward him, startled at first. But then he smiled down at you. You could see the disappointment in his eyes, but there was still a smile on his face. You squeezed his hand as he brought your knuckles up to his lips. You didn’t even realize it was your wounded hand until you saw the bandages._ _ _ _ _ _

______It all felt stupid now. The breakdown, the biting, the tears. Maybe you had freaked him out, you had freaked yourself out, but that didn’t matter. Cause here he was, by your side._ _ _ _ _ _

______You smiled back, bumping his shoulder with yours as you walked back to the car._ _ _ _ _ _


	10. Summer Movie Series

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kie convinces your dad to let you come with her to the annual summer movie series, where tensions between the Pogues and Kooks finally comes full circle. Your dad finds out a secret which means there’s hell to pay for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so this chapter is pretty heavy! There’s some pogue on kook fighting, but also the reader goes through hell with Gerald. I don’t think the depictions are too graphic, but still, if it bothers you, please be cautious. Your safety is my priority! Also, I’ve been feeling rather irritated by my own writing. Every time I reread my work, it just sounds so apathetic and unfeeling, but I didn’t want that to interrupt this series because I know there are those of you out there who still read it! Thank you to those of you who have been interacting with my work in all forms, it is really encouraging. Anyway, here’s part ten! Stay safe, stay healthy, stay groovy, my friends!

When your dad opened the door and you saw Kie standing there on your front porch, your heart seized for a moment. You thought maybe something had happened to one of the boys, but from the small smile on her face, you could tell that wasn’t the case. 

“What can I do for you, miss?” Your dad asked, wiping his hands on a kitchen towel. You neared, meeting her eyes and giving a small wave. She didn’t wave back, but her smile grew wider. 

“My name is Kiara Carrera. My mom and dad own the Wreck? I live not too far away from here,” she said, which was her way of saying that she was a Kook and lived on Figure 8. “I was wondering if your daughter wanted to come with me to the summer movie series today.” 

Your heart soared as you turned to look at your dad quickly. Being able to spend the day with Kie without fearing any retribution from your dad was high on your list of things that would make you very happy. You stepped toward your dad, pleading with your eyes even if he couldn’t see you. 

“Well, Kiara, that offer is mighty nice of you, but-”

“Daddy, can I please go?” You asked with another step, twisting your hands. He turned to look at you, jaw tight. You pinched your eyebrows together as you knit your eyebrows together. He watched you carefully before finally sighing and hanging his head. 

“You’ve been good this summer,” he said. “You can go.”

A smile broke across your face as you glanced over at Kie. She grinned almost as widely. You ran toward your dad, throwing your arms around his neck. For a moment, he hugged you kindly, until he grabbed your arm with an iron grip. You glanced over at Kie and her smile faltered. 

“Anything happens today,” he hissed in your ear, sending a ripple of tremors down your spine. “And you’re dead.” 

You nodded against his shoulder and as you slowly let him go, you tried to fix a smile back onto your lips. He dropped his hand from your arm and smiled again, but you could see the venom behind his teeth. 

“Thank you, Daddy,” you whispered, not confident in the sound of your own voice. 

“Go change,” he told you. “I don’t want my daughter out looking like a whore.” 

With that, he turned and walked, throwing the dirty towel onto the floor at your feet. He flinched as he slammed the backdoor shut, closing your eyes and breathing slowly. 

“Hey,” Kie said as she took a few steps into your house. You opened your eyes and smiled at her. “Let’s get you changed.” 

***

You were in the passenger seat of Kie’s car when you pulled up to Pope’s house. 

“They’re gonna resist coming,” Kie said as she parked her car. 

“What, resist spending all day with us out in the sun watching movies?” You scoffed, opening your side door. “No way.” 

Kie laughed and the two of you walked up to Pope’s front door. Kie lifted her hand to knock, but you stopped her with a sly smile on your face. She pinched her eyebrows together. 

You pounded on the door with your fist and deepening your voice, you called out.

“Kildare PD, open up!” 

Kie shook her head and pressed her palm to her face. You laughed quietly to yourself as you heard a few swear words and bodies shuffling around. Pope finally flung the door open with a forced smile. When he saw the two of you laughing on his doorstep, his smile fell and he glared. 

“That wasn’t funny, Elm,” Pope said with a sigh. 

“I thought it was pretty funny,” you said, glancing behind him to where JJ stood. He hung his head, hiding a small bout of laughter from Pope. 

“What’s up?” Pope asked. 

“Summer movies,” Kie said. “We want you to come.” 

The two boys glanced at each other, sharing something between them that made both you and Kie nervous. 

“I think we should stay inside,” JJ said, walking up to the door to stand beside Pope. You scowled, but quickly tried to shake it off.

“On a day like today?” Kie scoffed. “No way, couch potatoes. Not on my watch.” 

Pope shifted uncomfortably. There was something going on. You weren’t entirely sure what it was, but you didn’t like it. And you were going to find out what it was. 

“Yeah, no, you’re coming with us,” you added, crossing your arms. Whatever it was they were up to, there was no way you were going to let them scheme it out on their own at home. It took a few more minutes of convincing, but you and Kie eventually got both of them in the car. 

“What movie are they playing?” You asked, trying to break the silence in Kie’s car. 

“You’ve really never been to one of these?” Kie turned to look at you as you shrugged. “Even JJ and Pope have been before.” 

“Yeah, like twice,” JJ said, fiddling with his lighter. He was fidgeting more than normal. Something was definitely off with him. 

When you arrived, the grass was already packed. You carried a few blankets in your hands as Kie led you to a clear spot in the grass. 

“I’m glad they’re still doing this,” Kie said with a smile, nearly skipping. “Keep calm and carry on. Back to the OBX life. Aren’t you guys glad we made you come?” 

“Ecstatic,” Pope said without so much of a twinge of emotion as he set a chair down onto the grass. You spread out a blanket and flopped to the ground with a happy sigh. 

“Pope’s couch was pretty comfy, I’ll be honest,” JJ mumbled. 

You glanced up at Kie as Pope and JJ whispered back and forth to each other. She nodded her head toward the concessions stand. 

“Sure,” you said, pushing yourself upward and following after her. There was a smile on your face as you walked beside her, but it fell when you saw who else was over there. A growl came from your throat before you could stop yourself. 

“Down, doggie,” Kie laughed, following your line of sight. “He won’t make a scene here, don’t worry.” 

You scoffed and tore your glare away from Rafe just before he glanced over at you. 

“Two Pepsi’s please,” Kie said to the guy at the concessions, pulling her wallet out of her back pocket. “You want anything, Elm?”

“I got it, Kie.” 

“No, it’s my treat.”

You raised your eyebrows at her and she narrowed her eyes. Finally, you turned back to the guy standing there waiting for your decision. 

“Just a bag of popcorn please,” you said to him. He nodded his head. “Thank you, Kie, you didn’t have to-”

Kie held up her hand.

“You’re my friend, Elm. Not gonna let you starve over a few bucks,” Kie told you with a smile. 

“Hey, Kie, Elma.” At the sound of Rafe’s voice, you felt your entire body seize up. You shut your eyes, hoping that maybe it was a hallucination, that if you willed him to go away, he would. “How are you?” 

Kie turned to look at him while you opened your eyes and took the popcorn and drinks from the stand. 

“I’m fine,” Kie said with the most uncomfortable smile you had ever seen. It almost made you laugh. You looked anywhere but at Rafe, remembering your last conversation with him. He had threatened you, you had threatened him right back, and then he had almost tried to protect you when JJ started shooting. It was confusing and you hadn’t thought of it much, but now that he was in your line of sights, you started wondering about it again. 

“And you, Elma, how are you?” He asked. You looked up at him, meeting his eyes with a glare. 

“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?” You ground out through your teeth. 

“Just once more, sweetheart.” You lunged forward at the nickname as it sent ice through your bones. Kie stepped in front of you, keeping her perfectly placed smile on her face. You fumed from behind her, glaring daggers into Rafe’s skull. There was a wicked grin on his face as he looked past Kie and straight through you. 

“Tell your boy we know what he did,” Rafe said once he finally looked back at Kie, inching closer. You had half a mind to shove him backward. 

“What boy are you talking about?” Kie asked. You had no idea how she kept her cool so well. If she hadn’t been there, you would have already knocked him back on his ass and given him a few new bruises on his pretty face. 

“He’ll know.” 

That was definitely a threat. And it was a threat to one of your friends, maybe even JJ. Your eyes narrowed even further. If it weren’t for the Pepsi and popcorn in your hands, you might have strangled him. Kie turned away from Rafe, hooking her arm through yours. She pulled you away, but you didn’t take your eyes away from Rafe. He had to know that if he came after any of your friends, you would be there and he would get his ass beat. 

“Watch your dog, Kie,” Rafe called after you, causing a few heads to turn. You made to attack, but Kie wouldn’t let you go. 

“Elm, c’mon. Remember what your dad said,” Kie whispered, tugging you along. You finally whipped your head around, breathing ragged. 

“I really hate him,” you sighed as you sat back down on your blanket. 

“Who?” JJ asked, tensing almost instantly. 

“Rafe.” You popped a piece of popcorn in your mouth. JJ stood, but you put your hand on his knee, pushing him gently back into the chair. You settled between his legs, still glowering as you chewed on your popcorn. 

“He said,” Kie added, handing a Pepsi to Pope. “and I quote ‘You tell your boy that we know what he did’.” 

“What is that?” Pope’s voice raised an octave as he looked over at JJ, who shrugged. 

“Um…” JJ cleared his throat. “Where is he?”

You pointed your finger behind you, staring forward. Pope and JJ spun around to look in that direction. You could feel JJ’s legs bouncing up and down, another sign that he was nervous. Something had happened to him and Pope and it had something to do with Rafe. It was official, you were definitely going to kill him. 

“Great, the whole death squad,” Pope breathed. You scowled up at him for a moment before looking back at the screen. 

“Don’t stare,” JJ said, pushing Pope’s head back to the front. “If they corner me, I’m coming out swinging, okay?”

You sat up, turning back to look at JJ. 

“If that doesn’t work,” JJ continued, plucking his backpack off the ground. You wondered why he had brought it with him. “I got this right here.” 

Your stomach dropped and you looked over at Kie, who had a worried mother look on her face. It wasn’t until her eyes met yours that you realized what exactly JJ meant by it. Pope and JJ muttered back and forth together for a few moments as you and Kie tried to internalize what you had both just realized. 

You pressed your palms against your forehead, sighing heavily. 

“Hey, JJ?” Kie said, her voice tight. “Please tell me that you did not bring a gun here.” 

At the word, you lifted your head, shifting your jaw. Both you and Kie were staring JJ down, which made him visibly uncomfortable. He glanced between the two of you before responding. 

“Kie, I didn’t bring the gun.” JJ twisted one of the rings on his fingers. He was lying. “Everything’s fine, okay?” 

Another twist. Another lie.

Your eyes fell to the bag on the ground as Kie drilled into him about the rules of the Pogues and what not. You barely heard Pope say something about ‘it going down tonight’, but all you could think about was the gun in that backpack. All you had to do was ask JJ for it. He would give it to you. He wouldn’t ask questions. Even if your dad turned up the next day with a bullet in his head, JJ would never question you. 

You forced yourself to look away and engage back into the world of reality. By that time, the first movie had started and your friends had fallen silent. You leaned back against the front of JJ’s chair, resting your head against his knee, trying to get your mind off of the gun. He dropped his hand down to your shoulder, giving a short squeeze. 

Focusing on the movie was a thousand times harder with JJ’s thumb brushing your neck. The actors on the screen were talking to each other, but you had no idea what they were saying. If there was a mind reader in the crowd, they would be scarred after reading what was going on in your head. You clenched your jaw so tightly that it began to ache. The sun started to drop, darkness falling over you and JJ got a little bolder. 

When you couldn’t take it any longer, you put your hand over his and pulled on his arm until he leaned forward. You could see the smile on his face as you turned to whisper to him. 

“I might cut your hand off if you don’t stop, Maybank.” 

JJ laughed and turned to say something, but before he could, Pope patted his arm. JJ sat up and turned toward Pope with a rather irritated “what?”

“I gotta take a piss,” Pope whispered. You laughed to yourself, turning back to the movie that you could now actually focus on. Still, you had no idea what was happening. 

“Hold it,” JJ hissed. 

“I can’t hold it, I drank too much soda.” 

“It’s too exposed, they’ll totally see us.” You raised your eyebrows up at them, but the boys were both too engaged in conversation to notice. 

“I gotta go.” They both looked back. “They’re blocking the bathrooms.” 

“I could distract them so you sissies could go pee,” you said, keeping your eyes on the screen. JJ flicked your neck gently, making you pout. 

“Come on,” JJ said. “I know where.” 

As he shifted in the chair, you took the note and moved away so he could stand up. You huffed, lifting yourself into Pope’s chair beside Kie as the boys scampered off behind a tree. 

“This isn’t good, is it?” You whispered to Kie. She shook her head, a reflection of the screen in her eyes. 

“No, it’s not.” 

You watched Rafe, Topper, and Kelce walk across the lawn behind the same tree. 

“Kie,” you said, tapping her arm and nodding over toward the boys. 

“That is _definitely _not good,” she said.__

__“Should we-”_ _

__“No. It’s a boy thing. We shouldn’t get involved.”_ _

__A few more moments went by and none of the boys came back. Your heart started to pound in your chest. You were worried for JJ and Pope, sure, but you were also itching to get Rafe a little bloodied. And when you couldn’t handle it any longer, you pushed yourself out of the chair and hurried over, ignoring the disgruntled protests from the people you walked in front of._ _

__You weren’t surprised to find that a fight had broken out. You remembered that first fight you jumped into, saving John B and JJ all those weeks ago. This one was eerily similar._ _

__Kelce held onto JJ, Rafe pounding into his stomach. Topper had Pope by the throat._ _

__You didn’t take the time to really assess the scene much farther before jumping in. Grabbing Rafe by his shoulder, you spun him around and landed a punch across his face. Pain splintered throughout your hand, but you didn’t care. A startled yell came from him, but it didn’t take him long to compose himself and fight back._ _

__Kie came running around from the other side of the screen, swinging the backpack with all of her strength. You watched with a smile as she smashed it against Topper’s back. The moment of distraction was enough for Rafe to land a solid punch against your jaw._ _

__“Don’t fucking touch her!” JJ yelled, struggling against Kelce’s grip. You spat blood at Rafe’s feet._ _

__“That the best you can do?” You asked. He swung again and you ducked, jabbing him in the stomach with your fist._ _

__“I don’t want to hurt you,” Rafe said, wiping blood from his lips._ _

__“That makes one of us.”_ _

__The scuffle carried on. You and Rafe moved around each other expertly, almost like a partner dance the two of you had been playing for years. The fight wasn’t stopped until Kie used the only brain cells that any of you had and set fire to the screen. Topper let got of Pope, Kelce releasing JJ._ _

__As soon as JJ was free, he tackled Rafe to the ground._ _

__“We gotta go,” Kie said, helping Pope to his feet as the screen burned. “JJ, Elm, we gotta go!”_ _

__You pushed yourself onto your feet, cringing against the pain in your ribs. You grabbed JJ’s wrist before he could pound Rafe’s face into the dirt._ _

__“C’mon, bucko,” you said, pulling him backward. “We need to get outta here.”_ _

__JJ stood slowly, stumbled off of Rafe. You wrapped your other arm around JJ’s waist, pulling him back as the movie watchers started to scramble away from the burning screen. Lacing your fingers through JJ’s, you ran after Pope and Kie as they made a break for her car._ _

__“Anyone want to fill us in on what exactly happened?” You asked, jumping into the backseat. JJ didn’t even get the door closed before Kie stepped on the gas._ _

__“I may or may not have totaled Topper’s boat,” Pope said, breathless, as Kie tore out of the parking lot. He started to cough, rubbing a hand against his neck._ _

__“Here,” you said, passing him a bottle of water before Kie started yelling._ _

__“What the hell, Pope?” she shrieked._ _

__“They started it!” JJ protested, half standing. You pushed him back against the seat. “Rafe and Topper jumped Pope while we were on delivery.”_ _

__“They didn’t,” you said._ _

__“Yeah, they did.” JJ crossed his arms. “So I told Pope to sink Topper’s boat. They deserved it.”_ _

__“Whether they deserved it or not, there’s going to be absolute hell to pay for this,” Kie said. “But first, we gotta get Elm home so her dad doesn’t kill her.”_ _

__You let out a heavy sigh, looking down at your knuckles. The skin had broken from your first punch, blood dribbling down your hand._ _

__“Let me see your face,” JJ said, putting his hand under your chin and moving your face toward him._ _

__“I’m fine,” you said, waving him off. “Kelce was beating you pretty bad though.”_ _

__You tried to pull up his shirt to see what kind of damage Kelce had done to his ribs, but he waved you off in the same way._ _

__“Kie,” Pope said in an airy voice, mocking you. “Let me see you. Are you okay? Is everything alright? Are you dying? You were hurt pretty bad….”_ _

__You rolled your eyes as JJ kicked the back of Pope’s seat. Kie was still fuming, unamused by Pope, her knuckles tightening over the wheel._ _

__“You’re just jealous that you don’t have a girl to fawn over you, Pope,” you cooed, giving a fake pout. “See, JJ here gets beat up and it’s hot as hell and I just can’t keep my hands off of him.”_ _

__Pope gagged, rolling down his window to fake vomit. JJ turned to look at you as you grinned at Pope’s reaction._ _

__“Do you really think it’s hot when I get beat up?”_ _

__You shook your head._ _

__“No. It makes me want to set Kelce’s house on fire,” you told him, tapping your finger against his shoulder. “But seeing you beat Rafe up…”_ _

__“Seriously, guys, I’m going to jump out of this car if you don’t stop,” Pope said. You finally scooted away from JJ, still laughing. You had been joking to make Pope uncomfortable, of course, but you weren’t lying. Watching JJ beat the shit out of Rafe was incredibly sexy and the next time you got him alone…._ _

__But you knew that probably wouldn’t be any time soon._ _

__A few miles before pulling up to your driveway, Kie stopped the car._ _

__“Pope, get in the back,” she said._ _

__“Are you really that mad?”_ _

__“Pissed as hell? Yes. But Elm’s dad can’t see either of you. So, switch places with her. Now.”_ _

__Pope popped the door open and switched places with you. Kie drove the last few miles in silence._ _

__Seeing your house as you pulled up made you sigh. Even if there was a big fight and you get pushed around a bit, the freedom you had felt being out with your friends with no fear as nothing like you ever felt._ _

__“What are you going to tell him about your bruise?” Pope asked, both him and JJ laying flat against the backseat._ _

__“I’ll make something up,” you told him with a smile, not looking back. You could see your dad at the front window, waiting. You waved up at him. “See you guys later.”_ _

__You didn’t wait for either JJ or Pope to say anything else before hopping out of the car. Kie followed you to your front door. The door was opened before you even made it to the top steps, your dad standing right inside._ _

__“What happened to your face?” He asked. You smiled at him, rolling onto the balls of your feet._ _

__“Oh, the bruise?” You asked, pointing at your jaw. “I got excited when we got to the movies, tripped over a curb. I tried to catch myself on a tree, but….”_ _

__You lifted your hand to show the cut on your knuckle. Your dad shifted his gaze over to Kie. You could feel her tense under his cold gaze._ _

__“It’s true, Mr. Gerald,” she said, arms wrapped around her stomach. “It was actually pretty funny.”_ _

__You turned back to your dad with a smile. He glanced between the two of you for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh._ _

__“Did you have fun?”_ _

__“Oh, yeah.” You remembered the feeling of JJ’s hand against your skin, the feeling of spending time freely with your friends, the feeling of your fist against Rafe’s face. “I had a blast.”_ _

__“Good, I’m glad,” your dad said. “Thank you, Kiara, for getting her home safely.”_ _

__“Of course, sir,” she said, but you could hear the strain in her voice. “I hope we can do it again someday...soon.”_ _

__That was a risky thing for Kie to say. One day out with no apparent issues wasn’t about to convince your dad that you could go out more. Still, you appreciated Kie’s attempt. She knew the prison that you lived in, how much worry was on your shoulders whenever you snuck out. Your dad sighed, putting his hands on his hips._ _

__“I’ll talk about it with my daughter,” your dad said. He opened his hand out to you and you took that to mean that you were no longer permitted to be outside. “Thank you again, Kiara.”_ _

__You stepped inside and turned back to look at your friends._ _

__“I had a good time today,” you said to her and she smiled. “I’ll see you around?”_ _

__Kie nodded, biting her lower lip._ _

__“Yeah, see you around, Elm.”_ _

__You cringed as she turned to walk away. Your dad slammed the door shut behind her, but this time, you didn’t flinch._ _

__“Elm?” he asked, turning to you slowly. “What, the name I gave you not good enough?”_ _

__“It’s not like that, Dad,” you said, backing away slowly. “We...we’re friends. We give each other nicknames. That’s the one she picked for me.”_ _

__Your dad narrowed his eyes at you._ _

__“Go to your room, Elma,” your dad said. “Sleep well.”_ _

__“You too.”_ _

__You hurried upstairs before your dad could say anything else. Kid popped his head out of his bedroom with a smile._ _

__“Hi,” you said, voice quiet._ _

__“Hey,” he replied. “How was your day?”_ _

__You lowered yourself to the floor, crossing your legs. Kid stepped out of his room completely and copied your position._ _

__“My day was good,” you told him with a smile. “How was yours?”_ _

__“Good.”_ _

__Even though neither of you could really talk about what really happened with your dad standing just underneath you, undoubtedly listening in, it was enough to just sit there and see the smiles on each other’s faces. Knowing that Kid had a great day, whether he was at Dex’s house or playing with his other friends at the arcade or browsing the comic book store, was all that it took to make your heart burn with happiness and pride. It didn’t matter how deep your father’s actions cut into him, your brother never let it ruin his morale._ _

__“Sleep tight, Kid,” you told him, ruffling his hair. He tried to dodge your hand, laughing as he shoved your arm away._ _

__“You too.”_ _

__You stood and helped him up. Putting your hands on his shoulders, you steered him back to his room. Once he was back inside, you leaned up against the wall._ _

__“I love you, Kid,” you said, looking at the floor. “I don’t say it enough.”_ _

__Kid turned back to look at you, the smile gone and a serious look on his face._ _

__“I know,” he said. “You don’t have to say it. I always know.”_ _

__You smiled, feeling tears prick into your eyes._ _

__“That’s good to hear.”_ _

__“And, El?” You looked up at him. “I love you too.”_ _

__***_ _

__You were rudely awoken by the front door slamming shut. You sat up, gasping for breath, whatever dream you had fading instantly. The sound of your father storming back and forth across the lower level of the house, pounding and slamming almost everything he came in contact with, made your bones rattle. Chills ran up your spine as you closed your eyes, trying to build up the courage to go downstairs and confront him about it. The sooner you went, the better things would go._ _

__Flinging your blankets off, you shuffled out of your room. As you passed Kid’s room, you saw him peak out, just the barest of his eyes visible. You waved him back inside. He opened his mouth to protest, but you shut his door without waiting to hear it._ _

__You swallowed a lump in your throat before making the long trek down the stairs. Heart pounding, you neared the dining room where your dad was shoving chairs back and forth to make more noise._ _

__“What...what’s wrong?” you asked, your voice cracking. He froze where he was. Your ears burned with anticipation. Your dad turned to you, his eyes burning with fury. You took a step back, hands dropping to your sides, ready for whatever was to come._ _

__“ _What’s wrong? _” His voice shook. “What’s wrong is that I was just told that my daughter has been sneaking out and around behind my back, lying to my face, hanging out with the scum of the earth. What’s wrong is that I’ve just learned that you’ve been fooling around with some boy from the cut. That’s what’s wrong!”___ _

____Your heart plummeted into your stomach. After slowly taking in what he said, you tried to control your breathing._ _ _ _

____“Daddy, please, I-”_ _ _ _

____“Don’t lie to me!” His booming voice echoed through your house. “You can’t lie your way out of this one, you sly bitch. No, I’ve got proof.”_ _ _ _

____Eyes wide, you watched in horror as your dad pulled a stack of photos of his pocket._ _ _ _

____“Explain this one to me. It’s from last night, isn’t it?” He threw the photo at your feet. You covered your mouth with a trembling hand as you stared at it. There you were, sitting between JJ’s legs, his hand resting against your neck. The familiar sting of tears pained your eyes as you looked back at your dad. “What about this one? Can you lie your way out of this?”_ _ _ _

____He threw another picture at you. It was you and the Pogues on the HMS, dancing. There was a wide smile on your face as Kie guided your movements with her hands. JJ sat beneath you, his eyes glued to your back._ _ _ _

____“Dad-”_ _ _ _

____“Oh, this one’s my favorite,” he said with a cruel laugh, looking at the picture in his hands. “When was this? That night you asked to go over to Sarah Cameron’s?”_ _ _ _

____It was from that night. You were wearing JJ’s sweater, the sweater that you had hidden in your room. His hands were on the side of your face, his lips against yours. You were smiling. The picture took you back to that day. You remembered the flash of lightning as the storm came rolling in._ _ _ _

____As if a ton of bricks had been dropped on you, a realization dawned on you. The flash you had seen wasn’t lightning. It was the flash from someone’s camera._ _ _ _

____Somebody had been taking pictures of you then, and they had been ever since._ _ _ _

____You looked up at your dad again, a large tear dropping from your eye. Your dad tossed the entire pile at your feet, the photos scattering around you. You and the Pogues at the Wreck, you and Kie at the ice cream shop, JJ teaching you how to surf, John B cheering you on as you shotgunned a beer, you and Pope dancing at a kegger._ _ _ _

____Mind racing, you closed your eyes to try and shut it out, but all you saw were the pictures. You thought you had been safe, you thought you had been clever, you thought he would never find out._ _ _ _

____It goeth before the fall, they say._ _ _ _

____“Did Bradford know about this?”_ _ _ _

____You snapped your eyes open, a new breed of fear starting to pump through your blood. You hadn’t protected yourself well enough, but you could still keep Kid out of it. You stepped forward, nearly slipping on the pile of pictures._ _ _ _

____“Kid didn’t know anything,” you said, your voice shaking. Your dad sneered at you, staring down at you and your tears._ _ _ _

____“I don’t believe you.”_ _ _ _

____“Daddy, I swear, Kid didn’t-” Your dad’s hand shot through the air, hitting your nose and breaking it almost instantly. You gasped, falling back as you felt the blood start to drip down your face. “I swear, _I swear _. Kid didn’t know. He didn’t know.”___ _ _ _

______“So you admit to it?” Your dad shouted, looming over you as you tried to crawl away. “You admit to it!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You nodded quickly, your hand slipping on a photo as you tried to crawl away._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yes,” you said as you stared up at him. “ _Yes _. I’ve been out with them. I’ve been sneaking out to see them. To see _him _. But Kid didn’t know.”_____ _ _ _ _ _

__________Your dad lifted his foot and brought it down hard against your hand, the same hand you had dug your teeth into a few nights before. You cried out against the pain, feeling iron tasting blood drip into your mouth. You pulled your hand to your chest in an attempt to stop the throbbing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What’s his name, Elma?” Your dad asked. You started crawling backward again, using your one good hand. “Your little boyfriend, what’s his name?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________You clamped your mouth shut, lips trembling as you stared up at him. There was no way you were going to tell him. JJ didn’t deserve to suffer for your mistakes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What’s his name!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________You shook your head furiously._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Leaning down, your dad grabbed you by your hair and lifted you off the ground. He slammed you against the wall, your back hitting the corner. A whimper came from your mouth before you could stop it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“You think you’re so tough?” Your dad seethed, winding up his fist for a punch. You braced yourself for it. Still, your head whipped around when it hit. “You think you’re so clever?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Another punch and you felt the skin on your face break, blood spewing from your mouth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Daddy, please-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I never wanted you!” He screamed, hitting you in the stomach. “But I try to protect you. I still try to protect you!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He pulled you away from the wall, only to slam you back against it again. Hitting the corner for a second time tore the breath from your lungs. You gasped, pain riddling your every movement. You lifted your hands to your head to prevent another punch, but he no longer went for your face. His hands were big and he only needed one to wrap around your throat._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________It already felt like you couldn’t breathe, but now with his hand squeezing, you knew you couldn’t. You tried to pry his hands from around your throat, but your strength was fading fast. You saw Kid standing in his doorway, mouth hung open and tears falling from his eyes. If you didn’t put an end to this soon, Kid would get brave and step in. You weren’t sure you would be able to save him from that._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Dad,” you managed to squeeze out. He didn’t loosen his grip. “Midsummers.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He looked away from your throat, glancing up at you._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What did you say?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________You pulled at his fingers, straining as you felt your cheeks begin to tingle from lack of oxygen. He released the tiniest bit of pressure from your neck, enough for you to squeak in a small breath._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Midsummers,” you said again, your voice a little less weak than before. “I can’t...Midsummers...like this.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He seemed to get the picture you were painting. Concealer could only go so far and there was no way you could pull up to Midsummers looking like you were hit by a truck. You had never missed a Midsummers before and there would definitely be questions if you didn’t go. All you needed to do was get your dad’s hand off of your neck, all you needed to do was breathe. You just had to convince him that his reputation was worth more than killing you._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Apparently, it was. He let your neck go, still holding your hair and pressing you up against the wall._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“You ever lie to me again and I’ll kill you,” he seethed in your ear. You nodded your head slowly, trying to hold off how badly you wanted to cough. He finally let you go, stepping away as you fell flat against the floor. You coughed, trying desperately to suck in any form of air as you curled your legs up to your chest. You lay amongst the pictures someone had taken, the pictures that had damned you._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The front door opened and then slammed shut again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“El!” Kid raced down the stairs. When he reached you, he dropped to his knees and scattered the pictures even farther. He didn’t even seem to see them as he stared down at you._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I’m okay,” you said, tears and blood running down your face. Your voice was harsh like gravel. Speaking just made another wave of coughs shake through your body. Kid put his hands on your back, brushing your hair out of your eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Shh,” he cooed, laying down in the pictures beside you as you coughed through sobs. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Who in the hell had taken these pictures? Who could hate you enough to take all these pictures, go through the effort of printing them out, all to show your dad?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Only one person you knew hated you that much, only person who knew enough about you and the Pogues to have this much evidence against you. There was only one person in the Outer Banks who would want you to hurt so badly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Rafe Cameron._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	11. The Color Purple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You confront Rafe Cameron about the pictures and learn that there is more to the situation than you originally though. Midsummers goes down about as well as you thought it would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Thank you so much for your continual support! I absolutely love to read all of your comments, they bring me so much joy. If you wanted, I have another JJ fic called "The Girl That Had No Heartbeat". If you want, you can check that one out too! It would mean the world. Thank you so much again and, as always, stay safe, stay healthy, and stay groovy!

You pounded your fist against the glass door, ignoring how the vibrations sent ripples of pain through your hand. 

“Rafe Cameron!” You called, pounding again. A small splatter of blood was left behind when you pulled your hand back. Sarah came shuffling down the stairs, her eyes half closed from sleep. 

“Elm?” She asked, her voice distorted through the window pane. “What are you doing here?” 

“Where’s your brother?” You asked, your voice still strained. 

“He’s out,” she said, rubbing her eyes. When she opened them again, it was like she finally saw you; the swelling eye, the broken nose, the bleeding lip, the purple necklace of bruises. Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to speak, but you stopped her before she could. 

“I need to talk to your dad then.” Your body shook from adrenaline and anger, hands shaking to contain it. “I have something I’m sure he’d love to know about your brother.” 

She moved to unlock the door, but when you glanced over, you saw Rafe’s car pull into the driveway. Without a second thought, you turned away from the glass door and ran toward the car. Rafe saw you coming, a wild storm in the dead of night. 

“What happened to you?” He asked, lifting his hand to touch your face as you neared. You slammed into him like a train, pressing him against the hood of his car with your arm across his throat. 

“Don’t fucking ask me what happened,” you seethed, a tear falling from your eye and splashing against his neck. “You knew damn well what would happen.” 

“I didn’t do anything to you.” He shoved you off of him, glaring at you. You seethed, your breathing ragged as it crawled out of your throat like a beast. His face seemed to soften, his glare falling. “Did JJ do this to you?” 

The scoff you gave him was bitter, laced with poison. 

“Stop fucking around, Rafe. You know what you did.” Your hands tensed and relaxed at your sides, every inch of your self-control going to not tearing his throat out then and there. 

“I swear to you, I don’t know what happened.” 

You searched his eyes for a lie, but he wasn’t easy for you to read. You could almost see honesty in his eyes, truth. But he must be lying. There wasn’t anyone else who could hate you so much. 

“Then tell me,” you said slowly. “Where my dad got pictures of me and….and the others.” 

You wiped away tears with the back of your good hand as they fell from your eyes. 

“Your dad did this to you?” 

“No!” You put your hands up to your face. “Yes, but that’s not what I need to know! Who was taking pictures of me? Who gave them to my dad?” 

Rafe let out a sigh, putting his hands up to his nose. He closed his eyes and breathed in slowly and then out again. 

“I took the pictures,” he said, placing his hands on his hips. He wouldn’t look at you. “I’ve been taking them since you...since you kissed me at that party.” 

You weren’t sure why it felt like a betrayal. Your lips quivered, nose scrunching up as water flooded your vision. 

“ _Why? _”__

__“Because-” He breathed in deeply so he wouldn’t shout. “Because I hated you for kissing me and then walking away like it meant nothing.”_ _

__“It did mean nothing.”_ _

__“I hated you for that,” he said, anger rising in his voice again. “I still hate you for that.”_ _

__“So you took those pictures and showed them to my dad because you hate me.” You wanted to scratch his eyes out, wanted to tear him limb from limb, wanted him to feel the pain you felt now. But Rafe shook his head._ _

__“No. I never showed them to your dad.”_ _

__“Then how-”_ _

__“I gave them to Topper.” Your lips parted, eyebrows coming together. “Topper saw me taking pictures and when he asked for them after last night’s fight, I didn’t question him.”_ _

__“I barely know Topper,” you said, narrowing your eyes at Rafe. “Why would he want to hurt me?”_ _

__“It wasn’t about you.” Rafe shook his head. “He was angry at JJ, Pope. He wanted to hurt them, not you.”_ _

__You let out another bitter laugh, looking at your hands as a short sob came from your mouth._ _

__“Yeah?” You wrinkled your nose in one last attempt to keep yourself from crying. It clearly wasn’t working. “I’m going to kill him.”_ _

__You started forward, your warpath shaky, but set. Rafe stopped you before you made it a few steps, grabbing you by your arms._ _

__“He didn’t mean to put this on you, Elma.”_ _

__“Don’t call me that!”_ _

__Rafe put his hands up._ _

__“Hey, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He slowly lowered his arms. “Topper didn’t mean for you to get hurt.”_ _

__“It doesn’t matter what he _meant _, Rafe,” you spat, feeling your chest start to tighten.___ _

____“I know.”_ _ _ _

____He didn’t say anything else. So, you decided that it was safe to try and storm past him again. Topper’s house wasn’t too far from there. You could walk there in under ten minutes. Your anger would burn just as hot after ten minutes. But Rafe grabbed you again. This time, he didn’t let you go._ _ _ _

____“Let me go!”_ _ _ _

____“No.”_ _ _ _

____“Rafe, let me go!”_ _ _ _

____Instead of fighting you verbally, he fought against your arms as you pushed against him, pounding your fists against his chest in an attempt to get free. Slowly, your shouts of anger dissolved into sobs. As you weakened, Rafe slid his arms behind your back._ _ _ _

____“Let me go,” you sobbed, making weak attempts to get away from him. Rafe tucked your head under his chin, holding you even tighter. “Please, let me go.”_ _ _ _

____Your tears soaked through his shirt, but he didn’t pull away. You pushed at his stomach, pulled at his arms, wriggled against his grip. But he didn’t let you go. Eventually, you gave up. Dropping your hands to your sides, you let the tears flow, let the sobs shake your body, let your pain be seen. He said nothing. Rafe barely moved save for his breathing._ _ _ _

____With your head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, feeling his breathing, you started to calm. Your nerves were no longer on fire. The bloodlust had faded from your eyes. Gasping in short breaths, you breathed out to the same rhythm as Rafe. You closed your eyes as they started to dry._ _ _ _

____It didn’t matter, you told yourself. You stuffed the pain down your throat, deep into your stomach. You had to move on from it. Your dad knew about JJ and the Pogues, so what were you going to do about it? How were you going to protect Kid? Nothing else mattered._ _ _ _

____When your mind was finally thinking clearly again, you found your strength and pulled yourself out of Rafe’s grip. The way he looked at you then…_ _ _ _

____“I don’t want your pity, Rafe,” you grumbled, glancing to the ground._ _ _ _

____“I didn’t know about your dad.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, that was the point.”_ _ _ _

____He sighed, shoving his hands in the pockets of his shorts._ _ _ _

____“Will you let me drive you home?”_ _ _ _

____“I don’t need your help,” you snapped. “I don’t want it.”_ _ _ _

____“What did I do to make you hate me so much?” He asked._ _ _ _

____“You hated me first.”_ _ _ _

____“I never hated you.”_ _ _ _

____Your brain hurt too much already to care. Everything had already come crashing down around you once. Your hatred of Rafe had seemed like the only steady thing, but now he was making you question that. You couldn’t afford to._ _ _ _

____“Listen,” you said, squeezing your eyes shut. “I don’t know what you feel about me and I don’t really care. But you can’t convince me that you care about me when all you have ever done to me, to others, has been cruel. That’s not how you show someone anything other than hate, Rafe.”_ _ _ _

____He shook his head ever so slightly and looked down again._ _ _ _

____“I took pictures of you and….” He cleared his throat as if the word he was about to say was cursed. “I took pictures of you and JJ because I wanted it to be me.”_ _ _ _

____Your stomach curdled and you resisted the urge to throw up. Panic started to settle in. You shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t have come. Your dad could be back home now and Kid wasn’t safe. But maybe those thoughts were excuses. Maybe they had always been excuses to run away from a conversation you didn’t want to have._ _ _ _

____“Rafe-”_ _ _ _

____“Every time I saw his hands on you, every time I saw him kiss you, every time I saw you smile at him, I wanted to be him. Every time I thought about the time he got to spend with you behind closed doors, the places that he got to touch you that I never could-”_ _ _ _

____“Rafe, stop.” You put your shaking hands in front of your eyes as if defending yourself from a physical attack. “Please, stop.”_ _ _ _

____“I hurt you because I thought that you would never look at me otherwise. I would rather you glare at me, hit me, _hate _me than not be seen by you.”___ _ _ _

______“That’s fucked up, Rafe.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I know.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“That’s not right.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I know!” He took a step closer, but you backed away so he froze where he was. “I needed you to know.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Neither of you said anything, just stared at each other, unsure of who should speak next. Your mind reeled, causing more pain than there already was. You weren’t sure how he expected you to stomach this, especially right now. Pressing your palm against your eyebrow, you hoped to push away the stabbing pain._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I...I need to go back,” you said, taking another step back as you opened your eyes._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Let me take you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You shook your head, meeting his gaze._ _ _ _ _ _

______“No, I’m going to walk.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s not safe.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“And I’m safer with you?” The look of pain on his face almost made you apologize for what you said. Almost. “I’m going.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You didn’t want to turn your back on him, like that feeling when you turned your back on the ocean. It was dangerous. Even if he was calm then, you had no idea when the tide would rise and swallow you whole. Still, you did, wrapping your arms around your stomach as you walked away._ _ _ _ _ _

______This time, he didn’t try to stop you._ _ _ _ _ _

______***_ _ _ _ _ _

______Your dad didn’t even look at you as he dropped a wad of cash in front of you at the dinner table._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I expect you to look good,” he said, already walking away. “You and your brother.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You let out a quiet sigh as you swiped the money off the table and stood to get Kid out of his room. He followed you into your room where you layered foundation and concealer onto your face and neck until you could barely see the bruises anymore. The cut on your lip and cheek weren’t going away any time soon, but they were less obvious than a black eye and a busted jaw and a handprint on your neck._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Do you want to do anything special for Midsummers?” you asked Kid as he sat on your bed, kicking his feet back and forth._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I want my tie to match your dress,” he said. You smiled and dabbed another layer of foundation under your eye._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Then that’s what we’ll do.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You were surprised that your dad didn’t come to supervise your dress shopping. He usually did, just to make sure that you wore something overly modest. But he hadn’t looked at you since the day before, doing everything he could to keep you out of his line of sight._ _ _ _ _ _

______The woman who worked at your favorite boutique was also surprised by his absence._ _ _ _ _ _

______“He has a busy day today,” you told her with a smile._ _ _ _ _ _

______“The usual style though, yes?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You nodded your head, pressing your fingers against the scar on the palm of your hand._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yes, please.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You had never been a fan of how the dresses your dad chose fit you. They were all too baggy in the places you wanted them to be tight and too tight in all the places that you wanted to be hidden. But it’s what your dad wanted, so it was what you wore. You weren’t willing to risk his wrath by getting something you knew he would hate._ _ _ _ _ _

______Kid didn’t like any of the options either, but the two of you had a grand time laughing about how horrible they all were. He sat in the chair outside of the dressing room in the same way your dad would have, wearing an overexaggerated version of his scowl._ _ _ _ _ _

______“That color is revolting,” he said, voice deeper to mimic your dad. “Like a burnt banana peel.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You laughed, mouth falling open as you looked down at the yellow dress._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I didn’t think it was that bad,” you said as you twisted back and forth to see the bottom twirl._ _ _ _ _ _

______“No. It looks like puke.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You shook your head, turning back toward the dressing room. There was only one dress left. It was a deep purple, almost plum. It wasn’t really a summer dress, the color far too dark and the fabric too heavy. Still, it fit the cut and style that your dad would have approved of. As you pulled it on, you shifted against the itchiness, your skin crawling. But once it was actually on, it wasn’t the worst dress you had ever worn, especially not at Midsummers. It didn’t fit exactly right, hanging loosely by your waist but a little too tight around the chest._ _ _ _ _ _

______You stepped out of the fitting room and Kid let out a deep sigh._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Well,” he said slowly. “I don’t hate it as much as the other ones.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You nodded, turning toward the ceiling-high mirror. You tried to smooth down the wrinkles by your waist with a scowl on your face._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s purple,” you said absent-mindedly. That meant something to you. The color purple._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I like it.” Kid pushed himself out of the chair and turned toward the woman watching silently. “I think we’ll take this one.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The woman nodded slowly, tapping her chin._ _ _ _ _ _

______“And for you?” She asked, looking at Kid. You still had yet to take your eyes off of the dress in the mirror. There was something about it, something you couldn’t really place, that just seemed right. Even if it wasn’t perfect, it was...nice._ _ _ _ _ _

______“We’re going to get him a suit in his size and a tie to match this dress,” you said when you finally turned._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Of course, miss. I’ll just need to take some measurements.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______***_ _ _ _ _ _

______Staring at yourself in the mirror, you narrowed your eyes, trying to find the flaw in your make-up. You had slapped on more foundation and concealer, doing everything you could to cover the bruises. It would never be perfect; there was no amount of make-up that could hide what had been done to you. Still, as long as no one looked too hard for too long, you would be fine._ _ _ _ _ _

______The purple dress was heavy against your shoulders, still itching your skin. Yet you felt comfortable as long as you were looking at it. The deep purple color soothed your mind, painting over the worry and fear that was knotting in your stomach. People would see you tonight and you weren’t sure if your make up could cover everything. Maybe they would see the real you for the first time._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You ready?” Your dad asked from outside your door, tearing your gaze from the mirror._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You hiked up the dress and shuffled toward the door. Opening it, you cringed for a moment, terrified of his reaction, but he had already gone, walking down the stairs. You puffed out a deep breath through your lips. Kid emerged from his room, trying to fix his tie. You laughed as he fidgeted with the material, his eyebrows pinched together._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Let me,” you said, walking closer to him. You took the tie from his hands and fixed it for him before tucking it back into his vest. “A three piece suit fits you, Kid.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah?” He asked, looking up at you with a smile. “You don’t look half bad, big sister.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You rolled your eyes as he offered his arm for you to take. The prospect of where you were going was overwhelming. So many eyes would be on you, so many questions, so many people. And Rafe would be there. Oh, God, Rafe._ _ _ _ _ _

______You stopped in the middle of the stairs, a sudden tightening in your chest making it nearly impossible to breathe._ _ _ _ _ _

______“El?” Kid asked, trying to hold you up as your legs started to shake._ _ _ _ _ _

______Your father’s hand was around your throat again, squeezing the breath out of your lungs. You could see him across the room, so why could you feel him choking you again? You were suffocating and you had no idea why. A pit carved deep into your stomach, forcing bile to rise. You were dying, you were sure of it. You were going to die._ _ _ _ _ _

______Kid tried to keep you stable as your legs started to wobble._ _ _ _ _ _

______There were none of the familiar signs that you were going to start crying until large tears were dropping from your eyelashes. You stumbled down a step, catching yourself on the railing._ _ _ _ _ _

______You could see them all staring at you, see their pointing fingers, their wide eyes. You could hear them whispering back and forth to each other. They were whispering about you, talking about you, laughing at you._ _ _ _ _ _

______You weren’t as good at hiding things as you thought. There was no way you would be able to convince the entire island that the ghosts of bruises on your body were from anything other than your father. And if Rafe ever wanted to get revenge for what happened the night before, all he had to do was tell one person what you told him about your dad. It would all be over. The cops would get involved. You and Kid would be taken away, separated, forever. You would both end up in the foster system, go to different families, if any families even wanted you. There was no way you could protect Kid from any of that. You weren’t strong enough, you weren’t smart enough, you weren’t good enough. You just weren’t enough to keep him safe._ _ _ _ _ _

______The thought made a shuddering sob come from your mouth, the only breathing you could manage._ _ _ _ _ _

______“C’mon, El,” you heard Kid whisper in your ear, but it sounded like he was a million miles away. “You can do this. Stand up, I’m right here.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You looked over at him, tears shaking from your eyes as you moved, and you realized that Kid wasn’t a million miles away. He was right there, holding your arm, a hand on your cheek._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Take a deep breath,” he said. “Like this.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He showed you how and you tried, but you couldn’t. Panic settled into you as you tried to gasp for air._ _ _ _ _ _

______“El! It’s okay. Squeeze my hand,” Kid told you. “Just squeeze. Just keep squeezing.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You did as he told you to, squeezing once and then again. You squeezed his hand like it was your own heartbeat, pumping your blood through your veins. Letting your eyes flutter shut, you focused on Kid, on his hand in yours, on the pulsing of your blood. With your eyes closed, you could hear Kid’s deep, steady breaths and you tried to mimic them. Deep in through your nose, long out through your mouth. Squeeze his hand._ _ _ _ _ _

______When you opened your eyes, the whispering people were gone. The invisible hand around your neck had faded, your breathing returning to normal. Feeling returned to your legs and you found the strength to push yourself upright._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Are you okay?” Kid whispered as you tried to take a shaking step down the stairs. You nodded your head, jaw tight. “You’re pale, El.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m okay, Kid, really.” He clearly didn’t believe you. You didn’t believe you._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Good. Let’s get this party over with then.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______***_ _ _ _ _ _

______Getting away from your dad was your first order of business. Finding either Kie or Sarah was your second. But it was Pope you saw first. Letting go of Kid’s arm, you walked over to where Pope and his dad were setting up the food station._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hi,” you said with a smile. Pope turned around to face you, a grin spreading across his face. But then his smile fell and he looked behind you. “Don’t worry about my dad, Pope. He knows.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Pope looked at you, his eyes wide. You watched his gaze drop down to your busted lip and your cheeks started to burn._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Did he-”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Doesn’t matter.” You looked back up at him with a new smile. “How are-”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Elm!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You turned around to find Sarah standing on the steps of the house wearing a beautiful white dress that fit her perfectly. You were almost jealous as you glanced down at the one you wore, but the color once again sent a wave of calm over you._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Pope, get back to work,” Mr. Heyward called. Pope cringed and glanced at you._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s alright. I’ll talk to you later?” You asked. He nodded his head. “Hi, Mr. Heyward.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The older man grumbled at you before returning to work. You raised your eyebrows at Pope and he simply shrugged._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’ll explain later.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You turned toward the stairs, eyeing the crowd for Rafe. The last thing you wanted tonight was a scene and you weren’t sure that Rafe wouldn’t cause one. But it seemed like Sarah was alone._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You look amazing,” you said with a smile as you walked up to her._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You, too,” she said, greeting you with a tight hug. You laughed and rolled your eyes._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I look like a walking carpet.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You’re the hottest carpet I know.” Sarah bit her bottom lip, taking your hand in hers. “Let’s dance, yeah?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You let her pull you to the dance floor, laughing as she swiped two glasses of wine off of a server’s tray. She knew you wouldn’t dance without alcohol in your system, at least, you didn’t use to. Part of you wondered if she was going to ask you what you were doing at her house at 11 o’clock at night the night before, but she never did. Instead, you took turns drinking the wine behind each other’s backs so your respective parents wouldn’t see. You caught Kie’s gaze and she almost smiled when you waved, but then she saw who you were dancing with and hurried away quickly._ _ _ _ _ _

______The familiar numbness of the alcohol in your bloodstream flowed through you, loosening your limbs. The music wasn’t anything like what they played at the keggers, but it got you moving all the same. Eyes closed, you let Sarah and the music guide your movements, not thinking to stop until you felt a tap on your shoulder._ _ _ _ _ _

______You spun around quickly, fear shooting through you. It could be either your dad or Rafe and you didn’t want to deal with either of them._ _ _ _ _ _

______It wasn’t. A wide grin broke across your face when you realized who it was._ _ _ _ _ _

______“JJ!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Hey.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You were tempted to throw your arms around his neck and pull him in close. What did it matter? Your dad already knew, what more could he do to you?_ _ _ _ _ _

______But then you looked closer and saw the cut on his lip, the bruise on his cheek. They almost matched yours._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What happened to you?” you asked him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I was about to ask you the same question.” He lifted his hand and brushed his thumb against your cheek. You glanced over at Sarah and saw her mouth drop open partially. You looked away from her with a roll of your eyes._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Your dad?” You asked. JJ’s gaze shifted down to his feet. “What happened?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I got arrested.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“ _What _?”___ _ _ _ _ _

________“I took the fall for Pope sinking Topper’s boat and now I’ve got 25k restitution.” You weren’t sure what to say. All you could manage to do was sputter out a few beginnings of different sentences. “What about you? Why’d your dad go ape shit?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________You tried to recompose yourself, scratching the back of your neck._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“He found out I’ve been sneaking around,” you said, not really wanting to mention that it wasn’t just the sneaking part that got you in so much trouble._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“How?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Someone has been taking pictures.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________JJ looked around, as if he was going to see a photographer standing out in the open._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Who-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Can we do this later?” You asked, pleading. “I can’t get in any more trouble right now.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________JJ looked back at you and nodded his head. He was going to say something else, but then he looked down at your dress and another smile spread across his face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What?” You asked, laughing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Your dress.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It’s ugly as hell, isn’t it?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“No, it’s….” He shook his head, lifting his head to meet your eyes again. “It’s purple.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________That was why you felt so comfortable wearing a dress that was too small and too big at the same time, a dress that was itchy and heavy and hot. You felt comfortable in it because it was purple and purple was JJ’s favorite color. It reminded you of him, even if it wasn’t a conscious memory._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________You grinned up at him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Ahem,” Sarah coughed from beside you. “So, were you ever going to tell me about this?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________There was almost a hurt sound in her voice. When she spoke, JJ turned to her with wide eyes, as if suddenly remembering something. He pulled something out of his vest pocket and started to move around awkwardly. Almost like he was trying to dance._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’ve got a note,” he said to Sarah, holding the paper out to her. “It’s from, uh, Vlad.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________You scowled, looking over at Sarah. She seemed to sort of understand._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“From...from Vlad?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________JJ continued to dance, stepping back and forth to the beat. You shifted awkwardly in an attempt to follow him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yeah. Vlad.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Who’s Vlad?” You asked, but your inquiry fell on deaf ears. There was definitely something fishy going on._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Okay,” Sarah said, a ghost of a smile on her lips. You narrowed your eyes even further._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Read the note,” JJ told her as he started to walk away. He sent a wink your way and when you glanced behind him, your heart plummeted. You took a step back as Rafe and Kelce approached JJ. Your heart started to pound at the sight of them. You had never been afraid of Rafe before, so why were you so terrified now?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The fear dissipated when Rafe put his hands on JJ’s shoulders._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Don’t touch him,” you said. Kelce stepped between you and JJ before you could get any closer. “Out of my way, Kelce.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Not likely, sweetheart.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________You moved to shove him back, but then you caught your dad’s eye a few paces behind Kelce, staring you down. Lips twitching, you looked back at Kelce and let your hands fall to your sides._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I was wondering if you could give me a mai tai, my friend,” Rafe said to JJ. You tried to side step Kelce, but he wouldn’t let you get past._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Pogue, how about you make that two?” Kelce asked, not tearing his gaze away from you._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m on the clock right now,” JJ said and sent a glance back your way. You didn’t shift your eyes away from Kelce’s. You had stared your fear down plenty of times and you never blinked first._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You guys look good,” you said, trying to turn their attention away from JJ. You finally took your eyes off of Kelce to stare down Rafe. Even the look in his eyes sent shivers down your spine. “Especially you, Rafe.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________You watched his jaw clench and eyes narrow._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’ve got a few orders ahead of you guys,” JJ said, noting the strange look on Rafe’s face. JJ raised an eyebrow at you but you just shrugged. “So why don’t you guys go ahead and wait by the bar?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________In all of your life, you never would have expected to hear JJ Maybank trying to avoid a fight. Clearly, there was something very important going on that he needed to get to. And it most likely had to do with the gold. The thought sent a chill up your spine. The search wasn’t over. There was still hope._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________JJ pushed past Rafe, who followed him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Stay out of this,” Kelce said to you._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Like hell,” you spat._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Rafe won’t let us touch you,” Kelce said, leaning closer to you. You didn’t back down. “But once that order is off, it’s your ass that’s gonna get beat, not your boyfriend’s.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________You curled your hands into fists. If it weren’t for your dad glaring daggers into your skull, you would have hit him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________So, Rafe told the rest of his friends. Or Topper did. But it didn’t really matter. There was no doubt that everyone would know by the morning. You weren’t going to let them hold it over your head. Kelce finally turned away from you and followed after JJ and Rafe. If either of them thought that you were going to stay out of it, they were dead wrong._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________You stayed where you were for a few moments, watching Rafe call over a few of his other friends. It wasn’t until then that you realized that Sarah had slipped away. You were standing alone in the middle of the dance floor, the only one not moving to the beat._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Taking a step forward, you were stopped by your father reaching out to grab your arm. You hadn’t even seen him move closer until he was already holding onto you._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Don’t,” he said, voice low and warning. You snatched your arm away from his grip._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“They’re going to hurt him,” you told him, pulling up your dress._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“That doesn’t involve you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Everything that involves him involves me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Realization slowly passed through your dad’s eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“The boy in the pictures,” he breathed. You sniffed, looking down at your feet. He scoffed, giving you a look of disgust. “Do whatever you want.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Your dad stormed off, pushing past a few of the dancers. You huffed before taking off in the direction you last saw Rafe and JJ. It wasn’t hard to find them. All you had to do was follow the path of carnage, which led you straight to the men’s bathroom. You didn’t hesitate to walk inside._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________When you did, Kelce had JJ by the neck, a familiar scene. Rafe, who stood in front of him, stopped when you walked in. After a moment of shock, he smiled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Looks like we’ve got the set,” he said, opening his arms as if greeting you warmly. JJ struggled to turn and see who was standing there. “Welcome to the show.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Let him go,” you ground out through your teeth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Just get out of here, Ellie,” JJ said, pulling against Kelce’s arm._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Aww, he’s got a nickname for you and everything,” Rafe said with a fake pout. “You must really be in love.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________You weren’t going to ask him twice. You started forward, willing to test what Kelce said earlier. Had Rafe really put out a no kill order on you, or was Kelce blowing smoke? Walking right up to Kelce, no one stepped forward to try and stop you, except Rafe. He grabbed hold of your arms and pushed you up against the wall._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________JJ struggled even harder against Kelce’s arms, his feet sliding out from under him at his attempts._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Soak it up, Rafe,” you seethed, his face only inches from yours. “This is the closest you’re ever gonna get.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________You hadn’t thought you said it very loudly, but JJ froze for a moment, something shifting in his eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The door burst open and one of the security guards walked in. Rafe dropped you instantly, Kelce letting go of JJ’s neck._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Is there a problem?” The security guard asked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“No, officer,” JJ said, running a hand through his hair. “Actually, yes. No, there is an issue. We got a criminal trespass in progress here.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________You scowled, glancing at him. He met your eyes and gave the barest of shrugs. He was trying to get himself out of this situation in the best way he could. A smile started to spread across your lips. Nothing like a good police escort to get one safely out of a party._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Beep!” JJ said, twirling his finger in the air. “Call it in, right? Blatant disrespect for private property.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He looked over at Rafe, who was backed into a metaphorical corner. Scratching the back of his ear, Rafe nodded his head._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yeah.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m in violation of all kids, sir.” JJ turned to look back at the security guard. You covered your smile with a hand. JJ turned to fix Kelce’s bowtie, which had gone askew. “But these young gentlemen….”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Don’t touch my shit.” Kelce shoved JJ’s hands away from him and you had to resist lunging forward._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“...these young gentlemen caught me, sir, and they’re about to take me away. And that’s what you should do, escort me out of here.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________You could tell that the security guard didn’t really believe him, but he stepped toward JJ anyway. You tried to press yourself against the wall, to turn invisible. There would be a hundred more questions about why there was a girl in the guy’s locker room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________As the guard started to pull JJ toward the bathroom door, he turned back to antagonize the boys as much as he could._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Fix that tie, son,” he said, pointing at Kelce, who glowered. “You Powderpuff girls have fun, now.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Safe travels back to the cut!” Rafe called. “It’s always nice seeing you again!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The bathroom door shut, the security guard and JJ disappearing behind it. Now you wanted to disappear more than ever. No one moved, no one breathed. Someone was going to take the first step and it would throw everything into motion. There was no way you were going to make it to the door in this dress before they caught you. Still, it was better than getting trapped against the wall._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Lifting your dress, you made for the door as fast as your heeled feet would take you, but Rafe caught you before you made it a few steps. You growled as he whirled you around._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Your boyfriend left you in a bit of a pickle here, _Ellie _,” Rafe sneered.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Fuck you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Oh, now you want to?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________You tried to pull away from him, but his grip was iron. You eventually stopped trying._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“You know what, for two seconds I almost thought you were decent.” You glared at him. “But turns out you’re just like every other drug-addicted, neglected rich boy. You’re pathetic, Rafe.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________You weren’t sure if it was the hurt or the surprise at your candor that made him let you go, but as soon as his grip had loosened, you were making for the door once again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________JJ was in the middle of making a scene when you ran back outside._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“El, what’s happening?” Kid ran up to you, putting his arms around your waist. You dropped your hand against his back, turning behind you to see Rafe and Kelce lead their posse out of the men’s room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“You can’t boot him!” Kie yelled, standing on the porch in her beautiful lavender dress. “I invited him here. I’m a member of this club.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Kie’s parents desperately tried to get her to quiet down, but she wasn’t going to anytime soon. JJ shoved the security guard away from him before offering a fake apology. You felt Kid squeeze you tighter._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Hey, mandatory power hour at Rixon’s, Kie,” JJ said, pointing at her. “You too, Pope.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________JJ then turned to you and Kid, finger still pointing. It was a non-verbal offer. You could stay here and not anger your dad any further or damn the consequences and run off with the boy who owned so much of your heart._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Go,” Kid said. When you looked down at him, he was grinning at JJ. “You want to go, so go.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“But-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I’ll be fine,” Kid said, turning to meet your eyes. He slid out of your grip, stepping away. Your heart pounded at the thrill of it all. You looked back as both Pope’s parents and Kie’s tried desperately to keep their children from running off. John B was standing there beside JJ too. There they all were, your friends. “Go, El!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________You didn’t need to be told again. You almost tripped down the stairs running after them. JJ clapped his hands and pointed finger guns at Kid._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I owe you one, little man,” he said, sending a wink his way. Kid just grinned and put his two thumbs in the air._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Kie’s parents still yelled after her as the two of you ran alongside each other. You hadn’t seen her smile so big in a while. Just before you stepped onto the grass, you turned around._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Hey dad!” You called, cupping your hands around your mouth. You were dead already, why not drive the knife in a little farther. When you finally saw him, staring at you with eyes ablaze with fire, you waved and then stuck up both of your middle fingers. The glass in his hand shattered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________You heard your friends howling and laughing behind you, so you turned and ran after them. JJ was still there, grinning, while the others raced for the shore. He took your hand in his and the two of you took off running._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________And you suddenly felt so...alive._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	12. The Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Pogues have internal issues in regards to a new member joining. But John B comes up with a clever idea on how to smooth things over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this chapter isn't great, I had some trouble writing it. However, the next chapter will be a lot more fun! Stay safe, stay healthy, stay groovy!

The cool breeze ruffled your hair, goosebumps prickling your skin. JJ’s white collared shirt he had worn to the party was draped over your shoulders. He sat next to you, so close that you could feel the warmth radiating off of him. With your adrenaline from the night fading fast, a rather large rock of fear dropped into your stomach. You couldn’t imagine what kind of storm your father was raging back at home. Shutting your eyes, you prayed silently that Kid had the smarts to stay out of his way.   
“So, like, my dad’s already going to kill me,” Pope said as John B stoked the fire. “What’s this mandatory meeting about?” 

JJ looked up to John B, who pointed finger guns at him. 

“Might as well tell him, man,” JJ said, the barest hint of a smile on his face. “Before we’re gaffed.” 

Kie turned to look at John B slowly, a look of worry on her face. 

“Ready for this?” John B asked. You nodded your head eagerly. It had to be about the gold. There was nothing else that was so important. 

“Uh, yeah,” Kie said, eyes widening. 

“So, the gold went down with the Royal Merchant,” John B started, as if telling the beginning of a long ghost story. Your heart started to pound as if it was. Pope sighed and rolled his eyes. 

“Here we go again with this,” he said, leaning back. 

“Hold on,” JJ said, “Hear him out, alright?”

Pope looked away from JJ toward John B, who had a finger to his smiling lips. He was really enjoying this whole story-telling thing. If both him and JJ were this excited, it must be a real lead. 

“It’s been here the whole time,” John B said. You scowled, your eyes narrowing as you gazed into the fire. John B looked around, letting his words settle in. “It’s on the island.” 

You sucked in a sharp intake of breath, a smile starting to widen across your lips. 

“Are you serious?” Kie asked, glancing between JJ and John B, as if one of them was going to jump up and say ‘sike!’ But neither of them did. “Oh, my god!”

“I’d like to voice my skepticism,” Pope said, leaning his elbows against his knees. 

“I’m sure you would, Pope,” John B said as he stood. You rolled your eyes at him. JJ threw a stick into the fire. “But can I please present my evidence, sir?” 

“Proceed.” Pope waved his hand in a mocking manner. 

You watched, eyes wide with merriment and a grin on your face, as John B presented his so called evidence. He spoke of Denmark Tanny, the slave who freed himself with the Royal Merchant gold, about the letter he left to his son. He told the circle about Tannyhill, the plantation that Denmark Tanny bought and how he freed slaves and got richer from his rice production. You weren’t surprised when John B told everyone that Tanny was killed, but it still made you sad. All the good he had done in his life, only to be murdered. 

“Harvest the wheat in parcel nine near the water,” John B said. “Except, there’s no wheat.” 

Your mind was swimming. It was so much to take in, so much that you didn’t really understand. 

“So, wheat is a code for gold?” you asked, squeezing your eyes shut in an attempt to understand. 

“Look at this,” John B took the two papers he had handed out and held them up. One was a picture of the gold with the wheat symbol stamped on the top. The other was the letter with the same wheat symbol on the bottom. Your heart started to soar. Kie laughed, her mouth falling open with glee. 

“Holy shit,” Pope breathed, looking at the pictures closer. 

“All we need is the original survey map of the property,” John B said, pacing back and forth in front of the fire. “And we’ve found the gold!” 

You covered your face with your hands to keep from screaming with joy. You had a chance after all, the chance to get Kid safe. 

“Okay,” Pope said, looking up. “This might have a small chance of being actually true.” 

JJ stood and walked around Pope and the fire toward John B.

“Dude, it’s like King Tut,” he said. 

“I am a genius,” John B just before JJ engulfed him in a hug. “Hello! Fire. You’re near the fire, you’re gonna burn.” 

“I’m so proud of you right now,” JJ said, pulling away. 

“Thank you,” John B breathed. 

Everything seemed to be going fine until Pope asked for the plan and then John B made the mistake of mentioning Sarah Cameron. You were excited to hear her name mentioned, but Kie was less so. 

“Why Sarah?” She asked. 

“Well, see, we, um-” The throne that John B had just been so gracefully sitting on seconds ago had now toppled over and he was fumbling. 

“This is gonna be good,” JJ mused, looking at his fingers. You watched rather uncomfortably as John B tried to explain to Kie what exactly had happened, how Sarah had helped. He may have almost convinced her that it was innocent, until JJ piped back up.  
“He was mackin’ on her.” 

You dropped your head into your hands. 

“Really helpful,” you said, shaking your head. 

“I wasn’t macking.” 

“You were totally macking Sarah Cameron.” 

“I really don’t think you’re helping here, JJ,” you said, cringing as you looked back up. He just shrugged. 

“I wasn’t macking on her,” John B protested, still trying to defend his innocence. “I was using her for access, okay?” 

You could see the lie in his face, but that still didn’t help the ache in your chest. You remembered when JJ gave the note to Sarah. John B must have been Vlad. The smile on her face when she saw who it was from had been real joy. If John B really had been playing her, Sarah had no idea. The thought of it made your stomach squeeze. 

Kie and John B continued to argue about Sarah while you kept your chin in your hands. You had no idea why Kie hated Sarah so much, but after knowing Kie, there must be a good reason. But also knowing Sarah, you weren’t sure what she could possibly do to make someone so levelheaded as Kie despise her. 

“Look, you guys know me!” John B said, looking around at the circle of friends. “Do I look like the type of guy to fall for Sarah Cameron.” 

You nodded your head a few times, glancing up at him. 

“Do you want us to answer that or-” Pope started. 

“You don’t know her yet. But I do,” Kie said, desperation clear in her voice. “You can’t trust her.” 

“Her brother beat me in the back with a golf club,” Pope said as he stared at the fire. You pointed at him, agreeing non-verbally.

“Rafe and Sarah are two different human beings,” John B said. 

“What did she do to you, exactly?” JJ asked Kie. That got her fired up more than she was already. 

“She’s like a spitting cobra,” Kie said, using her hands for dramatic effect. “First she blinds you and then-”

“This is a bad analogy,” Pope told her. 

“Listen to me!” Kie yelled, her voice breaking. “Whatever we get, she’s going to try and take.” 

You didn’t know if you could believe that. For years, Sarah was the closest person to you. She had been nothing but kind. She even invited you to her birthday party once. 

But John B wasn’t taking no for an answer. He had you all in the van less than five minutes later, Kie still smoldering with anger. 

When John B pulled to a stop at the Hawk’s Nest, JJ and Pope pulled the door open. 

“I think I’m going to go alone,” John B told you guys, turning around from the front seat. He looked at Kie, still hoping to convince her he was doing the right thing. But she just gave him the longest, most exaggerated eye roll. 

Thunder rumbled outside. You pulled the button up tighter around you, a chill running up your spine. You loved storms, the static in the air, the rain and the wind, the flashes of lightning. But this storm felt different. Like a warning. 

“I don’t think you should go alone,” you said, looking out the open van door to the storm out over the sea. 

“Why?” 

“I dunno. A bad feeling, I guess.” 

A bad feeling wasn’t enough to keep John B from leaving, it seemed. 

“I don’t see why we’re involving her at all,” Kie said as she leaned back against the van, arms crossed. 

“We’re not involving her, Kie,” John B protested, clearly tired of having the same conversation. “It’s just like a business meeting...thing.” 

“Promise me nothing’s happening between you two,” Kie said. 

“Nothing’s happening!” 

You and JJ looked at each other, rolling your eyes in sync. Maybe you and JJ had different ideas about what was happening between the two of them, but you both knew that something was going on. You just weren’t entirely sure why John B was being so stingy about it. 

“Dude, she’s gonna get inside you’re head,” Kie said, narrowing her eyes. Her mom voice was coming out again. Part of it was concern for her best friend, but the other part of it was obvious disdain for Sarah. This time, John B looked her dead in the eyes. 

“I promise.” 

“That was believable,” JJ said as you cringed. John B just really needed to come out and say it. It would make things a thousand times better than lying continually.

“A hundred percent believable,” Pope echoed. 

“Just go,” you said to John B. “It’s gonna start pouring soon.” 

“We’ll just sit here,” Pope said with a sigh as John B stepped out of the car. “In this hot ass car...while it’s lightning.” 

Kie was less than pleased. 

“Is it lightning or lightninging?” You asked, fiddling with the frayed edges of your dress. 

“I think it’s lightning,” Pope said. 

“But then it’s a verb and a noun. That doesn’t make sense.” 

“That’s just the way it is, Elm.” 

***

You sighed, looking back out the window. Yeah, you had a really bad feeling about this. 

“I told him not to go!” Kie paced back and forth, the bottom of her dress sweeping past your feet. 

“You act like it was Sarah who pushed him,” you grumbled, legs bouncing beneath you. 

The four of you sat outside of John B’s hospital room as you waited to hear from the doctor any news. Kie hadn’t stopped pacing. Pope hadn’t looked up from the floor. JJ hadn’t taken his hand out of yours. He wanted to kill Topper and part of him knew that if he left you, he might do just that. Even when he squeezed too hard, you didn’t let go. Since seeing John B unconscious on the ground, JJ had barely said a word. You couldn’t imagine what it might be like to see the person you care about most in the world in that position. You tried not to think about how you would feel if it was Kid. 

Sarah was inside the hospital room, sitting on the edge of his bed, holding his hand in hers. After hearing everything that John B had said about using her, you couldn’t help but feel horrible. You should tell her so she wouldn’t have to find out the hard way. But you also barely believed John B when he said it. 

“I’m gonna kill Topper,” JJ ground out through his teeth. You hid a grimace as he squeezed your hand even tighter. The two of you kept your heads down when doctors passed, not really wanting questions about the bruises and cuts. 

You wanted to kill Topper just as much. It was his fault you were in the current condition, after all, and now he had shoved your friend off a building. You couldn’t believe it, but you were almost starting to hate him more than Rafe. 

Of course, you didn’t say that. JJ needed someone to keep him out of trouble, not throw him deeper into it. 

Sarah emerged from the room, arms wrapped tightly around herself. Kie rolled her eyes and turned her back, JJ standing and dragging you up with him. 

“They said…” She cleared her throat before lifting her head higher. “They said that it’s just a concussion and a fractured wrist. He’s going to be fine.” 

There was a collective sigh of relief. You felt JJ’s grip loosen just ever so slightly. 

“What about DCS?” Pope asked, finally lifting his head. “They know he’s here. They’ll take him away.” 

Sarah shook her head slowly, biting her lower lip. 

“I talked to my dad. He’s willing to be John B’s legal guardian.”

That was a bombshell that you weren’t expecting. Your mouth fell open and you glanced over at JJ, whose eyes widened. 

“Wait, like, live with you?” Kie asked, accusation heavy in her tone. Sarah nodded her head a few times. 

“Yeah.” 

“Great. That’s just great,” JJ scoffed, pulling his hand out of yours. He turned around, messing with his hat. You walked over to Sarah and pulled her into a hug. She was hesitant to reciprocate it, but eventually, she wrapped her arms around your waist. 

“Thank you,” you whispered. All she did was nod, sniffling. 

“We should go,” Pope said finally. You let your arms fall from around Sarah. She wiped a quick tear away and turned back toward the hospital room. 

“Where do we go?” You asked, turning toward them with your hands on your hips. “I don’t think any of us can go home right now.” 

“We can go to the Wreck?” Kie suggested. “There are some spare clothes there than we can change into. Get some food. Wait for John B to wake up.” 

“Maybe we should crash at the Chateau first,” Pope said, rubbing his palms against his shorts. “I’m beat and I need to sleep.” 

“I second that,” JJ said, lifting his hand. When Kie looked at you, all you did was nod your head. You hadn’t realized how tired you were until they mentioned sleep. It had been a long, exhausting day and you somehow knew that the next few days weren’t going to be any easier. 

***

“You two do anything funny,” Pope warned, pointing a finger at you and JJ. “I’m setting your bed on fire.” 

You found the energy to smile as you dropped into the bed. 

“Aye, aye,” JJ said with a mock salute. He fell, face first, against the bed beside you, his arm flopping over your stomach. Kie shook her head as she walked into John B’s room. Pope disappeared down the hall. 

It was too hot for blankets. You kicked them onto the floor with a huff as JJ threw his shirt at the wall. You could feel JJ start to pull at the bottom of your dress. 

“What are you doing?” You asked him, glaring. He shrugged. 

“It’s hot in here. Just want you to be comfortable.” 

You shook him off, rolling onto your side. 

“You heard what Pope said. I don’t want to be responsible for John B’s house burning down. JJ sighed and kissed your shoulder before flopping back against the pillows. 

Your eyes fluttered, already half asleep. Something kept you awake. A few minutes past before you saw something large skittle across the floor. It didn’t take long for you to realize what it was. 

“JJ,” you mumbled. When he didn’t respond, you tried again a little louder. “JJ.” 

“Hmm?” He was more asleep than you had been. 

“There’s a big old heckin’ spider on the floor,” you said, limply pointing at the spider. JJ sat up and looked down at you with a partial smile. 

“What happened to your sailor’s mouth?” He asked. You turned to look at him with half open eyes. 

“JJ,” you said. “There’s a big old _fucking spider on the floor _.”__

__He clucked his tongue, smile widening._ _

__“Atta girl.”_ _

__He slid off the bed, tiptoeing to the other side. He walked over to his shoes, but you held out a hand for him to stop._ _

__“Don’t kill it though,” you asked, your voice whinier than you wanted it to be._ _

__“Sure.” JJ disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a large cup. You nodded your head against your pillow. You watched, vision blurry from a desire to sleep, as JJ scooped the spider into the cup and carried it outside._ _

__“Thank you,” you mused as he lay back down beside you. Instead of answering, he lay on his stomach beside you, his head resting against your shoulder, arm laying across your back. Despite the added heat from his body, you couldn’t have been more comfortable._ _

__You fell asleep with a smile on your face._ _

__***_ _

__Arriving at the Wreck, you couldn’t be happier at the smell of food or the prospect of a new set of clothes._ _

__“I’m burning this dress,” you grumbled as Kie helped you shimmy out of it. She was unusually quiet. “Are you okay?”_ _

__She shrugged her shoulders._ _

__“I’m sure John B is going to be fine,” you said with a smile. “He’ll meet us here.”_ _

__“Yeah, I’m sure John B is doing just fine.” Kie turned around so you could help her unzip her dress._ _

__“What did happen between you and Sarah anyway?” Kie tensed. “It’s just us girls, right? You can trust me, Kie.”_ _

__“Yeah? I thought I could trust her, too.” You were tempted not to push further, but then Kie sighed, pulling a tank top over her head. “We were best friends once. And then she stabbed me in the back, turned everyone at school against me.”_ _

__Your stomach dropped. Even though you couldn’t imagine Sarah doing anything like that, you couldn’t not believe Kie and the grief on her face._ _

__“Kie, I’m so sorry.”_ _

__“That’s why I didn’t want John B to go. It’s clear he likes her and I just don’t want him to get his heartbroken.”_ _

__You nodded your head. That made more sense to you than an impersonal vendetta. There was a knock on the bathroom door._ _

__“What are you guys doing in there?” Pope called through the door._ _

__“Anything I can watch?” JJ asked. You could hear his smile in his voice._ _

__You looked at Kie with a sigh._ _

__“Why do I like him?”_ _

__Kie shrugged her shoulders, but there was a hint of an almost smile on her face. You shook your head and opened the door._ _

__“Surprise,” Kie said. “We were just changing you perv.”_ _

__John B showed up a few minutes later and the smile that had graced Kie’s lips was gone._ _

__“So, do you have a membership card?” Pope asked, tucking his hands behind his head. You helped Kie pass out a few drinks as John B sat down._ _

__“I don’t know, Pope.” You could tell he was exhausted._ _

__“Does it come with a free sweater vest or do you have to buy one on your own?”_ _

__You scowled to yourself, sitting at one of the open chairs. JJ leaned his hands on the back of your chair._ _

__“Look, you promised,” Kie said, staring down at John B. “You said you weren’t with her.”_ _

__Even though you understood Kie’s concern, you weren’t sure why they weren’t happier for him. He got around the foster system, wasn’t that a good thing? Maybe since you were the only other one at risk of the foster system, you were the only one who really understood how terrifying the idea could be._ _

__“Bro, just own it,” JJ said, taking a sip from his cup._ _

__“If you want to hang out with her, that’s fine. But I’m letting you know now, I’m doing anything with her,” Kie said. You let out a heavy sigh._ _

__“Do you guys see her here?” John B asked. “No? Right. A little focus would be fantastic.”_ _

__The switch was almost instant. John B pulled out the map, the conversation switching from Sarah._ _

__Thirty minutes later, you were sitting at the remains of Battery Jasper, staring out at the ocean. Pope had the map spread out across the wall. You leaned in close to get a good look._ _

__“Parcel 9,” you said, pointing at it._ _

__“Right, so it’s northeast of here,” he said and you nodded your head._ _

__“Somewhere over that way.” Kie pointed out over the land._ _

__“That’s not Tannyhill, that’s a subdivision,” JJ said with a shake of his head._ _

__“Tannyhill used to be the entire island.”_ _

__“We need another marker,” Kie said, walking over._ _

__“What about that?” You pointed a thick line right in front of Parcel 9._ _

__“That’s a wall,” Pope said. “Perfect, Elm.”_ _

__Back on the road, Pope sat in the front of the seat with the map. He navigated for John B. You felt your pulse spike. You were actually doing this. And it might actually work._ _

__But then you pulled up to the Craine House and your heart sank. You remembered the story that JJ had told Kid about Mrs. Craine and her husband. You felt sick to your stomach as the five of you hopped over the wall. Barely listening as JJ retold the story he learned from Hollis, you looked behind every tree as if expecting to see the old lady jump out and chop your head off._ _

__Chills ran up and down your arms as JJ recounted the story._ _

__“JJ, stop it. You’re freaking me out,” you said, peering behind another tree._ _

__“You’re so full of shit,” John B laughed._ _

__Pope asked a few more questions, feeding into JJ’s story. You stood closer to Kie, who clearly didn’t believe anything JJ was saying. John B rolled his eyes and started to walk away._ _

__“Dude, wait!” JJ called after him._ _

__“What?” John B snapped, turning back around._ _

__“You sure you wanna do this? She’s an ax murderer. You got a cast on.”_ _

__“I don’t give a shit if she’s an ax murderer, okay?”_ _

__“I do,” you piped in. “Just a little bit.”_ _

__“I got nothing to lose,” John B continued as if you said nothing. “You coming or what?”_ _

__Kie was the first to follow him and Pope went after her, but JJ stayed back, scratching his arm._ _

__“You want me to walk behind you?” You teased, walking up to him with a smile. He looked around._ _

__“We’ll go together,” he said, taking your hand. You were glad for it. You didn’t really want to walk behind him, afraid that the crazy murderer lady would creep up behind you and cut your head off, but if JJ asked, you would have. His hand in yours made the fear fade._ _

__You snuck through the tall grass behind Pope until John B called for you to stop._ _

__“You scared, JJ?” Kie asked with a playful grin, looking down at your interlocked hands._ _

__“I was,” you said, squeezing his hand once. “Call me crazy, but talking about ax murderers doesn’t entirely make me feel safe.”_ _

__“Fair point.”_ _

__“Okay,” John B interjected. “Here’s the plan. We need to look for the wheat near the water like it said in Denmark’s letter.”_ _

__“What kind of water?” Pope asked. “Like...pond water?”_ _

__“Bong water?” JJ suggested with a laugh. Both Kie and Pope turned to look at JJ, eyebrows raised. You closed your eyes, breathing steadily through your nose._ _

__“No, it just said look for water, okay?”_ _

__“That’s the shittiest secret message ever,” Kie said as she started to walk toward the house._ _

__“You wanna complain a little more, Kie?” John B asked after her. “Nobody said it would be easy.”_ _

__“I’ll search the northeast, you guys search the northwest quadrant,” Pope said._ _

__“The decapitation quadrant?” JJ asked as Pope walked away. You let out a deep sigh. This was going to be a long day._ _

__***_ _

__There was little to do as John B and Kie slapped skeeters off of each other. All you could really find to do was lean up against the wall and swat bugs away from you._ _

__“Can we leave?” JJ asked, looking around the small basement._ _

__“Don’t you think it’s weird there are so many bugs?” Pope asked you. You pinched your eyebrows together, but then nodded her head slowly._ _

__“There aren’t usually so many, unless they’re by-”_ _

__“Water.”_ _

__Realization hit suddenly. You pushed yourself off the wall and walked over to where Pope was, eyes scanning the floorboards. Flashlight scanning the floor, you froze when you heard the ground beneath Pope creak. He looked up at you and you felt your lips twinge upward. You shuffled a few of the broken pieces of wood out of his way as Pope plucked a small rock off the ground and crouched down. You knelt beside him._ _

__“Hey, I think I found Mrs. Craine’s voodoo doll,” JJ said. Kie and John B continued to slap each other._ _

__Pope took the rock in his hand and dropped it through the floorboards. You waited, straining your ear. You heard the splash and a grin spread across your face. The same smile grew on Pope’s face as he looked up at you._ _

__“The water,” you breathed. He nodded and the two of you started to move the rest of the junk._ _

__“Hey, guys!” Pope whispered._ _

__“Hey, Pope,” JJ replied._ _

__Kie shushed the two of you, turning away from John B._ _

__“Hey, help us move this,” Pope said, standing straight. He grabbed John B’s arm. “We need to move this.”_ _

__“Okay.” John B lifted his hands. “Just...quietly.”_ _

__With all of the hands working together to move the trash, it went a lot faster. Then, moving the boards, you found yourself staring down into a deep well._ _

__“Well, well, well,” Pope said. You almost laughed._ _

__“They built this part of the house right over it,” Kie said, squatting down._ _

__“This is where she hid the bodies.” JJ stared into the well. You shook your head._ _

__“Dude, c’mon.” Pope tapped his fist against JJ’s arm._ _

__“No, I’m dead serious.”_ _

__“Yeah, you will be dead if you don’t stop talking about Mrs. Craine,” you said, nodding toward the well._ _

__“She probably doesn’t even know it’s here,” Kie added, shining her flashlight into the well. It was too deep to really see anything._ _

__“So, we found water,” Pope said, turning the attention back to the object at hand._ _

__“We’re gonna need a really big rope.”_ _

__***_ _

__Once you got back to the Chateau, your nerves abuzz with excitement, John B took off on some unknown trip (but you guessed that it had something to do with Sarah). You elected yourself to go and pick up some groceries._ _

__In doing so, you managed to miss the entire Kie vs. John B and Sarah debacle. You walked up to the Chateau, bags hanging off of your arms, a smile still on your face. You had found the water where the “wheat” was. The gold was right there. All you had to do was get down a really deep well and find it. No biggie, right?_ _

__But then you saw JJ and John B sitting in the kitchen. Glancing around, the skip in your step slowing and your smile fading, you saw Pope and Kie down by the docks. Something about the separation didn’t feel right to you._ _

__“What did you two do?” You asked as you walked inside, setting the groceries on the counter._ _

__“Wasn’t me,” JJ said, putting his hands in the air._ _

__“I tried to pull Sarah in but Kie wasn’t too fond of that idea,” John B said, hanging his head._ _

__“And by ‘not too fond’ he means that Kie wants him to choose between the two of them, but he won’t.”_ _

__You pursed your lips and started to unpack the bags._ _

__“That’s not really a fair ultimatum,” you said, tossing JJ a bag of fresh bread._ _

__Pope walked back in with a deep sigh._ _

__“What’d she say?” John B asked._ _

__“That you’re an idiot.”_ _

__You wished that you could shrink away from this entire conversation. It felt like a Pogue thing. The boys argued back and forth for a moment as you passed out apples and set out some grapes. Maybe they were all just hungry. If they just ate…._ _

__“I’ve got a plan,” John B said, which pulled your attention back. “And you three are going to help me out.”_ _

__***_ _

__You were assigned to Kie duty with Pope. It felt wrong to be lying to her about what was really going on, but you knew that it was for good reason. Hopefully, she would understand that, too._ _

__“Can’t you guys do anything without me?” Kie asked as you pulled up to the boat. The sun had slowly started to set, getting closer to the horizon._ _

__“Definitely not,” you breathed as Pope pulled up to the _HMS Pogue _. You leaned back against the side of the boat while Kie climbed into the Pogue. As soon as she was off, Pope turned his small boat around.___ _

____“They’re going to kill us,” you said, squinting your eyes against the heavy glare of the sun._ _ _ _

____“Most definitely,” Pope agreed._ _ _ _

____You sat up when you heard the sound of hollering and two large splashes. Running to the front of your small boat, you offered your hand to the boys as they neared._ _ _ _

____By the time they were back on, Sarah and Kie were both leaning off the edge of the Pogue, shouting. You grimaced and gave a wave._ _ _ _

____“Get your assess back here!” Kie called._ _ _ _

____“Can’t. Not until you two figure things out!” John B said._ _ _ _

____“I will kill every single one of you!”_ _ _ _

____“Don’t let her mean words scare you,” JJ whispered, grinning like an idiot._ _ _ _

____“You can’t just leave!” Sarah cried._ _ _ _

____“There’s food in the cabin and JJ rolled a blunt,” John B said, waving his hand._ _ _ _

____“Hydroponic!”_ _ _ _

____The boat started to splutter away, leaving Sarah and Kie behind._ _ _ _

____“Love you guys!” John B called one last time. JJ gave a whooping laugh._ _ _ _

____As you made your way back toward shore, you wondered if this was really going to work. After all, Kie was probably the most stubborn person you had ever met and if she was dead set on something, she wasn’t about to let it go. Then again, the boys did know her better than you did._ _ _ _

____“So, what now?” You asked._ _ _ _

____“Now we wait until morning,” John B said. By the grin on his face, he looked rather pleased with himself._ _ _ _

____“What do we do until then?”_ _ _ _

____“I could think of a couple of things…”_ _ _ _

____“Really, JJ?” Pope rolled his eyes. “In front of my boat?”_ _ _ _

____JJ shrugged, leaning back as he draped an arm around your waist._ _ _ _

____“If you wanted,” John B said, fiddling with his fingers. “Pope and I could get out of the house if-”_ _ _ _

____“God, John B,” you cringed, covering your eyes with your hands._ _ _ _

____“I mean, you’ve….” John B waved his hand through the air. You felt your cheeks burn hot. Once again, you wanted to be anywhere but here._ _ _ _

____“Is this what you boys talk about on a daily basis?” You asked._ _ _ _

____“Only sometimes,” Pope told you, not taking his eyes off of the water in front of them._ _ _ _

____“No, John B,” JJ said. “It hasn’t really come up.”_ _ _ _

____“It hasn’t come up?” John B scoffed. “Why don’t I believe you?”_ _ _ _

____“Ellie isn’t a fan of sex.” JJ shrugged. You turned to look at him, eyes wide. This wasn’t really a conversation you wanted to have right now. “I can’t push her.”_ _ _ _

____“JJ,” you said quietly, trying to smile. “Please stop talking.”_ _ _ _

____“You don’t like sex?” John B asked, somehow surprised. You turned to look at him, trying to keep your smile, but it was obviously forced._ _ _ _

____“Not really, no,” you told him._ _ _ _

____“Any particular reason or-”_ _ _ _

____You almost considered telling them. There weren’t supposed to be secrets among you, but this was a secret that could cost you your life. If the beating you got from your dad was just after he found out that you had been sneaking around, there was no telling what he would do if he found out that you told them what he had done to you._ _ _ _

____You shook your head._ _ _ _

____“Just not a fan.”_ _ _ _

____“Hey, you know what?” John B said, handing you a beer. “That’s valid.”_ _ _ _

____You felt yourself give a real smile as you accepted it. You popped it open a took a long drink, feeling the familiar taste on your tongue. In recent weeks, you found that that feeling of calm it brought you could be found somewhere else._ _ _ _

____You put your head on JJ’s shoulder, letting your eyes close. The wind drowned out the cries of Kie and Sarah, rapidly disappearing behind the small boat._ _ _ _

____With the alcohol in your system and the smell of the ocean filling your nostrils, the craziness of the world didn’t seem to be able to touch you._ _ _ _


	13. Swell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and JJ finally get a few hours alone. The gold is found with very few snags, but problems arise when you try to sell it off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all ready for some SOFT and then some NOT SOFT? Because this chapter is full of both. Thank you for your continual love and support! Some of the most recent comments have moved me to tears, you guys are so sweet.   
> stay safe  
> stay healthy  
> stay groovy!

You and JJ sat out on the dock, kicking your legs back and forth. Despite the chill in the air, you felt warm with JJ beside you. The sun was even lower than before, the sky painted with beautiful purples and deep blues. The dwindling light of day cast the horizon in a golden hue. You tried not to look at JJ every three seconds, but he looked so...beautiful with the light against his skin. 

“What?” He asked, laughing. You felt your cheeks redden as you turned your gaze back to the sunset. You shook your head, trying to cover for yourself now that you’d been caught. 

“Nothing.” You dropped your gaze down to your feet. “It’s nice to have time alone when we’re not both half asleep.” 

JJ bumped your shoulder with his. You laughed, pushing him right back. He grabbed your chin and gently turned you to face him. Your laughing died instantly, heart starting to pound in your ears. The water underneath the dock responded just as strongly as your gut. But he didn’t kiss you, not right away at least. His eyes scanned your face. His gaze landed heavily on your cuts, your bruises. 

You wanted to look away. Shame crawled deep inside of you, twisting in your stomach. Sure, JJ understood how you felt, but it didn’t make it any easier. It was like having your skin peeled off and being put on display for all to see. There was no hiding from him when he was this close. He could see the rage of your father and the impression it left on you. For anyone to see all your scars, both literal and metaphorical, it was almost too much for you to bear. 

After spending so long avoiding any kind of personal attachment, you weren’t sure how you had managed to let JJ in so quickly, so deeply. You had spent your entire life running from anything that could put you or Kid at risk and now here you were, running headfirst into JJ Maybank. 

When he closed the distance between you, he didn’t kiss you on the mouth. Instead, he pressed his lips against the cut on your cheek. The movement startled you. You straightened your back, cheeks turning red once again. But JJ didn’t stop there. He kissed the bridge of your nose, where you had to reset it after your dad broke it. You let him tilt your jaw upward, so he could kiss the yellow bruise Rafe left behind from the summer movie series. 

It was a different feeling than you were accustomed to when it came to kissing. You had grown used to the whirlpool and the storm and the riptide and the strong current. This was something else entirely. It was the goldilocks zone; where your feet were in the water enough just to keep your senses alert, but you were still very much on land. 

Gently, he leaned down to kiss the cut on your lip. You watched him carefully, never take your eyes away from his face. But he didn’t look up, fixated completely on the rest of you. This tenderness was more than you could handle. It felt too much like…

You couldn’t bring yourself to think about it. Not when last time you said it, it freaked him out. 

And then he finally pressed his lips to yours and the swell in your stomach turned into a wave until finally, it consumed you whole. You leaned into the kiss as far as he would let you. He pulled you closer, curving his fingers behind your head and using his thumb to keep your head tilted upward. 

He dropped his hand to rest along the bottom of your neck, as he always did. The deeper you fell into the kiss, the tighter he pulled you in. You were lost in his touch, lost in his taste. 

His hand wandered farther up your neck. You hadn’t realized until you felt a twinge of pain, like someone poking at a bruise. Which, of course, he was doing accidentally. When you first felt it, you ignored the pain, not wanting to part from him. But the second time, you flinched and JJ felt it. He sat back, breaking the kiss. You sucked in a deep breath before letting it out slowly through your nose. The pain in your neck was gone immediately as he removed his hand. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper as he fought for breath. You shook your head, not really wanting to tell him it hurt. Because it didn’t really hurt, or at least, it didn’t bother you. Not when he was there. “Ellie, you can tell me.” 

You grimaced, turning your body away from him and back to the marsh. He didn’t push, but he didn’t look away, still expecting an answer. 

“I thought you didn’t do the emotional shit,” you said, hoping that a laugh would keep him from asking any more questions. Clearly, it didn’t. You cleared your throat, kicking your feet again. “Do you ever...after your dad hits you, do you ever feel, like, I don’t know….”

“Like it’s my fault?” You looked over at him. “Like I somehow deserved what I got, that I had it coming?” 

You bobbed your head up and down slowly, twisting your lips. 

“And when people look at you, all they can see is the bruises and the scars,” you added and you swallowed a lump in your throat, forcing yourself to keep talking. “I mean, there’s got to be more to us, right? We’re not just a couple of kids who are beat around by our dads and abandoned by our moms.” 

JJ nodded his head slowly. 

“I used to feel like that a lot more,” he said. “But then I met the Pogues and I learned that, yeah, there is more than just a shitty home life.” 

You smiled at him. It was good to hear. 

“That’s sweet,” you said. He rolled his eyes. 

“Sweet isn’t really the word I would use.” 

“Then what word would you use?” 

JJ looked out to the ocean. The sun had gone completely by then, not even the barest hint of its light peeking over the horizon. He thought for a moment, squinting his eyes. You watched him carefully. 

“Despite all the shit our parents put us through, there’s gotta be one good thing that takes away from it all, that isn’t connected to all that shit,” he said and looked over at you. “For me, it was the Pogues. They’re my one good thing.” 

You nodded your head, looking at your knees. 

You wondered what your one good thing was. Maybe it was Kid, but JJ said it had to be disconnected and for as much as you loved Kid, how was in the thick of it just like you were. 

Turning toward JJ, you lifted one knee up, propping your elbow against it. You searched his eyes for a few moments, looking for something. He simply stared back. He finally lifted his hand and brushed his thumb against your cheek. You leaned into his touch, breathing in deeply. When you opened your eyes, your gaze fell on the cut on his eyebrow. 

“Will you tell me what happened?” You asked, lifting your hand to move a fallen strand of hair out of his face. JJ looked down as your fingers grazed over the cut above his eye. 

“Like I said, I got arrested for sinking Topper’s boat and my dad wasn’t too pleased with a 25 thousand dollar restitution,” he said with a bitter laugh. You pinched your eyebrows together. 

“How did you get arrested for something Pope did?” 

“I told them I did it.”

“JJ-”

“Don’t.” He shook his head at you. “I told him to do it so I took the fall. Pope has too much to lose.” 

“And you don’t?” He looked down, his hand falling from your face. “You don’t always have to look out for everyone else, you know.” 

JJ scoffed, lifting his head toward the stars. 

“It doesn’t matter,” he said and gave a shrug before letting his eyes fall back onto you. You sighed deeply, reaching out to take his hand in yours. 

“I can pay the restitution,” you said softly, knowing full well that he would protest. 

“No way, Ellie.”

“I want to help you. I...I don’t have the money myself but I can always ask my dad-”

“Forget about it.” 

You watched him for a few moments, but it was clear he wasn’t going to say anything further. So, you finally let out another low sigh and gave him a smile.

“Okay.” 

There was no way you were going to forget about it. 

But, JJ didn’t give you much time to think because he stood up and offered you a hand, his mood changing instantly. 

“Where are we going?” You asked as he pulled you to your feet. JJ’s mischievous smile pulled against his lips and you immediately regretted asking. 

“How about a swim?” 

“JJ…”

“It’s a perfect night for it!” 

Before you could protest any further, he scooping you up into his arms. 

“Hon,” you said slowly, peering down at the water below. “If you throw me in-”

“Sorry, what was that?” He teetered on the edge of the dock, making you cling tighter to his neck. “That water looks so nice, doesn’t it?” 

You glared at him. 

“No, it doesn’t. I don’t have any other clothes-” He leaned farther forward. “JJ!” 

“Relax, Ellie,” he said with a laugh. “I’ve got clothes you can wear.” 

And then he jumped. 

Your stomach dropped just before you hit the water, a similar feeling to whenever JJ kissed you. When you broke the surface, the cold water shattered through you in all the best ways. The night had been warm, almost unbearably so. The chill of the water washed away the sticky, clammy feeling from your skin. 

JJ let you go when you hit the water. You let yourself float for a few moments. For all your protesting about going in the water, it was just what you needed. You kicked your way to the surface once your lungs decided they needed air. Once your head was above the water, you gasped in a breath. JJ was right there, inches away from you, with a grin on his face, hair dripping wet. 

“Not so bad, huh?” 

You tried to fight back a smile as you pushed him. He laughed, grabbing hold of your arm and pulling you in. You let out an overdramatic sigh as he brushed your wet hair back and out of your face. 

“Thank you,” you said, trying to pretend that he wasn’t pulling you in even closer. 

“You’re welcome.” 

You weren’t surprised when he leaned down to kiss you. It was a short kiss because the water still tasted bad. 

“You wanna go inside?” He asked. 

“What happened to going for a swim?” 

He shrugged. 

“Race you back?”

“You’re so on, bucko.”

***

JJ sat on the bed when you emerged from the bathroom, wearing one of his spare shirts and a pair of his boxers. 

You thought he might say something about how you looked wearing his clothes, but he just stared at the floor. You sat next to him, running your fingers through his hair a few times. 

“What’s wrong?” You asked him. 

“What happened between you and Rafe?” 

His question took you aback. You stiffened, letting your hand fall to your side. From the look in his eyes, you knew it was a question he had been wanting to ask you for a while. 

“No-nothing happened,” you said, looking down at your hands. “I mean, nothing that really-”

“Just tell me.” 

You squeezed your eyes shut. You didn’t want to be thinking about Rafe, not right now. Standing, you wrapped your arms around your waist, trying to figure out what exactly to say. 

“Remember what I said about…?” You waved in the general direction of your face. 

“Someone was taking pictures.” You nodded your head slowly, pressing your lips into a line. JJ seemed to connect the dots then. “Rafe took the pictures.” 

You could hear the rage in his voice, his hands curling into fists. 

“But it wasn’t him who showed them to my dad,” you said quickly, hoping to deescalate the situation before it escalated at all. 

“Then who did?” 

You swallowed, chewing on the inside of your lip.

“Topper.”

“Goddammit!” JJ picked up a pillow from the bed and threw it on the floor. You flinched at his raised voice, backing away from the bed even more. 

“But it’s okay,” you said, voice shaking slightly. “I handled it.” 

He turned to look at you, saw how far you had moved away, and his features softened. 

“I don’t care about Topper,” he said slowly, trying to keep his voice calm. You took that to mean that he wanted to know about Rafe. 

“I thought it was Rafe too,” you told him. “But when I went to confront him, he told me about Topper and the pictures and...why he had taken them.” 

JJ watched you, eyes smoldering, but he wasn’t going to interrupt you. 

“You remember that party at the Cameron’s?”

“When you kissed Rafe because you were mad at me?” 

“Um, yeah. That party.” You felt your cheeks heaten. JJ stood, taking a few steps closer to you. “Well, apparently, Rafe was upset that I kissed him because-”

“Because he likes you.” 

JJ was nearer to you now and you stepped away until you hit the wall. 

“He didn’t exactly say it like that.”

“What did he say?” 

“He said that he hates seeing us together. He’s jealous of you,” you told him, breathless as he neared and leaned against the wall, putting his hand by your head. “But he knows where his place is.”

You weren’t entirely sure what JJ was going to say as he stared down at you. Your breathing was deep, heavy, heart-pounding painfully in your chest. It was almost like fear, but you weren’t afraid. 

“Tell me I’m yours,” he said finally. You blinked a few times. When it finally sunk into your brain what he had said, you lifted your hands to his face. 

“You’re mine.” His eyes closed and he let out a deep breath at your words. “And I am yours. Only yours.” 

The relief on his face passed. You didn’t even have the chance to think about what was going to come next before he crashed his lips against yours, pushing you back against the wall. You let out a shocked gasp, which JJ took full advantage of. He had you pinned against the wall. There was no way you were going anywhere, but you didn’t really want to. 

You had never seen him like this, never felt him kiss you so hungrily. It was more than just desire, there was something else there. You broke the kiss, pushing him back with a knowing smile. 

“Are you jealous, Maybank?” You asked. He narrowed his eyes. It was a confirmation in and of itself. You stood on your toes, pressing a gentle kiss against his neck and then another, longer one. He tightened his hands around your waist, his nails scratching your skin. 

“Shit,” he breathed, making you smile as you kissed his skin again. “You keep doing that and I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself.” 

You pulled back, meeting his eyes. 

“Then don’t.” 

***

The next morning, you sat with boys on Pope’s small boat, on the way to the HMS Pogue to pick up the girls. 

“You guys have fun last night?” John B asked, a smirk on his face. You coughed, cheeks turning red. JJ threw an empty beer can at John B’s head. 

“My eyes are still burning,” Pope said, rubbing his eyes dramatically. 

“Two hands on the wheel, Pope,” you said, trying to pretend that your face wasn’t on fire with embarrassment. 

“Not our fault you guys went out for late night ice cream,” JJ said. “We thought you were asleep.” 

“I doubt we would have been able to sleep through-”

“John B, if you say another word, I will castrate you,” you told him with a smile. You didn’t want to think about it. It had been embarrassing enough when they walked in on you and JJ, still deep in a heavy make-out against the wall. It wasn’t really something you wanted to relive every three seconds. 

John B cringed and fell silent. Apparently, he didn’t want to be castrated. 

“Good choice.” 

Picking up the girls, you could tell there was a difference in their attitudes toward each other. Even if they vowed that they still hated each other, you knew that wasn’t the case. You were just glad not to be stuck with the boys anymore. 

“Next time you guys get stranded on a boat together, please take me with you,” you whined as they climbed back in the boat. 

“Next time, don’t be an accomplice,” Sarah said, raising her eyebrows at you. 

“That’s fair.” 

“So,” John B said, clapping his hands together. “We need to get supplies. Rope, flashlights, dark clothes, the whole deal. We’re hitting the Craine house once the sun goes down. Yeah?” 

There was a series of nods from around the boat as Pope headed back toward shore. 

“We’re gonna get that gold,” he said with a large smile. The quiet nodding turned into loud cheers. 

Your heart soared with the thought of it. You had your boy sitting beside you, his hand on your thigh and a smile on his lips. And soon, you were going to have your hands on a large pile of gold. Life couldn’t be any better. 

***

Adrenaline ran through you as you gasped for breath. A crazy, blind lady shooting at you wasn’t something you were expecting for this night, but here you were, bolting from the Craine house as fast as your legs would take you. 

JJ made it to the van first, jumping in the front seat. You were second, sliding into the passenger seat and throwing the sliding door open for the others. They all piled in after each other, except for John B, who had yet to even jump the wall. JJ turned to car over and slowly started to drive off. 

You could still hear the old woman shrieking, firing off round after round from her gun. 

“Why are we always getting shot at?” Pope yelled. 

“Get in, John B!” Kie yelled, hanging out the door and offering him a hand. Sarah and Pope held onto Kie to keep her from falling out. Kie and Pope yelled over each other, Kie at John B and Pope at JJ, until the final member of their part jumped into the van. 

Kie slammed the door shut and JJ sped off, pressing his foot harder on the gas. There was a lot more yelling, a few swear words thrown back and forth. You turned back around to look down at John B, who was absolutely covered in mud. 

“Dude,” you sighed, holding your nose. 

“JJ, drive!” Sarah called. 

“Go, man!” 

The van lurched forward. John B laughed. 

“Are you okay?” JJ asked him. “Are you shot?” 

“No.” He shook his head. 

“You good?” Pope asked. 

“Yeah, yeah.” His voice was shaking from the adrenaline. 

“You stink,” you said. John B looked up at you with a smile. 

“Thanks, Elm.” 

“I think I’d know if I was shot, right?” Kie said, feeling her chest and stomach. Sarah did the same. 

“What the hell just happened?” Sarah asked, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. 

“All-time Pogue Hall of fame, baby!” JJ hollered, tapping his hands excitedly against the wheel. You grinned, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

“That bitch is possessed,” Kie said. 

“That bitch can’t aim,” Sarah added with a laugh. 

“She’s pretty spry for a dinosaur,” you said, still breathing heavily. 

“I’m telling you,” Kie said, swallowing and then shaking her head. “She’s possessed.”

“I don’t get it,” Pope said.”

“She’s blind.” 

“Like Master Yoda.” 

“Yoda wasn’t blind,” you said. 

“Yeah, but he was old and moved super fast.” Pope shook his head. “It makes no sense, scientifically.” 

“She does yoga. Pilates, probably.” 

You looked down at John B, who held something muddy and disgusting in his hand. Your mouth fell open. 

“Oh my god,” JJ said, glancing back. 

“You didn’t,” Sarah gasped with a smile. 

“What is that?” asked Kie. 

“We did it, baby!” John B shouted. That was gold in his hands. Real gold. 

“Oh my god,” You laughed, leaning farther out of your chair. “Oh my god!” 

A series of screams and shouts for joy filled the van. JJ hooked a hand on your shoulder and shook you back and forth. 

“Full Kook!” John B started, pumping a fist up and down in the air. Everyone picked up on the chanting.

The gold was down there. John B had found it. You were going to be rich. You were going to afford that lawyer, get Kid away from your dad. The dream you once had was slowly becoming a reality. You couldn’t stop laughing. 

“Full Kook! Full Kook! Full Kook!” 

***

The next morning, you sat with Kie and Sarah in the van, reviewing the plan that the boys had come up with. You couldn’t help but laugh at the silly drawing. 

“Who drew this?” Sarah asked, a quiet laugh still in her voice. 

“Who do you think?” Kie looked over to where Pope and John B were sitting. Pope looked up and grinned. Kie held his gaze for a moment. You glanced over at Sarah and she looked over at you. The two of you let out a little laugh, which turned Kie’s attention back to the plan. 

“Kie!” JJ said, walking up to the van. “This better work.” 

He dropped the gold into the bottom of the van, crossing his arms. 

“We can’t pawn this off if there’s a giant wheat symbol on it,” he continued. With a smile, Kie plucked a blow torch off the ground and held it up. 

“It’s gonna work,” she said. 

You sat off to the side as Kie blow-torched the gold in a small pot above a flame. JJ and Pope leaned over, watching the gold melt carefully. You chewed on your fingernail, legs shaking up and down. 

Not much later, you were all back in the van, shuddering down the road on the way to the pawnshop. 

“They might not have the cash for the entire thing,” you said as JJ fiddled with your fingers. “If we break it into pieces and take it to different pawnshops-”

“This will work, Elm,” John B said from the front. You nodded slowly. Overthinking again, you thought to yourself. No need to overthink everything. 

When the van slowed to a stop, you felt your stomach flipped. This was the moment of truth. You got this money now, pay off JJ’s restitution, and then go get the rest of the gold. It was all going to work out. You had to believe that. 

You hopped out of the van behind JJ as he pulled the gold out of his pocket. 

“Hell of a job melting it down, Dr. Frankenstein,” JJ said, turning to look at Kie, who rolled her eyes. 

“Like you could have done better.” 

“I could have. I took a welding class.” 

“You-” She narrowed her eyes at him and tilted her head to the side. “When?” 

“Hey.” John B stepped between them. “Shh. Chill out, okay?” 

“Easy for you to say,” JJ grumbled. “You’re not the one that has to sell this piece of shit off. How did I get this job anyway?” 

“‘Cause you’re the best liar,” Pope said as they started toward the pawnshop. JJ glanced back at you and you shrugged, arms crossed. The Pogues had no reason to doubt you when you lied to them about all the things you lied to them about, so they would have no need to think that you were a pretty good liar. When they gave JJ the job, there was no way you were going to protest. 

The six of you filed into the shop, JJ in the front. 

“Afternoon, ma’am.” 

Everyone spread out rather lamely, standing in front of different objects and pretending to actually care about what they were looking at. If there was anymore sneaking around and lying going on, you were definitely going to have to give them a few pointers as to how to act natural. 

JJ spoke to the lady up front, trying his hardest to convince her that the gold was real before she even would talk about price. You tried to cover a laugh as he told a fake story about his mom melting down her earrings. 

“Best liar my ass.” You shook your head, turning back to look at a wooden chicken on the wall. The woman at the cash register clearly didn’t believe him. She went to the back to talk to her boss, giving Pope and Kie time to go and talk to JJ. He looked back at you and you gave him a thumbs up, making him smile. 

When the woman returned, she slid a piece of paper over to JJ. 

“Fifty thousand?” JJ asked. You nearly choked, turning to look at them. JJ tried to negotiate, but the woman had her eyebrows raised. No one was really even trying to pretend that they weren’t paying attention anymore. He and the woman passed quips back and forth until the woman gave one last offer. 

“70,” she said. Your heart leaped. “And I won’t ask where you got this.” 

You tried to bite back a smile. JJ accepted. But then you hit another snag. The money wasn’t in the shop. She didn’t have the cash in the shop. As soon as she mentioned going to a warehouse, your smile fell. That didn’t sound right. There was something strange going on. 

But you were probably overthinking things again. What reason did you have to doubt her? None of your friends did. You tried to shove down your concerns as John B drove to the address that the woman had given to JJ. 

“They keep the gold all the way out here?” Pope asked. 

“That’s what she said.” JJ laughed. “That’s what she said.” 

You smiled, sitting on the floor by his side. 

“Stop,” Pope said. Both your and JJ’s smiles dropped. Not the time for jokes, it seemed. 

“I’ve never heard of Ressurection Drive,” Sarah said, turning back. 

“Cause you’re rich,” JJ said. 

“You haven’t heard of it either.” 

You sat up straighter and looked out the window. The bad feeling in your stomach was starting to solidify. It was good to hear your friends starting to question this whole thing too. It made you feel a little less crazy. 

A police siren startled all of you. Kie and Pope turned around to look at the car. You pushed yourself up, looking out of the back window. 

“The cops? Out here?” 

“Are you kidding me?” JJ shoved the gold back into his backpack. 

“What did we do?” Sarah asked. 

“That’s not a police car,” you said as John B pulled over. “No way any cops out here have a car like that.” 

“JJ, did you bring the gun?” John B asked. 

“No,” JJ zipped up his bag, throwing a blunt inside. “Everyone told me to leave it back at the place.” 

“Thank god,” Kie sighed. 

“That’s not a cop,” you said, watching the man get out of his car. JJ stood up and shoved the backpack into the hidden compartment beneath his seat. Your heart started to pound at the sight of the man walk toward the van. A black bandana stretched across his face. You shook your head a few times as the others argued about weed and making sure that it was all packed away. 

You saw the gun too late. You didn’t have a good view of it until it was shoved through the front window right at John B’s face. 

You froze, your entire body going rigid. JJ slowly moved his hand reaching down to grab yours. You didn’t take in a single breath until you felt him squeeze your hand once. 

“All y’all’s hands up in the air now!” the man with the mask shouted. You swallowed a lump in your throat and lifted your hands slowly, pulling it from JJ’s grip. 

“You, out,” the man said to John B. “Let them out!” 

John B slid out of the car slowly, hands still raised in the air. He walked around to the van door and opened it slowly. Sarah walked out first, and then Pope, Kie, you, and JJ last. The man kept shouting, yelling for you to back up. 

“We’re broke-” JJ started. The man pointed the gun straight at him.

“Shut the hell up!” 

“Alright!” JJ shouted back. “Relax!” 

But the more he spoke, the angrier the man got. Pope put his hands on JJ’s shoulders and pulled him backward. You ducked under JJ’s raised hands to stand between him and the man. 

“I’ll blow your damn head off!” the man said. 

“Okay. Okay, we’re moving,” you said, voice steady. 

“Lay down in the ditch!” JJ hesitated, glaring at the man with the gun. “Get on your hands and knees!” 

You lowered yourself to your knees, putting your hands behind your head. JJ slowly followed after you. 

“It’s okay,” you whispered to him, watching his muscles shake as he resisted the urge to beat the hell out of the man. JJ heaved, his breath ragged and his jaw tight. His eyes flitted back and forth as the man walked back toward the van. You risked moving to place your hand on his arm. “Look at me.”

Slowly, JJ’s eyes moved to meet yours. There was so much anger in him. That anger might just get him killed. 

“It’s okay,” you whispered again. “We’re okay.”

He softened slowly before nodding his head once. 

“It’s a setup,” Kie whispered. 

“The old bat shanked us,” JJ ground out through his teeth. You glanced up at the van, putting your hand back behind your head. 

“John B,” you heard Pope whisper. You lifted your head, watching John B sneak off toward the fake cop car. “Don’t be a hero man!”

You put your head back down, keeping your breathing steady. Even when the man emerged from the van and started shouting again, you didn’t look up. Just keep breathing. Just keep breathing. 

At the sound of a struggle, you looked up one last time. John B was in the back of the car, trying to take the gun from the man. JJ was on his feet, running toward the car, and you were just behind him. 

“I got the gun!” John B called out just as you and JJ neared the car. JJ grabbed hold of the man, spinning him around. He ducked under a punch before hitting the man in the ribcage. The man hit JJ across the cheek, only to be greeted by you with a punch to the face. You hit him again before he shoved you backward. You tripped over your feet, hitting your head against the hard ground. Kie got to him next, giving him a good punch. John B used the gun to knock him off his feet. 

“I got the gold!” Pope cried as Sarah slammed the car door into the guy’s head twice. 

Your head buzzed with the sting of pain. 

“C’mon,” Kie said, grabbing holding of your arm and helping you to your feet. Pope ran around the car and kicked the man in the face, knocking him onto his back. JJ walked over to you, putting a hand on your face and checking your eyes. 

“I’m good,” you said. You turned back toward the man on the ground. John B yanked his bandana off of his face. JJ tensed. 

“I know this piece of shit,” he growled. “He’s a basehead.”

“Probably knows my brother,” Sarah said with a sigh, running her hands through her hair. 

“He sells coke to my dad.” JJ plucked the gun off the ground. 

“Listen,” the man groveled, his voice slurred from the blood dripping down his nose. “I couldn’t hurt a single one of y’all-”

He didn’t get to finish his sentence before JJ jabbed the butt of the gun against his nose. Kie and Pope both yelled at him and John B took the gun from his hands, but you wouldn’t have cried if he did it again. The asshole on the ground deserved it. 

“Let’s get out of here,” John B said. But JJ wasn’t done yet. He bent down and rummaged through the man’s pockets before pulling out a wallet. 

“We got one last stop,” JJ said, shoving John B away from him and storming back to the car. You brought your hand up to your mouth. Beating the guy up was justified, sure, but he was down. No one except him got hurt. Pope had the gun. There was nothing else to be done. But JJ was on a warpath. 

Kie looked at you as if you could somehow stop him, but you just shook your head. 

“Let’s go see where this son of a bitch lives,” JJ called back. 

“I’m gonna remember this!” the man yelled from the ground while you made your way back to the van. “You can’t hide from me! I know exactly who y’all are!” 

You jumped into the back of the van, settling yourself into the seat where JJ had been sitting before. Putting your head in your hands, you decided that it was time to go back to listening to your gut. Overthinking or not, there was nothing wrong with playing it safe.


	14. Edge of the Knife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ and the Pogues have an argument and your follow up conversation isn’t any better. To make matters worse, Rafe blames you for not controlling JJ and asks you to put up the money that he stole from Barry. There’s only one place you know to get the money you needed to help both of your friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot in this chapter that is really really heavy. First of all, there’s a lot of swearing, more than usual. There is also a lot of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse at the end of this chapter! More than just hitting and shouting, there is some really intense stuff. If it is something that can cause you damage, mentally, emotionally, or physically, please be very very cautious. Your health is my priority.

“Welcome to the Crackhead Wasteland,” Sarah sighed as the van rattled along the dirt road. 

“You’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy,” you said, lowering your voice. You smiled at your reference. But when you got a few looks that told you that joking wasn’t really appropriate, you dropped it, looking back at your hands. 

“I don’t know about this.” Pope peered out the window. JJ didn’t respond. You watched his hands tighten around the steering wheel, jaw shifting. He stopped the car in front of one of the many run-down trailers. 

“Dude, why are we at Barry’s?” John B asked. He sounded tired; tired of the blockades he kept hitting, tired of not getting what he wanted, tired of JJ’s shit. 

“This’ll only take a second,” JJ told him, popping open the car door. 

“JJ…” He pretended not to hear you. 

“Where are you going?” John B called out the window. 

“Yo soy justicia,” was all JJ said in response. 

“Did you glean anything from that?” Pope asked John B, who rolled his eyes and opened his door. 

“John B, do you want me-”

“It’s alright, Elm. I got it.” 

You sat in the car with the others, letting out a deep breath. There had to be something you could do to help him, but you weren’t sure what that was. John B and JJ had been best friends since they were children. What could you possibly do that John B couldn’t? 

You jumped out of the van when you heard shouting from inside. 

“Elm, wait!” Sarah followed after you and grabbed your wrist, stopping you from going any further. Pope and Kie climbed out after the two of you, standing just outside the house. “Let John B handle this.” 

“Handle what?” You snapped, spinning around. You pulled your wrist from her grip. In shock, Sarah took a step back. You turned away from them, tucking your hands underneath your arms. 

“Alright,” JJ said, walking out of the house as if nothing had happened. “We’re looking at about 5 grand each. Reparations for putting us through that shit.” 

JJ tried to hand you the money, but you kept your hands back. He looked at you for a moment before scoffing and offering the money to Pope and Kie, who also didn’t take it. 

“So that’s what we’re doing now?” Kie asked. “Robbing drug dealers?” 

JJ pressed his lips together. 

“This Barry guy’s gonna find out.” There was a slight tremor in Sarah’s voice as she spoke. “And he’s going to come after us.” 

“Yes, he will,” Pope confirmed, his voice a lot more steady than Sarah’s. He turned to JJ. “Now’s not the time to start wilin’ out.” 

“How’d you like having a gun pulled on you?” JJ asked. He looked like an animal caught in the corner. Animals in corners had a habit of fighting, often forgetting the difference between friend and foe. 

“Relax,” John B said, stepping between JJ and Pope. You put your hands on the sides of your face, trying to push out the shaking before it even started. You could always handle your dad yelling. He was more like a yapping puppy to you now than anything. But listening to your friends shouting at each other? That was a new experience you didn’t really enjoy. 

“He had it right here on you, bro,” JJ said, putting his fingers up to John B’s head. 

“Listen.” John B was still trying to reason with him. “We’ve gotta go get the gold. Give me that shit.” 

He reached down to grab the bag with the money in it out of JJ’s hand. Wrong move. 

JJ lurched forward and shoved John B up against the side of the van. Sarah took a few hurried steps to go to John B’s aid, but you grabbed her by the arms, holding her back. The only thing she would succeed in doing would be getting herself hurt. 

“You feel like a tough guy, huh?” John B asked. “What are you gonna do when he comes for us? For Elm?” 

JJ’s lips twitched. 

“We punch him,” JJ said finally. “In the throat.” 

You let out a sigh, closing your eyes and letting your hands fall from Sarah’s arms. JJ let John B go, though he didn’t stand down. 

“Yeah, good fucking idea, JJ,” John B snapped. 

“I’m not putting it back.” JJ took the bag back from John B and stepped into the van. No one moved. You crossed your arms and looked away. “You guys coming or what?” 

Sarah scratched the back of her head. Everyone else stared at JJ as he sat in the back of the van. He clenched his jaw, lips twitching. When he clambered back out of the van and placed his hands on his hips, you tried to avoid looking at him. He was wrong, you knew that, so why did it feel so much like you were betraying him? 

“What?” JJ asked, looking around, his voice tight. 

“We’re sick of your shit,” John B told him. 

“Oh, my shit?” 

“Yeah, your pulling guns on people shit,” Kie added, stepping closer to him. There it was again, the animal backed into a corner. 

“Guys, c’mon.” You tried to step forward and provide at least some separation between JJ and the others, but Pope jumped in before you could. 

“You acting like a maniac. That kind of shit,” he said. JJ turned to him, eyes wide. That burning rage was gone and replaced by something else, something you couldn’t really place. 

“Okay, Pope, I took the fall for you, man!” JJ yelled. “You know how much I owe because of you?” 

There was a moment of calm before Pope exploded. 

“I’m gonna pay you back and I never asked you to do that!” 

You tried not to flinch, but you couldn’t help it. 

“Pay it back then! Or do I have to do it by myself?” You could hear the hysteria in JJ’s voice. He had so much on his plate already, it didn’t help that his friends weren’t backing him up. They were his family. His one good thing. It tore you apart to see them like this. “You know what? That’s exactly what I’m gonna do. Go off by myself.” 

Pope stepped forward, calling his name. 

“Hey, man, wait,” John B said, grabbing Pope by the arm. 

“Just let him go,” Sarah said from the back of the group. 

“Fuck that,” you snapped, pushing past Kie and following after JJ. “Hey, Maybank, stop!”

He didn’t turn around. You jogged to catch up with him, but he still wouldn’t look at you. You ran up to him and put a hand on his arm. 

“What?” he whirled around to face you. “What do you want?” 

“I want to help you,” you said, pinching your eyebrows together. 

“Some great help you were back there,” he huffed, fixing the bag on his shoulder. 

“What did you want me to do?” You asked, voice rising. “Cause I’ll do it. I’ll march right back up to them and say ‘take the damn drug money’ if that’s what you want me to do, JJ!” 

“That’s not what I want.”

You put your hands up to your face, hands trembling as you pressed the heels of your palms against your forehead. 

“JJ, just put the money back,” you said. “I’ll pay for your restitution….”

“Ellie, no.”

“...we’ll get the rest of the gold…”

“Ellie.”

“...and we’ll figure out a way to get all the money we’re owed…”

“Stop.”

“...just please, put the money back.”

“Ellie, would you listen to me?” JJ threw his backpack on the ground. You startled, taking a half a step back. “I don’t need your help paying for restitution, okay? Cause I know what will happen if you ask for money from your dad.” 

You shook your head, crossing your arms slowly. 

“I’ll make something up. I’ll lie. That’s what I’m good at,” you told him. 

“You’re not going back there, Ellie,” he said. “You know what will happen if you do.” 

“I don’t care.” You shook your head. “If it means you put that money back, I’ll go home to my dad and ask him for the 25k. No problem. Easy peasy.”  
“You’re not getting yourself killed for me!” 

“I don’t care what happens to me because I love you, alright?” He was taken aback by your words, but this time, you didn’t care. “And I know that word scares you but it’s true and I’m not going to stand by and let you get yourself killed over drug money.” 

He was quiet for a moment, watching you with narrowed eyes as you breathed heavily, shaking your hands. 

“Please,” you begged. “Let me help you.” 

“I’m taking this money,” he said. “And I’m going home.” 

With that, he turned and started to walk away. 

“Home?” You called after him, not moving from your spot. “And where is that exactly? Huh?”

He still didn’t say anything, but he froze for a moment. After the moment passed, he shifted the backpack on his shoulder and walked away again. 

You clenched your jaw, considering calling after him. But you had more dignity than that. You weren’t going to scream until your throat was dry, not for him. Not for anyone. If he didn’t want your help, fine. 

“Fuck you,” you said quietly, voice breaking as a sudden wave of emotion hit you. When you turned around to walk back to the others, you realized that they had driven away without you. “Well, fuck you, too then.” 

***

It had taken you more than three hours to walk back to the decent part of the cut and still, you felt eyes staring you down. The cut barely had any normal streets and trying to navigate it without someone who knew where they were going was nearly impossible. You felt cold, even though the sun glared down on you from above. A strong part of you wanted to tear JJ’s shirt off of you, even if it meant you walked around half naked, as long as you didn’t have to be surrounded by his smell, constantly reminded of your argument. 

But that’s all it was, right? Just an argument? Everyone fought every now and again. You couldn’t expect you and JJ to be any different, especially considering where you both came from. You’d get over it. He’d get over it. Everything would be fine. You just needed time to cool off. 

“How the hell am I supposed to cool off if I’m sweating my ass off in this stupid ass sun walking across this stupid ass island back to who the hell knows where,” you grumbled, crossing your arms. You tried not to pout like a child, but sometimes it just came out. 

And just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, they did. 

“Hey!” 

You sighed and hung your head at the sound of Rafe’s voice. Putting your hands on your hips, you lifted your face to the sun, hoping that you would spontaneously combust and not have to deal with whatever was about to happen. 

“What do you want, Rafe?” 

“Where the hell is your crazy ass boyfriend?” Rafe asked, parking his motorcycle and walking over to you. 

“I don’t know.” 

“Have you been crying?” 

“Fuck you.” You looked behind him and saw Topper sitting on top of his motorcycle, doing everything he could to not look at you. You pointed a finger at him. “Yeah, and while we’re at it, fuck you too.” 

Topper tried to smile and you sneered at him. 

“You’re in a splendid mood today,” Rafe said. You tightened your jaw, hand curling into a fist. 

“Rafe, if you don’t-” Rafe grabbed your wrist with that familiar iron grip and yanked your arm upward. “Shit, man, what the hell?” 

“I know your pogue boyfriend took Barry’s money,” Rafe sneered, pulling you closer to him. You narrowed your eyes and tried to yank your hand from his grip. “And I want you to know that it’s Sarah who’s gonna take the fall for it.” 

Your heart plummeted, but you kept it out of your face. 

“What do you want me to do about it?” you asked. 

“Fix it,” he said. “If my sister gets hurt because of your stupid ass boyfriend-”

“Alright.” You cut him off, trying to pull your wrist back again. “I’ve got it covered.” 

“You better.” He released your wrist and you let it fall back to your side despite how badly it throbbed. He marched back over to his motorcycle, throwing a leg over before turning the key. You scrunched your nose as it roared to life, a puff of black smoke sputtering from the back. 

“Those things trash the environment, you know,” you said, almost shouting over the sound of him revving. 

“Get me that money, Elma!” 

You stuck up a middle finger as he and Topper rode away. Once they were out of sight, you let out a low hiss, looking down at your wrist. Damn, that boy had a painful grip. And a bad attitude. No wonder he was single. 

Turning away from the road with a heavy sigh, you kicked your foot into a mound of sand. 

“Fuck,” you breathed. 

***

It was dark by the time you made it back to the Chateau. Exhausted and feet riddled with blisters, you froze at the sight of banners and flashing lights. You could hear voices and the sound of rushing water. At the sound of the raised voices, you ran forward despite the pain in your feet. 

“I got this for you!” You heard JJ yell as you neared. 

You ran around a tree, skidding to a stop at the more than unusual sight. Streamers and lights were strung from the trees, all canopied around a large, bubbling jacuzzi. Dangling just above was a disco ball, which cast a strange light over the ground. 

Pope and Kie stood rather rigidly on the outside of the pool, staring up at JJ. He was standing in the pool, right under the disco ball. There was a bottle in his hand, but you could see that there was very little left. But it wasn’t the disco lights or the mostly empty bottle or the jacuzzi that worried you. It was the deep purple bruises that littered his ribcage that made your throat tighten. 

You lifted a hand to your mouth, tears gathering in your eyes. 

You knew you shouldn’t have let him go home alone. You never should have let him walk away from you with that money. But you did and here he was. JJ turned toward you, his eyes widening and a smile pulling at his lips. 

“Babe!” He opened his arms to you, as if inviting you to his home. “Look what I did! Look at this.” 

Even though there was a smile on his face and maybe even a look of pride, his eyes were filled with tears and you could tell that every move he made sent pain through him. All you could do was shake your head tearfully. 

“JJ, what the hell?” Kie asked, her voice breaking. JJ looked at her and then over to you and then at Pope. He was looking for something, something that he wasn’t getting from any of you. “JJ-” 

“No, Kie!” JJ put up a hand. “Stop, just stop being emotional! It’s fine, okay?” 

You watched as his smile fell instantly, head starting to hang. You felt glued to your spot, as if the earth was keeping you where you were. But Kie stepped forward, walking right up to the hot tub. 

“I mean, it’s sweet, right?” JJ asked, quiet sobs starting to come from his mouth as he tried to keep up his facade. “Everything...Just get in!” 

Kie stepped into the hot tub and threw her arms around JJ’s neck, pulling him toward her. As soon as she was touching him, JJ broke down. Sobs shook through him, but Kie just held him tighter, as if hoping to squeeze the pain out of him. He hooked his arms around her waist, hands curled into pained fists. 

“I just couldn’t do it,” JJ said finally, his words whispered and trembling. “I can’t take him anymore!”

You had half a mind to turn around and go find Luke Maybank, show him what it was that your dad had taught you how to do. Your hands curled into fists at your side, fighting to keep your tears from falling. JJ didn’t need your tears right now, he needed your help. 

You and Pope moved almost at the same time. Because Pope was closer, he got there sooner, putting his arms around both Kie and JJ. You hopped over the side of the hot tub, wading through the water. You paused for a moment behind JJ, his shoulders still shaking from sobs. Slowly, you wrapped your arms around his waist from behind, careful not to touch any of his bruises. He flinched at your touch, but then he let out a shuddered breath, relaxing against you. 

Pope moved his arm to include you as you rested your head against JJ’s back. 

“I just wanna do the right thing,” JJ whispered into Kie’s hair. 

“I know,” she whispered back. You pressed a gentle kiss against his shoulder, holding him even tighter. 

What had happened earlier that day at Barry’s hadn’t been right. Then, it had been everyone against JJ. That was what had pushed him to go back to his dad with the money. But this was right. This was what he needed. To know that his friends weren’t going to leave his side, even when he was at his worst, at his lowest. 

You remembered what he had said the other night on the dock. Whenever his dad did what he did, JJ always walked away feeling like it was his fault, like he deserved it. But that was what John B and Kie and Pope were for, to remind him that it wasn’t his fault. All the pain his father put him through, the Pogues were there to show him that he didn’t deserve it. You would do anything to help them help him realize it. 

Only an hour later, JJ was asleep in his bed. You stood with Pope and Kie a few feet down the hall. 

“What are we going to do?” Pope crossed his arms, glancing between you and Kie. You couldn’t take your eyes off of JJ’s sleeping form, his breathing steady. 

“I have no idea,” Kie whispered. You lifted a finger to your mouth, chewing on your nail. “Elm?” 

You let out a heavy sigh, still not looking away from JJ. You knew exactly what you had to do. 

“I have an idea,” you said, finally looking at your other two friends. Kie scowled after seeing the look in your eyes. “If there was something I could do, you guys would be behind me, right?” 

“One hundred percent,” Pope said without hesitation. 

“Depends on what that something was,” Kie said a little slower. You nodded your head, turning back to look at JJ. He was so peaceful, the moonlight illuminating his face. You realized you would do anything for him, even if it meant walking straight through hell. Resolve hardened in your chest and you nodded your head. 

“Okay,” you said. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow, yeah?” 

“Um, yeah,” Pope replied. 

“Care to be less ominous, Elm?” Kie crossed her arms, her scowl deepening.

“I’m going to help JJ,” you said. You nodded your head again, letting out a breath. Not waiting for either of them to say anything else, you crossed the room to where JJ was asleep. Holding your hair back, you leaned down and pressed a kiss against JJ’s forehead. You straightened, turning toward the door. But before you could even take a step, JJ’s hand reached up and grabbed your wrist. 

When you looked back at him, his eyes were still closed. The grip that he had on your wrist was loose, telling you that he really wasn’t awake. Still, you lowered yourself to your knees, shifting your hand so that you were holding his. 

“I’m going to take care of you,” you whispered, voice barely audible as you reached up to move a few pieces of his hair from his face. “You’re going to be okay. Everything’s going to be okay.” 

He mumbled something into the pillow, shifting under the blankets. You lifted his hand to your lips, kissing the bruised and torn skin on his knuckles. It gave you at least some semblance of relief to know that he got a few good punches in. 

You watched him for a few more moments. The way his chest rose and fell evenly, as if nothing was wrong in the world. You wanted nothing more than to keep that peace on his face when he was awake. Right now, you would trade anything to make sure that when he woke up, he was living in a safer world than when he fell asleep. 

Before the sudden moment of courage was gone, you stood, pulling your hand from his, and walked out of the house. 

No one followed you. 

***

Making yourself cry was probably the easiest thing you had ever done, especially now. You had left your dad in the hopes of finding gold and, even though you did, you felt like the weight of all that gold rested on your shoulders as you stepped up to your door. You waited until there were tears in your eyes right on the verge of falling before you knocked loudly on the door. 

The waiting was like teetering on the edge of a knife. If you pushed too hard, you would fall, but if you didn’t sell your story, you were dead. 

When your dad flung the door open, you had to force every inch of your body not to flinch. Anger bubbled on the surface of his cheeks, his eyes alight with rage. But you met his fiery eyes with tears in your own, hoping to quench the flame before it burned you. 

You held his gaze for a few seconds, forcing your lower lip to tremble. It took longer than you had wanted for him to soften even the slightest bit, but as soon as you knew there was a kink in his armor, you burst into a storm of tears. 

“You were right,” you sobbed, shoulders shaking as your face scrunched up tight. “I shouldn’t have left.” 

Your dad watched you cry on the doorstep for what seemed like forever. You almost thought he was just going to close the door. 

“What happened?” he asked, voice still tight. You sniffed, wiping your tears on JJ’s shirt. Trying to calm yourself down after your fake outburst was harder than you had expected, as the emotional and physical exhaustion of the day made you want to cry anyway. 

“I’m in trouble,” you said, voice whispering. 

“And you expect me to help you after what you did?” 

You pouted your lips, preparing for the need to start sobbing again. He was right. Anyone in their right mind wouldn’t help you after what you did. Still, you had to try. For JJ. 

“Daddy,” you murmured, voice still shaking. “I need you.” 

And that was all it took. Bile rose in your throat, forcing you to clamp your teeth shut so you didn’t vomit on his feet. Every cell in your body reacted when he pulled you into a tight hug. Your hands started to shake for real, a new wave of tears overcoming you. This wasn’t faked. This wasn’t planned. Having your dad’s hands on you, holding you so close, made you want to pull away from him and run. But you couldn’t. So, you let the emotion take over, even if you didn’t know how to control it just yet. It made it all seem more real, you supposed. Even though it was your dad making you cry, at least maybe he thought he was helping. 

“Let me get you some food,” he said, almost softly, when he pulled back from you. You sucked in a shaky breath and nodded your head. “C’mon, sweetheart.” 

He took your hand in his. Instinct told you to pull away, to not let him touch you, but you had to let it happen. Give him whatever he wanted so that you could get what you wanted. This was the only way you could protect Sarah, to protect JJ. 

You swallowed the bile in your throat, shoving your fear into the deepest depths of your heart. You would deal with it later. Now, you needed to focus. Play the game the right way, get the prize. Don’t let anything distract you. 

Your dad sat you down at the dining table and walked over to the kitchen. You didn’t stop shaking, hands trembling and legs bouncing. Trying to keep your breathing steady, you looked up when your dad returned with a plate of microwaved chicken. 

“Thank you.” You took the plate and the silverware, setting them against the table. “Where’s Kid?” 

“He’s over at a friend’s house,” your dad said as he took a seat beside you. You weren’t sure if that was a good thing or not. But you nodded your head. The silverware was cold against your skin when you picked it up, slowly lowering the knife and fork to the chicken. Your dad watched you with unreadable eyes. You could feel the anger radiating off of him, but he kept himself calm, which was very rare for him. 

You took a bite of the chicken. It was heated very unevenly. You chewed slowly, then swallowed. It felt like swallowing a rock. 

“Why did you come back?” Your dad asked as you started to cut into the chicken again. 

“I got into some trouble with...with my friends,” you said, your movements short and slow. Don’t look threatening. You’re just eating chicken, you’re not here for a fight. 

“So, you decided to come home?” You stuck the bite into your mouth, nodding your head a few times. “What kind of trouble?” 

“Some guy tried to rob us while we were driving around,” you told him. 

“I never thought you were the type to come crying like a bitch because someone put you in a tight situation.” 

His words stuck into you like a barb, digging into your skin. You smiled. This line of the lie wasn’t working. You needed to start telling the truth. It was the only way you were going to get where you wanted to be. Taking in a deep breath, you moved to cut another piece of chicken away. 

“I came back because my friends are the ones in trouble and I need your help,” you said, the shaking nearly gone from your body completely. Your dad let out a bitter laugh. 

“You betray me and expect me to help you?” 

“You love me, don’t you?” Your words forced him to pause. He narrowed his eyes at you and let out a deep sigh. 

“Tell me the truth, the entire truth,” he said. You swallowed and nodded your head. This wasn’t going to be fun. 

“One of my friends did something stupid a while back, got a bit of debt with the police. We were trying to pay it back when we got robbed. My friend didn’t take too kindly to it, so we went to the guy’s house who robbed us. My friend took some money. The guy who robbed us thought it was my other friend and threatened her. The only way I can help them is if I pay off the robber and I pay off the restitution,” you said as you cut your chicken into pieces. 

“You need money.” 

You nodded your head, moving to pick a piece of chicken up with your fork. 

“I need money.” 

Before you could reach your chicken, your dad’s hand shot out and grabbed you by the wrist, the same wrist that Rafe had grabbed earlier. You gasped, pain blooming in your arm, and dropped the fork. It clattered against the plate. You looked over to your dad, whose face was still dead calm. It wasn’t going to be that way for long. 

“Which friends asked this of you?” 

“None of them asked,” you said, shaking your head. 

“Which of them asked?” He raised his voice, squeezing your arm. You held back a shout of pain as you tried to pull your wrist out of his hand, but he wasn’t letting go. 

“Rafe!” You said as he started to squeeze harder. “The robber is after Sarah, so Rafe asked me to get the money back. For her sake.” 

His grip loosened ever so slightly and you sucked in a deep breath. The tips of your fingers started to tingle, the palm of your hand starting to throb. 

“And the friend who stole the money in the first place, the one who needs the restitution?” You knew what he was asking and you knew that he already knew the answer to his question. If you lied, he would know and punishment would come for sure. If you told the truth, you would be confirming his worst fear and that would get you in a new world of trouble. It was a lose-lose. Which one would get you hurt the least while still maybe getting you what you wanted? 

“He needs it, Dad,” you said, real fear rising within you. 

He struck with the speed of a snake and the strength of a lion, pining you to the table before you even knew that he had stood. He had one hand on your throat, pressing your against the wood, while his other hand stayed around your wrist. 

“Have you slept with him?” Your dad seethed, his mouth inches from your face. You felt his spit splatter against your skin. You shook your head, squeezing your eyes tight. 

“No. I haven’t-” 

His laughter interrupted you. He moved his hand from your throat, resting his entire forearm across your chest instead. It almost made it harder to breathe, the pressure on your chest breeding panic in your stomach. You tried to push his arm off with your free hand, but he had all the advantages of size and gravity. You were helpless to do anything. 

“Why don’t I believe you?” You started to say something, but he pressed down harder against your chest, making you gasp for breath and effectively shutting you up. “I mean, a pretty girl like you? No way he can keep his hands off of you.” 

Tears squeezed out the corner of your eyes and you fought to keep your lips from shaking. You weren’t going to give him the satisfaction of seeing your fear. He wanted you to beg him for freedom, to grovel until he let you go. But not this time. You were sick of living in fear of him, exhausted from carrying his shadow everywhere you went. You weren’t going to back down this time. Whatever it took, even if he killed you. You weren’t going to give in. 

He could see it in your eyes as the determination set in and hardened your heart. It was going to be a game of chicken, and you were determined to make him swerve first. 

“But it’s not just that one boy, is it?” He sneered with a cruel smile, taking your silent challenge. “I bet it’s that entire little friend group of yours. And I wouldn’t be surprised if it was Rafe, too. You treat ‘em good, don’t you, just like I showed you how?” 

Breathing heavily through your nose, it took everything to keep your head on your shoulders and not bite him or scratch out his eyes. He was close enough, you could do it.

All that courage disappeared when your dad picked up the knife you had just been using off the table. Your body went painfully still at the sight of it. Your heart pounded against your ribcage. Light glinted off the tip of the knife right into your eyes. You turned away from it. Even without the pressure of his hand against your wrist, he still couldn’t move out from under him. You were so sufficiently stuck where you were, there was no hope of getting out. 

The pain you were used to was always hot. It made you sweat, like a fire running through your veins. That was what you were waiting for when your dad pressed the knife to your skin. But it wasn’t hot like fire. This was cold as ice. You felt it freeze your bones, seize your muscles. For the first few seconds, you couldn’t move. 

When the pain finally registered, you had to keep your jaw screwed tight to keep from screaming. You tried to kick your legs in an attempt to get him off of you, but your dad had you pinned too tightly. Using your other arm to push against him had no effect either, even when you pressed your palm against his face, hoping to shove him off. 

There was nothing you could do except try not to look at your forearm as he carved into your flesh with the steak knife. It took all of your strength to keep yourself from screaming. You couldn’t stop your tears or the whimpering or the sobbing. 

When he finally pulled the knife away, he smiled as if staring at a masterpiece. He released the pressure from your chest and you gasped in lungfuls of shaking breaths. A searing pain pulsed through your entire arm. 

“This is a reminder for you,” your dad said, letting the knife fall out of his hands and back onto the table. “And a warning to all of the boys you’re ever gonna meet.”

Your dad finally backed away from you completely and your body went slack. You slid off of the table, pulling your bleeding arm up to your chest. You couldn’t bear to look down at what he had carved into your wrist, not with him still looming above you. A few more tears rolled down your red cheeks, running down your neck and soaking through the collar of your shirt. When you finally looked up at your dad, he was smiling down at you. 

“It’s what you deserved,” he said, flexing his hand. His hand that was covered in blood. Your blood. 

With that, he turned and walked away from you. 

As soon as he was out of your sight, you let a sob out of your mouth. You slowly pulled your arm away from your chest, quiet sobs coming from your mouth as you did so. You gagged at the sight of the pool of blood on your arm. Using the oversized shirt you were wearing, you pressed the fabric against your arm in hopes of soaking up the blood. 

Letting out a quiet hiss of pain, you pushed yourself off of the ground, pressing your arm into your shirt. The floor and the table were slick with your blood, a trail of footprints following your dad’s departure. 

All you needed to do was get upstairs to the bathroom, bandage yourself up, and get the hell out of there. 

Your tears dried as you made your way to the stairs. Breathing still shaky, you shuffled up the stairs, suddenly glad that Kid wasn’t home. You weren’t sure what he would have done if he had been home. Whatever it was wouldn’t have been good. 

Stumbling into the bathroom, you flung open the cabinet where all of your first aid was. You turned on the sink, letting it run until the water was warm. Without looking at your arm, you tucked it under the faucet. The sting of the water sent chills up and down your spine, alighting your nerves, but you refused to make a sound. 

You sat on the toilet as you pressed a few layers of gauze against the wound on your arm. It was going to take a lot of scrubbing to get the blood off before you drove back to the Chateau. You let out a heavy sigh, pressing a new set of gauze against the cuts and then wrapping it to keep the gauze in place. With the word that had been carved into your arm finally covered, you were able to let out one steady breath. 

For as much pain your body was in, your mind felt numb. You tried to think about something, anything, but it was all just blank. What happened had yet to really sink in. You weren’t sure that you wanted it to sink in. As long as you could pretend it never really happened, you would be fine. 

So, forcing yourself to take another steadying breath, you pushed through the pain. You scrubbed your hands until the blood was gone, hoping to yourself that it wouldn’t stain. 

Once you thought everything was in place, you left your bathroom behind. Traveling back down the stairs, your eyes still puffy and stinging from your tears, you glanced into the dining room. You froze at the sight of the mess at the table. A part of you wanted to stop and clean it. That would be what your father expected you to do. Clean the mess before he saw it….

You scrunched up your nose, glaring down at the mess. You could feel your pulse through the cut in your arm, a throbbing pain. There was nothing you had to do for that man ever again. Your only responsibility now was to find that gold so you could save JJ, Sarah, and Kid. That’s all you had to do. 

Snatching your keys off of the counter, you nearly ran from the house, slamming the door behind you. Even as you walked to your car, you could hear it echo. 

You were going back to the only place you wanted to be, the only place you could ever think of calling home.


	15. Changing Tides

Everyone was asleep when you made it back to the Chateau. Pope and Kie had knocked out on the floor near the bed that JJ slept in. You wanted to smile at the sight of them, but you were so exhausted that you could barely move your feet. Shuffling around your friends, you peeled off the t-shirt you had borrowed from JJ, which was now covered in your blood. Without a second thought, you dropped it on the floor beside the bed. You didn’t think JJ would mind if you crashed with him for the last few hours of the morning. You crawled under the blankets, careful to keep on your side of the bed, cradling your arm up to your chest.  
It took you seconds to fall asleep. You didn’t even realize you had until sunlight woke you up a few hours later. Feeling consciousness return, you groaned and squeezed your eyes together tight.

“Morning sleepyhead,” a voice said. You hummed and peaked open a single eye. JJ was standing by your side of the bed, smiling down at you.

“Feeling better?” You asked him as you pushed yourself up to a sitting position. He shrugged his shoulders and tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

“You need another shirt?” He asked. You nodded your head slowly, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

“Yes, please.”

He tossed one of his shirts in your direction before jumping back on the bed, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“What are you doing?” You asked with a laugh as you pulled his shirt on over your head.

“Giving you a hug,” he said and pressed a kiss against your thigh.

“Where are Pope and Kie?”

“Outside macking or something, I don’t know,” JJ mused, closing his eyes again. You slid out from underneath him, to which he groaned and reached out for you again.

“I gotta go talk to them,” you said, stretching your arms once you stood.

“Why?” JJ whined, rolling onto his back. You smiled down at him and poked his nose with your finger.

“Because.”

JJ groaned, but he didn’t push any further. You walked away, a smile still on your face. The sun was warm and welcome against your skin as you walked outside. If you focused on the task at hand and the sun on your face, you could almost forget what had happened the night before.

“Pope! Kie!” You called, waving your hand in the air. They were whispering back and forth to each other until you called out. Pope smiled when he saw you nearing, but Kie just crossed her arms.

“So?” He asked once you finally reached them. “Your plan, how did it go?”

You let out a sigh, swinging your arms at your sides.

“Fell through.” Pope dropped his head. “I’m really sorry. I thought I could do it, but-”

“What happened to your arm?” Kie interrupted, nodding toward your wrapped up arm.

“I fell over yesterday when I walked back from Barry’s.”

“You didn’t have that thing on last night.”

“I did, but it was dark and we were a little preoccupied.” You crossed your arms, feeling your heart start to pound. You hadn’t really given yourself time to think of a lie to cover yourself. You had just gone to bed. Kie narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth to say something else, but not before JJ cut in.

“Hey, Ellie!” He called from behind. You spun around, your heart dropping at the sight of the bloody shirt in his hand.

“Fuck,” you breathed, hanging your head.

“What’s this?” He asked and dropped the shirt at your feet.

“I was just telling Pope and Kie,” you said, looking back at them. “I fell. Used the shirt to stop the bleeding until I got something to wrap it up with.”

“Is that your car back there?” he asked. You nodded your head, tucking your hands under your arms. “Jesus- Fuck, Ellie!”

You flinched.

“What...what’s going on?” Pope asked. Kie put her head in her hands.

“You went home, didn’t you?” The good mood JJ had been in earlier was gone. You scratched your eyebrow as you tried to think of something to say that would get you out of your current predicament. You heard both Kie and Pope let out heavy sighs.

“I may have snuck in to get my keys, but I didn’t even see my dad-”

“Don’t lie to me, Ellie,” JJ said, his voice dropping as he stepped closer to you. You dropped your arms, your defensive mode activating. Don’t back down. Don’t blink. Don’t show fear.

“Fine,” you snapped. “Yeah, I went home. Yeah, I saw my dad. Big whoop.”

“Tell me what happened to your arm.”

“No.”

“Ellie, just tell me what happened!”

“No!”

JJ was tired of arguing. He reached out and grabbed your wrist, pulling your arm toward him.

“JJ, come on,” Pope said. “You don’t have to-”

You pulled against JJ’s grip, trying desperately to get your arm back before he revealed what your dad had carved into your arm. There was no need for him to see it. How was he supposed to look at you the same way after seeing what had been done to you? This was more than just a few bruises or a cut that would fade over time. These would scar. You were going to wear this word on your arm for the rest of your life and you weren’t sure that you were ready for him to see it.

“Let me go,” you hissed, trying to yank your arm back. But JJ was stronger than you were and he started to unwrap the bandage. That fear you were trying to keep away started to eat away at you. You pulled harder, more desperately. You were now feeling like the cornered animal, wanting nothing more than to find a hole to hide in.

“JJ,” Kie’s voice was a warning, but JJ wasn’t about to head it. He threw the wrapping on the floor and went to pull the gauze off your arm, your last line of defense. You reached out and grabbed his wrist before he pulled off the gauze.

“Please,” you begged, meeting his eyes. “Don’t.”

But he did anyway. He snatched the gauze straight off your arm, tossing it on the ground beside the wrapping. As he stared down at your arm, the fear you felt mutated into shame. Shame that came out as anger. JJ’s mouth hung open, his grip on your wrist going slack. You snatched your arm away, taking a few steps back.

“You wanna see it, too?” You asked, turning toward Pope and Kie. You lifted your arm toward them. Pope turned his face away at the sight of it. You saw tears gather in Kie’s eyes.

Raw and still bleeding, the long, clean cuts came together to form one word. A reminder for you. A warning for others.

_**Whore ** _._**** _

_****_“_****_ Oh my god, Elm,” Kie brought a hand up to her mouth. You whirled back around toward JJ, who wouldn’t look up at you. That was like a dagger to your heart. That hurt more than the pulsing pain in your arm. You scoffed, but it came out sounding more like a sob than anything else.

“Your plan,” Pope said, glancing at you but not keeping your gaze. “It was to see your dad, wasn’t it?”

“You said you were behind me one hundred percent,” you reminded him, hands shaking at your side.

“I didn’t think that meant going back to your abusive ass dad!”

You glared at each of them in turn.

“And that’s why I didn’t tell you what it was,” you ground out through your teeth. No one had anything else to say. You nodded your head slowly, pressing your lips into a thin line. You scoffed and turned away from them, walking back to the Chateau to find yourself some new bandages.

“Go after her,” you heard Kie say, probably to JJ. You didn’t hear his response.

“She needs you, bro,” Pope said. You rolled your eyes.

“I don’t need shit,” you growled to yourself.

“Ellie,” JJ called from behind you. You flexed your hand before bringing it up to cover your wound. “Wait, I’m sorry!”

You hesitated, but you didn’t turn around.

“Ellie, I didn’t know!”

“You didn’t know?” You spun around quickly, a fire in your eyes hidden behind a layer of tears. “I _begged_ you not to look, JJ. And you did anyway.”

“What else was I supposed to do when you lied to me?” He asked. You tightened your jaw, breathing heavily through your nose.

“I’m going inside,” you said and turned back around. Marching inside, you were almost disappointed not to hear him follow you.

Sitting on the toilet with a first aid kit in your hands once again, shame bit at your gut, forcing tears into your eyes. Part of you knew that you shouldn’t have gone last night, but the other part of you knew that you couldn’t just wait and see if you got the gold. You were ashamed of the tears that rolled down your face, dropping onto your legs. You sniffled and ran your hand under your nose.

The door creaked open slightly. JJ stood there, just on the other side, looking down at you. You looked away from him, staring at the far wall as you wiped away your tears as fast as they fell. Without saying a word, JJ walked over to you, kneeling at your feet. You tried to turn your head even farther away from him, but there really was nowhere else to hide.

JJ picked up the adhesive wrap off the ground and slowly started to curl it around your arm over the gauze. His touch was gentle. Any semblance of anger he had shown earlier was gone. He wrapped your arm up tight and when he finished, he leaned down and pressed a kiss against the new bandages.

You let out a short, shaking breath before finally turned to face him as he curled your hand up in both of his.

“Thank you,” he said. “Thank you for trying.”

Your lips started to shake as tears formed in your eyes once again.

“I tried,” you whispered, voice breaking. “I thought I could-”

But your voice gave out completely and a sob choked you before you could try again.

“Come here.” JJ put his arms around you and pulled you to the floor beside him. He held you tight as if hoping to squeeze the hurt out of you. But it didn’t matter how much you cried or sobbed, he never let go or loosened his grip. He ran his fingernails up and down your back and you listened to the sound of his beating heart, his steady breath, until you found yourself much calmer than before. Even when your sobbing came to an end, he didn’t let you go. It wasn’t until you started to move away that he dropped his arms from around your waist.

With a smile, he lifted his hand and brushed away a few of your stray tears.

“Are we good?” He asked. You nodded your head, kissing the palm of his hand.

“Yeah, we’re good.”

You were on your way out of the Chateau, with JJ behind you, just as Pope and Kie were walking in.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” you said, hiding your arm behind your back. Kie shook her head and smiled. Instead of saying anything, she walked forward and hugged you around your neck.

“You know that you don’t have to lie to us, Elm,” Pope said, standing back. “We’re here for you, no matter what.”

You had no desire to cry again, so you fought it back. With an arm still around Kie’s waist, you smiled at Pope.

“I know. And I’ll try to be better with the whole not lying thing.”

Kie tightened her arm around your neck again, standing on her toes to give your cheek a little kiss.

***

You were helping JJ clean up the front yard as Pope and Kie worked with the pulley system.

“You know,” you said as you shoved a blowup pool animal into a trash bag while JJ lounged on the edge of the hot tub. “In any other circumstances, this would have been a party I would have loved to come to.”

JJ smiled as he took a quick swig of beer.

“John B’s pulling a Houdini,” he said.

“Yeah, where is he?” Pope asked as he lowered Kie back to the ground.

“Didn’t he say something about going out on a boat with Ward?” You asked, lifting your head.

“I thought they’d be back by now,” said Kie, watching the pulley carefully.

“I got my scholarship interview tomorrow,” Pope reminded everyone. “We gotta get this done.”

John B strolled out of nowhere, staring at the ground. He looked like a man on a mission.

“Speak of the devil!” JJ called, lifting his hands in the air. “Hey! Dude, I set up the entire winch to pull up the gold and everything.”

John B didn’t say anything. He just kept walking. You scowled, setting your trash bag down on the ground.

“No, he didn’t,” Pope said, throwing a streamer roll at JJ’s head. “I did that.”

You glared at Pope, snatching the streamer roll off the ground and tossing it in your bag.

“I’m trying to clean here, Pope,” you said. “Try not to make more of a mess, please?”

“Hey!” Kie climbed out of the bucket and walked over to the front door as John B pushed his way inside.

“Okay, that’s it?” JJ slid off the side of the hot tub.

“What’s that all about?” Pope asked as the four of you met in a clump outside of the house.

“I was gonna ask you the same question.”

“John B?” You started toward the front door, Pope taking the stairs faster than you could and running inside. When you all made it in the house, you found John B rummaging through the drawers of a cabinet. Like he was looking for something.

“You alright, man?” Pope asked, standing just behind John B. “What-what’s up?”

“What are you looking for?” Kie wrapped her arms around her stomach, standing back near the wall.

“Bro, what’s going on?”

But John B didn’t even pause. He threw pillows off of JJ’s bed and ran his hands through his hair. Shoving his hands under the mattress, he pulled back with JJ’s gun in his hand. You took a startled step backward, bumping into Kie.

“What do you need the gun for?” JJ asked, stepping forward.

“Just put it back and take a breath,” you tried.

“Talk to us,” JJ said before John B shoved him down to the bed. You started forward, but Pope took a step in front of you.

“John B, chill!” Kie cried out. He stormed off toward the front door, but Pope jumped in the way. “What, are you JJ now?”

John B shoved Pope out of the way pushing him into the table. You walked over to JJ, helping him climb off the bed. Once again, you all followed after John B. After the events of the last two days, if there was one thing that was certain, there was no way any of you were letting him run off with a gun and no explanation.

“John B, what the hell are you doing?” Kie’s worried mom voice came out once again. By the time you were all running outside, John B was on top of his motorcycle, revving the engine. “What the hell?”

“Ward knows about the gold!” John B shouted finally. He turned back around, eyes full of rage and tears, a common combination. “He killed my dad.”

Hearing his words was like running into a brick wall. You all froze and then watched him ride away on the motorcycle.

“John B!” Kie and Pope ran after him for a few feet while you and JJ stayed where you were.

“Shit,” JJ breathed.

“What do we do?” You asked, looking at Kie for help. She threw her hands in the air. “Do you think he’s really going to kill Ward Cameron?”

“If Ward killed his dad?” Pope turned back around. “Yeah, I think he might.”

“So, we’ve got to stop him before he does.” You said, looking around at the others.

“I always thought Ward was a pretty cool guy,” Kie said, chewing on her fingernail. “For being a kook and all.”

“John B wouldn’t be running after him with a gun if he didn’t have a damn good reason to, right?” You turned to look at Pope and JJ. “Right?”

“No, he wouldn’t,” JJ replied.

“So, we have to go help him. Make sure he doesn’t do something incredibly stupid.”

“We can go on the Pogue,” Pope said, lifting his head to meet your eyes. You nodded your head.

“Let’s do it then.”

***

By the time you made it to the Cameron’s house, the world was shrouded in darkness. You wondered if Rafe was inside and what he would do if he saw you there without the money. You tried to push the thought from your mind. Right now was about John B and helping him. You had to help your friend.

“So, what do we do?” JJ asked. “Walk up and as ‘Hey, have you seen John B?’”

“Look, he lives at Tannyhill now. It’s plausible,” Kie told him, staring at the house as the boat bobbed up and down in the water.

“We can play dumb?” You suggested, lifting your head. “It’s always an easy bet.”

“Play dumb?” JJ looked up at you and then glanced down at the bandages on your arm. Your face heated up and you dropped your hand to cover your arm.

“It’s pretty late,” Pope said, still at the wheel.

“I’ve never seen John B like that,” Kie said, worry straining her voice. “We honestly should be going to the cops.”

“And say what Kie?” JJ narrowed his eyes. “We’re worried about our friend because he’s on a rampage because Ward Cameron killed Big John?”

“That won’t go over well,” you agreed. Pope pulled a pair of binoculars out of his bag, pointing them at the house.

“Hey, I see Ward,” Pope said. Kie and JJ turned to look at him.

“Let me see.” Pope handed the binoculars to Kie.

“Doesn’t look dead to me,” Pope sighed. “Let’s go home.”

You could tell immediately that wasn’t going to fly with Kie.

“Wait-”

“What?” She spun around, cutting JJ off.

“Obviously Mr. Cameron is fine,” Pope said, gesturing to the man standing outside his house. “And even if John B was here, he isn’t now. Plus, I have the biggest, most important moment of my life in six hours.”

“Yeah, well our friend is in trouble.”

You could tell from the way JJ flopped back onto a seat that hearing his friends argue, his usually level headed friends, wasn’t ideal.

“I’m in trouble,” Pope said. “Guys, I haven’t been home in three days. My dad’s probably put all of my stuff on the street.”

“He’s right,” you said. “We don’t know where John B is and waiting around here all night isn’t going to solve anything.”

“You’re taking his side?” Kie asked, narrowing her eyes at you.

“Kie, this scholarship is important.” You let out a deep sigh. “I think we should at least take Pope home. The three of us can keep looking afterward if you want.”

“Okay, so that’s it?” Kie asked, looking away from you and back at Pope. “In a time of need, you’re just gonna walk away? You’re gonna bail?”

It was clear that your attempts at peacemaking were falling on deaf ears so you just sat down.

“Guys, can we not do this now?” JJ asked, putting his hands on his head and closing his eyes.

“I have a scholarship interview in the morning,” Pope said again. “I can’t-”

“What about John B?” Kie shot back. Pope inhaled deeply before he started yelling. You put your hands over your ears to try and shut it out, but they were loud arguers.

JJ kept trying to calm them down, but it was clear that this argument was a long time coming. Pope mentioned Kie’s kook year and you felt as if there was a lot more to this conversation than what you knew.

It wasn’t until Kie shoved Pope away from her that you and JJ both stood. JJ ran forward, pulling them apart.

“Cut it out, alright!” He said, looking between the two of them. “If I’m the one meditating, we’ve hit rock bottom.”

He wasn’t exactly wrong. Sometimes, it felt like Pope and Kie were the only ones in your group that ever really thought anything all the way through. If they were at each other’s necks, there was no way you would be able to get anything done, let alone get the gold.

Kie went to sit at the back of the boat as JJ sent Pope to the front. You dropped yourself into a seat as JJ took the wheel.

“Pope, I’ll drop you off,” he said, turning the boat away from the dock.

The silence was cutting. Even after dropping Pope off at his house, no one said a word. It wasn’t until the Pogue was parked back at the Chateau that anyone spoke again.

“Is that John B?” You asked, pointing at the dock. Lo and behold, it was. He was asleep on the dock, his legs curled up to his chest.

“I’ll go get him,” JJ said after tying off the boat. You walked beside Kie on your way inside.

“I wasn’t trying to betray you back there,” you said quietly. Kie looked over at you with a thin smile.

“I know.”

You tentatively lifted your arms to wrap around her neck. For a moment, you were afraid she was going to move away, but she hooked her arms around your waist and hugged you back. A smile spread across your face as the two of you walked into the house together.

***

Hearing John B say that the gold was gone was the final straw. It took everything within you not to beat the shit out of a tree. Everything you had hoped for was gone. There was no way you were going to be able to get Kid away from your dad and there was no going back to live at your house. You had risked everything on a treasure hoard that someone else stole. Tears swam in your vision as you tried to control your breathing.

Not going home was the only way to keep you alive, but you couldn’t protect Kid from anywhere else. You had royally fucked yourself over.

“Guys!” Pope shouted from the shore. You whipped your head around to look at him. He was running, breathless, toward the four of you. “Oh god. I ran all the way here.”

“How was your interview, Pope?” JJ asked, turning to look at him from his perch.

“Don’t ask.” Pope panted for breath, leaning against his knees.

“Here’s some water,” you said, offering him your bottle. He took it and downed what little you had left.

“JB,” Pope said. “Look, I’m sorry dude...about everything.”

“It’s fine,” John B said, closing his eyes. He clearly was not fine.

“But I don’t have a lot of time and I have information that is tactically relevant,” Pope said hurriedly. He went on to explain something about his dad and the Cameron’s airplane and making the airstrip longer because of weight.

“What could be so heavy to weigh it down?” He asked as John B sat up, his gears clearly turning.

“Gold,” JJ answered, turning around to look at Pope, who did a little dance and snapped his fingers.

“Exactly!” Pope looked from JJ to Kie to you and then finally at John B. “This is our chance. But it leaves tonight and we have to go.”

“We can’t give up now,” Kie said with a smile, sliding off of the railing. You pushed yourself to your feet. Even if it was a last ditch attempt to get that gold, by god you were going to take it.

“What’s the plan, big man?” JJ asked, fixated on John B. There was the smallest hint of a smile on the boy’s face.

“We’re going to steal that shit back.”

You couldn’t help but howl, pumping a fist up in the air. Hope wasn’t gone after all. There was still the chance to keep Kid safe.

“Let’s do this!” Kie yelled, running toward the shore. You were right on her heels, the widest smile on your face.

***

You hopped out of the van before John B even pulled to a complete stop. Running up to the gate with the others, you all looked out onto the airstrip.

“What’s the plan?” Kie asked. “Broad strokes.”

“I don’t think we got that far,” John B said. Pope pulled out his binoculars again, holding them up to the fence. You squinted, hoping it would give you a better view, but it didn’t really. Everything aside from the plane was far too small.

“They’re loading up the gold,” Pope said. John B snatched the binoculars from him.

“There’s Ward,” he said as a large black truck pulled up to the plane. After a few moments, he lowered the binoculars, a far off look in his eye.

“What?” Kie asked.

“It’s Sarah,” was all he said. The look on his face was somewhere between hurt and confused. He had told you all what had happened the night before when he told her what happened with her dad, how she didn’t believe him. You imagined something like broke his heart, at least a little bit. It certainly didn’t help the entire situation. “She’s with him.”

He put the binoculars back up to his eyes, watching something. You tapped your foot nervously against the fence.

“If we’re going to do something, it has to be soon,” you said.

“Wait a minute.” You all turned to look at John B. “He’s hurting her.”

You looked back out toward the plane, wishing you could see better.

“He’s what?” You asked, narrowing your eyes even further. You caught a glimpse of something that could be Sarah, but it could have also very well been a flamingo for all you could tell.

“They’re fighting,” John B said as Kie took the binoculars from him.

“Then we have to do something,” you said, looking up to the fence as if to try and climb it, but JJ put a hand on your shoulder. His message was clear enough. Then you heard her scream. Every instinct within you told you to hop the fence and run over to that plane and get her out. That’s what you would have done if it was Kid. Sarah was no different.

But John B had a different plan.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Pope asked as John B ran back to the van.

“Where are you going?” Kie looked back at you and you shrugged. John B started the van and pressed down hard on the gas. The van started forward and you stepped out of the way. He was going to break down the fence.

“Don’t be a hero, man!” JJ yelled. “John B!”

“Go get her!” You cried, cupping your hands over your mouth. JJ looked at you and scowled, but you knew that someone had to do something. When the van burst through the fence, JJ pulled you backward, shielding you from the debris. All four of you ran after him for a few yards, but there was no way you were going to catch up.

JJ put his hands on his head, looking down at the dirt. Kie turned toward Pope and he put an arm around her shoulders. You watched the van drive alongside the plane for a while until you could no longer see what was going on. Your heart pounded, praying that John B could get that plane to slow down. To hell with the gold, you thought, as long as Sarah was off that plane and away from that man she called a father, you would be happy.

To your delight, you saw the plane skid to a stop.

“He stopped it,” you said, a smile spreading across your lips. “John B stopped the plane!”

None of you could see much beyond that. Still, you stood where you were, waiting, hoping. Then the sirens came. You straightened your shoulders, picking your head up.

“I can’t get arrested,” Pope said, looking over at you and JJ.

“I’m on probation,” JJ said, almost in agreement. There was no way you guys could stick around, especially not standing in the middle of a broken fence that your friend had just rammed through with his van. You twitched your lips, not wanting to leave John B and Sarah behind.

“We’re no good if we’re all in jail,” Kie said, sounding almost defeated. The four of you turned around and took off running.


	16. Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the cops nearing in on John B, you decide that you can no longer wait on the gold to save your brother. In one last ditch attempt to get him out of your father’s clutches, you wind up somewhere you really don’t want to be. Someone makes a surprise appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all, I’ve been waiting to write this chapter for so long. I’m sorry it’s such a long chapter, but I hope it’s good! There are some mentions of blood and some self inflicted wounds, but nothing too descriptive! Please, be cautious all the same. I hope this chapter is up to par! Stay safe, stay healthy, stay groovy, my friends!

You sat on a small plastic chair, nearly unmoving. Hiding out in a junkyard wasn’t exactly how you intended on spending your day, but then again, there was little that had gone on in the past few weeks that had been intended at all. You were all waiting for something, for some kind of sign that John B and Sarah were alright. 

At the sound of a plane flying overhead, you snapped your head up, pushing yourself out of your chair. Your heart plummeted as you watched the plane pass over you. It was Ward Cameron’s plane, no doubt about it. And there it was going with all your gold. 

“There goes the gold,” Pope said, his voice tight. 

“Shit!” JJ turned and kicked a plastic chair into a wooden beam. It shattered into pieces. Both you and Kie flinched. 

“Fuck!” Pope picked something off the ground and threw it into a pile of junk. Kie called out for him, hoping to calm him down before things got too bad. But Pope was inconsolable. You turned back to watch the plan disappear into the sky as Pope beat the shit out of half the junk with a baseball bat. 

You brought your hands up to your face, covering your nose with shaking hands. The gold was gone, but you could only imagine what that meant for John B and Sarah. 

Pope eventually crashed, flopping himself onto a moldy couch as he struggled to breathe. You walked over, sitting on the ground beside the couch. 

“Pope?” Kie looked at him, eyebrows knit together. She breathed heavily, as if exhausted from just watching Pope’s breakdown. 

“Yeah, dude,” JJ said finally. “I was wondering when this was gonna happen.” 

He pulled a blunt from his pocket and offered it to Pope. You cringed, but said nothing. 

“Here you go, chief.” JJ extended his arm fully toward Pope. “A little weed never hurt anyone.” 

“JJ.” Kie gave him a look. “You know he doesn’t smoke.” 

Pope seemed to take that as a direct challenge. He took the blunt from his friend, who then sat beside him and offered him a lighter. You sighed, dropping your head into your arms. 

“Yeah, what’s that gonna help?” Kie asked, still trying to keep control of the situation. 

“I lost my scholarship,” Pope said. His voice broke as he spoke. “Walked right out of my interview. It’s gone. It’s not gonna happen.” 

So, it wasn’t just you who had lost everything. There was at least some kind of comfort in that. 

“You did that for us?” Kie asked, looking down at him.

“No, not for us.” Pope stood. You could feel the anger radiating off of him even from the other side of JJ. “For _nothing _.”__

__JJ stood and put his arms around Pope’s shoulders._ _

__“I’m here for you, alright Pope?” He said, tapping Pope’s arm. “Welcome to my world.”_ _

__“JJ-”_ _

__“What, Kie? He’s right.” Kie glared at JJ as Pope walked away. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”_ _

__“At least we helped Sarah, right?” You tried, lifting your head. JJ and Kie looked down at you, so you pushed yourself out of the dirt. “Maybe we didn’t get the gold, but Sarah’s not going who knows where with her psycho dad. That’s gotta count for something.”_ _

__Pope put the blunt to his lips and breathed in, his eyes closing._ _

__“You don’t have to do that,” Kie said, turning back to look at him. He let the smoke out through his nose. You didn’t really believe that it wasn’t his first time smoking. He did it so flawlessly. You coughed up half your lungs the first joint you smoked._ _

__“What do you care?” Pope asked, turning to look at her with narrowed eyes. Kie didn’t have time to respond before Pope’s eyes widened. You all turned around only to see John B shuffling around the corner._ _

__“Dude!” JJ ran toward him. “Are you good?”_ _

__All four of you crowded around him. He looked completely dazed, a dried stream of tears on his cheeks. JJ took his hands. They were covered in blood. You took a step back, the sight of the blood making you queasy._ _

__“Is this yours?” JJ asked._ _

__“Who’s blood is that?”_ _

__But John B didn’t reply to either JJ or Kie. His mouth was parted, his breathing shallow. You put a hand on his upper arm, hoping to steady him._ _

__“Hey, you okay, man?” Pope asked, just before the familiar sound of police sirens shattered the silence of the junkyard._ _

__When John B heard the siren, he dropped to the ground instantly. You all followed him. A plume of dust and dirt made your cough, but you covered it as best as you could._ _

__“John B, what happened?” Kie whispered._ _

__“Where’s Sarah?”_ _

__John B turned to look at you, his eyes starting to water again._ _

__“You’re freaking me out here, man,” JJ said and put a hand on his friend’s shoulders. “Just tell us what happened.”_ _

__***_ _

__You sat in the back of Kie’s car beside JJ. He had one of his hands on your knee, the only thing keeping you grounded._ _

__Rafe killed Sheriff Peterkin. Even thinking about it made your gut tighten. You had known he was a douche your entire life and you knew that his coke addiction was making that douchiness turn far more violent. But never in a million years would you have expected him to actually kill someone. You couldn’t help but think that there had to be something you could have done._ _

__That was a thought you tried to push down. No matter what your mom and dad had tried to drill into your head, not everything had to be your fault. Sometimes, there had to be bad things that happened that you couldn’t control. Rafe’s actions were his own and he would have to face those consequences._ _

__“Somebody has to tell them what happened,” John B said as Kie pulled up to the police station. Pope started to cough, hacking up his lungs._ _

__“Easy there, chief,” JJ said, watching his friend carefully. You grabbed a water from Kie’s trunk and offered it to Pope. He took it, but instead of drinking it, he took another long drag from the blunt. JJ turned toward John B and clapped him on the shoulder._ _

__“I’m gonna be real with you right now,” he said, taking a few seconds before speaking again. “You might end up in the lion’s den, but you never go there on purpose. It’s fundamental, just like my old man always said, you can never trust cops, no matter the circumstances.”_ _

__“Your old man’s an abusive liar,” Kie said from the front. You nodded your head._ _

__“No offense, but listening to your dad is probably the least helpful thing for us to do,” you agreed._ _

__“I’m with JJ,” Pope said. “Fuck the police.”_ _

__Kie narrowed her eyes at him._ _

__“You going dark side now?” She asked, turning around to face him._ _

__“When’s the last time the police helped us?” Pope retorted, but John B turned toward him._ _

__“Peterkin looked out for me,” John B said, his voice quiet. “Or she tried to, at least. They need to know.”_ _

__He looked at Kie as if for approval. She gave him a small nod, so he popped the door open and stepped out._ _

__“You think it’ll work?” You asked Kie. She turned back to look at you. “I mean, are they gonna believe him?”_ _

__“No,” JJ replied before Kie could. “There’s no way. Ward’s probably already spread his own version of things and I doubt he told them that it was Rafe.”_ _

__Things were getting worse with every new revelation. What was once a silly treasure hunt was now a murder that could land you and your friends in jail. You clasped your hands together, your legs starting to bounce up and down. Without looking at you, JJ reached out and laced his fingers through yours, brushing your thumb with his._ _

__You shut your eyes, focusing on his touch. As long as he was there, everything would be okay. You were sure of it. You could figure things out together._ _

__John B came running out of the police station as fast as he could._ _

__“Kie, start the car?” He yelled as he ran around toward the door. “Start the car!”_ _

__You sat up straighter, watching the door of the station fly open. Two deputies came running out._ _

__“John B? What-”_ _

__He jumped inside, slamming the car door behind him._ _

__“What did you do?” Kie asked, tears gathering in her eyes._ _

__“The cops! Just go!” John B yelled._ _

__The car started forward just as the female deputy grabbed hold of the car door._ _

__“I’m sorry!” Kie whimpered, stepping on the gas. “I’m sorry!”_ _

__“Stop the car!” The deputy demanded. John B held the door closed as best as he could, yelling at Kie to drive faster._ _

__“Open it,” Pope told John B. “Open the door!”_ _

__John B did as he was told, popping the door open. The female deputy stumbled and then fell, her hand sliding off the door handle._ _

__“Sorry!” you called out to her just before John B slammed the door shut again._ _

__“Sorry?” JJ looked at you with a scowl. You shrugged your shoulders._ _

__“It just came out.”_ _

__Heavy breathing filled the car, but nothing else. No one said anything. Once the police station was out of sights, Kie finally spoke._ _

__“What the hell just happened?” She asked, breathless._ _

__“Ward told them it was me,” was all John B said. By the tone of his voice, it was clear he was not up for saying anything else. Kie drove until she found an abandoned barn, where she parked._ _

__“We should sleep,” Kie said, dropping her hands from the wheel. “Get some rest and figure out what to do tomorrow.”_ _

__JJ was one step ahead of her. He had already settled his head against your shoulder, smacking his lips together. You drew circles around his knuckles with your finger until his breathing steadied. You smiled, pressing a kiss against his head. Kie was asleep not much later, but neither you or Pope or John B could manage to close your eyes. John B leaned his chair back so that no one could see him from outside, but with you sitting right behind him, that meant he was staring up at you._ _

__“Is Sarah okay?” You whispered, voice barely audible. He sighed, shutting his eyes for a moment._ _

__“I don’t know,” he said finally._ _

__“We’ll find her and we’ll keep her safe,” you promised him. Without realizing it, you were using the same tone of voice you used when talking to Kid. You glanced out the window, thinking about Kid, wherever he was. You never should have left him that night at Midsummers. You had no idea how he was doing with your dad. Breathing in deeply, you told yourself that you would see him soon, that everything would be okay._ _

__“What happened to your arm?” John B asked quietly. You glanced over at Pope, who, even though he was high as a kite, had a somber look in his eyes. You cleared your throat._ _

__“I went back to my house,” you said. “I went to ask for money, for JJ and for Rafe, but my dad didn’t take too kindly to it.”_ _

__“Your dad’s a real son of a bitch, you know?” John B said, closing his eyes and clasping his hands together over his stomach. You found yourself smiling._ _

__“Yeah, he is.”_ _

__JJ shifted, humming quietly to himself. John B glanced up at his friend asleep on your shoulder. Then he looked back at you with an attempt at a smile._ _

__“I’ve seen him with a lot of girls before,” John B told you. “But he’s never been like this.”_ _

__“You know,” Pope said, leaning his head back against the window with a loopy grin on his face. “He wouldn’t shut up about you before you started hanging out with us.”_ _

__You widened your eyes, a smile tugging at your lips._ _

__“Really?”_ _

__“Yup,” Pope nodded. “It was annoying.”_ _

__“Thanks, Pope.”_ _

__He gave you a thumbs up and then promptly passed out._ _

__“You should sleep,” John B said. You lowered your gaze to look at him._ _

__“So should you.”_ _

__He let out a sigh and shut his eyes, as if trying to convince you that he was asleep. You couldn’t seem to close your eyes though. Even with JJ’s steady breathing like a lullaby beside you, it just felt impossible. There was so much to think about, so many plans to make._ _

__You could only hope that you wouldn’t get caught._ _

__***_ _

__“Shit, shit, shit, shit!” You hissed to yourself as Pope bulleted down the road._ _

__You had gotten caught and of course, Pope, who was still high off his ass, was driving. Why he had been allowed to drive, you had no idea. He had already run through a mailbox in an attempt to flee from the police._ _

__“I should be the last person to say this,” JJ said, bracing himself with a hand against the window. “But you are not okay to drive. Stop!”_ _

__Pope stomped on the break._ _

__“What the fuck, Pope?” You cried as you tried to keep yourself from slamming into the back of John B’s chair._ _

__“John B,” Pope said, breathing heavily. “Get out.”_ _

__“He’s right.” JJ sat up and straightened his hat on his head. “We’ll draw the cops. You run.”_ _

__“Shit.” John B squeezed his eyes together._ _

__“I’ll get you the rig and I’ll meet you in the dump tomorrow, okay?” JJ said. They had made a plan to take the Phantom and go up the coast. It might work well enough, but it required JJ going home for the first time since his dad beat him half to death. You weren’t too sure how you felt about that. “Tomorrow at three at the dump!”_ _

__John B clambered out of the car and started for the woods._ _

__“Step on it!” JJ said and Pope slammed his foot against the gas._ _

__***_ _

__Climbing out of the car once you made it to the Wreck felt like you just got off of a rollercoaster. Your stomach twisted and churned and you had half a mind to throw up on Pope’s shoes._ _

__“I am never riding in the car with you again,” you said, glaring at him. But Pope was smiling, grinning ear to ear._ _

__“We need a plan,” Kie said, heading toward the front door._ _

__She sat you all down at a table, going to the back to get some food._ _

__“I have an idea for money and food,” you said, taking a drink of water. “But you’re not going to like it.”_ _

__“You’re not going back to that goddamn house, Ellie,” JJ said, putting his head in his hands._ _

__“Listen,” you said, putting your hand out. But JJ shook his head._ _

__“No.”_ _

__“You’re going home, aren’t you?” You snapped. “It’s just as dangerous for you as it is for me. I want to help John B. I’m not going to be a hindrance just because my dad’s an asshole.”_ _

__JJ screwed his mouth together, narrowing his eyes._ _

__“Do you really need to go home to help John B?” Pope asked, looking at his hands. “Or is there another reason?”_ _

__You sat back, chewing on the inside of your lip. Of course Pope would call you out. Even high, he always seemed to know what was going on._ _

__“I need to make sure that Kid is okay,” you said once you found the courage to speak. “The current path we’re on, I don’t know when things are going to calm down or when I can see him again. I have to make sure he’s at least sort of safe.”_ _

__JJ sighed and you met his eyes, begging him silently to let you go. You were going to go anyway, you just didn’t want him to be angry with you again._ _

__“You’re taking the gun,” he said finally. After a moment of glee, you scowled and shook your head._ _

__“No, I don’t need-”_ _

__“It’s the only way I’m letting you go,” he said, a tone of finality in his voice. This wasn’t a negotiation. And now that he knew your plan, there was no way he was going to let you out of his sight. Finally, you nodded your head._ _

__“What are we scheming?” Kie asked, returning with some food._ _

__“Elm’s going home again,” Pope said, shoveling food in his mouth. Kie turned to look at you with her mouth hung open._ _

__“Absolutely not.”_ _

__“Kie, I have to. I have to check up on Kid,” you said, tired of having to ask permission to do the one thing you had been doing your entire life. “JJ is already making me bring his gun. I’ll be safe. I just...I have to see my brother.”_ _

__“You’re okay with this?” Kie asked, looking over at JJ, who didn’t take his eyes off of you._ _

__“No,” JJ said. “But I know she’ll do it anyway.”_ _

__“You’re damn right I will.”_ _

__Kie sighed, putting her hands on her hips. She hung her head._ _

__“Go fast,” she said. “We’ll need your help.”_ _

__You stood up quickly and threw your arms around her neck._ _

__“Thank you,” you breathed. She didn’t hug you back._ _

__“Be back here before it gets too dark,” she said as you pulled away. “We’re going to try and talk to Sarah and figure out everything else tomorrow and you need to be there for the planning.”_ _

__You nodded your head. JJ shuffled around in his backpack and pulled out his gun. You stared at it for a moment, not really wanting to take it from him. But you did. It was heavy in your hand, cool to the touch._ _

__“You be safe,” Pope said, standing to give you a hug. You turned to JJ last, but now he wouldn’t look at you._ _

__“I’ll be fine,” you said, trying to smile. He glanced over at you._ _

__“You weren’t last time.”_ _

__“I have this,” you said, showing him the gun. “And you all know where I am. If I’m more than...four hours, just come get me. What could go wrong?”_ _

__JJ stood and hooked an arm around your neck._ _

__“Don’t say that. You’ll jinx it,” he said. You laughed and pushed yourself away from him. This was feeling a little bit too much like a goodbye for your liking._ _

__“I’ll see you guys in four hours, okay?” You said, tucking the gun into your waistband and then covering it with your shirt._ _

__“Four hours,” Kie echoed. “I’m holding you to that.”_ _

__You gave her a thumbs up and turned toward the door. You stepped outside, sucking in a deep breath and then letting it out slowly._ _

__“Ellie, wait up!”_ _

__You turned around just in time for JJ to crash into you. You laughed as he put his arms around you and pulling you into a hug._ _

__“I’ll be okay, Maybank,” you said, trying to wiggle out of his grip, but he wasn’t about to let you go. “Really, JJ, it’s gonna be okay.”_ _

__“Can I come with you?” he asked, taking a step back but grabbing hold of your hand so that he was still touching you somehow. You shook your head._ _

__“That would probably be a bad idea,” you told him. “But I’ll be back in time to come with you tomorrow.”_ _

__“So, you get to come to my house but I can’t come to yours?”_ _

__“I’d like to remind you of the number of times you’ve been to my house,” you said and squeezed his hand. “Do you trust me?”_ _

__“Of course.”_ _

__“Then trust me to do this. He’s my brother. I need to make sure he is safe before I do anything that could put any of us in harm’s way.”_ _

__JJ nodded his head slowly. He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss against your lips. There it was again. That goodbye feeling. You gave his cheek a quick kiss before stepping away from him._ _

__“I’ll see you soon,” he said. You nodded your head, taking another step back. You waved before turning around the corner of the building._ _

__***_ _

__The sun was starting to set by the time you made it to your house. You snuck through the trees, a very definite path made from all the times JJ and the others snuck up to your room. But instead of climbing onto the roof and tapping on your window, you knocked gently on Kid’s._ _

__For a moment, you heard nothing. His curtains were closed, so you couldn’t even tell if he was in there. But then you saw a form nearing through the curtains. A smile spread across your face when Kid pulled the curtains back. It took him a moment to recognize that it was you, but then he grinned. Throwing the window open, he had his arms around your neck before you could climb inside._ _

__“I thought you were dead,” he whispered._ _

__“Why would I be dead?” You asked with half of a laugh, holding him tight._ _

__“Dad made me clean up the blood. There was so much of it, I...I didn’t know-”_ _

__His voice broke and you squeezed him even tighter._ _

__“I’m okay,” you told him, kissing the side of his head. “I promise, I’m okay.”_ _

__Kid pulled back from you, giving you a good look at his face. Your stomach and smile dropped, hands tightening. Kid lowered his head, knowing that you could see the bruise under his eye._ _

__“I asked too many questions,” he muttered. “Dad got angry.”_ _

__You climbed inside and put your hands on either side of his face, tilting his face toward yours._ _

__“You’re not safe here anymore,” you told him. Kid’s mouth fell open to protest. “Neither of us are. You need to pack a bag and go over to Dex’s.”_ _

__“El, Dad would never let-”_ _

__“Doesn’t matter what Dad wants. I need you to pack a bag,” you told him, stepping away. “Is Dad here now?”_ _

__“Hasn’t come home yet,” Kid said, dropping to the ground and pulling his backpack out from under his bed. “What did he do to you?”_ _

__You shook your head, watching Kid carefully as he moved over to his dresser._ _

__“Would Dex take you in? No questions asked?” Kid nodded as he shoved clothes into his bag. “Good. I’m taking you there now.”_ _

__“El, wait.” Kid put the backpack on. “What’s going on?”_ _

__You knelt down in front of him._ _

__“My friends are in trouble, Kid,” you told him, putting your hands on his arms. “And I have to help them. But I can’t do that unless I know you are safe, okay? If something happens to me, I can’t have you staying here.”_ _

__“What’s going to happen to you?” He asked, holding back a pout._ _

__“Nothing bad,” you said, brushing his cheek with your thumb and trying to smile. “Come on, let’s go.”_ _

__Kid took your hand and the two of you started for the door. Your heart pounded in your chest as the two of you hurried down the stairs._ _

__“Back door,” you said, pulling him in that direction._ _

__“Wait!” Kid stopped suddenly. “I forgot something.”_ _

__You froze, glancing at the front door. It was right around the time that your dad would be back. It could be any second that he walked through the front door. Still, you let Kid’s hand go. Kid ran back upstairs, taking them two at a time. You watched the door carefully, waiting for it to open._ _

__Kid came running out of his room with a photograph in his hand and a grin on his face. He was halfway down the stairs when the lock on the front door flipped. Your stomach dropped._ _

__“Kid!” You whispered, your hand going for the gun still in your waistband. But he froze on the stairs, his fingers curling around the railing. “Back upstairs.”_ _

__Still, he didn’t move, eyes fixed on the door as it started to open._ _

__You had seen plenty of Westerns, where the sheriff and the outlaw stared each other down, the stereotypical whistle trilling in the background. This felt something like that. Fingers flexing, you itched to pull out your gun. Your dad was staring you down, standing just inside the door._ _

__“What are you doing here?” He asked finally, his voice carrying through the entryway. You didn’t glance up at Kid, even though you wanted to._ _

__“Wanted to see Kid,” you said, voice tight. Your dad narrowed his eyes. He looked up at Kid, saw his backpack, and then looked back at you._ _

__“Just to see him?” Your dad asked, tilting his head to the side. “Why’s he got a backpack then?”_ _

__You shrugged._ _

__“Likes his backpack?”_ _

__Your dad took a step forward. It was the first step of the showdown. Your heart leaped. The battle for Kid had begun._ _

__“Go, Kid!” You said, starting for the stairs. As soon as Kid started running back up the stairs, your dad made to run after him. Whoever got there first would indicate whether or not Kid made it out of his window. You just had to be faster._ _

__You made it to the stairs with a few seconds to spare. You pulled your gun from your shorts, lifting it up just as your dad reached the stairs. Your hands shook, but your gaze was steady. He stepped away from the gun that was trained on his chest. He froze where he was, glaring up at you._ _

__“You don’t want to do that,” he said, lifting his hands slowly into the air._ _

__“Try me,” you seethed. Even though your entire body trembled, your eyes told him that you weren’t backing down._ _

__“Give me that gun, Elma,” he said, speaking slowly. “I won’t even ask where you got it. We can go get Kid before he gets hurt.”_ _

__“Kid’s fine.” You breathed steadily, trying to force your hands and legs to stop shaking._ _

__“He’s out there, alone in the dark.” Your dad was fighting to keep his voice from betraying too much of his emotion. “I thought you always wanted to keep him safe.”_ _

__“I do. I _am. _He’s far safer out there than he is in here with you,” you said. He tightened his jaw, his eyes narrowing into slits. “I’m going to leave now and you’re going to let me.”___ _

____Your dad scoffed never once taking his eyes off of you._ _ _ _

____“Did you tell your little friends about the message I left for you?” He asked, a smirk pulling at his lips. You glared, your hands going suddenly still. Thinking about JJ and Pope and Kie and John B, any ounce of fear was gone from your system._ _ _ _

____“Yeah,” you said, tightening your grip on the gun. “Yeah, I did. And guess what? Your warning didn’t work.”_ _ _ _

____Your dad’s smug look dropped._ _ _ _

____“Doesn’t matter,” he said._ _ _ _

____“You’re gonna have to try a hell of a lot harder if you want to get rid of me,” you said with a bitter laugh. That was the wrong thing to say. Your dad glanced down at the gun in your hand then back up at you. Heart stopping in your chest, you knew what was coming long before he lunged at you._ _ _ _

____***_ _ _ _

____“JJ, she told us she’d meet us in four hours. It hasn’t even been that long yet,” Pope said as JJ pulled Kie’s car to a stop. After their trip to the Cameron house, Pope was in a piss ass mood. JJ wasn’t entirely sure what had gone down between him and Kie, but it was clearly getting under both of their skin._ _ _ _

____“We’ll just wait out here until she comes out. She shouldn’t have to walk all the way back to the Wreck,” JJ said, turning off the car._ _ _ _

____There were only there for a few moments before Kie spotted something rustling in the woods._ _ _ _

____“That’s coming from our path,” Kie said, pointing._ _ _ _

____“Maybe it’s just a squirrel,” Pope said, putting a hand over his eyes._ _ _ _

____“That’s way too big for a squirrel,” JJ said, popping open the door._ _ _ _

____“Where are you going?” Kie sighed. She opened the car door and followed after JJ. Pope stayed in the car, moping._ _ _ _

____JJ and Kie ran toward the path through the woods that they had trampled to get to Ellie’s bedroom window. They didn’t even reach the path before a small form came barrelling onto the road._ _ _ _

____“Kid!” JJ yelled as the boy stumbled, tripping on the lip of the street and falling flat on the ground. Kie and JJ ran over to him, helping him onto his feet. At the sight of Kid, Pope slowly exited the car._ _ _ _

____“JJ!” As soon as Kid was back on his feet, he threw his arms around JJ’s waist and squeezed his eyes tight._ _ _ _

____“Kid, hey, what’s going on?” JJ asked, pulling Kid back and crouching on the ground to talk to him face to face._ _ _ _

____“El came in and then she told me to go to Dex’s and then Dad came home,” Kid said, tears running down his face. “She told me to run. I shouldn’t have left her, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left her!”_ _ _ _

____“It’s okay,” Kie said, putting her hands on Kid’s shoulders. “You’re safe now.”_ _ _ _

____“Kid, where’s Ellie?” JJ asked, putting his hands on Kid’s face in an attempt to get him to focus. “Where’s-”_ _ _ _

____A gunshot tore through the night, pulling JJ’s attention away from Kid toward the house. Kie gasped, taking a step back._ _ _ _

____“What the-” Pope put his hands on top of his head._ _ _ _

____JJ breathed heavily, watching the house with wide eyes. There was a moment of calm, of silence. No one breathed, no one moved. When the second gunshot went off, JJ scrambled to his feet. Pope intercepted him on his way up the road toward the house._ _ _ _

____“Get the hell out of my way, man!” JJ tried to shove Pope back, but his friend was standing firm._ _ _ _

____“We have to think about this,” Pope said, putting his hands up. Kie had her arms around Kid, keeping him from following JJ._ _ _ _

____“What’s there to think about?” JJ said, still trying to get around Pope._ _ _ _

____Before Pope could answer, they heard the door slam open. Out from the front door came Gerald, stumbling as he tried to leave as fast as he could. All four of them watched as he made for the trees._ _ _ _

____“Oh, my god,” Kie gasped for breath, tightening her grip on Kid as he sobbed. “Oh, my god.”_ _ _ _

____“He shot her,” JJ breathed, his words ragged and full of rage. “That bastard fucking shot her.”_ _ _ _

____When JJ took off toward the house, Pope didn’t try to stop him. Instead, Pope was right on his heels._ _ _ _

____“Go back to the car, Kid,” Kie said, turning him around to face her. “We’ll get your sister.”_ _ _ _

____“Wait-”_ _ _ _

____“Now!”_ _ _ _

____Kid nodded his tear-streaked head and ran back to the car, his backpack bouncing up and down, throwing off his momentum. Once he was in the car, Kie took off toward the house._ _ _ _

____The house was empty and dead silent. All of the downstairs lights were off, shrouding the lower rooms in darkness._ _ _ _

____“Where is she?” JJ asked, turning toward his friends. Kie shrugged._ _ _ _

____“Gun.” Pope pointed to the ground at the foot of the stairs. JJ spun around toward it and bent down to pick it up. “Dude! Don’t touch it!”_ _ _ _

____“What?” JJ asked, scowling._ _ _ _

____“If he did shoot Elm and you touch that thing, who do you think they’re gonna go after?” Pope asked. “We don’t need another John B.”_ _ _ _

____JJ huffed but he didn’t grab the gun._ _ _ _

____“I’ll check upstairs for her,” JJ said, looking up._ _ _ _

____“We’ll look around down here,” Kie told him._ _ _ _

____“We?” Pope turned to look at her, but she just rolled her eyes and headed off toward the dining room._ _ _ _

____JJ took the stairs two at a time, pushing open Gerald’s door, the bathroom door, and then kid’s door, only to find nothing. No Ellie._ _ _ _

____He burst into Ellie’s room, looking around. When he didn’t see her immediately, his heart started to beat faster than it already was. He made his way toward her small bathroom and pushed the door open._ _ _ _

____“Oh, my god,” he breathed. “Ellie.”_ _ _ _

____She lay in the bathtub, cradling her arm to her chest. The tub was covered in blood, Ellie’s blood. Her eyes were drooping but she blinked slowly, telling JJ that she was still alive at least. When she looked up and saw JJ, she almost smiled. She breathed heavily once, looking down at her arm, her smile falling._ _ _ _

____“Oh, god.” The reality of the situation hit JJ like a barreling train. He dropped to his knees beside the tub. He grabbed Ellie’s bleeding arm, pressing his palms against her cuts. “Help!”_ _ _ _

____Pope and Kie came thundering up the stairs and into the small bathroom. Pope gagged, bringing a fist up to cover his nose._ _ _ _

____“Help me,” JJ said, holding onto her arm as tight as he could. “Help me!”_ _ _ _

____“Uh...uh,” Pope swatted Kie with his hand. “Go find some-some tape or something.”_ _ _ _

____Kie nodded her head and turned back around and ran from the bathroom. Pope pulled a towel off of the towel rack and ran over to JJ, handing the towel off to him._ _ _ _

____“Keep applying pressure,” Pope said. JJ took the towel and pressed it against the wound on her arm._ _ _ _

____“Come on, baby girl,” JJ said, trying to smile at Ellie. “Keep your eyes open.”_ _ _ _

____“I didn’t mean to,” she said as she lifted her other hand. Her voice was weak, fragile. “I just wanted to make it go away.”_ _ _ _

____In her other hand was a knife, the tip of it slick with blood. JJ’s eyes narrowed. He slowly moved the towel from Ellie’s arm. The word her father had carved into her skin was now a bloody mess, completely unreadable._ _ _ _

____“I found some tape,” Kie said as she ran back into the bathroom. Pope took it from her, grabbing another towel. He pulled JJ’s hands away from Ellie, replacing the old towel with the new one. He took the tape and wrapped it around the towel as best he could._ _ _ _

____“We need to get her to a hospital,” Pope said, standing. “Now.”_ _ _ _

____“I’ll start the car,” Kie said, running from the bathroom once again._ _ _ _

____“I didn’t mean to,” Ellie mumbled again._ _ _ _

____“Put your arms around me,” JJ whispered to her. Ellie did as she was told, lamely wrapping her arms around his neck. JJ scooped her up and out of the tub. Pope held up Ellie’s head as JJ carried her back to the car. Kie already had it started, Kid sitting up in the front seat. He was sitting on his knees, mouth hanging open at the sight of his sister. Kid moved to open the door, but Kie grabbed him and pulled him back into his seat._ _ _ _

____Pope opened the back door for JJ, who slid into the seat with Ellie still on his lap. As soon as Pope was in the car, he called for Kie to drive. She didn’t hesitate to turn the car around and take off down the road._ _ _ _

____“Is she going to die?” Kid asked, half hiding behind the headrest. JJ looked up at Kid, resting a hand on Ellie’s face._ _ _ _

____“No, little man. She’s not gonna die.” JJ turned his gaze back to Ellie as Kie barrelled down the street. “You’re going to be just fine.”_ _ _ _

____***_ _ _ _

____You woke with a gasp, your eyes snapping open suddenly. You fought for breath as you sucked in lungfuls of air as quickly as you could, hands curling around the blankets of your bed._ _ _ _

____Not your bed. No, these blankets were too scratchy to be yours. It took you a few moments of trying to remember where you were...and why.  
JJ had carried you into the hospital, blood dripping down your arm. Then he and Kie and Pope left because they still had to help John B escape. You remembered the doctor’s patching up your arm, asking you questions about what happened. You think you told them the truth, but you weren’t really sure. _ _ _ _

____Once you realized where you were, you started to calm slightly. Still breathing heavily, you shut your eyes, hoping that everything that happened would just go away._ _ _ _

____“How are you doing, darling?” A voice asked from beside you. You jumped, turning toward the sudden voice. Ms. Lana smiled at you, holding a cup of tea in her hands. Water filled your eyes at the sight of her, a hiccup stopping in your throat. Ms. Lana opened her arms and walked toward you, engulfing you in a hug. She held you tight, rocking you back and forth. Your eyes were strangely dry as she held you._ _ _ _

____A sudden thought forced you to pull away, sitting up straight._ _ _ _

____“Where’s Kid?” You asked, eyes wide with fear. You remembered that he was in the car with you, but you couldn’t remember seeing him after you got to the hospital. Ms. Lana smiled and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear._ _ _ _

____“He’s safe,” she told you. You let out a heavy breath and looked at your hands. “He’s at my house.”_ _ _ _

____“Thank you, Ms. Lana,” you whispered, not really trusting your own voice. Ms. Lana ran her fingers carefully through your hair._ _ _ _

____“I am so sorry I never saw what that man did to you,” she said. Your stomach squeezed, not really wanting to think about it. Ms. Lana waited to see if you would respond, but you didn’t. “I want...I want to offer you and Kid a home…with me.”_ _ _ _

____You looked up at her, startled by her words. In all your years of planning, you had never considered the possibility of someone on Kildare taking you and Kid in, especially not someone you knew. Your mouth ran dry at the thought of it. Living on the cut with Ms. Lana, being able to spend time freely with JJ and the Pogues, not having to fear about whether or not you were going to sleep with bruises or not. Tears filled your eyes and quiet gasps shook your chest._ _ _ _

____“You don’t have to give me an answer right away-”_ _ _ _

____“Yes,” you said, a tear falling from your eye. “I would love to live with you.”_ _ _ _

____Ms. Lana reached out and pulled you into another hug. This time, you did actually start to cry. That life you always wanted was right here with Ms. Lana. She held you tight, like a real parent should, gently rubbing her hand up and down your back._ _ _ _

____“I’ve got you, my girl,” Ms. Lana cooed. “You’re safe now.”_ _ _ _

____Her words just made you sob even harder. You were safe. _Safe _. That wasn’t a word you often found yourself able to use.___ _ _ _

______“I’m going to go talk to the cop outside, okay?” Ms. Lana told you. “He’ll help me get the right papers. But I have to leave for a few minutes. Is that okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______You nodded your head slowly. Ms. Lana stood, never dropping her smile. She walked toward the door, keeping her eyes on you for as long as you can. As soon as she was out of the door, your smile fell. That feeling of _safe _was gone just as quickly as it had come.___ _ _ _ _ _

________You stared blankly at the wall, your eyes glazing over as you cradled your newly bandaged arm. You knew that closing your eyes would just take you back to last night, but staring at the wall didn’t help._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The screaming. The gun. The fear. The bathtub. The blood._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Oh, god. The blood._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Your hands started to tremble, your breathing short and shaky._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Maybe if you could think about something else. Think about JJ and Pope and Kie. Looking up at the clock on the wall, it said that there were still four more hours until their designated meeting time with John B at the docks. You should be out there helping them get the Phantom and supplies, but instead, here you were in a hospital bed, useless._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________One of the nurses tapped on your door. You closed your eyes, trying to collect yourself quickly. You steadied your breathing and tucked your hands under the blanket so no one could see them shake. The nurse opened the door and gave a smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“There’s someone here to see you,” she said, a glint of pity in her eyes as she looked down at your arm. You nodded your head. The nurse stepped out of the way, giving you only a moment to wonder who it was. Your first thought was JJ, but he was busy. Ms. Lana said Kid was at her home. The only other two people who you could possibly imagine visiting you in the hospital were on the run from the cops; Rafe and your dad._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It was none of the above._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________When the woman stepped into the doorway, you recognized her instantly. With her hair curled perfectly, her lips painted without a flaw. Her shoes matched her nail polish which matched the handbag she held in front of her. A smile pulled at her lips, tears of pity in her eyes. Three years and nothing had changed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Mom?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	17. One Good Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> listen to the song Already Gone by Sleeping At Last to hear the inspiration for this chapter ;)

“Mom?”

As if your acknowledgment of her was permission, the woman took a step into the hospital room. You sat backward, pulling the blanket higher up, your jaw tightening.

Your mom smiled even wider, the water shimmering in her brilliantly colored eyes. You narrowed your eyes.

“It’s me, sweetie.” She uncurled a perfectly painted hand from around her clutch and extended it toward you. When you flinched away, your mother’s smile dropped.

“Ma’am,” the nurse said as she watched your expression.

“Elma, dear-”

“Don’t call me that,” you said, your voice shaking. The nurse glanced between you and your mother, who had gone suddenly rigid. You kept her cold, hard gaze. Eventually, she looked down at her kitten heels, tapping her toes gently against the tile.

“Can I have a moment alone with my daughter please?” Your mother asked the nurse. Eyes wide, you looked at the woman in the doorway. When the nurse looked at you, you shook your head ever so slightly. She sighed.

“Two minutes.” The nurse turned and closed the door behind her.

With that, the nurse left you with the second to last person you ever wanted to see. Instead of looking back at her, you turned your face toward the wall, refusing to let her see your face. You didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of seeing you cry.

“You’ve grown so much,” she said as she lowered herself into the chair that Ms. Lana had just been sitting in. You squeezed your eyes tight, nose starting to burn. She sighed as you tried to keep your breathing steady. “I know you’re angry-”

You spun around to face her, suddenly no longer caring that she could see the tears in your eyes.

“Angry?” She seemed absolutely unphased by your outburst. “ _Angry_? I am so beyond angry.”

“I did what I had to do for my health, sweetie, I’m sure you can understand that.”

“ _Your_ health?” You choked out before gasping in a few short breaths. “What about Kid? Huh? What about his health?”

 _What about me?_  
  
“Leaving you and your brother was the biggest regret of my life.” Her voice broke as she shook her head. You watched a tear roll down her cheek and you scoffed.

“Then why did you?”

Your mother clucked her tongue, shifting her lips as she looked away from you.

“I couldn’t stand to look at your father after what he did. And, honestly, I couldn’t look at you either. Just picturing….” She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. “Do you have any idea what that did to me?”

“To _you_? You weren’t the one who was raped, Mom!”

“I couldn’t stand to look at your father after what he had done,” your mother repeated, her voice tighter. “And I couldn’t live with the fact that you didn’t tell me that your...your baby’s father was Gerald.”

You lifted your good hand to shield your eyes in hopes that she wouldn’t see you cry. Pressure squeezed at your chest, making it hard to breathe. Tears rolled off of your eyelashes like rain, hitting your hospital gown.

“Mom….”

“I’m sure it never would have happened anyway if you didn’t rile him up so often.”  
  
“You said it wasn’t my fault,” you sobbed, shaking your head as you tried to get one good breath into your lungs. You were already feeling lightheaded. “You told me it wasn’t my fault.”

“It doesn’t matter what I said then.” She waved her hand through the air as if erasing everything that had happened. “I left because I had to be away from you and your father, but I’m here now.”

“What about Kid?” You asked, finally lifting your head and dropping your hand. “You left him too, remember? He was only nine! He needed a mother and you abandoned him just like you abandoned me.”

For the first time since she stepped into your room, you saw a hint of real emotion pass across her face.

“That’s why I’m here now,” she said. “For Kid.”

“What?”

“I got a call late last night about your father. They aren’t going to let either of you live with him ever again, even if they do find him. I got on the first flight I could to come down here.” You narrowed your eyes, trying to figure out what exactly she was trying to say to you. “I won’t let my son go into the foster system. I’m taking him back to New York with me.”

You waited for her to tell you that she was kidding. You almost felt yourself laugh, a smile tugging at your lips. There was no way. No way she was going to take your baby brother away from you. But when she didn’t take it back, her eyes telling you that no, she wasn’t kidding.

Your smile dropped, heart falling with it. You shook your head as your mouth went suddenly dry.

“You...you can’t do that,” you said. “No, he doesn’t know who you are!”

“I am his mother!” She shouted, standing from the chair. There it was again. Real emotion. But however angry she was, it paled in the light of the storm that was you.

“You are _nothing_ to him,” you snarled, leaning forward as your entire body trembled with rage. “ _I_ was his mother. _I_ held him when he cried. _I_ stepped between him and Dad when things got violent. _I_ made him lunch for school and bought him ice cream and taught him how to swim. _Me_ , not you. You left. _You_ are a horrible mother!”

You should have seen the backhand coming. Still, you yelped when her knuckles struck your cheek. You could feel her ring tear through your skin. Touching your cheek, you felt it sting. There was blood on your fingers when you pulled your hand back.

When you looked up again, still seething from anger, you could see that your mom was trying to compose herself.

“I’m taking Bradford with me to New York. And that’s final.” She paused and for a moment you thought she wasn’t going to say anything else. “But you can come. You are more than welcome to stay here and go into foster care, if that’s what you want. The choice is yours. We’re leaving tomorrow.”

With that, the woman turned around and left the room.

You stared after her, mouth hanging open. Even though you had been seconds from tears before, now you found your eyes dry. The nurse came by, refusing to look at you, and shut the door. Your lips twitched as you tried to form a word to say, any word, but there was nothing. Just nothing.

Your breathing grew more and more sporadic with each second until it felt like you were barely breathing at all.

The scream started in your gut, boiling deep inside until it felt like your stomach was on fire. It crawled up your throat until it was resting on the tip of your tongue. You tried to keep your jaw screwed shut so it wouldn’t burst forth like the beast it was, but you could only manage it for so long.

Hands curling around the blankets on your bed, you opened your mouth and let your rage explode. It tore through you like a hurricane, shaking your entire body. Even when the nurses came running in, your screaming didn’t cease.

She was doing it again, turning your life upside down. For a few seconds, you had actually managed to convince yourself that things were going to be better. That woman was gone from your life and so was your dad. You could live with Kid and Ms. Lana and be happy. For once in your goddamn life, you were going to get a break.

Then she walks right back into your life as if nothing had happened and you were drowning again, fighting for your life as you swam for the surface.

But which way was up?  
  
Follow Kid and your mother to New York. Stay with your brother, protect him like you had always done. You promised to keep him safe, no matter what. You promised him you would always be there. But you would be living with the woman who blamed you for your own rape, who abandoned you when you needed her most.

Stay here with Ms. Lana. You would have Pope, Kie, and JJ at least. Sarah and John B too if things went well. You would be surrounded by people who loved you and cared for you and made you feel like life was worth living. But you would abandon your brother with a woman who was incapable of loving anyone but herself. You would abandon him to a life of misery. You couldn’t smile and laugh and feel loved when your brother was living in hell.

The choice was clear, but you didn’t know if you had the strength to make it.

The nurses tried to hold you down, but you could barely control it anymore. You twisted and writhed and pulled and punched and kicked, your screams never once calming down.

“Watch the stitches!” One nurse called out.

Damn the stitches!

You wanted to tear everyone on this island apart for failing you and your brother so badly. You wanted to tear yourself apart for letting yourself think that happiness was an option. You wanted to tear your mother apart for waltzing back into your life and ruining what you had fought so hard for.

“El!” You heard the voice of an angel through your torrent of shrieks. “You’re okay, darling!”

“Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” one of the nurses said, turning toward the door. But just hearing Ms. Lana’s voice was calming. Slowly, your screaming dissolved into sobs. You no longer kicked, no longer lashed out with your arms. The nurses stepped back, not entirely sure what had changed. Sobbing, you curled your legs up to your chest.

Ms. Lana shoved her way through the nurses to reach you. She stroked the side of your face while you sobbed, breathing ragged and tears running mercilessly down your cheeks. The nurses slowly backed out of the room as Ms. Lana whispered quiet, loving things.

“You’re safe now,” she whispered, but you shook your head.

You weren’t safe anywhere anymore. Everywhere you turned, there were wolves waiting to devour you. Your entire life had been choosing between two horrible choices and you couldn’t take it anymore. You just wanted a moment to breathe.

But trying to breathe only made it worse. You wanted nothing more than to stay in this fetal position until you just...faded away. Tucking your face under your arms, you wished silently to yourself that JJ hadn’t found you last night. That you had bled out and died in that bathtub.

No. No, you didn’t want that. You couldn’t. Kid still needed you. He needed you to be strong, like you always were. He couldn’t do this without you and you couldn’t bear to live without him. He wouldn’t understand why your mom left and why she was back now. Kid needed you because you were more his mother than that woman was. And you would not leave him like she did.

Your eyes started to dry. You licked your lips, tasting the salt of your tears. Lifting your head and closing your eyes, you took deep, calming breaths in through your nose. Ms. Lana’s hand fell from your face, watching as you shoved away the pain and the fear and the anger.

Everything you had ever done had been for Kid. You would not stop now. Your throat was raw as you swallowed. Every fear, every worry, every regret, every shred of hatred and anger was shoved deep into your stomach.

Opening your eyes, you wiped your cheeks with your hand and then blew your nose on your sheet. Ms. Lana just stared at you, her eyes full of worry. How you had gone from screaming to sobbing to almost perfectly fine in seconds was beyond her.

You sat up and folded your hands in your lap. You turned to Ms. Lana, ignoring the look of concern on her face.

“Will you go get my mother?” You asked her, your voice torn from your screams. Ms. Lana nodded her head, but reached out to take her hand.

“El-”

“Please,” you said, your tone firm. “I just need to see my mother.”

Ms. Lana nodded again and slid off the edge of your bed, headed for the door. You watched her leave, wondering if that was the last time you were ever going to see her.

When your mother walked back into the room, she was smiling again, even though you could see irritation etched into her features.

“I’ve made my choice,” you said before she could open her mouth. She shifted, her smile wobbling.

“So quickly?”

You nodded your head, trying to build up the courage to actually say it, praying that your voice wouldn’t break.

“I’m coming with you.”

You hated the victorious grin that exploded onto her face. She walked forward and threw her arms around you and you stiffened. The last thing you wanted to do was touch this woman  
  
“I love you so much, Sweetie. You know that, right?” She peppered your forehead with kisses. You saw another wave of fake tears in her eyes as she pulled away. You pressed your fingers into the scar on your palm. “The family, back together.”  
  
“We aren’t a family,” you said, forcing yourself to keep the tears at bay.  
  
No, you had a family already. A family of kids who taught you how to live, a woman who acted more your mother than the person standing before you, a brother who kept you alive, a boy who tasted like the ocean and alcohol.  
  
Your mother dropped her nice act and pursed her lips.

“I won’t have any talk like that under my roof, do you hear?” You didn’t respond. You simply stared at her, eyes still stinging, throat sore. “I’ll go talk to the doctor, get you out of here. Then we can pick Kid up from Lana’s and go pack.”

She walked away again, leaving you alone in your hospital room feeling hollow.

Slowly, you nodded your head, hoping to convince yourself that you had made the right decision.

***

Traffic was slow here, but it gave you a nice view of the ocean as your mother drove for the ferry.

Cradling your backpack in your lap, you pulled at the edges of the sweater you wore. JJ’s sweater. The one he had given you at that party all those weeks ago. It felt like it had been years. So much had happened since then, you weren’t entirely sure that it hadn’t been.

Somehow, it still smelled like him.

You checked your phone, waiting for the signal to return so you could at least send a goodbye text to your friends.

Kid’s hands shook in his lap. You reached out to take his hand, looking over at him with a smile. Aside from the backpack in your lap, you had one suitcase in the trunk and nothing else. That was all your mother had allowed you to take from the home you had lived in for 17 years.

“Why are we leaving?” Kid asked, his voice quiet as he leaned closer to you.

“Mom is taking us home with her,” you whispered back. You glanced up to the front seat. She was watching you two through the rearview mirror. Kid pinched his eyebrows together, following your line of sight to look at the woman in the front. He clearly didn’t recognize her.

Even before she left, she was barely ever around. You had been raising Kid since he was born. She abandoned you long before she even left Kildare.

“I don’t want to leave,” he said, lowering his voice even more. “I didn’t get to say goodbye to Dex.”

You brushed your thumb against his cheek, holding back the tears that brimmed your eyes. You hated the woman sitting in the front of your car for breaking your brother’s heart. He deserved to at least say goodbye to his best friend.

“I know, Kid,” you said. “I don’t want to leave either.”

Kid turned to look out the window, as if hoping to see Dex walking around. You closed your eyes and took in a deep, slow breath. Strength was what you needed now.

Goodbye wasn’t something you were used to. The only person you ever had to leave was now sitting in the front of the car and you never even said goodbye to her. You never had friends to say goodbye to, and now that you did….

You wondered how other people did it. How they could be ripped away from everything they knew, from everyone they loved, and still carry on. But if they could do it, so could you.

You opened your eyes and looked out the window, your heart starting to soar.

“Stop the car,” you said, pulling on the door handle.

“Elma, what-”

“Stop the car!”

Even before your mother had the chance to put her foot on the break, you had the door open and were stumbling out of it. You didn’t listen to Kid or your mother as they called out for you because there was only one person in your sights.

“JJ!” You cried, hurtling toward him as fast as your legs would take you.

The blond haired boy you loved so deeply turned at the sound of your voice, a grin on his face. He didn’t even have time to say your name back before you threw your arms around his neck, practically jumping into his arms.

“Ellie,” he said with a laugh, holding you around the waist. “I was just on my way to see you at the hospital.”

You pulled away from him, smiling up at him.

“I’m okay,” you told him, voice shaking.

“John B and Sarah are okay,” he told you, holding your hand in his. “They made it back. Ward confessed. He’s locked up. They’re still looking for Rafe but-”

“That’s so good to hear,” you said, letting your eyes close. With everything going on, you had somehow forgotten that your friend had been a fugitive running from the law.

“Ellie, I have to tell you something.”

“I need to tell you something, too. It’s really important. JJ, I-”

“No, I have to say it now,” he said. “I didn’t say it when I should have and after the other night, I wasn’t sure I was going to get the chance to tell you ever.”

“JJ-”

“I love you, Ellie.” He put a hand against your face, taking another step closer to you. You let out a shaky breath. “I should have said it when you did the first time, but I was scared….”

“JJ, please.” You shook your head, eyes starting to close.

“You make me feel something that I’ve never felt before….”

“JJ.”

“And I thought I was going to lose that when I saw you in that bathtub-”

“Stop!” You took a step away from him, pulling your hands from his. He straightened, his eyebrows knitting together.

“Ellie, what-”

“We weren’t ever going to work out,” you said, forcing the tears in your eyes to dry. Break his heart completely, you told yourself. So that he can move on without holding onto you. Just, try not to break your own heart in the process. “Even if we fought until our dying breath, it never would have worked right.”

“I don’t get it,” he said, shaking his head. “What are you saying?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you, but this was inevitable.” You clasped your hands together to keep them from shaking. “I want you to know that these last few weeks have been the best of my life. And you will always own my heart.”

JJ’s jaw tightened, finally seeing this for what it was. He turned his face away from you, closing his eyes as his hands flexed at his sides. You kept going.

“But this is the end.” You almost broke, but fought to keep your tears and your desire to sob at bay. “I know this is harsh, but you’ll find someone else, someone better for you. Someone who doesn’t always make things complicated.”

“I don’t want anyone else,” he said, turning to look at you with a fire in his eyes. Your lips shook when you opened your mouth to speak again.

“And I don’t either but-”

“Then why are you doing this? We had a good thing going, didn’t we?”

“The best. But I can’t….” Your voice finally broke and you lifted your hand to cover your mouth.

“Ellie, just tell me what’s going on.” JJ moved toward you again, but you stepped away. This was proving to be a lot more difficult than you had hoped. “We can work this out-”

“My mom’s taking Kid,” you said, looking up. A few tears fell from your eyes. JJ looked taken aback. “She’s taking him to New York and I’m going with them.”

“Oh, god, Ellie,” he looked up at the car you had just run out of, saw Kid with his head sticking out the window. You nodded your head, running your hand under your nose.

“We wanted a lot of things, JJ,” you said, trying to get back on your speech. “But we can’t have everything. We don’t always get to win. You know that I love you and because I love you, I have to let you go. I’m leaving and you’re staying. So, I’m cutting the chord. We end this here and now and maybe save ourselves a bunch of heartbreak for the future.”

“You’re overthinking things again,” he said, shaking his head. “It doesn’t have to be that complicated.”

“Yes, it does, JJ,” you snapped, taking another step away from him. “It doesn’t matter how hard we try. One of us has to be brave, JJ.”

“That’s what this is?” He asked, throwing a hand in the air. “This is you be brave?”

“This is me trying to do what I think is best for everyone!”  
“And you’re the only one who gets to make that decision?” You let out a shaking breath, lowering your head to your hands. “I love you, Ellie. I’m not giving up that easy.”

You looked up at him, jaw trembling.

“You were my one good thing,” you told him, voice so broken that it barely came out above a whisper. “And you always will be. But we were always meant to say goodbye. So, this is goodbye. Forever.”

JJ didn’t say anything. Instead, he put his hand around your wrist and pulled you toward him, wrapped his arms around your neck.

“I have to go with them,” you said against his chest, locking your arms around his waist. “You understand, right? I have to go with them.”

Then the tears started to fall like rain. JJ held you even tighter.

“I understand.”

“I can’t leave him alone. Not with her.”

“I understand.”

You let him hold you for a few moments before you pulled away. You had every intention of running back to your car then, but JJ clearly had a different plan in mind.

Before you could fully leave his grip, he pulled you right back in, pressing his lips to yours.

It was like your first kiss at your dining room table. Just as intoxicating, just as wild as the sea. He lifted his hand to your cheek, electricity crackling between his fingertips and your skin. The current called for you, begging you to swim out to the sea and let yourself drown in his touch.

This was safe. Even despite the riptide and the storm that his touch ignited within you, this was still safer than anywhere else. Falling into JJ was easy, natural.

But it didn’t matter how badly you wanted to stay, you couldn’t. This time, you couldn’t let JJ have you. No matter how much you wanted him.

You broke the kiss by stepping away. JJ let out a deep breath, slowly opening his eyes.

“I can’t make you stay?”

You chewed on your lip, giving a small shake of your head.

“Unless you can find a way to make Kid stay.” JJ glanced back at the car and lowered his head. “This is what’s best.”

“For who?” He looked back up at you. “For you?”

“For both of us,” you said, voice tight. “We can both...move on. You can go back to your Pogues and your parties and your drinking and I’ll-”

“You’ll go back to pretending that nothing is wrong and sacrificing everything that makes you happy for your brother.”

His words stung. You tightened your jaw.

“Yeah,” you said, nodding slowly. “I’ll go back to that.”

He shook his head, brushing his nose with his thumb before putting his hands on his hips.

“This isn’t right,” he said. “She can’t just take you!”

“She can,” you told him, closing your eyes. “She can and she is.”

“You’re not even going to try and fight for us?” he asked. “After everything-”

“I’m tired of fighting, JJ!” You cried suddenly, putting your hands up to your head. “I’ve been fighting my entire life and I’m sick of it. I want to stay here with you, to be with you. But I can’t. I can’t. I have to go.”

JJ watched you for a few moments, nodding his head slowly.

“Go, then.” You nodded and took a step backward, not wanting to turn around but unsure of what else to say. “Hey, Ellie?”

You looked back him.

“Yeah?”

“I really do love you, you know.”

You let out a shaking breath.

“I always knew,” you told him. “Even when you didn’t say it.”

He almost smiled.

“You’ll be safe?”

“New York is a scary place I’ve heard,” you told him, trying to get him to smile even more. You wanted your last thought of him to be happy. “I’ll be safe. No more treasure hunts for you and your friends, alright?”

“Sure,” he said, his smile growing.

“You’ll tell them why I left?” He nodded his head. With a shaking breath, you stepped forward and placed a kiss against his cheek. “I love you, too.”

With that, you turned away from him, taking the first few steps back to the car hurriedly. You tried to keep yourself composed as you walked away, not wanting to break down while he could still see you, but you couldn’t keep it together.

As soon as the tears started to fall from your eyes, you picked up your speed until you were running back to the car, running away from everything that you wanted. Just like you always did.

When you slid into the back seat, you were fighting for breath.

“Sweetie, I know it’s hard-” Your mother reached back to take your hand, but you flinched away from her, looking at her with wide, terrified eyes. You shook your head at her, telling her not to speak to you. She was the last person you ever wanted to talk to again.

But the tears kept falling from your eyes, even as she started the car again. Kid unbuckled his seat belt and scooted closer to you, putting his arms around your neck and pulling you into a hug. You were hesitant to accept his hug, still wanting nothing more than to be strong for him. But you couldn’t stop the onslaught of tears as they rolled from your eyes and Kid wasn’t about to let you go while you cried.

“I have something for you,” he whispered in your ear. You hiccuped and nodded your head, letting him go as he leaned over to grab his backpack. “It’s the picture I went back to get from my room.”

He pulled a book out of his backpack and flipped the cover open. Kid slid the picture out and handed it to you. The back was splattered with blood.

You looked at him with a scowl.

“I stole it from Dad,” he said as you turned it over. Your heart jumped into your throat. “I didn’t want to leave it behind.”

It was one of the pictures Rafe had taken when he was stalking you and the Pogues. It wasn’t any of the ones you had seen before.

In the picture, you, Kid, and the Pogues were on the beach, enjoying the sun. Kie and Kid were building a sandcastle. John B and Pope were scheming in the background. You remembered that day. The two boys cannonballed right into the castle. Kie screamed at them until her voice was raw, but Kid had just laughed about it. And there you and JJ were, watching the entire thing unfold. You were sitting up, a smile on your face as you watched Kid play. JJ had his head in your lap, grinning up at you.

You glanced up at Kid, who was looking at the picture with a glint in his eye.

“I know you couldn’t take any pictures on your phone,” he said. “So, I may or may not have actually taken all of the pictures from dad.”

He reached back into his backpack, pulling out a stack of photos. Your eyes widened as he handed them to you. Some of them hand blood on them from that night, but it didn’t matter. You had them in your hands. Your memories, your friends, your family.

“Thank you, Kid,” you said, your voice still weak from crying. “This is….”

Kid put a hand over yours.

“We’re going to be okay,” he said to you. You looked up at him and nodded. He was right. As long as you had Kid, you were going to be okay. You would never forget the pictures in your hands and the memories you made with those people. They would be in your heart forever.

Even though tears still rolled down your face, you lifted your chin. It was time to take on whatever new challenge life was going to throw your way. And there was no time to look back.


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so so much for your continual love for this story. It really warms my heart. For now, this is the end. It's a little bittersweet, but I do have a lot of other fics to focus on and some real world writing that I want to get done. I am so grateful for every single one of you. Thank you.  
> As always...  
> Stay safe, stay healthy, stay groovy.

“What now?” Your mother sighed, slamming her foot on the break once again. The car had barely moved a hundred yards before a police car pulled out in front of you. 

Even though your heart was already beating from sobbing so much, it started to pound even harder at the sight of the car. If John B and Sarah were safe and Ward Cameron had been arrested, what the hell would the cops possibly want with you? 

Sheriff Shoupe stepped out of his car. You reached out and took Kid’s hand in yours. You could feel his pulse pounding through his hand. The Sheriff knocked on your mom’s window before placing his hands on his hips. Your mother plastered on a smile and rolled her window down. 

“Can I help you, Deputy Shoupe?” She asked. 

“It’s Sheriff now, Alice.” 

“What happened to Peterkin?” 

You sighed, rubbing your temples. 

“Long story,” was all Shoupe said. “You kids okay back there?” 

You met his eyes and gave him a short nod. 

“I’ve got a ferry to catch, officer,” your mother said, tapping her nails on the wheel. “What can I do for you?” 

“There’s no way you’re getting on a ferry today, Alice,” Shoupe said, turning his attention back toward your mother. “You’re not leaving this island.” 

“I was told that because the investigation was over, the ferries were open again.” 

“They are.” 

“Then stop being so damn cryptic and tell me why I can’t take my children off this goddamn island, Shoupe.” 

The Sheriff sighed and took off his sunglasses. 

“We found your husband, ma’am.” 

Your heart froze in your chest, an invisible hand squeezing your throat. Shoupe glanced back at you again. 

“About time,” your mother said with a strained laugh. “But I don’t know what that has to do with us leaving.” 

Shoupe turned all of his attention back to you. Meeting his gaze, you felt your heart start to speed up again. 

“We know what he’s been doing to you, Elma,” Shoupe said. “You hid it for a good long while, didn’t you?” 

Large teardrops formed in your eyes. 

“Shoupe, please don’t talk to me like a child,” you said, your voice trembling. 

“Sorry. Well, we have him in custody and we want to try him here, in Kildare.” Shoupe took a deep breath in. “Elma and Kid are our best witnesses. They’re all the evidence we’ll need to get him locked up for a good long time. No jury will see that mark on your arm and not believe it.” 

You glanced down at your bandage, feeling your cheeks heat up. 

“What does that mean for us?” Your mom asked. Her tone, which was usually so confident, was shaky, unsure. 

“That means that there’s no way in hell either of these kids are leaving the island any time soon.” 

You could have sworn that you saw a hint of a smile on Shoupe face as he looked at you and Kid. Breathing heavily, you felt your own smile pulling at your lips, but you could barely believe it. You looked at your mom, whose knuckles had gone white from how hard she was gripping the steering wheel. 

“So, we’re not leaving?” Kid asked, grinning. 

“No, Kid, you’re not leaving.” 

For the second time that day, you popped the car door open and stumbled out. You could barely see JJ’s form walking away from you, but it didn’t matter how far away he was. You weren’t going to stop until you reached him. 

“JJ!” You cried, cupping your hand over your mouth. You knew he heard you because he flinched, but he didn’t turn around. “JJ!” 

He spun around quickly. 

“Come to tear my heart out again?” He asked you. His words might have hurt if you weren’t so damn happy. 

You slowed to a stop a few feet away from him. Putting your hands on your knees, you fought for breath. 

“Shoupe….” You pointed back behind you toward your car. “They caught my dad. They’re trying him here, on Kildare.”

“What does that even mean?” JJ asked. From this close, you could see the red that rimmed his eyes. The collar of his shirt was wet from tears. Maybe your tears, maybe his. 

“That means that Kid isn’t leaving.” You gasped in another breath. “Which means I’m not leaving.” 

JJ’s dejected look shifted, slowly at first, then all at once until he was grinning from ear to ear. 

“You’re staying?” 

You nodded your head, biting back a smile. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

Even before you had finished your sentence, JJ had closed the distance between you, enveloping you into a tight hug. You let out a teary laugh, putting your arms around his waist. 

“Everything I said,” you whispered against his chest. “I didn’t mean it. I just wanted to make it easier. I didn’t want to hurt you. I-”

JJ put his hands on the side of your face, pulling your head away from his chest so he could look you in the eyes. 

“It doesn’t matter,” he said quietly, his eyes scanning every inch of your face, lingering on your lips. “It never happened.” 

You crashed your head back against his chest, grateful that you could just be in his arms once again. 

“JJ!” You heard a quiet voice yell from behind. “El!” 

Spinning around and breaking the hug with JJ, you saw Kid running toward you, a wide grin on his face. Your mother was out of the car, half screaming at Shoupe, who didn’t seem to be listening. 

“Hey, little man!” JJ greeted Kid with a hug of his own. “You really thought you were gonna sneak off without saying goodbye?” 

“Don’t gotta say goodbye now,” Kid said, shaking his arm out to the side of him. JJ smiled at ruffled Kid’s hair. 

“No, you don’t.” JJ looked up at you. You took a step toward him and he pressed a kiss against your forehead. 

“Hey!” 

You, JJ, and Kid all turned around. Somehow, if it was possible, your smile grew even wider. 

Walking toward you was the rest of your family; John B, Pope, Sarah, Kie, and even Ms. Lana. You let out an excited breath. Kie couldn’t contain it anymore and she started to run, barreling toward you as fast as she could. She slammed into you at full speed. 

“I thought you were gonna die,” she whispered in your ear. “And then we had to leave you at the hospital before they even finished and I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

You squeezed her tight before letting her go, a smile on her face. 

“I’m alive and I’m not going anywhere any time soon,” you said. Even just saying the words was enough to make tears gather in your eyes again. You had been so sure you were never going to see them again. But here they all were, your small family. 

You took turns hugging each one of them. Pope shook as he put his arms around you, as if afraid of breaking you. You would be insulted later, but for now you were just happy to see him. You squeezed Sarah as tight as you could and she let out a laugh. 

“Didn’t know you missed me that much,” she said. You sighed and gave her a smile. 

“You have no idea.” 

When you hugged John B, you were suddenly grateful for his existence. Even if he had pulled you all into a crazy treasure hunt that almost cost all of you your lives at least once, you were glad he was here. Ms. Lana gave you a short but tight squeeze, not wanting to take your time from the others. She gave you a kiss on the cheek before grabbing hold of Kid. 

Your attention was pulled away from your friends at the sound of a tires screeching against gravel as a car peeled down the road. Spinning around, you saw that your mother’s car was no longer there. Shoupe stood on the sidewalk, hands still on his hips, with a all the luggage you and Kid had packed. 

You let out a heavy sigh, watching your mother drive away in her car once again. 

“Was that your mom?” Kie asked, pointing after the car. 

“Yup.” 

“Your mom came back?” Pope’s eyes went wide. 

“Yup.” 

“Are those suitcases?” John B squinted. 

“Yup.” 

“Were you going with her?” Sarah put a hand on your wrist. 

“I was, yeah.” They all looked at you expectantly. “Listen, we’ve all got stories to tell from the past few days. But I’m starving. Why don’t we hash it all out over food?” 

“Oh, yes, thank god,” Sarah said, closing her eyes at the sound of food. 

“The Wreck?” Kie asked, pulling her car keys out of her pocket. 

“I’m down.” 

“Sounds good to me.” 

“I could eat a seal,” JJ said, putting an arm over your shoulders. 

“Can I come?” Kid asked, running up to you. 

“Of course!” You put your hand on his head. “Wouldn’t think about going anywhere without you. Ms. Lana?” 

The woman smiled at you but shook her head. 

“Some other time maybe,” she said. There was a look in her eye as she glanced behind you. “I’m going to talk to Shoupe and take your stuff back to my house. You guys are still welcome to stay if you want.” 

A teary smile grew on your face as you nodded. 

“That would be wonderful, Ms. Lana.” 

“You kids have fun now.” With that, she walked across the grass toward Shoupe. 

“You have room in your car for all of us, Kie?” Pope asked as you started for the parking lot. Kie laughed, spinning her key ring around her finger. 

“We’ve broken so many laws in the past few weeks, I don’t think anyone will care if we’ve got a few extra bodies,” she said. 

“Hey, Kid,” John B said, tapping your brother’s shoulder with his fist. “First one to the car gets shotgun?” 

Kid grinned, eyes glinting from the challenge. He didn’t even accept it before he took off running. John B, Pope, and Sarah ran after him toward Kie’s car. Kie didn’t have to fight for a spot, but she sped up, jogging after them and telling them to be careful. That left just you and JJ. 

You thought there might be something you should say, like you were sorry. But he acted as if the last 10 minutes had never happened. 

“Are you okay?” He asked you. You looked up at him with a small smile. 

“I am now.” 

He pressed a kiss against the top of your head, pulling you in tighter. 

Kid laughed up ahead, grabbing hold of Pope and John B in hopes of still beating them. All three of them fell to the ground. Kie yelled something about not crushing the small boy as Sarah threw herself onto the pile. You laughed, shaking your head ever so slightly. 

You couldn’t imagine ever leaving this. This was family, this was home. You had spent 17 years in a place that was never more than a house. But this wasn’t a building or a place or even a feeling. 

You knew as you walked that it didn’t matter what would come your way. You could face it, as long as you had these people standing beside you. A trial was daunting. Going up in front of people and telling them all the things your dad had done seemed impossible. But you could do it. 

Sarah, John B, and JJ would all be taken care of, even if their parents failed them just as badly as yours failed you. You would find a way to get Pope into college and get Kie that record she wanted. And you would do it all together, as a family.


	19. Storm and Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafe's pov

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bet y'all weren't expecting to see me again. well, I wrote a part for rafe at like three in the morning and so I thought I might share it with you guys! I hope you like it.

Rafe was nine years old when he first met Elma. His dad and Gerald, Elma’s father, started to work together as close partners. That mean Elma, at seven years old, and her baby brother, were over at the Ward residence often. She spent most of her time taking care of Bradford and the rest of her time playing with Sarah. She barely even looked at Rafe. 

Until he made her. He wasn’t 100% sure why he did it, but he started picking fun at her, just to get her attention. It didn’t bother her, almost as if she had heard it all before. It made Sarah angrier than it did Elma. 

It took time, but he slowly learned what things made her more agitated than others. Calling her by her first name was one. Messing around with Bradford was another. If he could poke at the little things for long enough, she would explode. And then her attention was nowhere else but on him. 

The first time she hit him, he wasn’t prepared for her to be so strong. He hit her right back, despite the pain in his face from her fist. They swung at each other, pulling each other to the ground before either of their parents could get them off. 

The two of them learned rather quickly that punching each other meant getting pulled apart and separated and Rafe couldn’t have that. Instead of punching, they started “play” fighting. Rolling around in the grass or trying to drown each other in the pool or shoving each other back and forth, it didn’t matter as long as no one actually swung. Both sets of parents would laugh and watch them, thinking it was all fun and games. 

Elma really wanted to kill him. Rafe just wanted to be the center of her attention. 

The years past. Elma got more and more angry, making it easier for him to get on her bad side. Asking her about strange bruises or her broken nose or the cut on Bradford’s eyebrow was always a sure way to get her fired up. 

And then her mom left. The weeks following up to her departure, Elma was untouchable. If Rafe even looked at her, she flinched. So, he left her alone. But news went around quickly that her mom had up and left in the middle of the night. No one knew why and no one asked. 

Elma changed after that. It was like she grew up over night. She got a job, dropped out of the academy, barely ever left her house. She was ten times more protective of her brother, who had taken the name Kid. It was also ten times harder to make her angry. 

Rafe didn’t see her for almost an entire year. The first time he saw her was at a party. She was dancing with his sister, downing a cup of something or another. Rafe’s heart spiked at the sight of her. She moved to the beat of the music, her hips swaying like trees in the wind. 

Heart pounding in his chest, Rafe walked over to the dance floor. But when Elma opened her eyes and saw him, the only look she gave her was one of disgust. He was taken aback by the contempt in her eyes. Before he could stop himself, he was saying something horrible to her. He didn’t even hear what he said, but he watched her storm away and saw the irritated look on Sarah’s face. 

“Why are you such a douche?” Sarah asked, pushing past him. Rafe pursed his lips, his hand tightening around his red solo cup. 

“Dude, that was kinda harsh,” Kelce agreed from the side. 

“Shut up,” Rafe growled, turning and walking away. 

He wasn’t sure why he couldn’t just walk up to Elma and tell her that she was beautiful or that he admired the fire that was in her eyes. All he could get to come out of his mouth was his own hatred. At this point, he had spent the last eight years calling her names, picking fights, pushing her around. There was no way he was going to be able to move on from it, no way he could repair the damage he had done. Still, she never even looked at him if he wasn’t insulting her. 

He saw her at almost every party. Drinking, dancing, smoking. His brain didn’t register the bruises on her thighs or the redness of her cheeks because he had never seen her without it. It was just part of her. She came with bruises and marks and cuts. That was just Elma.

Almost every party ended with her hitting him or storming away with tears in her eyes. In her year of disappearance, she had gotten stronger. Her punches weren’t that of a child anymore. 

Two years passed in the same way. Rafe got hooked on drugs. They distracted him from the constant fear of the future, from his insecurities, from the words that his father had drilled into his head, from the pain of losing his mom, from the dull ache that Elma’s absence left him. But it made him angrier and it made it much easier for him to say things he didn’t really mean. 

And then, of course, there were the boys. They practically fell at her feet. Her mysterious yet powerful aura was a magnet to them all. She could have any one she wanted. There were nights when Rafe had to watch as she pulled someone deep into the woods, left to his imagination what had happened between them. On the occasion that she stuck around with whatever boy she chose, Rafe couldn’t help but stare. 

The rage in his stomach that his jealousy created made him sick. But he couldn’t tear his gaze away. The way she leaned into whoever it was, her lips moving perfectly in sync with his. His hands were on her waist, pulling her in closer and she complied. The smile on her face when the boy’s lips moved from hers to graze across her neck was almost enough to make Rafe walk over and beat the boy into the sand so he could take his place. 

He wanted to taste her lips, her skin. He wanted it to be his hands on her waist, her hands in his hair. He would kiss her until she couldn’t breathe, pulling her closer, deeper, until she was completely his. 

But he never got the chance. 

One warm spring evening, he rolled up to a party with his two best friends. They usually kept him in check, especially when it came to her, but tonight was different. Ward Cameron had really drilled into him about responsibilities, consequences, money, family, a job. Rafe didn’t want any of that and thinking about it all made him want to vomit. 

Instead, he snorted a line and went to a party. 

He saw her as soon as he and his friends pulled up. Elma was already dancing with his sister, her eyes closed, her body moving to the beat of the music. And he was captivated. The way she could just ignore the world and be there, dancing, without a single fuck to give made her the most beautiful person in the world to him. But it also made him undeniably angry that he wasn’t dancing beside her. 

“Hey Elma!” He called out to her before he could hold his tongue. “Did you learn to dance like that from your mommy?”

Ice ran through him when he realized what he said. Her eyes snapped open and Rafe knew that he had taken it one step too far. She hopped down from tree trunk she had been dancing on and made her way toward him. His heart stopped in his chest at the sight of the fire in her eyes. Part of him wondered if she was going to punch him in the face right there. A part of him wanted her to. 

But she just stormed right past him. 

“Don’t fucking call me that,” she seethed as she passed. He could feel the heat of her anger. It was the closest he was going to get to feeling the heat of her affection, he knew that. And he relished in it. 

That feeling faded when he saw who else was watching her leave. 

Rafe had always hated JJ Maybank. He was everything that Rafe disliked about pogues. Cocky, arrogant, free to do whatever they pleased. No responsibilities, no one breathing down their necks. And JJ was the worst of them. 

Seeing JJ watch Elma leave, a smile pulling at his lips, made Rafe hate him even more. 

JJ turned to his friend, the one who worked on Rafe’s dad’s boat, and whispered something. Rafe’s blood boiled. Given the opportunity, Rafe had no doubt that Elma would fall right into JJ’s arms if she let herself. He couldn’t let that happen. 

JJ crossed the sand, making his way toward the fallen trunk where Elma had been dancing. He picked up Elma’s shoes and her purse, John B right behind him. Chest heaving, Rafe’s eyes followed the two boys as they snuck off in the same direction Elma had gone. 

“Dude,” Topper put a hand on Rafe’s shoulder. “Are you good?” 

Rafe didn’t look at his friend but downed the rest of the drink in his cup instead. He barely tasted it as it ran down his throat. There was one thing on his mind and one thing only; make sure, at whatever cost, that JJ Maybank would never touch Elma. 

“Wanna go beat up some Pogues?” He asked, turning toward his two friends. Topper and Kelce scowled at each other. “Come on.”

Even if they weren’t completely on board, neither stayed behind when he hurried off after JJ and John B. He caught up to the quickly. 

“Hey!” He shouted, just before placing a hand on JJ’s shoulder and swinging a fist into his jaw. 

“What the fuck, man?” John B shouted and ran forward to help his friend, but not before Kelce and Topper grabbed hold of him and held him back. JJ barely had time to defend himself before Rafe started to beat him into the sand. 

“You stay away from her, you hear?” Rafe seethed, holding the other boy’s shirt in his clenched fist. Rafe lifted his fist to hit JJ again, but before he could, someone tackled him to the ground. What he had just been doing to JJ was now being done to him. A flurry of fists pounded against his face. It wasn’t until his attacker started speaking that he figured out who it was. 

“I learned this from my daddy!” Elma shouted, a punch with each word. Pain splintered across his skin, but it was better than the hollow feeling in his chest he got when she wasn’t around. She was a storm; wild, furious, unrelenting. 

“Look out!” JJ yelled, still trying to push himself out of the sand. Topper grabbed Elma by the waist and threw her off of Rafe and into the sand. Rafe’s head spun, blood dripping from his nose. Topper stood over Elma, kicking her stomach. Rafe wanted to stand up and stop him, but he could barely see through his blurry vision. 

“Lay off her, man!” John B called as Kelce let him go to help Rafe off the ground. He moved to help Elma, but not before JJ yanked Topper away and threw him to the ground. Kelce pulled Rafe to his feet, watching as JJ gave Topper the beating that he wanted to. Elma was on the ground, gasping for breath, her arms wrapped around her stomach. 

John B helped Elma to her feet. Rafe swallowed a thick lump in his throat as she stood beside the pogue. This was the very last thing that Rafe ever wanted. Not only was she standing against him, she was standing with his sworn enemy. She was standing beside everything he hated. 

“JJ, that’s enough,” John B said. JJ finally stopped hitting Topper, looking up. Rafe barely even felt bad for his friend. 

“Let him go, man,” Elma said, her voice wheezing ever so slightly. A hand still rested on her side where Topper had been kicking her. 

But Rafe didn’t care. Not right now. His vision was red and not just from his blood. She had betrayed him, betrayed her own kind. Sure, she had gotten in her fair share of fights with the Kooks, but never had she fought for a pogue before. And from the look in her eyes, she didn’t even care. 

“This isn’t over,” Rafe ground out, spitting a glob of blood into the sand as Topper stood and joined him and Kelce. Elma sneered, crossing her arms. 

“Go cry to Mommy.” A visceral desire to tear her throat out bubbled inside of Rafe at her words. “Oh, wait-”

Rafe lunged, but Kelce and Topper held him back. She didn’t even flinch. 

“She’s not worth it, man,” Kelce told Rafe, pushing him back. Rafe knew he was wrong. She was worth it. She was worth everything. The coldness of her gaze turned Rafe’s stomach to stone. He let his friends lead him away.

Rafe spent the next week hating her. Hating her for not caring. Hating her for standing beside JJ and John B when she should be standing next to him. Hating her for letting him get under her skin. He hated her so much, he tried to get her in trouble at a dinner party at her house. Like always, she managed to turn it back onto him. He got the lecture, not her. For once in her life, why couldn’t she just take the blame? Why did he always get the smack down from his parents? She lived her perfect little life with her loving dad and her great relationship with her brother and he had parents who expected more from him than he could provide. 

He assumed she would be at the party at his house on Friday. She had never missed a party in the last two years. Rafe had no idea how she managed to convince her dad to let her go, but she did. Rafe wondered if he wanted to even see her. He still hated her, especially after the party on the beach. But maybe he could apologize and ask for her forgiveness. 

Rafe almost scoffed to himself. 

By the time the party started, he was already high off his ass and ready to get drunk. He watched the door, waiting for Elma to walk inside. When she did, Rafe could tell she felt uncomfortable. She was twisting her fingers, rolling her lip between her teeth. She took the first drink offered to her, downing it in seconds. 

God, it was hot when she did that. 

Rafe watched her walk over to Sarah, taking another drink from someone else. She talked with Sarah and her friends, laughing, chatting, dancing. For two hours, Rafe held his cup and just watched her. Kelce was trying to talk to him about something, but Rafe didn’t hear him. 

And then the pogues attacked. Well, not attacked, but they definitely crashed the party. They brought more booze, which was always welcome. As long as they didn’t start anything, the already plastered kooks didn’t care. Rafe tried to ignore JJ as he burst into his house with a keg in his hand. But what he couldn’t ignore was the way Elma booked it out the back door at the sight of him. 

Rafe knew instantly that something had happened between them, something more than just banding together in a fight. Elma had never run away from anything ever, so if she was scampering away in the way she did, whatever had happened wasn’t good. 

Rafe followed her out onto his back porch. She was staring up at the moon, leaning against the railing as she sipped on something in a cup. Rafe couldn’t help as his eyes grazed over her body, his breath hitching in his throat. She was beautiful, shining in the light of the moon and the stars. He wanted to put his hands on her hips, take her somewhere no one could see them, kiss her until he was swallowed whole by the fire that raged within her. 

He opened his mouth instead. 

“What are you doing here, Elma?” He asked. He had maybe intended it to be a nice question, almost like a “funny seeing you here”, but his tone was harsh, cold. He listened to her sigh and watched her hang her head. 

“I’m enjoying the party, Rafe.” She wouldn’t even look at him. 

“I don’t want you in my house.” He didn’t know why he said it. He did want her in his house. More than that, he wanted her in his room, in his bed. He wanted her completely. 

“First of all, this isn’t your house. Second, your sister invited me here. And lastly, as you can see-” She motioned up to the sky. “I am clearly not inside.”

He couldn’t take it anymore. Standing so close to her but not touching her…he couldn’t do it. 

He reached out and grabbed her wrist before he knew fully what he was doing, spinning her around to face him. She was glaring up at him and there was that storm again. Her lips were right there, forming hateful words, but he didn’t care. He just wanted her. 

“Don’t touch me.” 

“Get out.” The words came from him like vomit. He didn’t mean them. He didn’t want her to go. Even just holding her wrist, he could feel the heat and the fire that he desired, the electricity that crackled between his hand and her wrist. 

“You can’t tell me what to do.”

“What are you gonna do, hit me again?”

“Yeah,” she seethed, eyes narrowing even further. “I might.” 

Her hands curled into fists and Rafe knew that she just might do exactly that, but before she could, someone else stepped out on to the porch. 

“Let her go, Rafe.” There he was again. JJ, that pest. Always weaseling his way into other people’s business. But he wasn’t going to stop Rafe, not when Elma was so close, closer than she had ever been. He could feel her breath against his skin and it lit a fire beneath him. 

He didn’t take his gaze away from her, even when she rolled her eyes at JJ and downed the rest of her drink. 

“This is none of your business, pogue,” Rafe said finally when it was clear that JJ wasn’t going to walk away. He took a step forward.

There was something in Elma’s eyes, something like anger, a need for revenge.

“Rafe-”

She turned toward JJ finally, tilting her head to the side as a hint of a wicked smile pulled at her lips. 

“Hey, Maybank,” she said. Rafe hated even hearing that other boy’s name leave her lips. “Shut up and learn to read a room, maybe.” 

Before giving either of them time to react, Elma put a hand around Rafe’s neck and pulled him down toward her. 

With her lips on his, Rafe felt like he was on fire. His stomach dropped, heart jumping into his throat. It was everything like he always dreamed, better. His shock passed and he found himself kissing her back. 

Heat spread through every inch of his body. He let go of her wrist, putting both of his hands on her waist to pull her in closer, tighter. He leaned into her as far as she would let him. Her lips were soft, but she was angry, hungry for something that wasn’t him. He knew that she didn’t want him, that the person she wanted to be kissing had just walked away. But Rafe didn’t care. He would soak up as much of her downpour as he could, feeling his heart thunder in his chest. 

When she pulled away, the fire died and Rafe felt suddenly cold. His eyes still shut, he begged the warmth to linger, but it didn’t. He knew that she said something to him before she walked away, but he didn’t hear it. As she left him standing there, soaked head to toe in her wake, Rafe held on to what little amount of comfort she left him with. But that faded too and the hollow feeling returned. 

He cursed to himself, pounding a fist against the railing. He stayed there, head hanging, feeling the chill in his bones return. Everything swirled around him until he heard nothing, saw nothing. With his eyes shut, Rafe could still feel the ghost of Elma’s lips against his, an ache in his chest. 

He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, shutting the world out, but when he opened his eyes, bile rose in his throat. 

Elma stood out on his lawn, a good distance from the house. There was someone out there with her, a boy. Rafe’s first instinct was to run over, make sure she was okay. But then he realized who it was. 

“Maybank,” he growled to himself, his hands curling into fists. Elma had kissed him to get back at JJ for something he had done. That’s all it was. Revenge. He was just her revenge. 

She had hers. And now he was going to get his. 

Pulling out his phone, Rafe turned on the flash and snapped a few pictures as JJ leaned down and kissed Elma. His Elma. Rafe started to shake, knowing that it should be him kissing her. But there was a smile on her face. 

Let her have her moment, her fun. Rafe would make sure that it didn’t last. 

And he knew just how to ruin it all.

***

A few hours later, his house was empty. Topper and Kelce carried Sarah to her room while Rafe hid away in his. 

Hands trembling, Rafe paced back and forth. The lights were out, shrouding him in the same darkness that he felt in his soul. He wanted to make Elma suffer for the feeling that he had brewing inside him. He wanted to make her suffer for using him to her own advantage. 

But more than that, he wanted her to be here. He wanted her to put her arms around him and tell him that everything would be okay. He wanted her to kiss him again, to run her fingers through his hair. He wanted her nails to dig into his back while he kissed her into oblivion. He wanted her against the wall, on his bed, anywhere he could have her. 

She was out there with _him _. With the boy that Rafe hated. JJ was kissing her, he was holding her, he had his hands on her waist, her thighs, her heart, her soul. Every time Rafe closed his eyes, he could see them, somewhere dark, somewhere secluded, somewhere warm. She would kiss his lips, his jaw, his neck, leaving behind the barest tint of her lip gloss. Her nails would leave behind their marks on his chest, her love staining his skin.__

__It made Rafe sick to his stomach thinking about all the things that JJ got to do to her that he never could. But he couldn’t get it out of his mind._ _

__From the silence of his room, Rafe thought he could hear her gasp, hear the hitch in her breath, hear her quiet sounds of desire. He knew that he couldn’t really hear it, but maybe, if he listened close enough, he could just pretend._ _

__And maybe he could pretend that it was him out there with her. Pretend that his hands were on her, his skin against hers. Maybe if he pretended hard enough, it would become a reality._ _

__His heart ached for her, his body yearned for her. He wanted her, storm and fire and all._ _


End file.
